Dissimulation
Chapter 3: Abandoned
Once my ignorance was bliss
Nightfall came
Like a serpent's
kiss
To my troubled mind
Abandoned –Kamelot
Yuna's soft eyes wondered to the stars above her. It was a peaceful night in the Calm Lands. A calm wind brushed against Yuna's relaxed form. It was the first time since they reached the Calm Lands that she was calm.
Tidus sat behind her, watching her form. He couldn't believe that the others had allowed him to accompany her on her usual alone periods. This was the first time the two have much less looked at each other since they entered the Calm Lands. Now, an awkward silence enveloped them. He shifted uncomfortably from his seat and tried to find words, but none came.
He wanted to tell him how painful it was for her to ignore him like she did. He knew it was probably for the best, because the last thing he wanted was the others to find out what had happened. The kiss in the spring was all so sudden and impulsive, but he couldn't lie, he felt something in that lake. It was a feeling that had escaped him a year before.
"It's peaceful out, isn't it," Yuna whispered, pulling Tidus out of his thoughtful haze.
"Huh, oh, yeah," Tidus answered awkwardly. She awkwardly turned around and faced him. A small smile adorned her lips, causing Tidus's heart to burn with pain. He wanted to hold her in his arms and taste her lips again. He wanted to confess his love for her, but he kept his mouth shut. He definitely didn't want to scare her.
"Is everything alright?" Yuna asked.
"Everything is perfect," Tidus lied. He stood up and stretched his arms, staring at the sky. He dared get lost in the simple beauty. Never in his life had he seen so many stars. Back at his home in Zanarkand, the lights covered up the stars at night. Only handfuls were able to break through the haze. Yuna stood up as well and stepped next to him.
"It seems like something is bothering you," Yuna insisted.
"I may seem absent-minded, but it's because I'm trying to figure out a way to save you," Tidus replied. The thought of Yuna's death suddenly made him feel sick to his stomach. Yuna reached out her hands and squeezed his tightly. Tidus flinched at the sudden contact. For the longest time he had dreamt of her touch, but now he was scared.
"Tidus, what does it feel like?" Yuna asked.
"What does what feel like?" Tidus asked.
"You know," Yuna said awkwardly. Tidus let go of her hand and faced her. A mask of confusing donned his face. Yuna couldn't help but smile. She couldn't help it, he was too cute. "Sex," she continued.
Tidus suddenly broke out into a coughing fit. He could not believe that that word had just come out of her mouth. Yuna rushed behind him and softly patted his back as Tidus struggled to capture his breath and his sanity. What bothered him even more was that she knew he had experience in the matter.
"Are you okay?" Yuna asked after Tidus's fit seemed to lapse. Tidus waved it off, afraid to give an answer. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I can see it made you uncomfortable." Yuna continued sadly.
"Actually, it just caught me by surprise. Never in my life would I have thought you would bring that up," Tidus chuckled awkwardly. He tried to bring some life into the situation, but it looked like his attempt failed. Yuna instead looked a little hurt. Her eyes sparkled with the hint of tears and her lips were pursed together in a frown. "Um, sorry," Tidus apologized.
"Why does every think I'm this fragile little girl that will never reach adulthood. I know I won't live to see my eighteenth birthday, but I feel that I'm old enough to think for myself, you know!" Yuna spat angrily. Tidus opened his mouth to try and say something, but he was overpowered by her continuing rant. "I'm tired of people thinking about me that way. I have feelings too, you know! I've always dreamt of falling in love and experiencing just that. All you people think that I'm innocent and unaware of such a thing. Well I'm not and I want it more than anything! The truth is, I love you Tidus. I always have and I've been waiting for so long to say those words to you. If you feel the same way, then I want to show you love. I want to feel it. I don't want to die innocent."
Tidus was speechless. He let every word sink in. He had been waiting to hear those words from her for so long. At one point, he was wondering if his kiss was in vain and a huge mistake. Now he couldn't help, but lower his face towards hers.
Their lips came in contact once again. He let her take the lead as her lips awkwardly swam with his. He had to admit, it wasn't the best kiss he had ever received, but it was good enough. The same feeling that had enveloped him once before filled his insides again. He felt like he was on fire as the kiss grew deeper. Wanting to taste more, Tidus lightly licked her lips, forcing them to part so that his tongue could explore her mouth. Yuna pushed away.
"What are you doing?" she asked breathlessly.
Tidus licked his swollen lips before whispering. "Don't be scared. It's natural. You wanted to feel love and I'm giving it to you." He lightly caressed her cheek with his hand and smiled.
"You're going to make love to me?" Yuna asked awkwardly.
"It's what you want, isn't it?" Tidus asked. Yuna nodded and allowed his lips to close on hers again. This time, she allowed him to explore and take the lead. This was the beginning of an event that would change her life forever.
Yuna's faithful guardians stared back at Yuna unblinkingly. They were all in a sense of shock from the news that Yuna had brought forth to them, all of them, except for Rikku. Instead a devilish grin adorned her lips. Yuna bit her lip nervously, hoping that somebody would say something soon. Rikku was the first to fulfill her wish.
"You're pregnant?" Rikku squealed. She rushed over to Yuna and hugged her tightly. Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri stood back, watching the tearful couple as they hugged each other awkwardly. None of them could find anything to say. They couldn't believe that Yuna had fallen into Tidus's lustful trap.
"Do you know what this means?" Rikku continued.
"No," Yuna replied. She tried to ignore the others' piercing stares, but she couldn't fight the queasiness that was rumbling in her stomach.
"If Tidus wasn't real, like the fayth said he wasn't, then how could he reproduce?" Rikku poked Yuna's ribs with her elbow.
"What are you saying?" Yuna asked.
"I'm saying that if he was a so called dream, then how could he have created a child? I would think such a thing would be impossible, you know!" Rikku explained.
"That's obviously not true, because the people back in his world were able to have children," Yuna grumbled. She didn't want to be pulled into another lie. He was gone and she was willing to accept that. It hurt her to do so, but it was all she could do. He was now resting peacefully in the Farplane.
"They could reproduce in his world. This is our world Yuna. Two totally different worlds connected by a force created by the fayth," Rikku insisted. Yuna just rolled her eyes and rubbed the pounding headache that had developed. She wouldn't believe any of this. She didn't know what significance Rikku had discovered and she wasn't about to find out. She didn't want to fall into another emotional trap that only gave her pain and suffering. "C'mon Yuna! I think we're on to something. Maybe this will be a way to bring him back. Maybe he's not really a dream, but a soul trapped in the fayth's so-called dream world," Rikku continued to insist.
"Rikku, look, I appreciate your help, but please do not do this to me. I don't need this right now," Yuna said bitterly. Rikku nodded and shrugged the idea off. This was the kind of reaction she was expecting, but she thought she could give it a whirl. It just seemed plausible and it made it seem like there could be a way to bring poor Tidus back.
"You guys are awful quiet," Yuna snorted towards her guardians. They still stood in their confused trance, trying to gather the right strength to say what was on their minds. Most of their thoughts weren't exactly happy thoughts.
Lulu finally broke away from her spell, "How could you destroy our trust like that! We thought you were better than that!" Yuna flinched at the sudden burst of anger and she could feel the tears begin to flood towards her eyes, but she held them back. She couldn't cry now. She had to remain strong. She was kind of expecting this reaction anyway.
"Lu is right. We trusted you. We thought you were strong enough not to fall in his trap. I knew that he had an eye on you the moment he met you. I guess he was a lot stronger than we thought." Wakka agreed angrily.
"I can't believe you're saying this about him! I was the one who asked for it, not him! I didn't want to die without experiencing it! He is a good man and he is also the man I love. I don't care what you say, I love him and I don't regret carrying his legacy! I know I'll end up raising his child on my own, but none of that matters to me! What matters is that I loved him and there is nothing you can possibly do to change that!" Yuna screamed. She then spun on her heel and stormed out. She could feel the villages pressing stares as she strolled briskly out of the village. Kimahri came out of the tent after Yuna and followed her footsteps.
Tears flooded from her eyes as she followed the long paths towards the beach. Wakka and Lulu's words swarmed in her head and she suddenly felt alone and helpless. The world was going to shun her for sure. She knew the people of Spira would look down upon her now. They still followed the strict codes of Yevon, even if Yuna had thrown the codes out of her life. Suddenly she felt so abandoned.
She finally reached the beach and found herself walking towards the docks. She stepped to the edge and stared down. Her reflection echoed in the murky waves below. Tears were now sliding down her face.
"Yuna okay?" a booming voice asked suddenly. Yuna spun to find Kimahri standing behind her. His black beady eyes were full of worry and compassion as he cautiously stepped closer. He brought up his blue finger and stroked a single tear away.
"Oh, Kimahri!" Yuna cried. She fell into his open arms and let her cheek rest against his muscular chest. Kimahri wrapped his strong arms around her and held her close.
"Kimahri not mad at Yuna. Kimahri happy for Yuna. Kimahri know that Yuna loved him," Kimahri's heavily accented voice boomed. Yuna started to cry harder at Kimahri's words. Kimahri had always been a faithful guardian. He protected her and was the only one that ever listened. Yuna was grateful for him. "Kimahri thinks guardians will be okay after initial shock disappears," Kimahri continued.
"I don't really care what they think about what I have done. I'm just angry that they treat him like this. They blame him for everything and it's sick. I was the one who made this decision, not him, but somehow it's his fault," Yuna's muffled voice complained.
Kimahri smiled, "Kimahri thinks guardians don't trust him, because his world is so different than Spira. Guardians know people in dream world don't follow Yevon's strict codes," Kimahri explained.
"I miss him," Yuna whispered.
"Kimahri knows. Kimahri think Yuna should listen to Rikku. Kimahri thinks what Rikku said may mean something," Kimahri whispered back. Yuna pulled away from her guardian and glared at him. She couldn't believe those words had just come out of his mouth. She didn't want this to become an obstacle that led to nothing. Instead, she felt that she needed to let it go and accept what had happened. She feared that if she searched for a way to bring him back, she would devote her entire life to it and it would lead to nothing.
"Kimahri, I know it may seem a little strange, but I don't want this and I definitely don't need this right now. I don't want to get myself caught up into something that leads to nothing. I fear if I would happen to follow Rikku's theory, I would end up nowhere. I have a child to raise now and I can't abandon it to solve my problems. Instead, I need to forget," Yuna explained.
"Kimahri understands, but Kimahri thinks Yuna should still try and talk to fayth. Kimahri thinks fayth may give answers," Kimahri insisted.
"The fayth are gone. I've visited the temple here in Besaid and they have turned to stone. There is no life left among them. Even the Cloister of Trials has turned lifeless," Yuna muttered.
"Fayth would completely abandon Spira. Kimahri knows fayth still live in Yuna. Kimahri thinks Yuna should go to Bevelle. Yuna should try and contact fayth there. Fayth in Bevelle had a strong connection with him," Kimahri defended. "If fayth can't give answer, then Yuna can come back to Besaid and live normal life," Kimahri continued.
"Kimahri, do you really think that there is some significance here? Will be here to guide me along the way?" Yuna asked. She pulled away from Kimahri's thick embrace and stared at him unblinkingly. Kimahri smiled and nodded, while ruffling her soft hair. Yuna smiled back, "Then I will go. I guess it doesn't hurt to try."
Tidus and this mysterious figure had been walking what seemed like ages. The only thing that could not be seen was blackness. Tidus wanted to ask where this figure was taking him, but he remained silent. Suddenly a light began to appear. It was faint and distant at first, but the light began to grow. It began to eat away the darkness and soon, Tidus was surrounded by nothing but life.
"Is this the Farplane?" Tidus asked.
"No, this is the connection between the dream world and the real world. That darkness you had encountered was the dream world. Instead of going to the Farplane, you were sent to the dream world. While all the others were sent away, you remained. That is because you are not like the rest. You are much powerful," the figure explained.
"Does this mean that I will be able to enter the real world?" Tidus asked.
"You can, but not by yourself. That is why I'm here. Your entire existence relies on me," the figure said evilly.
"What do you mean?" Tidus asked.
"Amateurs," the figure scoffed. He eased himself in front of Tidus and reached up to pull down the hood that was covering his face. Tidus gasped in horror as he was staring at a face like his own.
"Who, who are you?" Tidus stammered helplessly.
"I am the madness that has been sleeping inside of you. You are nothing but a dissimulation. You mask my true form and hide the intentions that surround me. Now, I have awaken and soon you will be able to see her again," the figure whispered.
"I don't understand! What is your name?" Tidus asked.
"My name is not important to you, what is important is that you need to see her again. She feels abandoned and needs your warmth and help. Now, allow me to work my magic and you will get that chance to see her and be there for her. Her world is about to change drastically, for she carries your legacy. She needs you, Tidus. She needs you. Don't allow yourself to abandon her," the figure explained.
"Who are you talking about, I don't understand!" Tidus said through clenched teeth. His mind was spinning and he wasn't sure if he should trust this figure. Everything seemed uncanny, but the whole idea of getting a chance to see Yuna again was very enticing. What bothered him more was the fact that she seemed to be in trouble.
"Just accept my offer and you will soon understand. She needs you Tidus. Don't abandon her like the world," the figure insisted. Tidus shook his head and began to turn away, but the figure suddenly appeared in front of him. He was like an apparition, a ghost of his past. "Tidus, there is no turning back now. You need to help her by not abandoning her!" the figure growled.
"I don't trust you," Tidus growled.
"There need naught be trust, just understanding," the figure smiled.
"How can I take this path if I don't trust you? How do I know that things will be okay?" Tidus asked.
"Trust will come later. Now come, a lot of work must be done," the figure held out his hand to motion for Tidus to follow. Intuition told Tidus to just walk away and not accept this, but his heart told him follow. Finally his love for Yuna triumphed over all and he found himself taking his hand and allowing the process to begin.
A/N: So, I don't have much to say, but I definitely like this chapter and I'm definitely starting to like my ideas for this story. It's going to get dark and spooky. Anyway, tell me what you think about it! I'm anxious to hear your thoughts. I hope it wasn't too spooky, lol.
