Chapter 76: Kingly Doubts
Her lip raised up into an uneasy, slightly nauseous snarl, the kitten felt her hard eyes stay glued to the dog on stage- her gut silently twisting up all the more.
Up on the platform, King Candy was donning his bright smile as usual- a look of natural ease on his handsome cocker spaniel face. His long, pendulous ears were trimmed to a little past his shoulders, perfectly framing his naturally handsome face. His shiny tan-and-white blotched coat of fur reflected the noonday sun, causing a brilliant and somehow humbling glow to reflect off him. The small, stubbed tail he had wagged gently when he would sit down to rest- although it was clear that he was posing for the camera crew, who kept their cameras strictly pointed in his direction for several minutes.
Getting bored of laying down and smirking his persuasive smile, the dubbed king suddenly stood up to all paws and bowed gracefully at the end of the stage- causing a whole other wave of admiration from the crowd gathered before him. Each person oohed and awed as the brilliant cocker began to playfully prance back and forth on the platform. They watched wide-eyed as he did a flawless backflip, landing on all four paws as the flock of people went wild in their applause.
Standing still with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, the dog paused in his showy display of tricks so he could allow himself to soak up all the unwavering love and attention the pleased crowd -and even more pleased Happy Paws volunteers- were giving him.
It was painfully clear to both humans and animals alike why King Candy was so revered, practically worshiped by all. He was truly the highlight of the entire show, the entire event Happy Paws sponsored; he was a sight to behold, no one could deny- least of all the other animals in town.
King Candy was the dog that every single other animal in Sugar Russia looked up to and aspired to be...
Except for the disgusted, nauseated black-and-white kitten still hiding in the shrubbery.
She hesitantly rolled her eyes silently as the pooch before her did another backflip. Such a flawless trick was followed by him walking on his back paws, the crowd cheering him on as he did so.
Unable to stop herself, the kitten snorted jealousy as King Candy pawed the air playfully- but she was somehow able to force herself to ignore the audience's reaction to his antics. She mentally tuned it all out as the crowd laughed and smiled and showered the talented dog with loving attention...
With a loving attention she could only dream of receiving one day.
Her stomach flip-flopping all over again, the eager, envious kitten couldn't help loathed the perfect King Candy up on the stage...
And yet greatly, greatly feared him all at the same time.
In the middle of trying to ignore the gnawing going on in her stomach, the kitten's eyes suddenly flashed wide. She knew the king never just pranced around on stage without a purpose- and his doing talented tricks to hype up the crowd could only mean one thing.
The time for the animal competition to start was just minutes away- and at that realization, the poor feline's nervousness suddenly piled up by the truckloads...
And that reoccurring, painful, doubtful voice slowly creeping back into her mind wasn't helping.
She numbly stared out at the dog in the limelight, her stomach doing that churning thing it did every time she laid eyes on him.
You can't do this...how many times have you tried and failed? Her mind suddenly screamed at her again, pushing her around like a mouse toy. Why do you think this time will really be any different?!
Startled by the viciously of her own mental voice, the kitten physically welted -before blushing at how embarrassing such a reaction was. She wasn't afraid of anything, after all...not really, at least.
Firmly planting her paws on the dirt floor beneath her, she snarled- and mentally gave her mind, well, a piece of her mind.
Oh, s-shut up! she had the guts to growl at herself, her large ears flattening in defense. This time will be different! I can feel it in my blood!.
You shut up! Her mind just immediately hissed back- ever ready to inflict her with more and more mental and emotional wounds. This will not work! Who are you kidding here?! You know Pretty Boy up on stage has too much control; the second you leave this bush, either he or his minions will spot you!...
A-and even if you somehow got your tail up on the stage without being caught by then, her negative mind push her further, every other animal in the competition has way more talent than you ever will!
Biting her lip, the kitten wanted nothing more than to counteract such a hurtful claim, to reply with some witty remark...but she couldn't this time. She was far too mentally wounded.
Her large eyes in a rare watery and weepy state, she glared spitefully at King Candy- and her gut jumped in envy as he briefly chased his stubby tail just for the audience's kicks.
In response to their cheers, the pooch smiled widely at the crowd- every single one of them clapping wildly as he bowed gracefully again.
Face it: you can't win this talent...and never will win! The kitten's mind finally stabbed at her, causing her to physically deflate like a balloon. And even if you did win, what makes you think you could ever get a reaction like KC does?
Adding salt to her raw mental wounds, the kitten looked away in agony as human kid after human kid raced up to the stage. She tried, but she couldn't ignore the giggles of said kids as King Candy raced over and licked their faces. She wished to control it, but every single pat and rub and just flat-out ounce of attention he received was like torture to her heart.
But by far the hardest to ignore was the look of amazement...affection...pure, unrestrained love in each child's eyes as they smiled at the cocker spaniel, loving every single second they got to be in his presence...
Something the kitten could only dream of as her mind inflicted its finally blow.
You really think even one human out there would want such a stupid, worthless, twitching kitten like you?...
Sharply drawing in a large amount of air, the kitten gasped. She suddenly felt like she was choking, swallowed whole by that ever hanging dark cloud that loomed over her head.
Blinking back tears, she suddenly couldn't see through the shrub anymore. She couldn't look at the stage, the other competitors nearby, the beloved King Candy...nor could she peer at the still smiling humans just a few dozen feet away.
Physical wilting, the poor kitten quickly wiped her eyes with a paw, refusing to let the tears roll down her cheek. Why did her mind have to play so dirty, hit so far below the belt like that? Why did her mind plague her with such nasty, self-degrading thoughts, always making herself doubt what she was, who she was?
Why did she allow her mind to hurt her like that?
And although she usually had the strength to fight back, always had some quick, biting reply to her mental abuse on herself... this time, the kitten couldn't argue back. She couldn't even whimper that such a low, stabbing comment about herself wasn't true...
Because deep down, she was completely convinced that it was.
Especially with the ever perfect, ever loved King Candy around.
Forcing herself to push out such negativity before it convinced her to back out of the competition entirely, the creature shook her head again- way rougher this time. And before the bitter thoughts could inevitably paralyze her, she quickly blinked down to the item by her left paw...
Down at the the one thing that always proved to make her pessimistic thoughts more up building. The one item that pushed out those horrible thoughts of King Candy, of unworthiness, of unlovableness...
The one thing that gave her life meaning- that had been there for her, by her side, carrying her through all of these past horrible, horrible months.
By her feet was the one and only thing the kitten actually dare called a real friend...
Well, if a paw-made, rickety old skateboard could be considered a real friend.
