8th December 2122
For the first time ever, Bella leaned down, her teeth grazing against warm human flesh. She tore at the skin, ripping it open. The human fell limp in her arms, eyes drooping closed. Bella paid this no attention. She didn't see Aro watching from the doors with a satisfied smirk on his face. She didn't notice Felix creep up to join him, a mixture of guilt, regret and shock painting his expression. In her frenzy, all Bella was aware of was the warm, fresh blood slipping down her throat.
She threw the lifeless body of the first human down, immediately seeking out the second, who remained frozen in the corner, eyes wide, breathing shallow. Bella no longer saw the fear on their face, only the blood that flowed beneath the thin flesh.
The second human was drained. Bella stepped backwards, taking a deep breath and realising with disappointment that there were no more to feed from. She swallowed, relishing in the taste of the rich blood, so unlike the animal blood she had grown accustomed to. So different, but so much better.
"Bella?"
She blinked, shaking her head slightly to clear the haze of her foggy mind. Spinning on her heels, she looked towards Aro, who had carefully masked his smug expression.
"There's no more," he said. "You'll have to wait another two weeks. But I'm sure if the thirst becomes too much, Felix wouldn't mind snagging a few unmemorable humans for you." Beside him, Felix nodded hesitantly, though his brow creased and his lips pulled downwards in a frown.
Taking a shaky breath, Bella stepped away from the two people she had drained, moving towards Aro and Felix as her thoughts processed properly again. The humans had satiated her, the bloodlust lessened enough for her to think clearly again.
"You should head back up to your room," Aro said, quietly.
Her head snapped towards him. "I'll go with you," Felix said, reaching out to take her arm and gently lead her through the corridors."
Bella still hadn't spoken by the time they reached her room, though Felix noticed her expression darkening throughout the walk. He pushed open her door, nudging her to go inside, and began to pull the door shut again, but paused abruptly. His mouth opened, ready to say the words that had been circling his mind for the past ten minutes.
"I'm sorry."
"Why did you do that?"
Aro halted, slowly turning around. His cloak flapped around him, and he looked Felix up and down, eyeing him with dubiously.
"Whatever do you mean, Felix?"
Felix shook his head, a frustrated smile on his face. Aro knew exactly what he meant. "Why did you do that to her? Trick her? Why not give her animals? Now she'll only hate you more. If she despised being here before, that hatred with have only intensified."
"You don't know her like I do," Aro replied. "Bella is a people-pleaser. She's always so cautious and anxious about upsetting other people. And don't you think Carlisle would be upset to hear the news of her… how should I put it? Slip?"
Felix raised an eyebrow. "Carlisle would never hold it against her. None of the coven would."
"But she doesn't believe that, does she? Just think how disappointed they would all be to know she drank from a human."
"And this fits with your great scheme how?"
"The Cullens take pride in their ability to refrain from their natural instincts. They hold their control over bloodlust in high regard. If Bella believes they would be disappointed at her slip, imagine the shame and embarrassment she'd feel. Do you think she'd want to see her coven again, be able to face them knowing what she's done?"
Tilting his head, Felix responded. "In the news that time when they were hiding, Jasper slipped up. He fed from a human. Bella would've seen what happened then. Everyone would be supportive. They never turned away from him."
"But this is different, in so many ways." Aro sighed. "Trust me Felix. We'll have her completely under our control, when she's too ashamed to run back to the Cullens. She won't attempt to escape. She'll do our bidding and she won't fight it."
He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals.
Bella rolled over onto her stomach, face buried in a pillow, hand clamped over her ears, though she knew it would do nothing against the screaming thoughts that raged in her mind.
I don't want to be a monster.
The memories. They were almost worse than her own thoughts. They were the constant reminders of what she'd done, and how she had let her family down.
Only hunted animals.
There it was. The unspoken rule. In the Cullen family, you only hunted animals. But Bella hadn't stuck to that, had she?
She knew from the moment she dared allow herself that first, small intake of breath, that it had been a mistake. A millisecond after the scent hit her, it was too late. The frenzy began and couldn't be stopped. Looking back, she couldn't be sure what had driven her to do it. Thirst? A weakened resolve? Felix's words about it being a vampire's nature?
Was it because she wanted the blood, despite knowing she would be killing a person with family and friends, dreams and hopes?
And if she hadn't wanted it then, did she still want it now?
Could she ever go back to drinking animal blood after this sweet luxury of human blood? The blood they were supposed to drink. Would she have the strength to deny herself this?
Bella wasn't sure.
Topaz eyes. Amber. Yellow.
Slowly, reluctantly, Bella dragged herself off the bed and to the large mirror above the dressing table. She kept her eyes focused on the floor, the table, anywhere but straight ahead, working up the courage to do this, Finally, she brought her head up, looking directly at the reflection of her bright red eyes, the glaring evidence of her slip up.
A part of her was mesmerised by the piercing red colour, reminding her of the warmth she felt drinking the blood. The other part of her was disgusted. This wasn't who she was. No matter what Felix had told her, Bella wasn't a murderer.
A monster.
Was that what she was now? A monster?
She shook her head. Surely not.
We've all made mistakes.
That was true. Edward had told her stories of him during his rebellious years. Stories of him murdering people, drinking their blood, ending human lives. Emmett too had mentioned a slip up here and there. And then there was Jasper. Jasper who had killed so many, vampires and humans alike. Jasper who fed on humans for so long before he met Alice.
Jasper…
Bella recalled when he had slipped up during their time in hiding. Had it changed her view of him? Of course not. Did she think any less of him? Never. He hadn't been able to control his bloodlust then, just like she hadn't been able to now. And was there really much difference between their situations?
There was, of course.
Back then, they had all been surprised by the sudden arrival of the humans. But now? Bella knew Aro would most likely lie about having the deer there for her. What else could she expect? Even then, knowing he was lying, she had risked that one breath that took over her. This incident was her own fault.
This was something Bella had denied for so long. But it had always been there, and she could no longer push it down, stuff it away in the back of her mind and try her hardest to forget about it. Some part of her, certainly much bigger than she had first thought, craved human blood, despite the consequences, and despite the fact that she was taking an innocent person's life.
Vampires were programmed to feel that way. Maybe the Cullens did too. But did they all give into their cravings?
No.
Just Bella.
Felix paced the corridors, his thoughts going haywire. He wasn't the least bit surprised by Aro's actions, but he hated them, nonetheless. Pausing outside Bella's room, he listened. He could hear Bella's frustrated sigh, followed by a barely audible sob. For a few moments, he closed his eyes, the image of Bella's ravenous expression at the forefront of his mind.
When he opened them again, he placed a hand on the doorhandle, the other hand rapping on the door, much sharper than he had intended. He immediately cursed himself.
"Come in."
Taking a deep breath, Felix turned the handle and stepped inside, gently shutting the door behind him. He hovered by the wall, watching as Bella moved from the dressing table to the bed, collapsing onto it and leaning back against the headboard.
"Bella?" he asked, softly.
"What do you want?"
He opened his mouth but no reply came out. What did he want?
"I just… wanted to see how you were doing."
"What do you think?"
He blinked, then sighed. Tentatively, he took a few steps towards Bella, stopping a metre away from the bed. Bella glanced up at him, covering her surprise at the regret written all over his face.
I'm sorry.
She couldn't understand it. Why would Felix be sorry? Surely he had known what Aro would do. Even if he didn't, he had no reason to be sorry. All her encounters with the Volturi had proven to her that they were a group of cold, heartless beings. No, Felix wouldn't be sorry.
"I'm sorry."
There it was again, those two words that made no sense to her coming from him.
"Why?"
Felix cast his eyes down towards the floor. "For what happened. I didn't realise Aro would do that. But he must have been planning it, since he specially left two humans there. For you."
"You didn't know?"
"No. I can't say I'm surprised, though I wish I was." He let out a breath. "It was all a big trick from the beginning. If I'd known… I would have done everything I could to ensure Aro couldn't go through with his plan. I'm sorry."
Pulling her legs up, Bella curled into herself, chin resting on her knees. "Why did this all have to happen?"
Felix felt the guilt dig a little deeper. He moved towards the devastated vampire, shyly sitting on the edge of the bed, next to Bella.
"I know. You didn't deserve this. Aro can be extremely callous in his methods."
She shook her head. "I don't mean that. I mean everything. All of this. From the beginning, the day that stupid girl wormed her way into our lives and proceeded to tear us apart. She played on Edward's weaknesses, and Carlisle's, and when we'd got rid of her, we thought this was finally over. That it could all be put behind us. But then there was that horrible police officer, and more chaos, more trouble." She took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Now this has happened and I- I'm just so sick of it."
Heart breaking slightly, Felix shifted closer to Bella, placing one hand on her back and rubbing comforting circles. But her words played out in his head, over and over.
She played on Edward's weaknesses, and Carlisle's.
Playing on weaknesses. Wasn't that what Aro was doing now? Everything about Bella's situation was incredibly unfortunate, but also incredibly coincidental. Was it possible it was all part of some bigger scheme?
Before, Felix would have shrugged it off and continued blindly following Aro. But this was Bella, and there was something different about her. Something that gave cause for his admiration, but brought out his protective instincts just the same. Did she have this same effect on everyone? He shook that thought out of his head.
Aro wanted to break her. He wanted to play on her insecurities and weaknesses. While Felix had noticed a change in her from when they had met, all those years ago before all the chaos, he could sense that a small part of her remained unchanged. She still had those same insecurities and weaknesses, and these events were only going to draw them out again.
"I know," he said. "But Bella, you can't give up."
He wasn't sure what it was about her, but Felix knew he couldn't allow Aro to get away with this.
"It's unfortunate luck, and it's horrible what you've been through. But you have to keep going. Don't doubt yourself either. I know what you're thinking about all this. It's not true. Don't let this one incident define who you are."
Bella angled her head towards him. "How, though? How can I move past this?"
"I- I don't know. But Bella, this doesn't make you any less of who you are. You're still that same person, except now you've made a mistake. A mistake, might I remind you, so many people make. You can't let it bring you down. I don't think any less of you, and none of your coven will either."
An hour later, Bella had rolled onto her side, facing the wall, and Felix had moved to the armchair on the other side on the room. His lightly drummed his fingers against his leg, arguing with himself, and contemplating what course of action to take.
He wanted to tell Bella what Aro had told him. He needed to tell her. Never before had he questioned Aro's methods, but this was far worse than anything he'd done before. Of maybe Felix just never cared about anyone like he cared for Bella now. Either way, he couldn't just stand by and watch Aro play with her mind and her emotions.
Yes, she needed to know. But could he really risk someone else overhearing and reporting back to Aro? What if he'd been lying about his plan, for some odd reason? Perhaps to test Felix's loyalty. Perhaps to throw him of his trail. Was he just being paranoid? Felix didn't know. He frowned.
He wouldn't tell her. First, he needed Aro to believe he was still on his side. He had to gain more information.
Bella didn't need to find out. Not just yet. But soon.
