"What?"

At first, he didn't catch on to what she was asking. His brain still felt a little foggy from having his sleep schedule all messed up. He had woken up with a start as if something was wrong, he then proceeded to check on his daughter to see if she was ok. Next, Rachel's room but to his surprise she was not there. He had found her on the couch, the intensity of the moonlight providing the only light in the room, illuminating her frown.

The name she had uttered didn't ring any bells for him, he searched his mind for the answer until it dawned on him. The text messages.

"You mean Linda Parker?" Her only answer was an almost imperceptible nod of the head, her face now in the shadow.

He felt like he needed to sit for this one. It was not a subject he was comfortable talking about but he felt like she deserved an answer.

"I started seeing a therapist." Her surprised face made him realize that this was the last thing she expected to come out of his mouth. "Many years ago, you, Monica and Phoebe said something to me that I was not ready to face yet and I didn't take it into consideration until now."

He saw her scrunched face as if she was trying to remember what they had said to him that made such an impact. "You guys told me that Carol leaving me had left some serious damage in me and how it affected my relationship with other women, you included.

I had looked the other way back then instead of taking a good look inside and that was a big mistake. It would have saved me from a lot of headaches, heartaches and a bunch of other aches along the way."

She shook her head, but chuckled.

"And it was not until three months ago that I realized that maybe I am in the situation I am now in because of my previous behaviour. Well, not maybe, I'm sure of that."

"What situation do you mean?"

"Divorced three times, almost in my forties and still single, and the fact that I fucked up the most important relationship of my life. So, it was time. It was just time."

"Ross, I-"

He didn't let her finish, he knew she was going to make an excuse for him, for how he behaved and he didn't want that. It was time to own up to it.

"No, Rach. It's ok, really."

He looked at her and she had a pensive look.

"What?"

"You still didn't answer my question."

Linda, right. It was weird calling her that.

"Doctor Parker's assistant is on vacation so she is doing her own scheduling. My appointments are every Tuesday and I forgot to call in to let her know I wouldn't be attending this week. Hence why she was calling and messaging."

"Huh."

"She helped me realize a lot of stuff, that's for sure."

"Like what?" She seemed curious to know, giving him her full attention. He loved that she always fully engaged in their conversations, like whatever they were talking about was super important – and this time it was – even if they were just discussing the weather.

"Like how me using the infamous "we were on a break" thing was just a mechanism to stop myself from feeling even more guilty than I already felt. Like, most of the time, it was just me trying to divert the situation out of shame."

She looked down, nervously playing with her fingers as if deciding if she should say something about it, like it was quite dangerous to dig so deep. And he got that, he really did. They never really discussed it like adults, there was always yelling and fingers being pointed but they never sat down to actually talk about it.

"I'm sorry by the way." He said in an attempt to make it easier for her. "For what I put you through, for not owning up to my mistakes."

"Thank you for that, Ross. I really needed it." She looked back up with teary eyes. "But you are not the only one to blame. There were two people in that relationship and we can both admit that we were not the most mature people back then, or even now for that matter."

It felt liberating to face the issues instead of running away from them. Things that have been haunting them for years were finally making their way into the light. If only they had done this years ago, they would have saved a lot of ups and downs along the way. Afterall, miscommunication was their main problem.

"I would also like to apologize for something. I think it's only fair."

"Go on", he said.

"When I wrote that 18 pages letter-"

"Front and back." He interrupted her and they both chuckled.

"Yes, front and back." She was once again serious. "I wrote it out of hurt, not only from your betrayal, but also out of anger because you had forced me to live without you when I still had very strong feelings for you."

"Wow, Rach. I don't know what to say other than that is my biggest mistake and regret. It was hard to admit to myself that I was able to hurt you like that when you were the person that I loved the most in the world. And I'll never forgive myself for that."

He didn't see it coming. The hug. One minute she was in front of him and the next she was in his arms, squeezing him and making him feel like he belonged there once again.

She moved her mouth to his cheek and planted a soft kiss. He wanted to kiss her more than anything but he knew it came with consequences. There was the tiny possibility that once he pressed his lips to hers, he wouldn't be able to stop.

His chest heaved up and down as he felt her breath near his mouth. He tried to talk himself out of doing anything other than getting up and leaving the room but the pull was still strong.

"Ross." Her voice just above a whisper as if trying to test the waters, almost like asking for his permission. But he realized he was too weak to do anything, he wanted her so goddamned badly, so he just waited.

Her tongue picked out and ran along her full bottom lip, wetting it. "This is your chance to stop me." Her face was still close to his, her hands enlaced around his neck. Dipping his face so their noses brushed, he was lost staring into those big baby blues of hers.

Leaning in, he cupped her cheek and planted his lips over hers, his body lighting up the moment they connected. He felt the need to hold on to something, going for the first thing he could grasp. When he felt her moan inside his mouth, he realized he had wrapped his hand in her hair.

Although it hadn't been that long since they last kissed, it always felt like the first time for him. They had been completely in sync from the get-go and it still remained the same to this day. He continued to savor the sweet taste of her lips, lost to whatever was happening outside of the four walls. Time seemed to stand still.

It wasn't until he felt Rachel dug her nails into his shoulders and hoist herself up so she could straddle him that reality hit back. He came up for air and stopped her. "Rach."

She blinked a few times, as if trying to snap out of her daze.

"I know you said we are never off the table, but, right now, I don't think I can handle it." He saw the disappointed look on her face. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok." She said, going back to her original place on the couch. "Look, I've been thinking and… uhm… maybe we should try again. Being a couple, I mean."

He mulled over her suggestion. There was nothing more that he wanted in his life right now but their situation was not ideal.

"Do you think that's even possible? With me living in New York and you here in Paris?"

She opened and closed her mouth a few times. "I mean, we could try."

"Rach, our only way of communicating would be over the phone. Do you think we would be able to handle it?" He said, trying to be rational.

"Well, then we could try something else. Maybe you could move here?" She was getting agitated.

"I have a son in New York, I can't just abandon him like this. I barely get to spend so much time with him as it is."

"Well at least I'm trying to think of solutions here."

"Listen, Rach. How about we wait until you go back."

"Go back? Ross, I can't right now I just got here. I'm under a contract for at least a year and I can't-" She hesitated to continue so he gave her a little push.

"You can't what, Rach?"

"I can't just pack up and leave. And I can't guarantee you exactly when I'm going back. My life is here now."

Well that certainly hurt. Rachel not coming back? The thought of never being in the same city again, of missing his child growth. It was more than he could handle. If he knew this was a temporary arrangement he would have said yes to anything in a heartbeat.

But it was not and they wouldn't be fair to each other.

"Well, then I don't think there's much we can do, other than accept that we were the right people at the wrong time."

She looked like she wanted to argue about it as if there was a solution somewhere in the back of their minds.

"Do you see yourself dating someone that you can only see sporadically? Or do you see yourself traveling back and forth without it affecting your work or mine for that matter?"

"It's just not fair."

"It would be too hard, Rach. "

She blew out a deep breath while shaking her head. "I really thought we were on to something, you know."

"I do. I wish we could change the outcome, I really do." He said, brushing a lock of hair from her face. "But I want you to know that I'll never stop loving you, never did and never will. You're still my Rachel."

Giving him the softest smile he's seen in a while, she soon hugged him, telling him without words how hard it was for her as well.

She then let him go, got up from the couch and when he thought she was about to call it a night, she proceeded to turn back and reach her hand out to him. There was no use for words, the look in her eyes was all he needed to understand the invitation.

The sparkle was still there as he touched her hand. It was also there when they reached her bedroom and stood in front of the other. It was definitely there while the clothes were discarded on the floor.

There was an explosion of sparkles when he finally joined her. He thought he would never get to feel her like this again or at least so soon after their last love making, before she left New York. He wanted to be with her like this everyday, but he would settle for this one moment, this one moment that was everything to him.

For the next few days, their routine was pretty much the same. He would spend his days with Emma, sightseeing, visiting museums and just bonding. Although he loved the city, he loved even more that he was spending his days with his daughter once again. He wanted to cherish every minute he had with her.

Every day, late in the afternoon, Rachel would join them so she could also spend some time with father and daughter. He could sense the longing in her eyes and he was sure she could sense it in him as well.

That first night was the only time they succumbed to their desires, but every night since then he would fight his instincts telling him to go to her, just one more time. It was for the best though that he didn't, it would be too hard to let go.


Hey, everyone! Sorry this took me so long, not only life got in the way but also my mind was in a completely different fandom since Sex Education dropped the new season. But hopefully I can go back to focusing on these two. I'm not happy with this chapter, but it was taking me so long that I decided to stop changing it. Hopefully you enjoy it.

Thank you Tina Chaves1 for the shout out. If you haven't checked her latest story, well, what are you waiting for.

If you want to reach out, I'm on twitter: comentafriska