Chapter 39: White Flag

I let out a long tired yawn stretching my arms over my head as I arched my back like a cat. I don't remember falling asleep but I'm honestly not too surprised, I've had a couple late nights as of late.

It's been a few days since Baxter has come to stay with us, and because of this complicated mess that is our situation, I have not left any of my younger brothers alone with Baxter for a minute! Which means I have spent nearly every night in the lab with Donnie and Baxter while they work. Suddenly glad for my experience with science, as it hasn't made me a complete third wheel as I've been able to provide some assistance; though in the shadow of Donnie and Baxter's genius I have been lost many times, and often I just make sure the two workaholics eat and sleep.

"Hey sleepyhead" Baxter's voice drifts across the lab. "Sleep well?"

I let out a yawn stretching. "Yeah" I narrowed my eyes at the two geniuses. "Did you get any sleep last night?!"

"Yes" they answered in unison.

I shot them an unconvinced stare, raising an eyebrow.

Donnie relented first with a sigh. "I at least got 5 hours, but we had this huge breakthrough converting the serum into a multicellular transformative electric current that reacts at a cellular basis!"

"Okay" I blink.

"It was Donnie's idea that we look at the electric aspect of the serum" Baxter bragged with a smile, "after that things just started to fit! Sleep wasn't even an option! There was too much to do!" Baxter threw his arms up in excitement. "Plus, that's what coffee is for." I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration at the stack of coffee mugs scattered around the lab.

Part of me was glad that the two scientists weren't at each other's throats and were getting along professionally and all, but sometimes their combined stubbornness and unhealthy work habits was irritating as shell. Seriously it was bad enough with them individually, their forces combined was just..a bit much.

Which was great considering the progress they had made the last few days concerning the reverse Retromutagen. I just wanted them to sleep! I mean seriously, it's been bad enough. Between the four of them, I've been either on my toes or completely smothered these last few days. Mikey and Raph have been on edge since Baxter has come here, which, I can't blame them. I've been prepared since day one to kick Stockman out, at the first sign of trouble. But no matter how much I check in with each of my baby brothers, they keep assuring me that they are alright with this arrangement. And despite the unease I sense in their auras I believe them. I think a major factor in this is that they want to keep their friends close and their enemies closer.

But besides that, I think my lecture on forgiveness got through. I'm glad to see each of my brothers working through this bagage in their own way.

Raph flat out pounded Baxter into the ground right of the bat and has been fairly resolved and controlled about the whole arrangement since. I almost intervened when the two crossed paths that first night but I decided to just let the situation play out. Raph challenged Stockman to a duel in the dojo and Baxter had the common sense to see the invitation for what it was. Raph addressed the anger and hurt he held toward Baxter in the way he usually addresses problems, physically. Although the beat down was brutal, I was grateful for it to take place in the controlled environment of the dojo and glad that the inevitable happened early on instead of building for days.

Mikey was secpital and first, he kept a close eye on Baxter and basically was glued to my side. Raph and Donnie hovered a little extra close those first few days but not nearly to the extent Mikey did. Despite my attempts to stay close to each of my brothers, especially when Baxter was around, I have the sneaking suspicion that they each worked in their own little 'conversation' with our guest, without my presence.

Mikey went from being my constant shadow to confident and carefree the next. His easy going spirit did not faluter around Baxter and their interactions indicated a secret understanding stood between them. I doubt Mikey full-out beat the living stuffing out of Baxter like Raph did, but my big brother sensors tell me something took place. Though I don't know what or when.

Donnie, like Raph, took a more direct approach. Logical and diplomatic, my genius brother laid out the conditions of Baxter's stay the second he stepped foot in our home. Or more like the second, the canvas bag was pulled off the Scientist's head and he found himself in our underground lair. Admittedly it was an amusing scene to observe, Baxter's first introduction to my past life. Though admittedly I was half a terrified scrambled emotional mess on the inside with waring emotions of protection about the whole ordeal.

Snapping Baxter out of his daydreams, Donnie's subtle threats lie barely under the surface as he 'educated' stockman about the terms of conditions that were contingent upon his stay here. An understanding passed between two genius minds in that moment. It was a clear portrayal of the fact that Baxter was now on Hamato turf and he had better play nice if any sort of peace was to last. While Raph threatened enemies by showing off his weapons or muscle, Donetello did so by displaying his advanced technology, state of the art surveillance and weapons capability. This education and terms of agreement was as much of a baltent threat and warning as it was a layout of an agreement to work together.

Donnie's straightforward tactic had unexpectant results. Although I suspect another 'conversation' has transpired between the two scientists without my knowledge since then; I owe their somewhat aimable professional relationship to that original introductory interrogation.

These last several days have gone by much more smoothly than I ever expected.

My brothers have gradually been loosening up as Baxter has stayed true to his words. The whole time he's been here the 'reformed villain' has been nothing but a help to Donnie in the lab. He's been respectful of my brothers and I and have followed the strict rules that we outlined, to a 'T'. He has not complained of my brother's strict observation of him, nor of their accusations and coolness toward him. Against the current of his usual personality Baxter has been apologetic, helpful and polite. And more astoundly sincere! I have lived with Baxter long enough to decipher when he's being in-sincer or false in his words or actions, and despite my apprehension I am certain of his sincerity in both his convictions and his actions.

Baxter has claimed that he's trying to make amends and his actions so far have proven it. He's thrown himself fully into this project. With his help Donnie has come leaps and bounds in understanding the Reverse-Retromutagen and its properties, which will hopefully lead to a solution in reversing its effects.

Since the beginning of this mess, I haven't had much expectation at regaining my memory nor have I expected to mend the bridge between Baxter and I. My priorities have been on my little brothers, their safety and my relationship with them. Despite my expectations I have never given up hope that what was lost could be found. That I could have the life I had before..and maybe..just maybe I wouldn't lose everything from the life I had built.

"Ohhh, yeah, Leo's up" Mikey's cheerful voice called from the door to the lab pulling me out of my groggy musings. "Hey big bro good to see you awake. Do you think you could work your big bro magic and see if you could pull these two big brains away to get some brain fuel." Mikey's smile was sunshine to the dark lab. "I made pancakes."

"Sure thing Mikey" I smiled. "Breakfast is a great idea"

Standing up I placed my hands in the crook of my shell-less back and gave a stretch before striding over to the coffee cup covered desk to complete my needed mission. Without pause I grabbed Donnie by the bandana tails and Baxter by an ear and dragged the two sputtering workaholics out of the lab; with a giggling and highly amused Mikey following close behind.

"Leo!" Donnie protested as I dragged him out of his chair, swatting at my hands half heartedly.

"Hey," Baxter growled, shooting me an angry stare as he followed along nonetheless. "You can not just.."

"I already told you I'd take a break..I'm in the middle of an important breakthrough!"

"You can not drag me along by the ear like a child! I am a renowned scientist. I graduated early at the top of my class. By my word, little brother, you will regret the day you messed with Baxter Stock.."

"Eat!" I cut off Baxter's words as I let go of my grasp on both my brothers and instead shot the two of them an unyielding look. Communicating without words that this was not up for discussion.

Wordlessly they both sat down into their chairs. Donnie started loading up his plate with pancakes, begrudgingly Baxter followed mumbling under his breath half-hearted threats.

A few days ago, my brothers would have taken Baxter's behavior seriousiously and would be on immediate 'suspicious protective little brother mode' but to my relief they payed his empty threats no mind and instead Raph cocked an eyebrow with a smug grin on his face as he sipped his morning coffee, Mikey grinning in glee; focusing instead on the humor of the ordeal. I smiled contentedly at the new normalcy as I heaped my own plate with seemingly eatable pancakes.

"How's your ear Stockman? hope it's not burning" Raph smirked.

"Shut it Raph" Baxter cut out as he shoved a bit of syrup soaked pancakes into his mouth.

I arched an eyebrow, shocked at Baxter's boldness.

"I didn't know Donnie could walk backward that fast," Mikey snickered.

"Well he didn't have much of a choice being led by his bandana tails and all" Raph joined in.

Sensing Donnie's shoulders tense up from where he sat next to me I shot Raph and Mikey warning looks, before changing the subject.

"Donnie and Baxter are making good progress, I think it's time we stopped in and paid Bebop and Rocksteady a visit. They deserve to be kept informed."

"I'll give Bebop a call later, I don't really want to leave the lab" Donnie answered.

Not keen on splitting up and not wanting to leave Stockman here alone, I consented to the logic of his decision with a nod.

"So you two are making progress?" Mikey asked before taking a partially large bite of raspberry syrup soaked pancake. "I taught' ou twoo 'ere 'ust locked in dere try-ing not to kill eaach otter eese last 'ew days, with Leo as a meat-eater"

"Mikey don't talk with your mouth full" I reprimanded my own hand covering my face as I sipped my tea.

"And it's not 'meat-eater' it's pronounced mediator" Donnie corrected.

I let a contented smile play across my face as the morning conversation continued. Donnie and Baxter talking over each other trying to explain their progress, complimenting themselves and each other in the process. Mikey and Raph making jokes and talking about their own projects: Mikey's latest prank and Raph's idea to build a motorcycle with Casey. Enjoying just basking in the presence of my family my eyes looked up and locked with chocolate eyes. It was time to talk.


"Okay Baxter" I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I narrowed my eyes in a no-nonsense manner. "We need to talk"

"Agreed" Baxter let out a breath, as he ran a shaky hand through his hair, sinking down onto the couch. I had cornered him after breakfast. I had sent Donnie's to April's on a grocery errand and asked Raph and Mikey to patrol the sewers. Donnie needed a brain break and April always lifted my brother's spirits. Mikey and Raph both needed to burn off steam before they resorted to other ways for dealing with being cooped up underground for so long. Plus this left me alone with Baxter to have a much needed conversation. One that I did not want to have in the presence of my younger brothers. Not with wounds still so fresh.

I needed to talk to Baxter alone, my brothers had been hovering around me excessively these last few days and seemed determined not to leave me alone with Baxter for a minute.

I doubted any of my brothers would have freely left if they had not thought at least one of them was staying behind with me. I did not lie, just merely suggested these errands separately to each brother in specifically timed intervals.

If my brothers were not going to allow me privacy for this much needed conversation, more desperate measures had to be taken.

"I'll cut to the chase Baxter, are your convictions sincere? Do you have any hidden agenda behind your presence here? Behind your visit to the zoo?"

"No, there's no hidden agenda whatsoever! What I said at the zoo was true. I promise Peter..err I mean Leo, I really am only here to make amends."

I watched his eyes as he spoke before letting out a sigh. From what I could tell he was indeed sincer, flustered, but sincere.

I narrowed my sapphire eyes dangerously at him "If you do anything to hurt my younger brothers in any way"

Baxter held up his hands. "I promise, I won't hurt them" His eyes pleaded for me to believe him.

"How can I trust you? After everything you've done, after all the lies. How can I trust your words, your actions"

I watched his chocolate eyes cloud with regret and his shoulders sag as though a heavy weight lay on top of them.

"I can't change the past Pete...Leo" he let out a sigh. "I can only control what happens from here on out. I'm learning from my mistakes...I'm admittedly a bit of a slow learner, but I am learning."

A minute passed in tense silence.

"I thought you were supposed to be a genius?" the corner of my mouth lifting in a half smile at the playful jab.

"Well yes, in Mathematics, Science and Engineering, not matters of emotional stability and spiritual growth" he responded easily with a smile on his face.

I let out a half laugh, my heart aching, longing for the ease and rhythm we used to have.

I let my gaze drift down to the floor.

"Things just can't go back to the way they were before. You know that don't you?"

I looked up and met Baxter's gaze, his eyes teary behind his glasses. "I know"

"Yet you're still here?"

Baxter shook his head "I've been selfish my whole life Leo. My whole life! I've blamed others for my troubles and sought revenge on those who I thought wronged me. I haven't had anything in my life worth fighting for in a long time. Really worth fighting for." Fiddling with the sleeve of his sweater he continued. "After the fire I thought I had a chance to start over. To fill a void in my life that has been there since my Mother died. But the thing is, I didn't realize what being a big brother would affect. I had never had to be responsible for anyone before. I never felt responsible for anyone before. My whole life I was focused on what I needed. What I wanted. What I felt entitled for. But at the hospital and after you were released into my care and when we were leaning on each other to make a new start, that all shifted. For the first time in my life I put someone else's needs before my own."

I didn't know how to respond.

"Then fear took over and..well you know what happened." he threw his hands up dramatically before sinking deeper into the couch, his gaze darting toward the kitchen as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"You didn't answer my question. You're still here, why?"

Baxter was quiet for a moment, his gaze still turned from me. "I haven't had anything worth fighting for, in a long time. No family, no true friends, no faith"he let out a sigh. "So when I was afraid I would lose everything, I freaked, because I had something to lose. So I fought. I fought as hard as I could in the only way I thought I knew how."

"You made a mess of everything"

He nodded. "I know"

"You still didn't answer my question"

Turning his gaze back to me, I saw the tears he'd been trying to hide.

"I'm here because I surrendered."

My eyes widened.

"This is my white flag Leo" he let out a sigh. "I am fixing the mess I made."

I shook my head. "Baxter this mess is a lot bigger than just me. You've lost family before you know what that feels like, and my brothers.."

"I know!" Baxter interrupted grabbing his head. "Don't you think I don't regret that! That I don't hate the consequences of what I did." He shook his head. "Look I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder, and I know things can't return to how they were. But you're always going to be my brother Leo."

I met his gaze. As much as I was mad at the scientist I could not erase the brotherly love I felt toward Baxter, nor the year we spent together as family"I'll always see you as a brother too Baxter"

He smiled.

"But that still doesn't change anything" I let out a sigh. "My younger brothers need me here and there is no way I'm ever leaving them alone again."

"I know, I left too much mess and destruction for things to go back again" His gaze dropped in guilt before meeting mine once more. "But you're wrong about one thing. It changes everything." His lips turned upwards in a kindhearted smile. "I haven't had anyone care for me despite my many faults in a very long time, and knowing I haven't lost that means more to me than you could ever know."


Warning: a large chunk of this was written late at night when I should have been sleeping.

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This story is sadly growing near the end, and I would love to hear what you, my lovely readers, are thinking.

-stay safe in these precarious times

God Bless

Windofmysoul