"I can't do this," Danika sobbed as Teddy pulled up in front of the funeral home.
"You can," Teddy soothed, "we'll go together. Just like daddy's we'll do it together."
"I didn't get to say goodbye," Danika bawled.
"I know," Teddy said, "it was sudden. Dani we have to get out of the car now. You're going to open your door and stand up. I'm right with you."
Danika hesitantly opened her door and waited for Teddy.
"We'll go together," Teddy said, taking Danika's hand.
Teddy was thinking of the last time they did this together for their dad. She had led Danika in then held her baby sister in her lap through the service. Teddy had had her mom then. Her loving forgiving mom who put aside all of her hurt to care for Teddy and Danika. It was Teddy's mom who had found the black dress and tights for Danika that day and put her hair into French braids because June had been too out of it to look after her daughter. Teddy remembered the screaming match she had gotten into with June in the days following the funeral when the Will was read. June had been furious by the way William had structured his will. Putting everything in trust for his daughters splitting it all 50/50 between them. Nothing could be touched without good reason until Danika was 21. William had even left a list of what would be considered acceptable uses of the money, education, medical care and the purchase of a home. Teddy at that point had had access to the one their dad had set up for her at birth for a few years. Her tastes were never fancy; she didn't want designer clothes like the other girls she grew up with, she dressed fashionably but was more concerned with how things fit and looked than the name brand. She was practical, allowing herself the odd little luxury but not wanting to be like the other spoiled brats she grew up with. Teddy knew she would have to talk to Danika about the money situation soon but the teenager was happy with what she had and was excited about new bedding and pjs.
Teddy guided Danika into the funeral home where the girl stood in stoney silence beside her big sister giving polite responses to those that came to express their condolences. But none of June's friends had known Danika well; some were even surprised she had a daughter.
After the service and more forced polite conversation Teddy suggested, "let's go. We can go back to the hotel for a bit and have some down time, then you have to eat dinner before you get sick. But I think some down time will be good for us."
Danika nodded and allowed Teddy to lead her. This was it, her mom was really gone. In the car Danika stared out the window not seeing anything.
"Go change," Teddy directed.
"Do I have time to have a bath," Danika asked.
"You do," Teddy said, "will it help you relax?"
"Maybe," Danika said.
"Then go," Teddy said, "we have all night. The only thing we have to do is eat but we'll do that when we're hungry."
The teenager wordlessly grabbed her jeans and a T-shirt and walked to the bathroom. Teddy stepped onto the balcony.
She dialed Owens' number.
"Teddy, how are you holding up," Owen asked.
"I'm fine," Teddy said, "I have a teenager I don't know how to comfort."
"She lost her mom," Owen said.
"She's alone," Teddy agreed, "all she has is me and I'm not a parent. Hunt there's days I barely got out of bed after my mom died. How do I keep her moving forward."
"Give her time Teddy," Owen encouraged.
"I was barely human," Teddy said, "I only ate, showered and got dressed because Allison was there, her and Claire made me. They would lay out my clothes and put food in front of me."
"Be that person for her," Owen said, "I was going to drive down and meet you tomorrow to help you with the moving aspect. Do you want me to come now?"
"I think it would overwhelm Danika tonight," Teddy said, "I still haven't figured out storage."
"My garage," Owen said, "it's only a few weeks."
"Then where will you put your fire truck," Teddy asked.
"There's room," Owen assured, "Teddy are you okay? Not your sister, you?"
"I don't know," Teddy admitted, "it's easier for me to focus on what I need to do. To do what needs to be done. I start work on Monday which is good."
"How are you feeling," Owen asked.
"Overwhelmed, guilty, disappointed," Teddy admitted, "anxious what we'll find tomorrow."
"What can I take off your plate," Owen asked,
"I don't know," Teddy said, "my to do list is massive. I don't even know where to start."
"What has to be done tonight and tomorrow," Owen asked.
"Tonight dinner if I can get her to eat," Teddy said, "tomorrow I need you to check it's safe to bring her into the apartment, then we'll get Danika's things and I've got a moving company scheduled to clear it all out and take it to a thrift store. There's a few things of Dad's I want to look for but other than that the only things of June's I'll save for Danika would be her jewelry."
"Give your sister choices," Owen said, "do you have boxes?"
"I don't," Teddy realized, "we'll go get some bins tonight."
"I have a bunch of boxes in my garage I'll bring," Owen offered.
"Thank you," Teddy replied.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come down tonight," Owen asked, "take some of the stress off you. You've been the strong one for me enough, let me be there for you."
"Danika," Teddy said, "she hardly knows me as it is. Hunt I missed too much with her."
"We missed a lot with our families," Owen said, "but you wrote and called."
"I always wrote and called as much as I could," Teddy said, "she's almost mute unless we're alone. Her teachers say this isn't normal."
"What do you need," Owen pressed.
"A drink," Teddy replied, "and my mom. She would know what to do. My mom always knew what to do."
"I'll come Teddy, get my own room," Owen said, "you don't need to do this alone."
"It's okay Owen we're fine tonight," Teddy said, "I need my best friend."
"I'll come," Owen declared, "you shouldn't be alone. You can let people help you."
"It's hard," Teddy sighed.
"I'll come. Danika doesn't have to talk," Owen said, "she can just sit there and read or stare out the window."
Teddy replied, "you won't be mad?"
"She's trying to understand her new world," Owen said, "she's 14."
"Her birthday is at the end of august. I want to make this one special," Teddy thought out loud.
"You'll figure it out," Owen said.
"Depending on the social worker I'm thinking Disneyland," Teddy replied, "something fun and different and totally out of our day to day routine."."
"Bribing," Owen teased.
"No," Teddy said, "just want to make it happy and special."
"You will," Owen said, "your only 90 minutes away I'll head down and then maybe we can do dinner?"
"Can I ask Dani," Teddy asked.
"Where is she," Owen asked.
"Bubble bath I think she needed away from me," Teddy replied.
"Go ask and text me," Owen said, "you sound like you need a hug."
"I do," Teddy admitted.
"I'm coming," Owen said.
"I can do this," Teddy said.
"You need some one," Owen said, "I know that tone in your voice. Your close to crying."
"You come I will cry and I have to be strong for Danika," Teddy said.
"Let me be strong for you," Owen said, "you've been there for me though my worst days. Teddy I'm coming."
"See you soon," Teddy agreed, she knew she needed her best friend, the one person she could count on. The only person other than Danika who cared if she lived or died.
A while later Danika found Teddy sitting on her bed and wordlessly sat beside her.
"You okay," Teddy asked.
"No," Danika admitted, "I'm alone. I'm an orphan."
"We're both orphans but you're not alone," Teddy said, "I won't leave you."
"Daddy died, mom died," Danika sobbed, "you could have died."
"Did it scare you when I was away," Teddy asked.
Danika nodded.
"I'm sorry," Teddy said.
Danika began sobbing.
"Do you want a hug," Teddy asked.
Danika nodded.
"Come here," Teddy said, pulling Danika into a hug.
When Danika's sobs stopped Teddy said, "my best friend Owen is on his way down. He's going to help us with the move tomorrow. He would like to meet you because he's heard me talk about you for years."
"Is he your boyfriend," Danika asked.
"No," Teddy said, "I'm not dating right now. Not until we're settled. We have some things to do in the next few days. Tomorrow we're going to pack up the apartment, pick what you want and what we need. Sunday we've been invited to dinner at Owen's moms but you don't have to go. Monday after school were looking at two places to live. I know which one I prefer but I want you to see both without me telling you what I like."
"I thought you needed an apartment and I stayed at school," Danika said.
"No," Teddy said, "I've made one executive decision. You're not boarding full time. I'm working on a flexible arrangement. It could be school nights at school and weekends at home, I don't know yet. I need to see my work schedule and when I'm on for weekends and overnight calls where I have to be at the hospital. Everywhere does it differently so I won't know until I get started."
"Don't you just decide where we live," Danika said.
"I've narrowed it down to two," Teddy said, "I've seen about ten and have two that would work for us. I have my preference. But I'm not telling you until after we look."
"Apartment or actual house," Danika asked.
"One of each," Teddy said, "I've never lived in a house."
"We did until daddy died," Danika said, "we had a swing on the porch and he would read to me."
"The house has a porch," Teddy said, "and the apartment has a balcony. We can have an outside spot for you to read."
"Really," Danika asked, "It's okay if I read?"
"Of course," Teddy said, "dad always wanted me to read more."
"Mom didn't like it when I read," Danika said, "she wanted me to hang out with friends. But all my friends were at school."
"If you want to read then you read," Teddy said, "maybe you could be an author one day."
"I can't be a doctor," Danika said, "I suck at math and science."
"Its hard work," Teddy said, "why don't you splash water on your face and put some makeup on. We'll go walk there is a bookstore down the street, find something new for you to read."
"Really," Danika said.
"We're going to get a book, coffee and then meet Owen," Teddy said.
"Is he nice," Danika asked.
"He's nice," Teddy said, "he's my best friend and had my back in some scary situations. He's one of those people that will always come when his friends need him."
"What if he hates me," Danika asked.
"No one can hate you," Teddy said, "Owen knows what's happened. He will be patient with you."
"How do you know him," Danika asked.
"We met in Iraq," Teddy said, "him and I were both surgeons together. We ran the same team together. He's a good friend."
"Another surgeon," Danika said, "does he fix broken hearts?"
"He's a trauma surgeon," Teddy said, "big holes in people, stabbings, gun shots, wrapped your car around a telephone pole."
"Could he have saved mom," Danika asked.
"No," Teddy said, "I saw the tox screen. There was only one medication that could have saved her and it had to be given in a very short time frame. Dankia there was nothing I could have done or Owen. Sometimes it doesn't matter how good the doctor is there's nothing we can do. I hate it when there's nothing they can do."
"Like there was nothing to help daddy," Danika asked.
"He had lung cancer," Teddy said, "he smoked a lot when I was younger. Until I started my fellowship and called him everyday badgering him about it. But I was too late to get him to stop. Danika the tumors were huge, tennis ball size and larger. They did everything they could. I did as much as I could, research and finding trials but it was too late. I should have tried to stop him sooner but I didn't know how to force dad to stop smoking. We're going to do the same thing with your mom that we do with dad."
"What do we do," Danika asked.
"We focus on the happy memories," Teddy said.
"I dont want to today," Danika said.
"Then don't," Teddy said, "scream, cry, yell what ever you need to do."
"I want to run and never stop," Danika admitted.
"Then let's go for a walk," Teddy suggested, "see if moving helps."
"I didn't get to say goodbye," Danika said, "I wasn't there. We were there when daddy died. The graph thing made a beeping noise then buzzed and you turned it off. I was sitting in your lap and we sat there for hours and cried. My hair was wet."
"So was my shirt," Teddy said, "you were so little. But I don't like to think about that day. It still hurts. I pick another memory to focus on. I like the time dad brought you to New York to see me."
"Your roommate sang silly songs," Danika said, "and pointed out all the different birds. She made bird calls out the window.
"Allison did that," Teddy agreed, "she was fun."
"Do you still see her," Danika asked.
"No," Teddy said, "I don't know if you remember 9/11."
"It was on the news," Danika said, "we learned about it at school last year."
"I was living in New York then and working at Columbia Medical Center. Allison was in the second tower," Teddy said, "I miss her. But we have to live. We can't focus on who we lost. One day this will hurt a little less and it will get better slowly."
"How do I keep living," Danika asked.
"Day at a time," Teddy said, "we find something for you to focus on. Purpose."
"Dance classes," Danika asked.
"What makes you feel calm," Teddy asked.
"Dancing," Danika said, "everything else just stops and my mind clears."
"You dance then," Teddy said.
"What do you do," Danika asked.
"I work," Teddy said, "I work too much, 48, 72 hours without leaving the hospital. Back to back surgeries."
"I need to move," Danika said, "I stop thinking when I move."
"Do you need to move now," Teddy asked, "we have about 45 minutes."
"45 minutes before what," Danika asked.
"Before Owen gets here," Teddy replied, "I'd like you to be as calm as possible for your sake."
"Can we go for a walk," Danika asked.
"Shoes," Teddy directed, standing up off the bed.
Dankia got her shoes and followed Teddy out the door, they wandered through the park across the street. Teddy texted Owen that they were at the park and he made his way across the street.
"Teddy," Owen called from behind them.
Teddy turend, "Owen."
"Hi," Danika whispered.
"You must be Danika," Owen said, "I'm Owen. it's nice to meet you."
"Same," Danika mumbelled.
"I'm sorry about your mom," Owen said, "I lost my dad when I was a little younger than you."
"Thanks for coming down," Teddy said.
"I'll always come for you," Owen said, giving Teddy a hug, "how did today go?"
"Hard," Teddy said, "but we're strong."
"Always the strong one Altman," Owen said, "breathe. What are we doing for dinner?"
"Danika what do you feel like," Teddy asked.
"Not really hungry," Danika said.
"You need to eat," Teddy said, "treat food, we're not at school, no ballet teachers around. Favourite dinner you don't get at school."
"I'd go for burgers," Owen said.
"Mexican with lots of cheese," Danika said.
"Then let's find it," Teddy said.
"There was one by our apartment," Danika said.
"I'll drive you navigate," Owen said.
"Why don't I drive," Teddy replied, she knew Danika wasn't totally sold on new people and had a tough day. Teddy wanted to remain in control of the situation.
Sitting down in the restaurant Owen asked, "where do you go to school?"
"Parkridge Ballet," Danika said.
"Your a dancer," Owen commented.
"Yes," Danika said, "I want to dance with NYCB or ABT. I wanted to do the ABT summer program but I don't know now."
"I never got the forms," Teddy said, "I'd rather you be at Parkridge this summer and do an away program next year."
"I know," Danika said, "Mrs. LaChance told me I was doing the summer intensive at school."
"She agrees with me," Teddy said, "stay close to home this summer. You and I can do fun things when we're off."
"Boating," Owen suggested, "lets rent a boat for a day and go."
"I'm in," Teddy replied, "Dani?"
"I guess," Danika said.
"Why do you have a summer program if you dance all year," Owen asked.
"Because if we take two months off we go backwards," Danika explained, "I usually only get two weeks in the summer and two weeks at Christmas. I've always done both rounds of the summer program."
"We're doing one this year," Teddy said, "the first set. The four week one. You don't need the two week short course. I talked to your school and you need the down time to relax and rest."
"Whats that," Danika asked.
"A month of no dance," Teddy said, "one or two drop in classes a week only. We're going to do other things."
"What about when you work," Danika asked.
"I was thinking one week of summer camp," Teddy suggested.
"Like bunk beds in a cabin," Danika asked.
"Yes," Teddy said, "I loved it. I found one with good reviews only a couple hours from Seattle. You go for 7 nights, I drop off on Sunday and pick up Saturday. If you want to go. Hiking, crafts, songs, sports, water activities, games."
"Can I think about it," Danika asked.
"Just a thought," Teddy said, "I liked going. I do want to do a trip for your birthday. You and I something fun."
"Maybe," Danika agreed, "the last time I went on a trip was Sea World."
"You were seven," Teddy said, "and obsessed with the polar bears."
"White bears were cool," Danika said.
"Where would you want to go," Owen asked.
"I don't know," Danika said, "no one every asked me that."
"In this country," Teddy said, "I won't be able to take you across a border until I have full custody."
"What do we have to do for that," Danika asked.
"You be you and don't worry," Teddy said, "I need to start working and find somewhere for us to live."
"When do you start," Owen asked.
"Monday," Teddy replied, "you said there was a resident for me?"
"Christina Yang," Owen replied, "intense but talented. Roumor has it she's drivine off four cardio attendings."
"So I'm the answer to that who did she scare off," Teddy asked.
"Preston Burke, and Erica Hawn for sure," Owen replied.
"She's no match for me," Teddy said, "whats one resident compared to 50 soldiers."
"Yang is intense," Owen warned.
"I'll be fine," Teddy said, "she's a resident."
"What's a resident," Danika asked.
"A doctor who has finished medical school and is now training in a specialty," Teddy explained, "I did my residency in surgery and a fellowship, specialized training in cardiothoracic surgery before I started working at Columbia when you were 6. Then in the army I added my trauma fellowship but usually only do traumas to the chest."
"It sounds hard," Danika said.
"It's a lot of work," Owen said, "have you thought about what you want to do?"
"Dance," Danika replied.
"Other than dance," Teddy asked.
"Write," Danika replied.
Their meals arrived and the talking stopped. When they finished Danika sat beside Teddy staring out the window watching cars pass on the street only half listening to the conversation between Teddy and Owen. Teddy knew it wasn't the night to push Danika to talk. Today had been hard and tomorrow would be equally difficult.
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