Dissimulation
Chapter Two: Silent Madness
A silent madness grabs
me
When I fall in love
with shades
Hoping they will
dispose me
But they guide me
through my Hades
-Silent Madness
by Autumn
Deep inside the darkness a young child begins to take shape. It is six weeks into its new life and already, the child has grown. The beginnings of a mouth are visible, along with eyes and ears. The chest and stomach begin to take shape and a primitive, tube shaped heart pulsates within. The brain also begins to show some activity. However, the infant still does not look human. It is small and curved. A short tail curls around and ends at the umbilical cord. It seems more like a reptile, rather than a human child.
Little did this child know that its existence was still unknown. Only the mother knew that it existed. Little did the unborn child know that it would soon be born fatherless and in sinful nature. Little did this child know that once it was born, it would be unaccepted by its peers. It would always be a child of sin.
Yuna's eyes fluttered opened and she found herself back in the tent at Besaid. Soft snoring reverberated against the canvas walls and Yuna found that she was not alone. She sighed and sat up to take a look around. Every last bed was occupied by some sort of sleeping form. Rikku was sleeping the bed next to her. Kimahri's large, sleeping form was situated in the bed across from hers. Yuna quietly got up and left the tent.
She silently stepped into the moonlight, embracing its eerie glow. The surrounding atmosphere looked exactly how Yuna felt. The surrounding area was mostly darkness from the black of the night, but the full moon allowed scattered pools to illuminate those particular areas. Darkness had engulfed Yuna, except for the happy memories she had of him. That was all she had left of him, except for the sin that was growing inside of her.
Yuna looked down at her stomach, fear pulsating in her veins. Soon, she would begin to show and it would become impossible for her to hide her reckless sin. She didn't see it as sinful, but as an act of love. She knew, however, that the others were not going to see it that way. Tears slid down Yuna's cheeks at the thought. She wished he was here right now, so she could prove her love to him. However, she was alone.
Yuna turned and walked towards the temple. She never realized how much she hated the temple now. Not only did it represent a corrupted religion, its origins were also responsible for taking the man she loved away. She climbed up the stone steps and numbly entered the temple.
It was dark and quiet inside. No longer did the Hymn of the Fayth echo through the halls. The life had been sucked entirely away as soon as the fayth had turned into stone. Yuna felt her feet take her up to the steps towards the cluster of trials. These trials were the first one she had encountered and conquered. The memory of this event was still vivid in her mind. She remembered how proud she was.
However, as she entered the trials, it was empty. The energy that once hummed in the walls had evaporated and nothing was left, except empty halls. Yuna walked through the corridors, shuttering at the stillness enveloped her. The air was damp and cold and a dripping sound was all that could be heard. Yuna stepped on the elevator, praying that it still had life. It rumbled and started down its long descent to the chamber of fayth.
Just the rest of the temple, the chamber of the fayth's colors had all faded. The lively colors had been sucked away and replaced with grayness. Tears started to run down her face as she started up the stone steps. This was where they first met. She remembered when he burst in the room, uninvited ready to rescue her. Yuna smiled at the thought, but the smile quickly faded as she entered the room.
The fayth that once rested inside was now a stone statue. Yuna circled around it a few times, her anger and frustration thrumming inside her. These creatures that she once celebrated and loved were now her enemy. She hated them for taking him away from her and leaving her alone in this state.
Yuna fell to her knees in a sob and started pounding the statue with her hands. She knew her actions were pointless and she wasn't going to gain anything, but all the frustration that she kept bottled inside was slowly seeping out of her. Tears of anger streamed down her face and hatred filled her thoughts.
She pounded and pounded, until her hands were badly bruised and cut. Once it hurt too much to pound anymore, Yuna curled up and nursed her injured hands. She felt pathetic and vulnerable. Never in her short, pathetic life did she ever lose control of her emotions. She had carried a lot of emotional baggage in her lifetime. She was careful to keep it all bottle up inside. Now she realized, however, that this baggage was slowly eating away her sanity. A silent madness had begun to take over.
This outburst, however, had saved her from such a fate and she already felt better. Although she still felt alone, she felt like a whole different person. Instead of pain and agony, Yuna felt relaxed and comfortable. She wasn't exactly happy, but she wasn't angry or sad either. There was a stab loneliness, but it was nowhere near to what it was before.
Yuna stood up and brushed herself off. Her hands stung as she did so, but she ignored the pain. She turned and left the room and left the temple. The sun was beginning to rise now and the village began to wake from its peaceful slumber. Already, many adults were starting off their day. Yuna smiled at the sight. Everything was so peaceful and relaxed. Fear was no longer sketched on people's faces. It wasn't twenty-four hours since the death of Sin and already the world seemed like a much happier place. For the first time since the defeat, Yuna finally did not regret destroying Sin.
Yuna held her chin high and descended the temple steps. A smile adorned Yuna's lips as many of the villagers began to stare. She waved pleasantly and they all approached her. Dozens of questions were hurled at her and she answered each and every one of them with simplicity and pride. The more she talked about the defeat, the happier she felt. He was gone, but she could still feel his presence somehow.
She told the group everything about her pilgrimage. She told them about the hardships and the plusses. One of those plusses, she explained, was a certain blonde. She shared with them her feelings towards him and about the episode in the spring. The only thing she left out was the immoral act she had done with him. She would eventually tell them, but she decided it was best to share it with her remaining guardians first. Maybe they could give her advice on what to do. Of course, with the telling of the story, the questions came.
They all waited anxiously to hear about the whereabouts of her love. Yuna's lips trembled as she informed them about what had happened to him. She was shaky, but tears did not come. She still longed for his warmth and presence, but she didn't feel like she couldn't possibly live now. The worried villagers all gave her their condolences, sensing the sadness radiating off of Yuna. They suddenly understood why she needed to be alone the night before. Finally, it was decided that there would be a big party tonight. It would not only commemorate Yuna's heroic deeds, but also the valor and relationship of the blonde blitzball player. Yuna smiled in gratitude.
Darkness was all that could be seen. It wasn't anything like he expected it to be. When he visited the Farplane in Guadosolam, he was surrounded by a beautiful waterfall and a meadow, where the millions of pyreflies flocked. It was peaceful and hopeful, but this world was foreboding and sinister.
He felt or saw nothing. The world was emotionless. All that was left was a dark, blank world. Sighing, he walked. He didn't know where he was going, or if he was going anywhere for that matter. It felt like had walked for ages when the world around him changed.
It was as if somebody had just turned the switch on sphere TV. Memories of his past began to fill the emptiness. He spun around, staring at all of them. The memories of her in a lot of them and they brought tears to his eyes. He missed her and hated himself for leaving her alone, but it wasn't like he had a choice.
Off in the corner of his eye he noticed that memories that were not his own flashed in the screen. He stared at them, confused by the visions. It was of a guy who looked like him, but he was with another woman. She had long chestnut hair that cascaded down her back. Her face was soft with soft features. She was delicate, yet strong. In a way, she kind of reminded of him of Yuna.
"You are more than what you think," a voice said suddenly. He turned around to find a hooded figure standing behind him.
"Who are you?" he asked shakily, disturbed by the sudden appearance of the strange figure.
The figure took a few step closers before replying, "That doesn't matter. What matters is you. You are special, more special than the fayth could ever imagine. They were wrong to erase you from the world."
"I don't understand," he stated. He studied the figure. The figure was about his height and stature. He could not see his face, but he could see the outline of a fairly handsome one. It was kind of shaped like his own.
"You will in time. For now, just follow me," the figure waved for him to follow. He turned his head towards the memories, debating on whether he should trust this man or not. Shrugging and realizing he had nothing better to do in his life, he reluctantly followed the figure's footsteps. Little did he know that a silent madness was beginning to take over his judgment. It was a madness that has been sleeping for a long time.
After what had seemed like ages, the group surrounding Yuna finally let up and went off to their duties. She was greeted by all her guardians. They had worried looks on their faces, but a smile adorned all of their lips. She smiled back at them, trying to silently reassure them that she was okay.
"So, a change of heart?" Rikku finally asked, while poking Yuna's ribs with her elbow.
"I'm sorry if I worried all of you, it's just that," Yuna sighed, while staring at the ground. It still hurt to talk about it, but at least she wasn't crying anymore. She only relented to silent grieving now.
"I know you loved him and I'm sorry about what happened. At least you're happy now though," Lulu whispered lovingly to her adopted daughter. She knew how it felt when somebody you loved passed away, or in Yuna's sense, disappeared. She was still recovering from the loss.
"I am happy. I am happy for what I had done. I admit, I regretted it, because Tidus disappeared, but I'm happy now. Which brings up another point, I really need to talk with you guys," Yuna explained. The guardians nodded, sensing that it was in private, so they all gathered inside Wakka and Lulu's tent.
Yuna rung her hands and began pacing, trying to find the will to speak. She knew they were going to upset with her. She had destroyed her trust to keep away from him, but she didn't care. She couldn't help herself. She felt lonely and scared and wanted to feel alive. "I have something to tell you," Yuna finally managed to say.
"What is it, ya?" Wakka asked. Worry had begun to fall on the group again as they watched Yuna pace back and forth. Her hands were shaking and she seemed a little scared.
"Before you get angry, please, don't hate me," Yuna said quickly.
"What's bothering you?" Lulu asked firmly.
Yuna stopped her pacing and looked at the group before replying, "I'm pregnant."
A/N: Okay, ending it here, because I'm evil. So, I know this story is a little confusing, but don't worry, it'll become clear in the chapters yet to come. I admit, the story is a little unclear for me as well, but I'm going to ponder over this and just let the words fall on the paper. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
