November 2017

Only a few hours had passed when they were roused in a startle by a loud knock on their hotel room's door.

- Cleaning team!, loudly announced a female voice on the other side of the door.

Before they had been able to get to their senses and reply anything, the cleaning lady entered the room, and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw their crumbled forms on the beds.

- Oh, er, sorry! There was no sign on the door, I thought you were out!

Rubbing her eyes, Anna answered:

- It's alright, yes, it's our fault, we forgot to put the sign on. Don't worry.

- I'll come back later then.

And she quickly grabbed the "don't disturb" sign and hung it on their doorknob, before hurrying out.

Anna looked down to John who had his hand clutched to his chest.

- God she almost gave me a heart attack. For a split second I thought it was Vera barging in… Now I realize it couldn't have been.

- Yeah, well, I guess one's thinking is not that straight when one's startled awake after falling asleep at six in the morning… I must say the thought of Vera crossed my mind too.

- What time is it?, he asked, passing a hand through his ruffled hair. God, we slept in our day clothes, he noticed, looking down at himself and Anna.

Anna checked her phone:

- It's half past nine. We slept about three hours I think.

- Jesus. I'm knackered.

- Me too, smiled Anna. It's been a long while since I fell asleep that late. Or early, might I say.

- Oh, yeah. Thank you, for listening to me all through the night. I'm sorry I kept you up so late.

- Did it at least do you good? How do you feel this morning?

He gave her questions a moment's thinking before answering:

- Yes, it did do me good. I do feel better.

- Well, I'm glad of that at least. And I'm glad you trusted me with all of this.

- Of course I trust you.

The simple finality of his words warmed her heart.

- So, she went on. What shall we do? Do we go back to sleep?

- I don't think I'll fall back asleep now, after this kind of awakening. And if we sleep all day, we'll be out of phase. Shall we go outside and find ourselves some breakfast? The hotel buffet will be closed by now.

- Alright. I'll go take a shower then.

After she had disappeared into the bathroom, clutching some clean clothes from her suitcase, he lay back down on the bed, and let his eyes wander through the window. The sky was clear, for now, though he knew the Irish weather was something utterly unpredictable. Although they had barely slept three hours, he felt oddly refreshed. Tired, physically, but renewed, mentally. Those three hours of sleep, holding Anna in his arms, had been the best he'd ever had.

x x x x

He felt Anna's hand tightening around his as the plane took off, and the tightness in his chest loosening a little. This was farther than he'd ever gone in his attempts to escape Vera. They had had to wait for four days before the Embassy finally gave word that the birth certificate had arrived, and they had been able to go back there to have his temporary travel document issued. They had spent two days in Galway, then moved on to Limerick, for fear of Vera finding them if they stayed for too long in the same place. He didn't know if she would go and ask for her father's or brother's help in tracking him, using the police means. He believed the O'Sullivan men were honest policemen, but would they be willing to bend rules to help their daughter or sister to find her eloped husband? He had no doubt that she would paint them a sad picture of her being abandoned by her evil husband, who had left her for a younger woman without warning. He was sure they had no idea about Vera's real personality. She had always been very careful not to show it outside the intimacy of their own house.

Those four days with Anna could almost have felt like holidays, if it hadn't been for them constantly looking over their shoulder for fear of seeing her. They had walked, a lot, on the seaside, despite the sometimes unfriendly weather. They had talked, even more, for hours on end. Seven years of silence had to be made up for. They had held hands, and kissed a few times, and cuddled up in the evening, and each of those things had felt so right. He had known, at last, that this was his rightful place in the world. Beside Anna. Everything else was irrelevant.

He smiled to her, seated in the seat next to him. As soon as he had gotten his travel document, they had gone straight to the airport, given the rental car back, with its broken rear-view mirror, and waited for the next available plane for England. Now, Ireland was behind him. If he had to be honest, he knew that Vera would have much less difficulty tracking him back in Yorkshire, where she knew who all of his acquaintances were and where they lived. He should have disappeared somewhere new, if he wanted her never to find him. But he felt he couldn't face this without the support of those friends who were waiting for him, and were kind enough to be welcoming him back, without judgment. Moreover, he couldn't ask Anna to leave all her life behind and disappear with him. And he would definitely go nowhere without her. If he had to face Vera and her clan, he would do it with his own clan. Anna had told him that the Crawleys, and the Carsons were waiting for him, and ready to stand up for him. That was a comforting thought.

x x x x

An hour later, they were collecting their luggage, and started making their way out of Manchester airport. Back in Dublin airport, they had decided to take the first available flight back to England, without waiting any more than necessary. Said flight was headed to Manchester, so there they were. Anna had contacted Mary and Robert to let them know of their arrival hour, and Robert had decided to drive the two hours drive from York to Manchester to pick up his old friend. John had argued they could take a train, but as Anna had rightfully pointed, he had quite a lot of luggage with him. His heart was pounding as they walked the hallways of Manchester airport, knowing he would soon meet his estranged friend, whom he had not talked to for about six years, and whom he had not left in good terms, angry at him for speaking the inconvenient truth about his relationship with Vera. Suddenly a thought occurred to him, which he and Anna had not discussed yet:

- Er, where am I going to stay?, he asked, out of the blue.

Anna looked at him serenely:

- Well, my place, I'd thought. Except if you don't want to, of course. In which case I'm sure Robert will find you a guest bedroom. He's got enough of those.

Like this, in the most natural fashion in the world, she was offering him shelter in her own apartment, after being reunited for only a few days.

- I… I don't want to intrude on your private space, he objected.

Although, if he thought about it, the idea of spending one more night away from her felt distressing. Anna looked back at him, a no-nonsense look on her face:

- Please John. I've missed you for seven years. It's about time you'd intrude.

He laughed softly, relieved.

- Oh, alright then. I'd be happy to crash at yours.

As they exited into the arrivals' hall, they heard Robert's voice booming, before they even spotted him:

- Bates, my dear fellow!

The two men fell into a tight and discreetly tearful hug, while Anna stayed a few steps back, observing them with a smile on her face. She felt like a rescue team having just brought back to safety some natural disaster victim.

- Come on now, Robert said, swiftly wiping a tear from the corner of his eye, let's get you home.

He seized the luggage trolley with conviction and turned around to the parking lot.

"Home". Where was home, to him, right now?, mused John as they walked towards Robert's SUV. He had none, to be honest. Everything was but a field of ruins. But now, his life was his again, to seize back, and to rebuild as he wished. Hopefully, with Anna. Subconsciously, as he dragged one more suitcase, his hand reached out for her. She noticed his move, and her hand met his half-way between the two of them. A confident smile lit up her face as her fingers intertwined themselves with his.

- Welcome home, she mouthed, before pulling him gently ahead.

x x x x

After a two-hours drive, Robert stopped in front of Anna's apartment building and helped them to unload their luggage.

- Right, he said. So, I'm leaving you guys in peace for tonight, but tomorrow, lunch at our house. No arguing Bates. Everyone will be so pleased to see you back. We're all so glad you finally ditched that bloody witch of yours.

With that, Robert turned around, boarded his car again and was gone.

As they were waiting for the elevator, John asked:

- I don't suppose there would be a way for me to escape this reunion lunch, don't you think?

- I don't think so, chuckled Anna. They've all been pestering me with questions since I've left last week…

- I feel a bit… exposed, is all.

- I'll tell them to go easy on you, and hold back on the questions.

They dragged their load of luggage until Anna's apartment door, and she turned the key into the lock. Loud meowing could be heard instantly, and as soon as she had opened the door, a black cat came to rub herself hard on her trousers.

- Hi, sweetie, cooed Anna, picking up the beautiful cat to give her a cuddle. Yes, I know, I missed you too! But Auntie Mary's been taking good care of you, hasn't she?

- You didn't tell me you had a cat, smiled John.

- Yes, please meet Sassenach, she replied, showing him the cat.

But as she held her closer to John, the cat got frightened and jumped from her arms, to go and hide herself somewhere in the flat.

- Sorry, she's a bit shy with new people.

- Yes, well, she's a cat, you mean.

- Do you like cats?, asked Anna.

- I've… never known any closely enough to have an opinion, to be honest. I'm not allergic, that's all I can tell you.

- Well, I guess that's a good start. I wouldn't like to have to choose between you and her. Now, let's get all this inside, she added, gesturing to the numerous suitcases.

As he closed the door behind them, John asked:

- "Sassenach"? That's a peculiar name… What does it mean?

- It's Gaelic. It means "stranger", or "outlander". Mary found her as a kitten, wandering alone in the Abbey's backyard. So, since we didn't know where she came from, it seemed an appropriate name to me.

- I see. I'm sorry I'm invading your place with all my luggage…, he added, seeing all his suitcases stranded in Anna's hallway.

- Yeah, don't worry, we'll figure it out tomorrow, where we are going to put all your things.

- You really don't mind, me moving in with you, just like that, when we've seen each other for only a week? What if I'm not like you remembered me from before? People change, you know?

- I do know that, yes, thank you. I know we are going to have to get to know each other again. But I say we take it one day at a time. Right now, I'd rather have you right here next to me, than anywhere else, if you are alright with it of course.

- I am, but…

- Then we'll see how things go, day after day? If we feel it's really too soon, if it doesn't feel right at any point, well you know you can go to Robert's and think things through. Or get yourself a flat of your own.

John chuckled dryly.

- I'd have to find myself a job first… No one in his right mind would let me a flat right now. I haven't got two pennies to rub together.

- Let's deal with things one step at a time, she repeated. First of all, I suggest some tea.

John's shoulders relaxed a bit. She was right. He felt good right here, right now. There would be plenty of time to worry about everything later. Including Vera's next move, because he knew very well she would not let him go without a fight. And he knew the fight would be ugly. But right now he only wanted to enjoy tea with Anna.

- Tea sounds great, thank you, he said to her, with a warm smile.

x x x x

- There's a confession I need to make, she said shyly.

- Yes?

An early night had fallen over York, and after crafting a simple dinner with whatever they had found in the fridge that was still edible, and eating it while watching a movie, they had settled in Anna's bed. She had assured him repeatedly that she didn't mind him sharing her bed. After all they had been sleeping side by side for several nights now, back in Ireland.

- There hasn't been a day since you left when I haven't thought about you.

His heart swelled, as he marvelled once more at how miraculous her presence against him was, and admitted:

- Me neither. Every day. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I wish that I could take it all away.

His lips eagerly sought hers, and he felt his whole being filling with light and renewed vital energy. At that very moment, there was nothing he wanted more than to make love to her, with all his heart, body and soul. Every fibre of his being ached for it, not because he felt he had to as a duty to her, like it had been so many times with Vera, not because he hoped to plant the seed of his fatherhood (he rather hoped he wouldn't, not now at least), but because it felt right and natural and beautiful, and because it was all he wanted now to touch, taste and love every inch of her. Quietly, but urgently, clothes were shed, and hands and lips started discovering their respective new territories. The room was almost silent as they gave themselves to one another. Only a few muffled sighs of pleasure were exchanged, words were not needed in that moment. This felt so very different than it ever had with Vera, who had always been very vocal. It had none of this mechanical feeling he had felt when he had made himself lie with her. This, right now, felt like the New World Symphony, as if a new dawn had come to his life, finally. It didn't last long, as seven years of frustrated desire on both sides led them quickly to a shared ecstasy. A discreet cry escaped Anna's lips, and he felt her shivering around him, and then her limp form rested in his arms, sated and content. A thin layer of sweat shone between her breasts, and he slowly brushed it away with his fingers.

As quickly as his body had let itself be swept into pleasure, his mind filled with dread. What had he just done? She had never told him she was ready for that… He suddenly tensed and pulled himself away from her, to her surprise.

- What have I done to you…, he muttered, as he grabbed his boxer shorts and T-shirt and quickly put them on.

He curled himself into a ball on the armchair, as far as he could from Anna, a fearful look on his face.

- Oh God, oh God, he kept repeating.

- What…

Anna lifted herself on her elbow, looking at him puzzled, her brows furrowed:

- John? What's wrong? What the hell is going on?

She got up and tore the sheet from the bed, rolling herself in it, before crossing the room to kneel in front of John's crouched figure.

- What is it, John?

She stroked his cheek with the back of her fingers, and noticed he was trembling.

- What's got into you, for heaven's sake? Was it not alright? Didn't you want to?

He blushed.

- Oh, it was. I did. But, you? Did I not hurt you? I mean, I never asked you if you wanted it… I'm scared I just…

- You're scared you what? Come on, say it.

- I forced you?, he managed to utter after a short fight with himself.

Anna sighed, and shook her head.

- Of course you did not! We just made love! We were both willing, I was just as much as you were. I didn't explicitly say it because we got carried away together and it all came naturally… I actively participated, didn't you notice that?

- Yes, I did, but even then…

- Why would you be scared that I was not willing? What would make you think that?

- Well…

He felt so ashamed right now. How could he explain it to her. Would she laugh at him? He would rather die than have her look at him as the fool he was.

- Come on, John. Please, tell me. I can hear anything.

And he knew it was true. She wouldn't judge. He inhaled sharply and tried to explain.

- Well, you know, with Vera… There were so many times when she took the lead, and she didn't bother if I wanted it or not, see… And she wouldn't let me be until she had got what she wanted. So, sometimes, often, I did "actively participate", as you put it, just in the hope that it would be over sooner. It didn't mean I was enjoying it. I mean, my body was doing what he had to, but deep down I didn't really want to be there. So I'm afraid I just did the same to you.

Anna was looking at him, intently, and tears shone in her eyes. She reached for his hand and brought it to her mouth, to leave a light kiss on its back.

- Oh God… John…

She got up from the floor, and gestured to him, asking permission to come sit on his lap.

- May I?

- Of course, he said, opening his arms to her.

She sat on his lap, and took his head against her chest.

- You did not do that to me. If I had not wanted it to happen, I would have told you so, and you would have listened, and stopped, because you're a kind and respectful person. You're nothing like Vera. I know in my heart that you would never do such a thing to me. I trust you completely.

She felt him relax a little bit between her arms. His own arms were circled against her waist, and he squeezed a little tighter.

- Do you know John, have you given a little bit of thought, to how people call this? What she's been doing to you?

He looked down in shame. She put her fingers under his chin and gently made him look up.

- That's nothing to be ashamed of. She's the one who should be ashamed, though I know she won't be.

He chuckled bitterly.

- You say that, but how stupid does a man have to be to let himself get raped by his own wife? I mean, who wouldn't laugh at such a foolish bloke.

He tried to look away, but she held him in place and her gaze bore into his soul.

- You're neither stupid nor foolish. She took advantage of your good heart and insecurities and she manipulated you into thinking there was no other way. But now this is over, isn't it? Now we are here, together, and we will fight our ground until she admits defeat. Alright?

Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he shuddered in her arms.

- I don't deserve you, of that I'm sure.

- Of course you do. She doesn't deserve you. She never did.

- Do you mean that?, he asked in a frail voice.

- Of course I do, she stated bluntly.

- Oh God Anna I love you so. I've loved you since the day you've beat us at billiard with Thomas… Please help me. Don't let me go back to her.

He hid his face into the sheet that was covering her chest, and broke into desperate sobs, his arms holding on to her for dear life. She hugged him tight, and kissed the top of his head, whispering softly:

- I love you too. I swear I'll be there with you always. We'll never be apart again. Ever. As long as we both shall live.