A/N: I'm sorry for taking such a long break. A lot happened and I wasn't feeling quite motivated to continue at all. When I started this, my goal was to get to the end before I started my Master thesis to avoid stress. Well it seems I just need stress to be able to figure out the things I love to do. I started on my thesis last week and suddenly the energy of writing came all back.
Now just a quick love round before we continue on the story: I want to thank AreiaCannaid, Dani3434, E, & Zoe for your lovely reviews. I'm really happy you like my take on the books!
Chapter 6
The following days were filled with training as it soon became clear how much Will had fallen behind in speed and accuracy. Will found it incredibly frustrating that his arrows didn't exactly land where he had planned them and the time it took between each shot.
Yes, everyday there was some improvement and as Halt kept reminding him, practice would get him back on his old level.
Halt had watched from a distance seeing the young man train day in day out. He made sure the boy took enough rest as his body was far from healthy. It was a constant struggle between the two of them, Will wasn't too content with the amount of rest he was forced to take.
For a moment the ranger had thought about the option of letting Will train full time again, but then he saw the skinny figure in front of him and knew that it would only cause more damage.
Watching Will shoot, Halt noticed something odd during the first few days. Will's technique seemed to be untouched by the months without training, however he remained stiff around the shoulders.
Halt knew for a fact that Will was quite flexible around the joints, making climbing for him so easy. The months without training would have even made the muscles weaker, ensuring the flexibility even more.
But Will wasn't able to draw his bowstring all the way back as he used to, and Halt could see it was not caused by a lack of arm muscles but by something to do with his shoulder or his back.
It worried him as Will hadn't shown any signs of pain while riding or walking, so there had to be another reason. The moment Will had shot another dozen of arrows to the targets, missing some of them and making his shoulder slump to the ground in defeat, Halt took his moment to investigate.
"Remember the golden rule" he said with a frown on his face. Little did he know that Will interpreted it immediately as a sign of disappointment, which was far from true.
"Practice?" Will answered glumly, making Halt nod.
Without missing a beat, Halt walked towards him and dropped a consoling arm around the boy's shoulders. He stealthily used his hand to feel for any possible tension in Will's back or shoulders, but it was without result.
Will's shoulders were scrawny and lacked the proper muscle build, but other than that nothing to be worried about.
While doing the investigation in his mind, Halt realized his apprentice was waiting to be reassured after his salvo.
"Don't feel badly about it," he began, "your technique is still good. But you can't expect to spend the winter making snowmen in the mountains and retain your edge."
"Making snowmen?" Will replied indignantly, "I'll have you know things were pretty rough up in the mountains…" Halt grinned slightly as Will realized his leg was being pulled.
Once Will had gathered his arrows, Halt couldn't help himself and ask further. "You seem what stiff around the shoulders, are you sure you can manage the hours training?"
Will hesitated for a moment before answering the question. The scars on his back were healed but stretching them like this was awfully painful. He knew he had promised Halt to be honest, but revealing this could potentially lead to less training.
Quickly he glanced to the side where Horace and Evanlyn were watching, but figured they couldn't hear him from this distance. Evanlyn would probably fuss all over him as she was the only one who knew about the whipping.
Will figured with some more stretching practice the next few days, the pain would eventually fade. No need to worry Halt any further.
"Hmm maybe a bit sore from training, but nothing I can't handle." He answered without looking Halt in the eye. He quickly picked up his arrows and left before Halt could pry even more.
As the three youngsters walked back to the main hall to eat, Halt was left in confusion. Will wasn't a person to lie, and if he was it was clear as day because the boy always felt ashamed when telling a lie so his cheeks would flush red.
This was a straight out lie, no red cheeks, not even trying to convince his mentor of the truth. It hurt the old ranger to see his boy struggle with himself and not feeling like he could share some of the burden.
Halt sat down on a rock on the training field and realized that for the first time in years, he truly needed Crowley's help.
Will thought he had done quite a good job by not revealing his scars to Halt. His mentor had been through enough and deserved a break even though Will himself knew he could use the help. Besides he felt like Halt had lost interest in what happened in Hallasholm, as he did not ask about it anymore like he used to. So moving forward was the best option.
The three walked to the table filled with all kinds of food, making Horace's heart jump. The knight just couldn't understand the tenseness of the two others around this wonderful place. He knew it brought back some bad memories, but right now they were free so more reason to enjoy it all.
Evanlyn had quickly turned around from the horror, she had realized there was nothing she could do to change the position of the slaves. Besides, there was a chance they would even be punished if it looked like the guests weren't enjoying their meals.
Will on the other hand still detested everything inside the walls of Hallasholm. Not only that but food in general seemed repulsive to him. Every time he tried to take a bite, it seemed like his body was craving something else. Nothing in his mouth felt as good as those leaves once had.
It was a terrible feeling, and even though Will tried to enjoy the meals, it just didn't work. Horace however, had had enough of the food pricking and seeing his friend waste away. Before Will could even get a plate for himself, the knight already shoved one underneath his nose.
The plate wasn't filled like Horace's but still Will thought it was far too much. He looked at his friend questioningly, and immediately got the answer he had feared, "You won't leave this table before you've eaten every single piece."
Will was shocked by the sudden determination of his friend. Back at the ward, they were always breaking the rules of eating everything on the plate, especially the vegetables.
"This is too much Horace, besides I'm not that hungry." He tried but he could already see the stern face of the knight and the white knuckles as he tried to calm himself.
"That is exactly enough, and don't even start of not being hungry. You haven't been eating and I refuse to see you starve." Horace retorted just before Evanlyn stood up and whispered "Good luck" to both boy as she walked to her room. She clearly didn't want to be a part of what was about to happen.
"You're exaggerating, Halt doesn't mind that I eat a bit less." Will tried again desperately.
Horace had to keep himself from exploding, "Halt does care, but didn't think he could force you to eat. I can."
Will had to laugh as Horace tried to threaten him, which didn't seem quite impressive as he was holding a spoon. "So, what are you going to do, whack me with a spoon until I've eaten all the peas?"
"I'll stay here with you until that plate is empty, I know my talking will be torture enough. And yes if you're stupid enough to stand up I'll whack you with this spoon." Horace didn't see the funny side at all. The fact that Will was neglecting himself was one thing, but now he tried to make light of the situation.
Will, desperate to escape the food tried one last time, "well maybe we could try to see whether you can even get close enough to whack me."
That was the last nerve, Horace knew he made a mistake but the words flew out before he could think them through. "You couldn't even escape me if your life depended on it right now, you're still far behind your training and without the proper food intake, I could get you to the ground by only blowing at you."
Horace regretted the words as soon as they were out, he saw the gloomy glaze over the brown eyes return.
"Will, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that." He spoke softly, but the damage was already done.
Will shook his head, "No, you're right. I'm nothing right now, and it's true that it is my own fault."
It felt like a punch to the stomach and Horace had a hard time breathing at all.
"It's not your fault, Will. I don't think that, no one does. You'll be back in shape in no time, what I said was stupid. I'm just worried." He tried to explain.
Will didn't respond anymore, and ate everything Horace had put on the plate as they sat in silence. The moment he was eating the last pieces he heard a voice coming from behind.
"Good to see you having your appetite back, maybe in a few week you'll be able to face a gust of wind" Halt joked and immediately Horace was ready to bump his head on the table. This would only confirm Will's wicked thoughts.
Will huffed and shoved the rest of the food in his mouth, stood up and walked away without saying a word. Halt surprised by his apprentice's reaction raised his eyebrow to Horace.
"Impeccable timing, as usual." Horace grunted.
"What? He must know too that he's not eating nearly enough to regain his former strength." Halt answered, still oblivious to the situation at hand.
Horace considered for a moment hiding the argument, ashamed of his outburst to his friend. But he knew he wouldn't help Will with it so he told what had happened.
Halt sat down on the vacated chair and scratched his chin. He saw the guilt radiating from the young man in front of him.
"Well at least you got him to eat everything. Maybe this is just what he needed, he can't move forward if he doesn't regain his strength. He will come to his senses soon enough." Halt said reassuringly, secretly trying to convince himself as well.
Horace already shook his head, "I don't know Halt. I mean it's good seeing him eat again, but now he thinks everything is his own fault. If it's anyone's fault it's mine, I left him there."
The ranger looked up from the table to the blue eyed knight, how on earth could he think it was his fault that Will was like this, he wondered.
"If it's anyone's fault, it would be mine. I send him on that mission with you and Gilan, I trained him to put duty before anything else, and it was me that came too late to save him from being taken by Erak." Halt was shocked by his honesty towards Horace, it seemed that somehow his companion had woven himself a place into his heart just like Will had.
For a moment they stared at each other, not knowing what to say. Both feeling like they had let down the apprentice ranger.
"I don't think Will would ever blame you." Horace said kindly as he wondered if the same meant for him. Halt and Will's relationship had been build on trust, and had a bond like father and son. Now he realized that most of the years with him and Will had been consumed by hatred and resentment. Only the past two years they had developed a bond of trust. But with a base like that, he wondered whether Will could truly ever forgive him for leaving him behind at the bridge.
Halt was too preoccupied with the thought of his apprentice that he didn't notice the internal struggle of the young knight. He agreed with Horace, that Will wasn't the person to blame any of them for what happened.
"It would be a lot easier if he did blame us, instead of himself." Halt mused and Horace couldn't agree more.
Will walked through the corridors, thinking about what Horace and Halt had just said. It seemed they had also noticed how weak he still was.
He had hoped to get some rest in his room, but luck was not on his side that day as he suddenly bumped into Evanlyn, who wasn't looking very pleased. She grabbed his arm and shoved him into an abandoned corridor, keeping them out of sight.
"Don't tell me you took it." She hissed, fire spitting from her eyes.
Will was confused by the sudden anger and certainly didn't know what she was talking about. She had walked away from the table before the argument with Horace, so that couldn't be it.
"Took what? What's wrong Evanlyn?" he asked calmly but it didn't help her calm down at all.
"The warmweed. It's gone from my bag, only Horace and I have access to the chamber, so no one here could have taken it. Please tell me you just took it to throw away." Evanlyn couldn't hide her tears, when she had noticed the warmweed missing, all scenarios had gone through her head and now she knew Will was at least not under the influence the worry had turned into anger.
"I just took it to keep it safe, nothing more. You would obviously notice if I had used one of the leaves. Nothing to worry about." He said with a grin, but that grin immediately washed away when Evanlyn slapped her hand across his face. He blinked in surprise, clueless of the stress the girl had been in.
"Don't joke about this Will. The leaves were safe in my bag so don't come with the rubbish argument for keeping them safe without telling me. You might not have taken it yet, but keeping it close to you is dangerous Will. Like it or not but you're an addict." The slap in his face was less hard than the words sinking in right now. Will knew she was right, he had known when he had taken the bag with the warmweed, but hearing it so clearly from her pained him.
"I have it under control, really. I don't want to use that stuff ever again, you know that." He tried to reassure her but she only scuffed at that.
"Fine, if you have it all under control, you might as well give the warmweed back to me." She said with a face of stone.
Will fell silent, she had figured him out and there was nothing left for him to deny.
"I can't, I just need to smell it before I go to sleep. It keeps away the nightmares, you know." He tried to explain.
Finally having broken through the thick headed ranger, Evanlyn sighed and gently took his hands.
"You need help, Will. It might keep away the nightmares, but it also ensures you can't part with it. It's nothing to be ashamed of and if you don't want to talk about it with me, at least tell Halt. He deserves to know." She said softly.
Somehow it was already a relief that he didn't have to hide it anymore, but the mentioning of his mentor made Will's eyes get wet.
"I don't want to disappoint him." He whispered and tears started dripping down his cheek to his own frustration, he didn't want to cry every time the warmweed came up but somehow he couldn't help it.
Evanlyn saw the desperation and broke as well, dragging the strong ranger into a hug they both desperately needed. "Ooh Will, he could never be disappointed in you. Halt wants to help you more than anything, he's been waiting for you to let him in."
That was when all started to click in his mind, he had wondered why Halt had stopped asking about what happened in Hallasholm. He had assumed his mentor just wanted him to forget it as soon as possible so he could train again, even though at moments of breakdown he had been more than understanding.
Halt had just been waiting for him to open up about his trauma instead of pushing it out like he normally did. He had pushed aside his own whishes of gathering information to give Will the space he needed.
When Evanlyn took a step back her serious face was back again, she knew Will wanted to change, but now she also knew what addiction could do to people so there was no time for endless cuddles.
"I'll give you one week to talk about this with Halt. Otherwise I will, and I don't think he will be happy to hear it from me." She said.
Will nodded, it was a fair proposition. "I promise Evanlyn. And thank you, for you know…."
"Kick you under the ass sometimes. Yeah no problem, just try not to make it to difficult for me." She smiled and gave him one last hug before leaving to her own room again.
A/N: I'm sorry this chapter was just horrible for Will. It will get better, I promise. I'm already halfway the next chapter, so I'm hoping to post it soon.
