First mate's log:
May 1, 1966
It's May Day, which fits, because we have another chance to get rescued. A phone cable washed ashore and we may be able to tap into it and talk to people. I don't really understand how it works but the Professor does.
Carol Martin's diary:
May 2, 1966
Yet another failed rescue attempt. This time, we tried to communicate with various people through a telephone cable that washed ashore, but we didn't get anywhere before it was swept away this morning.
I guess we'll go ahead with a birthday party for the Skipper, not a surprise this time.
May 6, 1966
We had a nice little birthday party for the Skipper last night, much better than last year. It was the same day that the Con Film Festival started, so Ginger is following the show biz news even more than usual.
May 16, 1966
Oh dear, a romantic complication I hadn't foreseen. I was vaguely aware that once a week Mary Ann has been sending bottle messages, not to be rescued but in hopes they'll be seen by someone back home. I know, she's from a landlocked state and the bottles are unlikely to make it even to Hawaii. But I didn't say anything because it seemed like a harmless fantasy. Until she was jilted!
Ginger has been listening to the celebrity news even more than usual because she wishes she was in Cannes for the film festival. Today she heard something about someone who's famous but not in show biz. Sybil Wentworth, who's a shipping heiress and the third cousin of Eunice "Lovey" Wentworth-Howell, married a "nobody," as bridesmaid Erika Tiffany Smith reported in an exclusive interview, named Horace Higgenbotham. He's from Horner's Corners, Mary Ann's hometown, and in fact, according to Gilligan, that's the boyfriend she's been sending the bottle messages to!
Is that why her romance with Gilligan hasn't gotten anywhere after all this time? Because she had a boyfriend back home and Gilligan knew about it? I can sort of excuse Horace, since, for all he knows, Mary Ann is dead or at least never coming back, and I've witnessed how attracted some men are to glamorous socialites. But Mary Ann may've felt more conflicted, and Gilligan has his own strict sense of honor, as when he thought Randolph Blake, as an engaged man, was right to reject Ginger and wrong to pinch poor Barbara. Of course, I don't think Mary Ann and Horace were engaged, but he must've meant something to her if she's been writing to him all this time. I don't know how the poor girl is going to take this news.
May 17, 1966
I haven't written about this because it seemed private and personal, but almost since we landed here, Mary Ann has been sending bottle messages to Horner's Corners. I mean, I guess they could go to Hawaii and then someone there could send them to Kansas. They're for her old boyfriend, Horace Higgenbotham. I know, sometimes I've thought she likes me, but maybe it's just that I'm here and he's not, and she doesn't know when she'll see him again. And it's not like they were engaged, although maybe they were going steady. We've never talked about it, and I always figured she'd told Ginger something.
Well, yesterday Ginger was listening to the celebrity news because of the film festival, and she heard about Horace marrying some other girl, a rich girl. I feel real sorry for Mary Ann, but I don't know about Ginger's scheme to make her feel better. She wants the three bachelors and Mr. Brady to romance Mary Ann! I don't know if that's better or worse than just one of us doing it. I mean, she can't take it very seriously if it's a bunch of guys at once, but it'll definitely be distracting.
Anyway, I've got to go because Mrs. Howell is going to coach me on how to be swav and debbonare.
May 18, 1966
I again went along with a scheme I was dubious about. This time it was Ginger's to have all the men, except of course Mr. Howell, woo Mary Ann, to make her feel attractive so she wouldn't be upset when she'd find out about Horace. Ginger of course chose the Professor for her protégé. More innocently, Mrs. Howell helped Gilligan, Mr. Howell got the Skipper, and I ended up with Mike. (Alice babysat and later told me the kids had as many questions as they did about the murder case.)
We all ended up choosing celebrity role models for the "suitors." Ginger picked Cary Grant, one of the Hollywood men she has the biggest crush on, and easier to imitate than Rock Hudson. Also, Cary Grant can seem a bit aloof if charming, so that suited the Professor. A man's man was best for the very masculine Skipper, so he imitated Marshal Dillon on Gunsmoke. I wouldn't have known who Gilligan should emulate, since he's so unique. Mrs. Howell admires the French culture, and they are known for romance, so he ended up trying to imitate Charles Boyer.
I felt awkward helping Mike, I think because it feels too soon for him to date, even as make believe. I know most people would say that two years is long enough to mourn, but I don't think I'd be ready to date in a year, even if I had the opportunity. But I am fond of Mary Ann and I wanted to cushion her heartbreak.
Mike and I talked about what sort of man would appeal to a girl like Mary Ann. He joked about pretending to be a surfer or a rock and roll musician, but in the end we went with Humphrey Bogart, who, according to what I've heard on the radio, is newly popular with young people. And he is easy to imitate.
Things did not go as planned. Mary Ann felt confused and overwhelmed by the attention, especially since, due to a misunderstanding, she thought she was dying from eating poison mushrooms! When that was cleared up, she confessed that she never liked Horace and was only pretending to have a boyfriend. She felt inadequate because Ginger has had so many boyfriends, and I was and Mrs. Howell is married. Even Alice has had some romances. But at least now Mary Ann realizes we all care about her. And she'll still be a young woman when we're rescued, with time enough to date then.
May 19, 1966
Well, it turned out that Horace Higgenbotham wasn't really Mary Ann's boyfriend. In fact, she says he was a creep. She just felt bad about not having a boyfriend, so she pretended. I don't think she should worry about it because she's only 21 and I bet when we get back, lots of fellas would want to date someone as sweet and pretty as her. And she can cook!
Not that I think we'll be going home for awhile. It turns out that our movie must've drifted all the way to France after all these months. Not that that's a bad thing, but someone entered it in the film festival, and they didn't think it was real. They did think it was a really good movie though, so I feel better about my photography than I did when we screened it on the island.
May 20, 1966
Well, we finally heard about our silent movie. It won a special award at Cannes! It was described as "a work of genius. Particularly effective were the numerous blacked-out scenes, where the audience was left to use its imagination. Though it was anonymously submitted, the committee is quite certain the film is either the work of Swedish master Ingmar Bergman, or that Italian genius, Vittorio de Sica, or possibly, it was the combined effort of both. It was felt that this ultra-modern example of surrealism will bring back silent pictures."
Ginger joked, "Great. I can be the Theda Bara of the '60s."
Then Cindy wondered why Ginger would be a teddy bear.
Anyway, this is not a great month for various forms of communication.
