November 2017
As they came out of the British embassy in Dublin, later that day, Anna pouted:
- Bummer they can't give you a temporary ID document right away… Now we have to wait until they receive that copy of your birth certificate from England. It'll take two or three days at least. We're stuck here meanwhile.
- Yeah, well. At least I'm glad they could do something with my driving license and my permanent resident card. Two or three more days is nothing compared to seven years. Provided we manage to avoid meeting her of course.
-Yes, that's the point. I'll be glad when we're safely back home.
- I don't know that Yorkshire is still home to me.
- Of course it is. They're all waiting for you.
- What do you mean?
- Well, the Crawleys. I've been keeping them up to date. I had to keep myself occupied those last three days… Robert has been missing you, you know.
- Oh.
He had never thought that so many people would care about what was becoming of him. Vera had cut him out from his friends for such a long time. He felt something new and warm inside his chest.
- Shall we go grab a coffee and plan our next move?, said Anna, showing a coffee shop across the street.
- Sure.
Moments later, sipping her latte, Anna stated:
- So. We need to make sure she doesn't find you in the next days. So, I was thinking, we're not going to go back to my hotel, that was foolish of me to suggest it. It's far too close from her place. She'd find us in the blink of an eye. We need to put some distance between her and us.
- Yes, I think that'd be wise. I'd feel too nervous staying in the same neighbourhood.
- And, I was thinking, now that you're with me, you should turn your phone off. So that she can't track it.
- I'm not sure she'd know how to do that…
- She could look it up on the internet. Don't think she won't go to every possible lengths to go after you.
- You're probably right.
He took his phone out of his jacket pocket, and looked at it. It had been on silent mode since they had left the house, and he gasped when he looked at it.
- Oh bloody hell.
- What?, asked Anna, concerned.
- Look, he said, showing her the phone.
He had received dozens of texts from Vera, long rambling messages that went back and forth between supplications for him to come back, declarations of love, insults, and suicide blackmail. And there were about a dozen voice mails too, that he guessed contained about the same kind of niceties.
- Wow, breathed Anna. Tell me again, how did you put up with her for seven years?
- Ten, he corrected. We'd been together for three years before we married. But it's not been that worse all along you know. It got worse bit by bit. If she'd been like that when we first met, I'd have run away, I'm not that stupid. I know it's hard to imagine, but she was actually nice during our first years together.
- It is hard to imagine indeed…, agreed Anna. Well, be sure to keep all those messages and voice mails. They'll be useful for your divorce file. And now turn that phone off, she said, handing it out to him.
- We need to get away, quick, he said. I'm pretty sure she could hurt us badly if we come to meet again. Me, I don't care that much, but I would never forgive myself if she hurt you.
- And you'll excuse me, but I do care a little bit about what she could do to you myself, pointed Anna. Do you know if she has access to some weapons?
His heart sank.
- Theoretically, no. But her father and one of her brothers are policemen. So they have weapons. They're not supposed to have them at home though I think. So I don't know really, if she could lay her hands on them.
Anna looked doubtful.
- Yeah, let's move out of Dublin, like now.
- There's something else too.
- What?
- My only credit card is from our joint bank account. She already tracked me once thanks to it. If I use it, she'll find me. If I don't use it, well I'm broke.
- Oh. Do you have some cash?
- Only a tiny bit.
- OK, well, hum, let's both go and withdraw some cash at the nearest ATM, and then we'll pay as much as possible in cash. And if it's not possible, I'll use my own credit card. I think it's best we leave the fewer traces possible, even me.
- Let's go, this is all making me quite nervous.
- Yes, I quite agree.
In front of the ATM, John counted in his head how much he had earned in the last month. It didn't amount to much, but he chose not to take more. He didn't want Vera to argue that he had stolen her money. Anna took out a larger sum, and they drove her rental car back to the hotel. Half an hour later, Anna had hastily packed up her things, and checked out of the hotel. She added her suitcase to John's in the car, and they sat back in, ready to go.
- So. Where are we going now?, she asked.
- I don't know. Anywhere far from here. Galway? Limerick? Cork?
- How long is it to drive to Galway?
- Er, about two and a half hours I'd say.
- Alright. Well, it's five o'clock, we could be there for a late dinner. Let's go.
A few minutes after they had drove away, Vera's car appeared and parked on the pavement in front of the hotel. In the hotel lobby, Vera made her way to the front desk and asked the young receptionist with a charming smile:
- Hello dear. Er, I was supposed to meet Ms Anna Smith here, is she in her room?
The girl replied earnestly:
- Oh, you've just missed her. She just checked out and left. Sorry.
A tense muscle twitched in Vera's jaw, but she manage to keep her smile on.
- Never mind, thank you very much.
And she turned around.
x x x x
Night fell gradually as Anna kept driving under the November rain. John's chest felt lighter with every additional mile they put between them and Vera. He had no clue how close their escape had been moments earlier. They stopped after about two hours driving for a bathroom break and a quick dinner in a highway restaurant, and finally reached their new hotel on the outskirts of Galway in the early evening. When they had settled into their new room (also with twin beds, since they had wanted to save money and not pay for two separate bedrooms), John let himself fall on his bed and sighed:
- Oh my God, is this it? Really? I can't believe I'm gone.
- Yep, replied Anna.
John straightened himself and sat up with his back at the head of the bed.
- Anna, he said, I need you to promise me something.
She looked up to him with an expectant look on her face.
- What?
- I need you to promise me that you will never let me go back to her. Never.
She smiled.
- Yeah I think I can do that.
- Slap me if need be, tie me up, anything.
- I hope it won't come to that.
- So do I, but you never know.
Anna got up from her own bed and walked to the kettle sitting on the bureau.
- Tea?, she suggested.
- Yes, please, he replied.
Minutes later, she handed him the hot paper cup, and sat herself next to him, cross-legged.
- So, she stated. I think we need to talk.
- Hmm?, he said, blowing on his tea.
- Well, you still owe me an explanation, for seven years ago.
His face fell somewhat.
- I mean, she continued, one day you tell me you're going to talk to her and break up with her, that you don't love her and that you want to be with me, and next thing I know, you're leaving the country with her without explaining yourself. I want to know the truth now. What happened that night, that made you turn around?
He looked down, shame written all over his face.
- Yes. I realize that I treated you badly that day. You must have been so mad at me.
- I was, a bit, but most of all, I was devastated.
- Of course. I understand. You've got every right to hate me for that day.
- So, what did she say that made you do that? I know you didn't do it of your own free will.
John studied his knees for a while. Now that Anna had finished her studies and had a stable job, he could tell her the truth about Vera's threats.
- She… made threats about you, if I didn't agree to go to Ireland with her and marry her.
- What kind of threats?
- She said she would blackmail your department's head, I don't remember his name…
- Williams?
- Probably. Anyway, she threatened to blackmail him into giving you a fail grade in your final exams, or making sure you didn't find any internship.
- But why on Earth would he have done this for her? She was just a random librarian...
- She said they had had an affair some time ago, and she would threaten him to tell his wife.
There was a short silence between them, until he went on.
- I didn't want her to ruin your studies, so I gave in. And I didn't say anything to you, because I didn't want you to put your future career in jeopardy by standing up to her. And also, I thought if you were mad at me for leaving you without an explanation, you'd move on more easily.
- Yeah, that didn't work out, by the way.
Anna pondered what he had just revealed, and continued:
- So… in the end… you surrendered to her… to protect me?
- … I guess so, yes. I didn't want to drag you into my troubles. I thought you'd be better off without me and my fucked-up relationship with Vera.
Anna looked at him intently, tears shining upon her eyelids.
- Oh God John…
She put her teacup down on the bedside table, and took John's from his hand to put it next to hers, and then hugged him tight, as tears finally fell down her cheeks. Her warm and loving embrace brought him to tears too, and for a moment, they silently cried over their seven lost years.
When the crying had subsided a little bit, Anna pulled herself away from him, wiped her eyes and smiled at him.
- I love you John. I wish you had chosen to come up to me and let us face this together back then, but I understand now that you sacrificed yourself to protect me, and that you were so selfless.
He wiped his eyes on his sleeve too, and asked shyly:
- Will you forgive me?
She smiled sadly and gently cupped his cheeks with her hands:
- There is nothing to forgive. You did what you thought was best at the time.
- I don't deserve you, that's all I know, he said, turning his head to kiss her palm. But right now, I'd really really like to kiss you.
Her smile grew bigger, and she inched herself up to him, until their lips met. John felt reborn at the sweet touch of her lips on his, like light was filling up his bones. When their lips parted, and they were resting forehead against forehead, he whispered:
- I love you too… I've missed you so much there are no words even to describe it.
- Me too, she said.
They kept talking all through the evening and the night. Anna wanted to know everything that had happened to him during the seven years, and John found that telling it helped him unload himself. He told her of the wedding, how Vera had tricked him into settling in Ireland.
- But what about your PHD?, asked Anna.
- I never finished it. After the wedding and all, I went into depression, I fell behind, and they terminated my grant.
- Oh no…, what a shame, you were doing a brilliant job! So… do you have a job now?
- Well, I'm doing some freelance translating jobs. It doesn't pay that much though. And I've lost many clients when I fell behind on deadlines lately, since I was struggling with alcohol and meds.
As he said this sentence, his face lit up:
- Hey, I just realized. I haven't touched a drop of whisky since I've been released from the hospital! It's the longest I've been sober for a very long time…
- And do you miss it?
- No. Not at all!
- Well good for you. Maybe you should stay sober.
- Yes, I think I should. I've been drinking way too much for too long…
Hours passed into the night, and John kept filling Anna in with all the grimy details of his marriage with Vera.
- So, after this time I went away, she promised me that we'd try again for a baby, but months came and went, and she never got pregnant again. She didn't seem to be concerned by it. I raised the subject a few times, suggested we go see a doctor about it. I was so fucked up, I don't know why, my brain had somehow convinced itself that the only thing that would make me happy, that would light up my life would be a child. I realize now it's lucky it never worked out. Imagine if we had to wage a custody war…
- Yes, that is lucky indeed, agreed Anna. So you never went to see any doctor.
- No. And at last, I discovered why she had never gotten pregnant in all this time. I found her birth control pills, although she had hidden them pretty well.
Anna looked aghast.
- So she was continuing to take a birth control while telling you she wanted to have a baby with you?!
- She was.
- Holy crap!
- I guess it ensured her my willingness to go to bed with her regularly, so that suited her well… Vera is very keen on the bedroom's activities…
- Yes, well, you and her doing that is NOT something I want to picture myself.
Even later, as morning drew close, Anna had snuggled into John's large frame, and she still listened to him.
- So what happened last week that made you suddenly want to kill yourself?, she asked finally. Was it the first time, by the way?
- That I attempted suicide? Yes. Well we had had another of those countless rows. I'd known for a few weeks that she had a lover she was seeing regularly. We screamed at each other as we did so often. At one point I yelled that I wished she had never been pregnant at all. And at that moment, she started to laugh, she had such pity and contempt in her eyes. She laughed for a while, then she sobered up and looked me straight in the eyes, and said: "Oh my sweet summer child… You still believe I have ever been pregnant at all…", and broke into a demoniac laughter again. At that moment, I felt like my world was crumbling down. I understood that I had lived those last seven years for nothing, that I had robbed us, you, of seven years, for a lie. I didn't know how to go on.
As he recalled that fateful moment, when he had finally realized the magnitude and depth of the lies he had been living in for so long, he broke into harsh sobs.
- Oh, Anna, I'm so sorry. I'm such a fool…
- Hush, hush. It's over now.
She took him into her arms, stroking his hair and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. His shoulders finally stopped shaking, and he gradually relaxed into Anna's embrace, until he fell asleep. When she heard his regular and deep breathing, she closed her eyes too, and joined him into oblivion, just as the sun was rising outside.
