Chapter 60: Interrogation

At his clear answer question, the now identified kitten paused in walking under the street light and looked up at a revolted Ralph as if he had sprouted two heads.

"Oh, no," the kitten mocked in sarcasm, tossing her head from side to side. "I'm just a lizard in disguise," she joked before rolling her eyes again. "Of course I'm a kitten, you idiot!"

At her blunt, rude words, Ralph felt his lip involuntarily raised up with a look of pure, unhidden disgust. He backed up slowly from the small feline in front of him, forcing back a snort of disbelief. He was now more than slightly annoyed by the creature before him.

Of all the possible animals that had to be in this town in the middle of nowhere, that had to sneak up and startle him, it just had to be the worst animal ever: a cat. A feline- the worst creature, in any dog's opinion, known to animal-kind.

Questions flooded Ralph's mind, unable to fully understand just why and how he was now talking to a cat.

Where's the heck did she even come from?! How'd she get here- and why is she here now? He paused to look around him as if trying to spot the source she came from. And why, oh why did she have to be a cat?!?

"What are you- an elephant that escaped from a freak-show zoo, I guess?" the cat continued to insult him, her half-lidded eyes clearly mocking him.

Disgusted by the feline's manners, Ralph stopped looking around to try to see where she came from and wiped his shock off his face. He couldn't help but narrow his eyes at her, forgetting his questions.

Sure, all cats were jerks- that was just clearly inbred into their DNA...but did this kitten really have the guts to insult such a large, strong dog like Ralph? Didn't she realize that if he really was a bad dog and had no control, Ralph would've already torn into her the second she showed up?

"Uh, no," Ralph corrected the kitten sharply, allowing an exasperated snort to slip out. "Clearly I'm a dog."

The kitten mimicked his snorting. "Not as 'clearly' as I am a cat." She allowed one perfect triangle-shaped ear to flop over to the side, eyeing the dog up and down with a repulsed look on her face. "Yeesh, and I thought humans said dogs are supposed 'ta be smart."

Walking forward, the feline ignored the strong disgusted energy Ralph was unrestrainedly giving off towards her. Fully coming under the warm glow of the street light above them, the cat sat down, her delicate and dainty features coming into Ralph's full view as she looked up at him.

It was clear that she was a little on the small size, even for a kitten- yet, she seemed to be dwarfed that much more by Ralph's large, bulky size. She barely seemed to measure up to his front forearms, her unusually big head making up most of the inches if she did. And that was just her height- from the tip of her nose to the end of her tail, she was just a little over the length of one of Ralph's humongous paws.

Underneath the street light's glow, Ralph noticed that her physical appearance was quite unique as well. The kitten was mostly covered in thick, raven black fur- although, the light above them did expose the random pieces of discarded candy that was stuck in her fur in places, as if she had been rooting around in garbage just minutes earlier.

Her sleek, long back was followed by an equally long, black yet white tipped tail that made her even more beautiful and picturesque as she gently wrapped it around her front paws, which were also white tipped. A large white patch of soft fur stretched across her stomach and underside, leading up to a distinct, perfectly heart-shaped white marking on her chest.

The kitten's face itself was striking- her expressive and inquisitive hazel eyes were indeed huge, right in the middle of a near perfectly round face. Just above her smirking pink lips, she had a tiny pink nose, surrounded by long, fine white whiskers that matched her white tipped paws and tail perfectly.

The more Ralph took the sight of the kitten in, the more he realized that she was quite possibly the most adorable and beautiful cat he had ever seen...making her even more absolutely horrendous in his opinion.

And that annoying, permanent, know-it-all smirk in that beautiful face of hers wasn't helping any.

As Ralph examined her, the feline continued to peer up to look at him in the face, seeming unusually unintimidated by his large size and demeanor. Her eyes large and clear, she looked at him -into him- as if she knew something he didn't...or something he did know but didn't want her to know...and it was starting to freak Ralph out a little.

He thought for a moment about giving this obnoxious cat something to be intimidated by, thinking about giving a good, low growl in her direction to send her scattering away like it caused all the other felines Ralph had been unfortunate enough to meet. But before he could entertain the thought any longer, the kitten spoke again.

"What's your name?" She asked in an overly friendly tone. "If you're smart enough to even know," she added quickly as an afterthought with a quiet snicker, clearly as a jab at the dog's intelligence.

Narrowing his eyes at her, Ralph sighed out loud and rolled his eyes in annoyance. It was clear that this kitten wasn't going anywhere for a while.

"Uh...It's Ralph...," the mastiff finally mumbled with his ears flat up against his head, hoping she'd just scurry off after answering her.

"Ralph, eh?" The feline answered as she stood back up and began to rub her side up against the street pole, her smirk widening on her face. "Funny...You look dumb enough to be a Ralph."

Somehow able to dismiss the thought of barking roughly at her, Ralph instead rolled his eyes upwards again...only to feel them widen and twitch slightly after landing on his forgotten collar.

His precious collar, despite his head colliding with the poll just a minute before, was still teetering on the edge of the light fixture. In fact, the collar was barely staying on the fixture at all now, looking as if it could fall off at any small gust of wind, the slightest pressure to the pole...or any harder rubbing from a certain annoying cat.

And worse yet, if the collar did fall...it'd land right near where the kitten stood, causing her to discover the collar...and she'd then probably turn Ralph into the police here in Sugar Russia for theft or something...

In horror at the thought, Ralph gawked silently up at his collar for a moment, now praying that it didn't slip off at that exact moment. It took everything he had not to lunge forward and accidentally squish the kitten in order to be sure he would catch his collar before it could fall.

"Yeah, that's called a 'light pole' there, buddy," the kitten smirked at him, laughing callously and still completely oblivious to the collar far above her.

Gulping nervously, Ralph allowed his gaze to slowly follow down the pole to stare at the kitten once again.

There had to be a way to get that collar down without this kitten noticing it...or, Ralph thought, maybe I can just get her to quickly go away and then get my collar. The thought of growling bad-dogish at her crossed his mind again, a smirk spreading across his face at the mental image of the kitten racing away from his sight.

But just by the way this kitten looked into him with her mocking, half-lidded, unafraid eyes, Ralph could then tell that there was no amount of growling or barking, even the fiercest he could muster up, that could scare this bold and feisty kitten away. She was indeed and unfortunately here to stay.

Just ignoring this cat isn't going to work in getting her to go away, either, Ralph realized in disdain as he squinted his eyes again at her, for once disgusted at someone for lacking any fear of him.

As if she could read Ralph's mental agony, the kitten abandoned rubbing up against the light pole and sat down right beside it once more, continuing to smirk.

"You're not from here, are you, Ralphie boy?" she asked curiously before she began casually licking her paw to wash off her face and behind her triangular ears.

Raising an eyebrow down at her, Ralph tried to peer into her as she was seeming to do with him. What's with all the questions? he mentally whined. Is she some sort of secret crime detector or something...There's no way she really cares about any of it- she's a cat, for Saga's sakes... It's like she's purposely just being annoying!!

Not getting any more information from the kitten's eyes, Ralph gave up on his visual examination. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, the dog felt his ears flattening up against his head in annoyance.

Regrettably, he was beginning to realize that he was just going to have to play along with the obnoxious cat in order to get around her, get his collar, and high-tail it out of this place.

Sighing almost painfully, Ralph opened his eyes and looked back down at the kitten.

"Uh...no, I mean, yes, I am...," he quickly stumbled over his words to answer her as convincing as possible. "Uh, I mean, not- not right in this area. I'm just, uh, doing some... work, yeah, work here, you know."

The kitten paused in her licking, eyeing him curiously. "What kinda work?"

Yeesh, what is this? Twenty questions? Ralph hissed internally...before getting a somewhat crazy idea, quickly feeling a smirk mirroring the kitten's to surface on his face.

At that split second, he had come up with some sort of a perfect lie...and he had cleverly lied before and gotten fairly far with it- why not to see if he could get by with doing it again? And besides, he then figured, if it was fairly easy tricking the leader of a K-9 group of police dogs, then surely it'd be way easier tricking this mere kitten.

Ralph did his best to casually approach the pole closer, trying to inconspicuously eye up at his teetering collar without the kitten noticing.

"Just, uh, doing some routine light pole sniffing...," he told her as convincingly as he could, shocked how easily the lie was rolling off his lips. He even fake sniffed the pole for extra measures. "Making sure there's not explosive bombs or anything like that here in Sugar Russia."

He proudly puffed out his chest slightly, running with his lie. "So, ya know, you might want to stand back, or just leave altogether, actually," he then instructed the kitten, eying her conspicuously as he forced down yet another smirk at his clever lie.

He looked around the two of them with an overarched eyebrow, a look of credible authority surfaced on his face. "In fact, this whole area is technically close while we're sniffing-"

"Who's 'we'?" The kitten interrupted instead of moving, her eyes beginning to narrow in suspicion of the mastiff and his story.

"The, uh...the bomb squad," Ralph told her, subconsciously looking up again. His dangling collar's tags waved slightly with the faintest breeze, the tags twinkling in shininess under the direct light of the fixture's light bulb.

The cat down below, meanwhile, looked him up and down. "You don't look like a dog from a bomb squad...where's, like, all your equipment and stuff? Or even your official badge? How do I know you're not...totally lying to me right now?"

Slowly looking back down at the kitten in aggravation and uneasiness, Ralph eased his clenched teeth apart as she eyed him pointedly.

Maybe, just maybe, this kitten was too smart for his lying to get by her.

"I am on the squad!" He spat out a little too quickly. "Uh, I'm, er... a new recruit," he mumbled out weakly, forcing himself to not to sound as unconfident as he now felt. "And...other than my trusty nose, I don't need any other equipment or some badge. I'm just roughin' it today."

The cat rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed as she then looked around them, seeing no one else but the two of them and the dead scorpion. "Ok, but where's everybody else on this 'bomb squad'?"

The dog forced out a calm, deep breath and faked an unfazed, grueling smile down at her. "It's just me today, uh..."

"So, you just meant like the royal 'we'?" The kitten asked to confirm as she arched one eyebrow at him, her lower lip dropping down to one side exaggeratedly.

Ralph felt his eye twitch again. Just focus on the collar, just focus on the collar, he repeated fervently to himself.

"Yup...that's right," he told her as he eyed upwards again at the prize of his collar.

"And you're from where?" The kitten then countered, barely grabbing his attention as he stared worriedly up at his collar.

"The town over, uh...," Ralph mumbled out.

"What town exactly?"

Growling out loud, Ralph allowed his exaggerated rolling eyes to roll down at the kitten in pure annoyance...to see she was smirking with content. She was clearly enjoying getting under his skin.

"Kitten, listen, ok?" he glared out, refusing to give her any such satisfaction. "We're, uh, undercover," he told her weakly. "And-"

"You mean you're undercover," the kitten pointed out, "'cause you said it's just you here today, right, New Recruit?"

Gritted his bottom jaw jut out to the side, Ralph narrowed his eyes sharply. Did this feline even begin to know just how annoying she was? But as he glared down at her, it was all too clear.

The kitten knew exactly just how irritating she was being...and Ralph was somehow getting the strong impression that she flat out knew he was lying to her but was wryly just playing along.

That smirk, those half-lidded eyes, one arched eyebrow, her quick, sharp tongue- it all clearly screamed that she was loving bugging this mutt that was easily thrice her size, and that she could see right through him to the foolish dog he was in his center.

And that fact irked Ralph to no end.

Suddenly resolved, he forced his lower jaw back in place and took a deep breath through his nose. He was not letting this happen.

He had let others get the best of him, let others make a fool out of him in the past- that monotone security 'cop' Surge, that nasty hearted Gene, even that intense Sergeant Calhoun had brought him buckling to his knees...

But Ralph, the big, strong, mature bull mastiff of a guard dog, refused, absolutely refused to be made a fool from a mere scrawny kitten.

An obnoxious, too-smart-for-her-own-

good kitten, nonetheless.