Chapter 5: Forming Memories
"Okay take it easy, one step at a time"
I rolled my eyes at the patronising advice. I may have a broken leg, but it's not like I'm three! I've walked with crutches before..at least I think I have. My muscle memory seems to think so. It's difficult with one arm in a cast, but after a few steps it was as though the memory in my mussels sprung to life, picking up on the swing of the legs, the lean and balance required to maneuver down the hallway. But my brother, even with his own broken arm and leg, seemed to have appointed himself my personal protector and had refused to leave my side babying me with every step.
"Okay, now there's a turn here, so it might be difficult just take it slow." He advised as I maneuvered through the doorway to the hospital cafeteria. I couldn't help but smile at the overprotective behavior. Wow, when I woke up I never would have guessed that Baxter was a mother hen! I had to chuckle to myself as the two of us hobbled through the cafeteria. Each of us had a broken arm and leg though for me it was my right leg and left arm. For him it was the opposite. Ironic right! We probably looked ridiculous as we made our way across the cafeteria, but what was more hilarious was that my also injured brother was trying to coach and baby me! Talk about the blind leading the blind.
"Okay, so it's easier if you put the tray here and just slide it instead of trying to hold it with your good hand" He advised demonstrating this tactic as well as Baxter made his way through the food line. A small part of me wanted to put a foot down, after all I didn't need babying I could figure this out for myself, thank you very much. I felt a small twinge in my heart, as I realized he must have had to figure all this out on his own for the week I was unconscious.
"So where's the best place to sit?" I ask, I don't need babying but he obviously wants control over something, the way he's protecting and guiding and all. Plus he's been around here more than I have while waiting for me to wake up, letting him take the lead just makes sense.
Baxter smiles "You don't want to sit over there, too drafty. The tables by the wall look good but the walls are thin and you can hear the sounds from the lobby on the other side. The best place is near the middle of the room, preferably between the lights so you don't get to much glare." This lesson on best table choosing etiquette was given as Baxter slowly led his way over to said 'primary location'. "Like this one."
I take a seat by my brother, eating while I listen to him talk about the last weak asking a few prompting questions now and then but mainly listening. I distantly wonder how long we have been like this. How many conversations in the past have we've had like this? Conversations that I don't remember, where we can just talk idly and be content in each other's presence. I let out a sigh, and suddenly there's a fork poking me square in the forehead.
"Peter! Are you even listening?"
"Umm..yeah. You were just talking about the food here."
"If you can even consider this food" he scoffs offended before going on with the wave of his hand. "Though I tasted much better, alas, I have also tasted much worse. There was a time in my life when those who would have oppressed me brought upon low points in my life where I would eat garbageā¦"
I sat back and watched as my brother adamantly talked, waving his hands, fork and food around as he talked, stopping for dramatic effect ever so often before continuing on earnestly. Although a lot of what he said had me curious to know more, as I had no memory of mine or his life, but for now I was content to just listen to his kitchen rambling.
"No," I stated firmly from where I sat firmly on the bench outside the hospital. My arms crossed, or as much as I could cross my arms with one still in a cast. I hoped that the face I had on was firm and serious, because I was very adamant about this conversation.
"Oh come on! You're being completely ridiculous!"
"No I am not! Space Heroes is the best show ever!"
"You have only seen three episodes! Three!" Baxter yells, throwing his uninjured arm up in exasperation.
"So, it only took three episodes for me to know that Space Heroes is the best show I've ever seen" I say with a slight smile.
Baxter lets out a goan. "Peter it's practically the only show you've ever seen. You're anmetic you can't remember all the other awesome shows that exist like Space Wars which is way better."
I roll my eyes, just because he dealt a low blow with the amnesia card does not mean I am losing this debate.
"If it's so memorable, why don't I remember it hugh?"
"Well I'm memorable and you don't remember me so that argument is invalid."
My throat goes dry; that last statement knocking the wind out of my sails.
"Baxter..I..I didn't mean to forget you.."
Bax's brown eyes soften. "I know bro" he tossels my hair lightly before letting out a sigh. "It is a shame though...that you don't remember space wars. There is a cure for that though" his eyes glimmer mischievously "watching all of the movies with me to help jog your memory of why Space Wars is soo much better than space Heroes"
"Is not" I retort back a smile curving across my face.
"Peter" poke "Peter"
Ugg I try to ignore the pencil poking me in the face and instead turn my head to face the window of the bus my eyes still closed fighting against the intrusion of my sleep.
"Peter?!" Baxter loudly whispers, the pencil returning to poke the back of my head. "Are you awake?"
"Now I am" I mumble tiredly raising my head to peer out from under my long bangs to glare at him. My piercing sapphire eyes have no effect as he instead turns in the bus seat to face me pulling his knees to his chest.
"I'm bored" he practically whines.
I roll my eyes. Seriously sometimes I wonder if he is really the elder of the two of us. Though at times I must admit I feel as though I was meant to be an older brother. Huh that's a funny thought.
"My superior intellect is not designed to be unstimulated for long periods of time"
"Then your superior intellect should not have decided to move far from the city, hence the hours long bus ride and your boredom."
Part of me is still apprehensive about the move. I understand why Baxter wants to leave the city. I do. It's a fresh start, for both of us. But part of me feels guilty. Feels torn. Like I'm leaving something behindā¦
"Oh I know let's play a game"
I smile. "Your three"
He punches me lightly in the shoulder before, glancing around the bus with calculating eyes. "I spy something with a diameter."
I restrain the urge to roll my eyes, he really does not get the point of the game. "Steering wheel"
"How did you guess?"
"Diameter? A line that runs through the center of a circle. There's only a few circles on the bus, which narrows it down and only one with a line through it" I deadpan.
He lets out a sigh, "I'm just refreshing your geometry"
"I spy something green"
"Third row, second person in has a green cat bag" he answers "your too predictable you choose the most minute detail but you give it away by glancing at it twice. Okay my turn. I spy..a vertical log"
"Tree"
"That was too fast! I get another turn"
I let out a snicker. Fully awake now, I decide to switch the game. "What was our mother like?'
Brown eyes widen at the sudden change of conversation and my own eyes dart down and I can't help fidgeting with my cast.
"..I know it's a touchy subject and all..but I..I don't remember anything..and I..just want to know..." my questions goes unfinished and for a minute there I think it's the end of it as the air between us just shifts into stilled silence.
"She was brave" his voice is so soft I almost don't catch it. "Brave in the way that she seemed fearless but not in the way that she had no fear but more like she wouldn't let fear stop her."
Fearless the word echoed around deep inside for a moment, taking purchase.
"It hurt when I lost her..she..she died when I was a teenager" Baxters eyes drifted down for a moment looking at the carpet on the bus.
"I'm..I'm sorry" and I truly was, I was sorry for his loss for our loss I guess. "To lose someone you cared about. To lose a parent. That must have been really hard." For a second I could feel an echo of pain, of longing deep inside like an old scar.
He nodded, before looking up again continuing. "Yeah, it was"
"How'd she.."
"Childbirth. She died in childbirth, they both did. That day, both mom and a brother. Lost them both"
I felt tears well up in my eyes, for the loss of the family I never met and the family I don't remember, but also for the pain I know my brother feels.
My warm presence settles on my shoulders as Baxter draps an arm around me. "That's why you were adopted Peter." His eyes are searching mine, his words cautious but also caring and sincere.
I didn't really know how to respond to that; that last statement kinda throwing me.
He waived his hands adamantly evidently reading the hurt and shock in my eyes. "No, no that came out wrong" a hand on his forehead as he took a few measured breaths before trying again. "I didn't mean for it to sound like That" a hand on my shoulder stressed the sincerity and weight of his words. "You were not are not a replacement Peter! It's just.." I was surprised as tears wheeled up behind the glasses. "We both had lost so much and.."
I looked down understanding what he was trying to say.
It must have been so hard to have lost his mother, to have lost his family..and from what he'd told me before I was a baby when I had been adopted, without any memories of my previous family, who hadn't wanted me. I understand what my brother was trying to say, I was no more a replacement for what he had lost as he was for me. Our lives who were thrown together, and we formed a family.
I placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Out of the ashes of a fire came the chance at a new life"
I smiled at the poeticness of the statement. It was such a mirror to the situation we were in now, starting over in a new place after a tragedy.
Please Review.
Authors note: Yes Space Wars is in reference to Star Wars just as Space Heroes is in reference to Star Trek in the 2012 episodes. I just wanted Peter and Baxter to have a trekkie vs. star wars geek out. Bonding! I hope this chapter wasn't overly sappy or weird. I'm trying to have Peter and Baxter bond as brothers, and would appreciate the feedback if I am not accomplishing that.
Also for those who caught the peek into Baxter's backstory, yes his brother who died in childbirth was supposed to be named Peter. ;)
Also Peter may seem a little OC but that is intentional, I am trying to keep snippets of Leo alive in him so hopefully our favorite blue banded turtle will make a reappearance in Peter every once in a while as they are one and the same.
