October 2009

-Anna, you ready?!, yelled Mary through the bathroom door. Thomas is downstairs, waiting for us.

- Coming!, replied Anna as she put the last touch to her make-up.

The girls had moved in this small apartment a few weeks ago, just before the start of the new student year, and tonight they were going down to one of the area's pubs where students usually met.

- Here I am, said Anna as she unlocked the bathroom door. How do I look?, she asked her friend, turning on the spot.

- Like a girl ready to hit town!, appreciated Mary. Very nice! I'm sure you're going to break some hearts.

- Don't be daft!, giggled Anna, but she blushed a little.

Half an hour later, they had settled at a table in the pub with Thomas and were enjoying their first round of beer, chatting over their first weeks of classes, sharing impressions about their teachers and classmates. As she talked, Anna felt like someone was watching her. As she looked up and around, she met some warm hazel eyes, staring at her. As she met his gaze, the large brown-haired man, who was standing near the billiard, a cane in his hands, quickly averted his eyes, just as a dark-haired and blue-eyed woman impatiently nudged him in the shoulder:

- Come on, Johnny, stop day-dreaming, it's your turn!

The man shrugged and turned back to the billiard game.

- Yes, sorry, Vera.

Anna looked back to her friends and focused back on their chat. But she found that every few minutes her gaze was drawn back to the billiard, and the hazel-eyed guy. He seemed several years older than herself, didn't look like a student. He had broad shoulders and seemed discreet and gentle-mannered, quite the opposite from his female sidekick who seemed loud-mouthed and kept swearing any time the game didn't go in her favour. Anna overheard that the girl, who also seemed older than herself, kept blaming her companion for losing the game. When the game was over and well and truly lost for their team, she launched into a loud tirade against him, complaining about every move he had done wrong in her opinion. He received the criticism very complacently, only murmuring:

- Sorry Vera…

- Ah, never mind, she concluded, patting his cheek. You're lucky I love you anyway, eh?

The victorious pair of players had left the billiard table to go and celebrate their victory with a pint. Vera looked around, searching for new partners to make up for her loss. Her eyes crossed Anna's, who was looking their way, a little frown on her forehead. Something about that girl made her skin crawl. Vera thought that newcomers would make for an easy win, and called out to their table:

- Hey, you! Fancy a billiard game?

What she didn't know was that Robert Crawley had a billiard at Downton Abbey, and that the three of them had a lot of training. Anna looked questioningly to Mary and Thomas. Mary declined, but Thomas volunteered.

- OK, go, you two, I'll watch, said Mary.

Anna and Thomas walked up to the billiard, where Vera handed them two sticks.

- And you are?, asked Vera in a peremptory tone.

- Er, I'm Anna Smith. I'm a Master student in Tourism and Event Managing.

- And I'm Thomas Barrow. Same course. Are you students too?

- No, said Vera, I work in the university library. I'm an archivist. Vera O'Sullivan. You two a couple?, she asked, pointing to Thomas and Anna.

They both looked at each other and fell into a fit of giggle.

- What's so funny?, drawled Vera.

- Nothing, said Thomas. No, we're not together. See, I'm a friend of Dorothy's.

- A friend of Dorothy's?, asked Vera, dumbfounded. Who's Dorothy?

Anna giggled some more.

- You don't know the expression?, she asked, an earnest smile on her face. It means he's gay!

- Oh, sneered Vera, looking him up and down. Yeah, I should have guessed.

One could tell from her tone that she didn't mean it in a particularly friendly way.

- Anyway, she continued, it's not polite to make fun of people. That's a stupid expression. You could have said it plainly instead of making me look like a fool.

- I don't think he ever meant to do that, Vera, intervened her companion in a soothing tone.

Anna looked at him and offered him a smile:

- No, indeed he didn't. And what's your name?, she asked the man, who was the last person not to have been introduced.

- I'm…

- John Bates, cut Vera, not letting him finish his sentence. But I like to call him Johnny, she slurred. He's my boyfriend, she added, stressing out on the word "my", as if this was crucial information that everyone present should be aware of.

At the mention of John's name, Mary came over from her seat and said:

- John Bates? Wait, are you the John Bates who served in Iraq with my father? Robert Crawley?

John's face lit up for a short moment, as he recognized Mary.

- Oh, yes, you'll be Mary? I remember your father showed me photos of you and your sisters.

- Well hello John Bates, said Thomas, holding out his hand to shake.

- Nice to meet you, added Anna. And what do you do here?

- I'm in my final year of PHD, answered John after shaking Thomas's hand.

- Oh, really?, said Anna. What subject?

- European linguistics.

- Does that mean that you speak several languages?, asked Anna.

- Yes, French, German, Italian and Spanish, on some various levels of course. And I've notions of others.

- Wow, impressive, said Thomas.

- Yes, isn't he the smart boy?, intervened Vera, ruffling John's hair as if he were a child. Now, shall we play?, she said with a greedy smile.

The game started, and to her dismay Vera soon noticed that the two teams were rather evenly matched. So much for her easy win. Thomas and Anna witnessed her bossing her boyfriend around and criticizing his every move, and him only responding in monosyllables, not defending himself. At last came the moment when each team had only one ball left on the billiard, and the tension was at its highest. Vera burst out with anger when Thomas concluded the game with a very smart move. She started storming out, ushering John towards the door.

- Man, you handle frustration well, don't you, smirked Thomas, looking at Vera with arched eyebrows.

- You prick! You could have told me you were so good at it!, she yelled, leaving them on the spot.

- You never asked…, said Anna pointedly.

John lingered behind Vera and shot them an apologetic look:

- Sorry guys, she's very competitive…

- You don't say, said Thomas ironically, as John disappeared in Vera's trail, his shoulders hunched.

As Anna and Thomas joined Mary back at their table, Thomas mused:

- Jeez, I don't know how the poor bloke puts up with that harpy.

- Yeah…, replied Anna dreamily, her mind still filled with hazel eyes.

x x x x

June 2010

- What?!, exclaimed Anna, flabbergasted by the news John had just delivered to her. You're not serious John?! Marry her? What the hell? You were supposed to break up with her!

- I didn't know she was pregnant…, he tried, half-heartedly.

How could he explain to her why he was doing that, when he didn't even want to do it.

- But even so! That's complete bullshit!, roared Anna. You don't love her! Don't lie to me and tell me you do because I know it's not true! Even if she's pregnant, it's no reason for her to trap you into a marriage you don't want! Come on John, it's not 1910 anymore! I understand you'd want to support your child, and that honours you, but marrying her?! You can't be serious…

Tears were starting to choke her. She couldn't believe that their situation had changed that much in the course of a few hours.

- I'm sorry…, he mumbled again. But having a child out of wedlock would mean being cast out of her family. I can't have her face that…

- Jesus…, sighed Anna, pressing the bridge of her nose with her fingers.

She exhaled deeply, and grabbed John's upper arms, shaking him slightly.

- John. Please, listen to me. Look at me. Come on, look at me, she repeated when he kept his eyes fixed on the ground.

He slowly looked up to meet her gaze, and she saw the distress in his eyes. Her throat felt tight.

- Listen. The only good reason for you to marry her, is if you love her. Now you look me in the eyes, and tell me you love her.

He held her gaze silently for a short moment, then lowered his head.

- No, I don't, he breathed.

- See. You don't deserve to get yourself trapped with her! Your only responsibility, is to provide for the child. The rest, how she handles it with her family, it's none of your business! It's her choice to keep it after all! Are you even sure it's yours?, asked Anna in a dubious tone.

- I have no way of knowing, he admitted.

- John, don't you see how ridiculous this is?! So, you are going to go see her, and tell her you won't be marrying her, and you're moving out of your flat as soon as possible! Come on, you know I want to be with you, don't you?

- Yes, and I want to be with you too…

A small sad smile appeared on his tired face. Anna gently put her hand at the back of his neck and brought him close to kiss him. The touch of her lips gave him strength, and when they parted, he breathed out sharply, closed his fists, and declared:

- Alright. I'm going to see her.

- Do you want me to come with you?, asked Anna.

- God no. I fear she could hurt you.

- I'm not afraid of her.

- You don't know her well enough.

x x x x

In John and Vera's flat, Vera was casually sitting back on the couch, looking at John with an amused expression as he finished telling her that he wanted to back out and break up with her after all.

- You finished?, she asked with a smirk.

- Yes.

- Ah, but see, you won't be rid of me that easily, Johnny. I've decided that we are getting married, and we are.

- You can't force me, he said, in a tone that he wanted to sound self-assured, although he was far from feeling it.

He knew she was a cunning woman and would resort to anything to get what she wanted.

- You think?, she asked, her eyebrows arched. You seem to care very much for that Anna… You wouldn't want bad things happening to her, would you?

- Like what?, asked John, afraid of the answer.

- Oh, I don't know, like her facing some trouble in the pursuit of her studies for example… You know, I used to be quite intimate with Russel Williams, the head of her department. And I don't think he'd like his wife learning about us. So I guess he'd be ready to do a few things for me if I asked him nicely. Like, maybe, giving her a failing grade to her final exam. Or making sure she never finds an internship.

John's insides turned into ice.

- You wouldn't…

- You bet I would.

- Why? Vera, why do you do this? Can't you just accept that we're not well suited together, and move on?

- Hmm, no. Because I don't like it when things don't go my way…, she explained with a childish pout. So, we are leaving for Dublin tomorrow. We'll be married by the end of the month.

x x x x

Vera and John were finishing putting their luggage in Vera's car before leaving for Dublin, when Vera turned to John:

- I'm going to go back upstairs and make some tea for the drive.

As she disappeared, John let himself fall on the low brick-wall that ran around the building's front-yard. He lowered his head into his hands, and let his tears fall. He jumped out of his skin when he heard a familiar voice:

- John?!

He swiftly got up, looking like a rabbit caught up in a car's lights. In front of him, Anna was staring at him, hurt and disbelief plain on her face.

- What… Where are you going?…

He hesitated for a split second, but couldn't lie to her:

- We're going to Dublin, to see Vera's family.

- What?!

- I'm sorry Anna, he said, intently studying the ground at his feet. Vera's right, she's the mother of my child, we have to give our couple another chance.

- John, that's insane! Oh my God, were you intending on leaving without even telling me? Without saying goodbye?!

- I'm sorry…

It seemed it was all he was able to say. As Anna started walking towards John, Vera came out of the building, a Thermos in her hand.

- Oh, hello Anna, she greeted with a satisfied smirk. Did John tell you? We're leaving for Dublin. We're getting married.

As Vera started dragging him towards the car, Anna called in desperation:

- John, please! This is madness! You can't do that!

Tears were choking her, and she sobbed as he said:

- I have to. It's for the best.

He couldn't tell her why he was doing it. If he had, she would have argued that Vera's threats didn't mean anything to her, and he didn't want her throwing away her studies for his sake. If she was mad at him, then she would move on more easily. Yes, it was for the best.

- Forget me, and be happy, he said before turning away from her.

- John, no!, Anna cried one last time as the car's doors slammed shut, and Vera drove away.

Anna stood stunned on the pavement, feeling like her heart had been ripped out and taken away along with him.

x x x x

November 2017

Anna's knee was bouncing up and down as she nervously sat at the back of the cab she had hailed at Dublin Airport. A heavy rain had greeted her on her arrival in Ireland. She had been lucky that there was an outgoing flight only one hour after she had arrived at the airport, and that it wasn't full. The ticket had cost more than she allowed herself to usually pay for a plane ticket, but she didn't care. She had spent the whole duration of the flight in a state of anxiety that she had rarely experienced. She had almost asked the flight attendant for something strong to drink in the hope of soothing her nerves, but then she had reminded herself that she needed to keep a straight head. As she had hopped into the taxi, she had shown the driver John's address that Mary had forwarded to her from her father. All her hopes hung on the chance that they had not moved in the last six years. If they had, then she had no clue where to find him. She had kept trying to text and call him countless times, but there was still no answer, and her worry kept getting higher. She startled as the cab driver asked in a strong Irish accent:

- So? You here on business?

- Er, no, I'm… visiting an old friend.

How could she explain it better? She didn't fancy giving the man the grimy details of the situation.

- Oh, nice, he said.

- Yes, she said, not going further. How long do you think it'll take to get there?

- Oh, about forty-five minutes if traffic not too bad… Can't drive too fast with that rain…

- OK, thank you.

Fortunately, the traffic was quite light, but the next forty-five minutes seemed like a century to Anna all the same. As the cab finally parked on a quiet driveway, the driver said:

- There you are ma'am.

- Thank you very much, Anna said, handing the man some euro banknotes that she had taken from an ATM at the airport.

When she was standing on the side-walk with her light suitcase and the cab had gone off, she inhaled sharply, and started walking towards the semi-detached house that bore the number 354. She first went to the mailbox, and exhaled in relief when she read the label "Vera & John Bates". So she had managed to force him into marriage. Well, at least they still lived here. Straightening her back and scratching her throat, she made her way up to the front door, and rang the bell. She waited a few seconds, and nothing happened. She rang twice more, and being no more successful, she knocked on the door, louder and louder for a whole minute. She had to admit then that no one would come answer her. She sighed, rubbing her painful fist. She was almost going to back down, when she put her hand on the doorknob, and tentatively tried to push it open. To her amazement, the door opened without difficulty. She entered the house and stood silently dripping on the threshold for a moment, listening for some noise. Silence was all she heard.

- Hello?, she tried in a hesitant voice. Someone in here?

No reply. She pushed her suitcase and her wet umbrella against the wall and closed the door behind her, and started to make her way slowly down the hallway.

- Hello?!, she called, a little louder.

Her heart was beating madly in her chest. She feared what she could find, and she feared finding herself face to face with Vera too. She passed a very dirty and untidy, yet empty kitchen, and continued her way into an equally messy living-room. From the entrance she could see the back of a couch, facing a turned-on TV, blaring some day-time soap. Anna had only taken in how spooky the room looked, when a stark smell assaulted her. It reeked of vomit. In reflex she brought her hand to her nose, as she entered further into the room.

- Hello?, she said once again.

She froze and her heart skipped a beat when she noticed an arm hanging out from the side of the couch. She immediately recognized the hand.

- Oh my God, John!, she exclaimed, rushing to his side.

She quickly walked around to the front of the couch, and knelt in front of John's limp form. The smell was obviously coming from the little pool that was half-dried on the cushion next to his head.

Tears rushed to her cheeks as she shook him:

- John! John, wake up!

As he did not respond, she studied him for a moment, and put her fingers on his throat, searching for a pulse. She exhaled loudly when she felt one. She noticed that he was faintly breathing too. She looked around, and noticed on the coffee table an empty bottle of whisky and two bottles of pills, equally empty.

- Oh John…, she whispered. What have you done…

She reached feverishly for her phone, and dialled 999.