Chapter 37: Explanations, Excuses and Apologies

"Man, this crap is heavy" Marcus huffed. "What's in these boxes anyway?" He asked, dropping the box on the curb and whipping his hands.

"Junk" Baxter let out a sigh. He couldn't exactly explain what was in the boxes. He was glad he was able to box up most of the questionable contents of his lab before Marcus got here. He knew he needed to get rid of the remnants of his old life, his life of crime. If he really wanted to move on, he needed to let this go. He could run away from many things but he could not run away from himself. One way or another things caught up, what he needed to do now was deal with it. Sorting through and getting rid of all that baggage was hard. But it felt good.

But once it was all boxed up (for the most part) he'd called Marcus to help him. More for the emotional support of having someone around, than the actual physical help of moving the boxes to the curb.

"Bax" Baxter looked up and met the concerned eyes of his friend as Marcus leaned forward placing a hand on his friend's shoulder in concern. "What's going on? Where's Peter?"

"Marcus" Baxter let out a sigh.

"No," Marcus shook his head. "You two were as close as two drops of water. What happened? It's like Peter disappeared into thin air, man. No one has seen him, and then you just disappeared too for a while and now you're back and you're asking me to move all this junk from your lab, which by the way is creepy. Are you secretly an evil villain from a cartoon because no one decides to just decorate their basement with creepy blinky lights!"

Baxter collapsed to sit on the curb, his head resting in his hands. "You wouldn't understand Marcus"

"Then explain it to me" Marcus sat down next to him. "I'm worried about you, man"

Baxter let out a sigh, staring up at the blue open sky. He rubbed his tongue across his teeth in thought. "When I came here..to start over" he started. "I kinda ran away from..well everything. Stuff I wanted to escape from" he let out a sigh. "But you see it caught up to me" he gestured to the boxes. "And well it kinda messed up my life..again..so now I'm just trying to..let go I guess'' He shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know how to put to words what he was trying to work though. How throwing out his inventions and tools from working with the Shredder was a huge step in the right direction for him. He kept the things that he could use..inventions tools that he could use in his teachings or make into helpful, less lethal inventions. The supplies that were confidencial, dangerous or otherwise harmful he had already anonymously surrendered to the authorities. It was honestly the blinky, evidently evil lights, and other souvenirs that were the last to come down and deemed safe enough to just throw in the trash.

Marcus opened the lid to one of the boxes before turning to Baxter. "This has something to do with your work before you moved to town doesn't it?" Baxter turned stunned eyes to Marcus who sat there with a knowing look on his face.

"How.."

"You never talked about your old job," Marcus shrugged. "Whenever it came up, anytime me or Mom asked about your old life, your old job you just..shut down or got defensive or whatever. I thought it was because of Peter's amnesia so I didn't prod. But when I asked when it was just us, your reaction was the same." he shrugged, turning his attention back to the street. "So I figured there was something back there you just wanted to forget."

Baxter let out a sigh. "You know how I told you once that I loved being a botanist because I was creating instead of destroying"

"Yeah" Marcus nodded, remembering the conversation.

"Well" Baxter ran a hand through his curls. "Before..the fire I worked for this really bad guy. Like really bad. I was a scientist, but my inventions...they didn't help people, only him."Baxter looked down at his hands.

"And what about Peter?" Marcus frowned.

The scientist shrugged. "Tried to stop me. You know Peter, hero to the bone. He always found a way to set things right." Baxter let out a sigh. "I was just..trapped in this destructive circle and well I just didn't know what to do anymore."

"So, you came here" Marcus put the pieces together.

"Well a certain series of events happened first but..yeah. I lost everything and Peter was really hurt so..I moved us here. Thought I could just start over you know..blank slate." He shook his head. "I really tried to do things right. I got a job where I created, where I helped. Then I got offered that job at the University and it just..fit." He grabbed his head. "I had Peter, and you, and Mrs. Tribiony and" Tears pricked at chocolate colored eyes. "It was so nice to have friends, to have a home. But when you showed me that tabloid. I panicked."

"The one about the mutant pig and rhino" Marcus arched an eyebrow. "Why?!"

"Because they're from my past!"

"Oh" Marcus shook his head, stuned. "Wow"

After several minutes of silence, Marcus started again. "So you were afraid of these..people from your past so you..brought all this.." he gestured to the boxes.

"Yeah" Baxter let out a sigh.

"..and then the shit hit the fan" Marcus kept his eyes on his friend's face.

"Yeah"

Marcus nodded as though understanding the story being parcelled out in pieces. "Peter got mad. He told ya to leave the past in the past or something like that. And you ignored his 'wise advice' he gave ya about whatever this weird situation is and that's what led to him leaving..to wherever he is now.. and the reason why you've been acting like an aloof turd blossom."

Baxter just turned to balk at his friend in surprised offense. "An aloof turd blossom?!" he babbled, shaking his head. "You know that I do not like names!"

Marcus chuckled. "Sorry Bax. but you didn't deny anything I said. So?"

"Basically yeah"Baxter slumped forward.

"Whoa! Am I good at this or what! I always guess the end of mysteries. I should totally be a detective."

Baxter shook his head. Not exactly knowing how to take this sort of reaction, to this heart clenching reveal.

"So" Marcus sombered a little leaning forward. "Is Peter okay?"

Baxter let out a sigh. "Peter's safe. He's.." He swallowed. "He's with his family, in New York"

Marcus frowned. "I thought you guys didn't have any family left..except for well, each other"

Baxter winced, hating to have to spell it out. "His real family, Marcus"

Marcus' eyes widened. "I thought he was abandoned or whatever." He shook his head. "No. all his memories are with you"

Baxter shook his head. "I can't be selfish and keep him to myself Marcus. Just cause I'm insecure, doesn't mean I should deprive Peter of getting to know his family, of having that! I care about him Marcus and although it absolutely sucks! I'm going to let him have this. Cause that's what brothers do!" Baxter stopped, aware that he was suddenly yelling, taking a deep breath he continued calmly. "They look out for one another"

Marcus let out a sigh, running his hand over his face. "Darn, that's complicated." He shook his head. "But you're right. Just cause Peter has another family doesn't mean things will change between you two."

"You don't get it" Baxter dropped his head into his hands.

"No. I guess I don't" Marcus placed a hand on Baxter's shoulder, shaking him slightly. "You guys had a fight. Don't matter what it was about, ain't my business. I don't know about your past Baxter. I just know who you are now. I'm more interested in what you're going to choose to do rather than what you did. You have no control over any of that, all you have control over is what you choose to do now, and in the future." Baxter looked up shocked at Marcus' words.

"It looks like you're trying. You're at least on the right path..sort of. I mean" Marcus rubbed the back of his head. "You're like admitting your mistakes, owning up to your past." he gestured to the bags. "You're trying to let go and move on in a productive manner or what not." he shrugged. "Just make good choices, you know. Create instead of destroy. Heck I'm not one to give big life advice or whatever. I'm not all that 'eloquent'." He emphasized the word. "I also don't know what your past life looks like, and I ain't gonna pry," he stopped, turning to grab his friend by the shoulder again. "You know what you need to do. So just do it"

Taking a deep breath after a beat of silence Marcus stood up resolutely, and ran a hand through his hair, pacing a bit, letting out a breath. "Okay, that was intense. My 'sage advice' meter is drained. I say we go grab us some pizza and hit the arcade or something."

Baxter smiled, glad for the return of his friend's lighthearted manner.

"No, you go ahead. Like you said I have some things I need to do. I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay, Bax," Marcus smiled. "See you around."

Hands in his pockets the young man turned to head down the street, but just before he left, he turned around and found a look in his eyes. "I'm proud of you Baxter. You're a worrywart to the core, I know this isn't easy for you, letting go." Marcus' eyes softened. "And facing the past can be hard, but it's necessary sometimes to move on. Don't let your past define you Baxter. You're the author of your next chapter. Write it. "


"What do I think I'm doing?!" Baxter grabbed at his hair, turning to pace back towards his car, his heart pounding in his chest. "This is absolutely stupid! They're not going to trust me! I'm just going to be basically surrendering myself to the trained ninjas who hate me...And A Mutant Pig on a warpath!" Pacing in front of his beat up car, Baxter continued the internal debate.

After his talk with Marcus, he felt as though he had some direction.

After that whole scurfufell with Leo, concerning abducting him with the M.O.U.S.E.R.S he was able to snap out of his panic driven spiral toward villainy and destruction. Well..for the most part.

Realizing that he was causing the turtles the same pain and suffering that had broken him in the past..it was a bit of a wake up call to say the least. He couldn't even put into words the emotions seeing that picture caused him. Recognizing that he had broken up a family..it hurt..it hurt to his core. He had a million excuses for his actions, validations for adopting Peter. And he had believed all of them.

Until that moment.

Leo was not his to take. He had a home. A family.

Just because Baxter didn't, did not excuse him for stealing Leo away from his own.

Baxter continued his pacing, staring at the zoo entrance. He had promised to leave Leo and his brothers alone. And he had kept that promise. He had packed up his stuff and left town that night.

He had returned home and had gotten rid of all the technology and tools he'd used under Shredder, trying to erase all evidence and temptation from that way of life away from his new one.

He was trying. But it didn't feel like enough.

His Mother had taught him to clean up his mess when he made a mistake.

This was one of his bigger mistakes, and it still felt like he was walking away from one BIG mess.

Baxter let out another sigh, before turning around and reaching into his car window for his briefcase. Between the data that survived the fire and the work he accomplished before the shit hit the fan, he'd had enough information to put his plan into motion. But now he was faced with the option to continue on with that plan, or change his course.

He didn't know if he could undo the effects of the Reverse Retromutegen but he had to try.

He owed Leo that in the very least. Plus if he wanted to be able to truly face himself and move on, he..he needed to do this. He needed to set things right.

"Hey there big guy" Baxter smiled nervously, opening his briefcase and rifling through the contents, shooting the giant rino behind the bars wary glances. Picking up a small device and waiving the electronic ray over the angry animal Baxter continued his one sided conversation. "I'm not here to harm you this time I promise. I'm just going to get a quick scan and.." Baxter didn't get to finish his sentence before he found himself face down on the ground with a boot pressed firmly into his back.

"What do you think you're doing here son? You have some nerve Doctor Stinkman. Comin' in here like this. Waiving your death ray around. Naa ah you have messed with my friend enough already! You are going to leave him alone. Do you hear?!"

With a snort, Baxter blew a strand of hair away from his face in annoyance, turning to shoot the mutant standing over him a glance. Ahh I had to run into the Mutant Pig on a warpath. Baxter thought irritable.

"Look Mr. Bacon, I'm not here to cause any problems"

"It's Bebop! Not Bacon, Be-bop!"

Baxter let out a sigh. "Just call the turtles." He knew that he'd have better luck convincing them of his sincerity than the pork chop.

"You are not making the shots here!" Bebop hissed. "I'm making the shots".

Baxter laid on the ground listening to the sound of the wind rustling through the trees as the awkward silence passed by slowly as Bebop considered his options concerning his prisoner.

"I'm gonna call the turtles"

"Good call"


Baxter let out an irritated sigh from where he sat on the zoo bench, hands tied behind his back with zip ties. His mental tally sheet had already listed 72 reasons why what he was doing was indeed a bad idea. Making a new start was hard, when all his old instincts were practically screaming at him and his stupidity.

"Oh please don't let this all be for not" he prayed quietly. "Please let them trust me.." he wanted to ask for forgiveness, but he doubted that was something he could receive, from them.

In the still of the night he heard the distant rustle of tree leaves as four silent ninjas appeared seemingly out of thin air. Three of them shot him deadly glares as they stood protectively around the fourth.

"Hey Bebop, we came as soon as we got the call." Leo kept his sapphire eyes on the handcuffed scientist as he addressed Bebop politely. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, found him before he could do anything. Found him carrying this", Bebop handed over the briefcase to Donatello. "And he was scanning Mr. Steranko with this"

Side eyeing Baxter warily, Donnie started analyzing the device.

"It seems harmless enough, it's basically an isotopic scanner. Most likely to analyze the mutagen in Rocksteady's system."

Raph let out a throaty growl stepping subconsciously closer to the brother in blue. Mikey narrowed his eyes dangerously at Stockman, while Donnie continued sorting through the evidence provided. Brown eyes shot up to Stockman in surprise before narrowing suspiciously. The purple clad turtle let out a low growl as he asked the question, that Baxter was sure was on everyone's mind. "What are you up to Stockman?"

Baxter gathered his strength as he met Donnie's eyes.

"I'm here to help"

Raph let out a growl. "Bullshit"

"I don't believe you" Mikey swung his nun-chucks around, the display seemingly random and carefree but with the undertone of danger.

Baxter shook his head. "I know you have no reason to believe me, but I really am here for two reasons."

"Oh yeah" Raph scoffed in disbelief, the red clad turtle twirling his Sias in one hand. "Okay say we believe you. Reason one you're here to help. What's reason two?" Green eyes narrowed at him.

Baxter summoned up all his strength and met those fiery green eyes. No going back now.

"To apologize"

He watched the ripple of his words sweep through the four brothers.

"I've worked for villains for years. I recognize that. But you see, I never really saw myself as one..until now." He met three sets of eyes in turn, his hands shaking. "Sure I pulled some pretty complex shenanigans and did some questioning work, but I always validated my more shaddy actions to survival. I had a bit of a wake up call a while back and was able to straighten myself out to some percent, but..you see I'm motivated by pain. I know that that's always been my personal validation." he let out a shaky breath. "I felt threatened so as usual I went to extremes to protect what I had." He closed his eyes momentarily. "I realize now the vanity of my actions. I was fighting to keep what wasn't mine." Unable to meet their eyes any longer his gaze drifted to the cracked pavement underneath his feat.

He let his words float in the tense silence for a few long moments before he gathered enough strength to meet their eyes once more.

"So I am here to apologize. I know it doesn't change a thing. But I owed you this, so..I came to apologize. I was so desperate for family, that I stooped so low that I stole a brother, and splintered a family to fill my own void." he let out a shaky breath as he looked up to meet the shocked emotional eyes of the three brothers he had harmed. Hoping to portray his sincerity and emotions through his next three words.

"I am sorry"


This was a hard chapter to write.

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