Chapter 69: Natural Instincts

Becoming flat-out afraid of the feeling starting to promptly swallow her whole, Calhoun suddenly pulled her damaged leg back- and gave the corgi once licking it an icy glare.

Didn't he know she was fully capable of taking care of herself, independent to the largest degree? Couldn't Felix see that the solid doberman would be, as she had stated earlier, completely and utterly fine...

Why couldn't this corgi just truly understand that Calhoun would rather face being in brief physical pain, enduring it all on her own...

Than feel lasting, deep, emotional pain...with someone Calhoun was slowly but undeniably getting closer and closer to overtime...

"Listen, Short Stack," she harshly hissed, interrupting her own line of thought as she shot Felix a heartless scowl. "I don't know what stunt you're trying to pull here, but I'm fully competent when it comes to taking care of myself. I can lick my own wounds, endure my own pain. I'm not weak in the slightest- and it's absolutely infuriating you think that I am."

Wincing back, Felix flattened his ears and immediately looked like he'd been assaulted- causing a slightly guilty Calhoun to look away.

"I- I don't think you are weak at all, Calhoun!" The hurt corgi quickly denied, backing up on the platform a little to give her clearly desired space. "I would never think that- and I apologize if I ever made you feel like you were. I- I was just wanting to help you get better is all..."

Lowering his head in some sort of shame, Felix gulped in the pain starting to nip at him. He hated when he got in trouble for any reason- but this was strangely and somehow worse than ever before...

"I don't need any help," the doberman just huffed arrogantly in respond- yet still stiffly moving her leg as she slowly stood up. "I can manage on my own. Always have and always will."

Still limbing, she cautiously made her way over to the rails at the tip of the caboose. Peering out over the edge at the railway track as it seemed to grow from under the train, the doberman almost felt dizzy at how fast they were now traveling. The gushing of wind caused by the high speeds of the locomotive whipped Calhoun's small ears around- and caused her to get a very faint yet still distinct whiff of a certain bull mastiff.

Still behind her, Felix looked on in awe as the lamp posts now on both sides of the train tracks created a light, mysterious glow that bounced off Calhoun's shiny fur. They somehow caused her defined, sleek form to become a little less sharp and more soft in appearance- making the doberman somehow all the more beautiful to the corgi's eyes.

He watched as her slender form turned to look down briefly at her hurt leg- and he saw her unmistakably resist the urge to cringe.

"This cut is nothing but a bit of blood and a dash of ache," Felix heard Calhoun suddenly say as her frame turned to mysteriously look back out over the edge of the train. "No big deal. 'Sides, I've been through far worse pain than this, trust me..."

In her place on the edge of the caboose, the doberman couldn't help but instantly close her eyes and bite her lip. All she suddenly wanted was to desperately and at least briefly block out all of the input starting to swallow her.

The feelings, the memories...the echoing, harsh, way too loud silence screaming at her...

Physically wilting, the strong doberman finally couldn't hold back her wince any longer- only not from the biting throb shooting up her leg into her forearm this time.

I've said too much, her mind instantly warned her pathetically soft, I-I'm feeling too much, remembering too much...

And as the corgi slowly crept to stand at her side -and peered up at her with those deep, kind, disgustingly sympathetic eyes of his- Calhoun knew what he would ask next.

It was inevitable, undoubtedly going to happen. It was what everyone asked her eventually when the tough, closed-off sergeant mentioned anything, even if it was in the vaguest detail.

Some asked solely just to pry into her past affairs; others were well aware of her emtional injuries and just purposely wanted to bring up hurtful feelings. But this time, the one questioning Calhoun would be asking out of sincere care and concern, of course...

But that didn't make those painful memories and even worse feelings of hers any less intense or lighter to bear...Or any easier to talk about.

"W-what do you mean?" Felix finally pressed cautiously, not wishing to hurt her any more than he subconsciously felt that he had.

He was afraid of pushing her away or too far, afraid of what she may answer or snap or growl at him...

But the corgi needed to know. Had to know the truth at this point.

It was the only way he could think of to possibly help the fierce police dog. Help heal her. Help fix her...

But Calhoun quickly shook the despairing look free from her eyes. Shut down the bitter emotions starting to stream in. Acted out of pure instinct. Blocked every single painful memory she couldn't bear to think of now- well knowing that such efforts could only last for so long...

Especially with Felix around.

"It doesn't matter, Corgi. Past injuries are long gone by now," the doberman finally lied out, her voice making it clear she wasn't too keen on discussing any details of her personal life. "And what's happened in the past is just that. In the past- and I'm one for leaving it there, right where it belongs."

By her paws, the corgi peered up, still seeing trances of the undeniable look of pain in her beautiful yet dark eyes.

Say somethin'! Say somethin' now! Felix' mind screamed at him, startling the corgi had how strong and pushy his mental voice was suddenly. You've got to know the truth! It's the only way you can successfully help her, Felix! Choose words that will help her to see she can talk to you about her past!...

But before Felix could even squeak out a suitable answer, one that would be somewhat inviting for Calhoun to open up, the sergeant rolled her eyes and looked back out onto the tracks.

"This isn't 'Sergeant Calhoun Story Hour'," she added, her pointed ears smooth up against her head in seriousness. "We've got far more important thing we need to discuss."

At her cutting words, Felix wilted slightly- but perked up a bit to look up at her, especially as her last few words sunk in.

"What do you mean?" He asked gently. "What 'far more important things' do you want to discuss?"

"Our action plan, especially once we get to Sugar Russia," the doberman stoically told him, causing the corgi to cock his head in curiosity. "Mostly that plan consists of us searching for Ralph as efficient- and as safe- as possible. That means you must glue you stubby little tail as close to my side as possible the entire time we're in that scorpion-possessed town. You got that, cadet?"

At her plan, Felix immediately cocked his head in confusion.

Calhoun did have more experience in the police methodology- so maybe there was a reason behind her tactic...

But sticking together the whole time he and Calhoun were in Sugar Russia? That sure didn't sound very efficient to the corgi. At all.

Sure, her idea posed was the safest, for both her and Felix. But in all honesty, Felix just wanted to find Ralph as fast as possible and just go home...and it'd take twice as long to find him if the corgi and doberman stuck together.

Not wanting her to think he was challenging her approach in any way, the corgi pursed his furry lips together.

"Well...of course, we'll stick together most of the time," Felix finally commented, carefully and delicately piecing his words together as he kept close to her side. "But... wouldn't it kinda make more sense if when we get to the city to split up and look for Ralph that way?"

Whipping her head to glare down at him, Calhoun's eyed the corgi in full-fledged indignation. Outrage. Anger...

And with a growing look of panic, doubt- and fear.

"I've heard Sugar Russia is kinda on the small side," the naive corgi continued, pondering as he looked out over the tracks instead of up the slowly wheezing doberman. "And we would cover a lot more ground a lot faster if we just-"

"What are you, thick?!" The sergeant interrupted loudly beside him, making the small dog nearly jump out of his fur. "That town has the highest mutated scorpion count in the entire state! It's like a war-zone there!! It's even dangerous for a well-trained police dog to venture into, let alone a naive, untrained, small mutt like you! You want to die, corgi?!"

"N-no, Tamora!" Felix blurt out as he backed up slightly in fear- not even realizing he had accidentally said her first name out loud. "I was just suggesting that we make the most of our time, a-and-"

Looking back up, he winced and stopped talking immediately when he saw the near killer look Calhoun was now giving him. He couldn't tell if she was more beyond irritated because he wasn't jumping on board with her plan or because he had accidentally slipped out her beautiful name...

One that he had no idea had so many painful memories connected to it...

Shuttering all over again, the doberman began to snarl viciously at the shivering corgi before her. Her eyes were the darkest Felix had ever seen them, the raw look of anger eclipsing their natural beauty.

"All you were suggesting is your death, mutt!" She hollowed, unintentionally beginning to tower over a cowarding Felix. "You stray from my side for one moment in time and you'll end up a mere practice-target to those scorpions!"

Starting to stock towards him, the intimating yet noticeably desperate and protective doberman leaned over into Felix' face. Getting dangerous too close to him, she nearly caused him to slip right over the edge of the platform.

"I've stated it once and I'll only state this one last time, mutt," she hissed with her small ears practically glued down to her head, the murderous look in her narrowed eyes sending a raw chill up Felix' spine. "You stick by my side. At. All. Times. And that's an order!! You got that?!"

Calhoun's flat-out screaming words echoed for a moment around the caboose car, seeming to shake the train more than even the now uneven tracks did. One roaring echo finally seemed to reach her ears- and for the first time, she realized a rippling shiver was overtaking the corgi before her.

Paralyzed down to the platform, Felix shook and looked up at her with beyond confusion, with extreme fear... In unsettling pain...

Quickly blushing and looking away -more from a mixture of anger, embarrassment and guilt than any one known cause- Calhoun sighed and closed her eyes. Swallowing down her unchecked anger, she forced her snarl to disappear and to be replaced with a disgruntled frown.

Finally looking back at the corgi again, the miserable doberman saw that Felix was a little less tense than before and was standing up at bit straighter- calming her a bit. But as she peered closer at him, she saw that the corgi also had a marked look of resentment -and that familiar look of giving up- starting to grow on his small, now pouting face.

Great, Calhoun thought bitterly, more annoyed with herself than the corgi. Now look what you've done, Calhoun. You've distanced yourself from yet another animal- one who is just attempting to help fix your messed up life with your beyond intense anger...

You've just pushed Felix away because of your stupid instincts...

Never mind any of that, she then demanded herself, shaking her head as more and more gentleness overtook her. Just fix this. Now.

Sighing loudly, the doberman decided to try and make peace.

"Listen, Short Stack-"

"Felix," a small but firm voice interrupted, coming from none other than the corgi himself. His eyes a strange level of dark, he sat down and looked surprisingly sharply up at the doberman. "All due respect, Sergeant Calhoun, but my name is Felix. Not Short Stack."

Raising an eyebrow, Calhoun looked down at him, beyond stupefied. She immediately began uneasy and even more worried by the unusually sharp tone in his voice. That wasn't like Felix at all.

I've pushed him too far away now...

"Right. Felix," she quickly corrected herself, nodding slowly in his direction- before sincerely regetting her outburst. "Listen, Felix- I...I truly apologize for snapping at you like that."

Sighing once more, the doberman looked towards the tracks, watching them as the seemed to blur together.

"It's just that- well, you've just got to- understand that I..." The tired doberman stumbled over her words, trying so hard to put things in to words...

To explain without explaining. To tell the truth- but not the whole truth. To go defensively along with her natural instincts...yet still somewhat wanting to abandon them all the same...

To keep every dark, painful secret in without let them slip out everywhere, being out in the scary, exposed open.

At this point, it'd almost even be easier to just did tell Felix everything, Calhoun halfheartedly realized- a lot easier, in fact, than trying to keep it all in anymore.

Saying the whole truth would help to explain a lot to Felix, she knew as well. It would give a reason to him why the closed-off doberman was so cold, why she was always haunted by a dark cloud looming over her.

It would help him understand why Calhoun was so defensive and harsh and trying so hard to appear a lot tougher than she really felt inside...

Maybe there would be other benefits to him knowing, too. Maybe it wouldn't allow Calhoun past to control her actions and reactions so much if she just allow it out of her mind and heart and into the air. Perhaps it would sort out the unwelcomed memories and seemingly unhealthy emotions that were beyond taking over her life...

And maybe, just maybe...Felix could actually help her heal and somewhat fix the horror she'd been through.

All if Calhoun just trusted him enough to do so- and if she could really go against her natural instincts.

For the first time since she could remember, Sergeant Tamora Calhoun was about spill out the truth -the whole truth- teetering on the edge of her lips...

But as she looked back at the slowly softening yet still puzzled corgi, the still unsure and...afraid doberman panicked, closing off all over again. She now found it ridiculous she even thought about going against her natural instincts; those inclinations were there for a reason, after all.

And now every single one of her instincts was telling her to not let Felix known the unspoken truth.

As yet another tired sigh escaped her lips, Calhoun eyed Felix and quickly resorted to doing what she did best.

Just take charge with no questions ask.

"Just follow my lead, ok?" She finally told the corgi softly, her eyes pleading for him to just agree. Things were just easier that way. "I know what I'm doing there, Short St- Felix. I'm well trained for this... and you're just not. S-splitting up-"

A numbing shiver rippling up her spine as she trailed off, she brifely saw Felix looking at her with now softer, intuitive eyes.

If only he knew...

"Splitting up is just not an option," she finally and pointedly told him, an undeniable wobble in her tone- startling Felix more than the darkest look in her eyes ever could. "I don't need or take suggestions...anymore, at least. We are staying together. At all time. Understand?"