Chapter 6: Random Security Check

After the motivating oath was stated, all of the canines waltzed out of the old, run-down shack they held their meetings in. Most of the dogs were yipping farewells and good wishes to each other until they met next Friday night- each dog renewed with the strength to deal with yet another upcoming day of being a bad dog...

All except for Ralph, who hung his head low and lumbered back out into the street.

As he heading back to his town, the mastiff decided that was his first and last Bad-Dog Meeting he'd ever go to. His head pounding in anger, he regretted ever going to the meeting, feeling even worse than he had before.

That whole thing was just a big, stupid waste of time, Ralph growled with an eye roll, shaking his head in bitterness. It definitely wasn't worth leaving town for, even if it was just the town next door.

At some point during his stumbling homeward, the dog's mind filled with what the fellow dogs back at the meeting had said.

"Take it one day at a time, Ralph..."

"We all get where you're going from..."

" 'I'm bad, and that's good...there's no one I rather be than-

"...some other dog in another life," Ralph finished off in his own words, mumbling miserably. "I rather be anyone else but who I am..."

Roughly shaking off the dew that had started to sprinkle on his light-colored coat, the mutt was able to pause in his depressed thinking when he came to the big welcome sign to his town.

"Welcome all to Arcadia City: Home of the Best People in the whole State!" the sign read cheerfully, although merely looking at the sign's peeling paint and over-exaggerated wording made Ralph roll his eyes.

"Yeah, right," he snorted, glaring at the sign in spite. "'Best People in the whole State'. What a joke. It's more like 'The Worse People in the Whole State'. Animals included."

He was about to ignore the faded billboard and mosie on by it when, as if on cue, a sketchy greyhound eerily popped up from behind the sign.

"Step aside for a random security check, sir," the greyhound stated to Ralph, his voice obnoxiously monotone and dry. As he walked forward, he glared unappreciatively the mastiff, as if the fellow dog had completely ruined his night.

As the slightly plumb hound stepped closer into view under the overhead street light, Ralph groaned loudly.

"Random my behind!" he hissed to monotone pooch as he stepped closer to him. "You always stopped me!"

"Just doing my job, sir," the greyhound told him nonchalantly, his voice clear that the mastiff better not push his luck.

Right...if this even is your real job, Ralph mentally huffed in reply as the greyhound started embarrassingly sniffing Ralph's rear end for more details of his previous whereabouts.

Everyone in the town dubbed this loathsome, droning greyhound Surge Protector- giving him such a nickname because of the hound's untimely way of appearing out of nowhere to see where an animal was traveling to or from...and the obnoxious time delay such an interrogation often caused. No one gave a second thought as to just ask the pooch what his real name may be, not wanting to spend any more time than absolutely necessary with him- or to ask what gave him the authority to stop every animal in town when entering or exiting the city.

The mutt supposedly worked undercover for the town's police station, always sniffing other dogs and animals to make sure they weren't illegal or on K-9's most wanted list- although there were some who doubted Surge's occupation altogether. There was even a serious rumor circulating around Arcadia that the mysterious greyhound wasn't even a real cop dog; they'd say that he was just a deranged mutt who found a K-9's vest and decided to become a mock impressionist- all because he didn't have anything else to do.

But if in the off-hand chance that rumor was actually false, all the animals around town 'respected' Surge's so-called authority and went along with his ill-timed interrogations. They all feared the worst about what the greyhound would do them if they disobeyed him; he was already as obnoxious as he possibly could be, after all.

Narrowing his brown eyes in through the drizzle, Ralph shivered in annoyance. He too knew Surge was notorious for stopping practically every animal that came and went from the town of Arcadia, always claiming it was for a 'random security check'. But he always seemed to stop the mastiff for some reason; it was as if the supposed cop dog got some sick joy out of annoying Ralph to death...Which easily irritated the mastiff more than the actual interrogation did.

After the night he had, though, Ralph could easily admit that he was in absolutely no mood to deal with the bothersome greyhound. His paper-thin patience was weak as it was- and Surge was about to rip yet another large hole in it.

Forget about being a good or bad dog, Ralph paused to mock inwardly. Maybe it's in Surge's DNA to be annoying as he could be and he has no choice in the matter...

Despiting feeling so exhausted he was shocked he was still standing upright, Ralph couldn't help but snort. The thought of Surge's DNA being the source of what made him so flat-out irritating made the mastiff feel a tad bit better.

That tad bit better immediately disappeared, however, when Ralph heard Surge mumbled something under his breath that he didn't 'get paid enough to sniff a fat dog's rear end.'

Instantly snarling at the greyhound's offensive words, the fed-up mastiff felt like snapping some quick quip back at Surge- but decided against it. If he resisted him in any way, the possibly real cop dog could end up 'arresting' Ralph or whatever he would do to him- which the last thing the mastiff needed.

Groaning within himself, Ralph decided that he could play along with the greyhound's inquiry...

For as long as he mentally could, anyways.

As Ralph's blush only deepened, Surge stuck with his supposed script as he continued to sniff the mastiff.

"Name," he mumbled to the much larger dog.

Rolling his eyes, Ralph snarled. "Old Yeller!" he exclaimed sarcastically. "But I'm under cover, so I also go by the name Lassie."

"Name," the greyhound repeated sharply, his tone clear he wasn't going to tolerate the mastiff's games tonight.

"Ralph," the large dog finally mumbled, shriveling up a little before shaking his head. "You've met me- and sniffed me- a billion times before, ya know."

"I met a lot of animals coming and going, sir," Surge routinely responded. "You all tend to blur together."

"Oh, so you're saying you don't remember unprofessionally making fun of these giant paws of mine?" Ralph grumbled out, shaking one huge paws of his- which he then happened to notice was almost larger than Surge's whole head. "And you don't recall asking if I happened to be part hippopotamus due to my large size?"

"I'll be the one asking the questions here tonight, sir," the greyhouse barked out, his voice sharp and pointed as Ralph just rolled his eyes.

Suddenly the greyhouse began to circle around the mastiff, continuing in his sniffing and exanimation now that he had finally gathered all the 'vital' information he needed from sniffing Ralph's rear end.

"Where are you coming from?" Surge finally asked outloud, eyeing Ralph suspiciously.

Watching as the greyhound made his way around him, the large dog couldn't help stared back at him ridiculously.

"Uh, the city right next to Arcadia!"

"And where are you heading?" the greyhound pressed, somehow disregarding Ralph's sharp tone.

"Arcadia! Duh!!" the mastiff hissed threateningly. Whether he was a real cop or not, or whether it was in his DNA to be annoying or not, Surge was pushing way too many of Ralph's buttons tonight.

"Just making sure, sir," the greyhound confirmed as he finally came to a stop right before Ralph's face. "Anything else to declare?"

Seeing an opportunity, Ralph finally responded with a smirk and a sarcastic remark.

"I hate you," he deadpanned.

"I get that a lot. But you may proceed," Surge droned as he finally unblocked Ralph's path. Taking one last weary glance the mastiff's way, the greyhound slipped back into his place in the shadow of the sign.

Shaking his head in pure awe of how he tolerated the greyhound for so long, Ralph rolled his eyes but quickly continued on his way- deciding that it'd be best not to press his luck.

As he quickly scattered from the scene, the mastiff felt his negative thoughts shifting from the annoying greyhound back to a much larger frustration in his life...

His bad-dog life itself.