Jornal entry-

Okay, so let me start this off properly,

I'm locked in a room people come and go with medication's and Dr's, Yet I never leave this room, with just a bed and a TV to occupy me.I can hear the cries of other people as well as the hushed whispering of them talking to themselves; the smell of urine is over whelming, my family put me in a private phsyctric faculty.

They have finally trusted me with crayon and paper. After at least a week of begging for something to do, they must've feared for my sanity what was left of it at least, with me being stuck here all day with nothing to do. No pencils, no pens. They're too sharp, I could try to harm myself with them, I guess that make's since with me being on suicide watch, it was only a few weeks ago I did try and came close to succeeding in taking my own life, so now I have a pink crayon.

Only a few weeks, I've been in pain since then, I couldn't tell you what hurt worse, my stomach from the pumping or the miscarriage, the bruises on my chest and rib area from them trying to resesatate me in the ambulance, my throat from the tubes, my wrist with the stitches in it that was now also itching or my head from the lack of sleep I have had.

I couldn't help but think of him, what was he thinking? Did he know I was here? Would he try to see me? Or just move on, I blew out a breath, only time would tell, he was my safe place, my haven, they say you have to lay it all out there in order to start healing. I hope they're right because if I do this, and I lose so much more than my sanity... if I lost him, if I lose my love... then what is the point?

I'm still shaking; I can barely make out what I've written. I'm still in pain. I've kept no food down So the doctor has now put some sort of drip in me.

So this is my story No, It's not a good story. It's not even a sad one. It's just mine. I'm writing it so I can find closure. I'll never be whole, but I'm hoping reading my own words will remind me of what I had to go through and to keep fighting, to stay strong and win. One way or another I was going to get better and I was going to leave and when I did that, I will never look back again.

I sat outside with my good friend Lilly smoking "so you just give in like that?" she asked, I sighed "daddy has a ton of money, he would've fought any judge's ruling, lil this is the only chance I have to be free, of him, of my family, of all of it" I told her, she nodded her dirty blonde hair falling over her eyes and she took a drag from her cigarette.

"I'm gonna miss you" I smiled hugging her, she leaned up and kissed me, Lilly and I would have random hook ups, both being victims of sex crimes, we both didn't trust men, but we trust each other, now where Lilly knew she was full on lesbian or at least she claimed to be, I felt it would be different on the outside world, I wasn't so sure, I wasn't into other girls, and it wasn't a female male thing with Lilly it was a trust thing, I trusted her, I think that's what it was for me, I had to trust you, and I don't trust most people.

I put my cigarette out and slowly stood up winking at her "I'm going to go finish packing, I leave tomorrow in the morning" I hinted to her as I walked past, she flashed the cutest dimple smirk as she stood up.

Lilly was a beautiful women, she was only twenty two, she stood at five foot five, had dirty dish blonde hair that curled, and these eyes I couldn't call if they were blue or gray, but they were beautiful.

She had been raised by a prostitute mother, her nightmare started at a very young age her moms pimps and clients would touch her as far back as she could remember, she had an older cousin she talks fondly of, he tried to take care of her but seeing as he was only sixteen the state deemed him unfit and Lilly's been in the states care since, her nightmare countied after she was taken from her crack whore mother, she was assaulted by three men and their sons in several different foster homes, her last one she snapped, she took a switchblade and stabbed it in the man's penis twisting the blade in.

she said she didn't regret it, she wished she cut his dick off but was satisfied with the fact that he would never have a sex life again and had to piss in a bag, the state put her in here where she was deemed to stay until she's twenty five and her time is served.

I walked into my room, most people would be happy to leave here for me it was bitter sweet, I wanted to leave but I didn't want to go back to that world, to him, I knew I would fall right back into I'm if given the chance, I would dream of him, of us, what we could have had, as strong as I try to be, I knew I wasn't, I missed him, my heart ached for him still after all of this time.

I knew he had gotten married, but was recently divorced and that they had a child together, but that was it, Lilly stayed with me the night I found out he was getting married, my heart broke, I couldn't tell you how many nights we laid in a bed and talked of our future and him marrying me, taking me far away from my family, building a family, a home, a life together.

And he did all of that, without me and that gutted me.

"here" I heard from behind me, I turned around to see Lilly standing there holding something "hurry" she said as I took it, I frowned it was a butterfly knife, a pink one it was old from the obvious wear "my cousin gave it to me, I want you to have it, it opens quick and its fucking sharp" she said as my eyes widened "he comes near you, you promise me you'll stick this so far up his dick he won't be able to piss" she spoke of my farther business partner, whom he still did business with.

"Lilly how the fuck did you get this in here?" I asked her, she shook her head "don't worry about that, just promise me Emily, you have come so far and have a chance to have a life, don't let him victimize you again, don't let your family allow it again" she said sternly, I just nodded "I promise Lilly he won't touch me again" I said sternly and strong, I wasn't the same little weak girl, I would fight him with everything in me.

Lilly nodded tossing it in my box "good now that that's out of the way" she cupped my face kissing me, I giggled in the kiss as I fell on my back on my bed her climbing on top of me.

I giggled as we wrapped ourselves around each other, Lilly's hand gripping the back of my hair of my tightly, Lilly was always dominant and to me it was hot, as odd as this sounds it reminded me of him and how domain he would be. We quickly UN dressed each other, not worrying about the night staff; they were passed out in the break room.

Lilly trailed light pecks across my jaw line down onto my neck. Enjoying the soft moans she got out of me, Lilly always loved to push me to the brink, her hand massaged my breast as she slowly continued kissing down my neck, until she reached my breasts, I moaned arching my back up as she took my breast into her mouth her tongue circling around my nipped earning a whimper out of me as I arched my back up enjoying this sweet pleasure I was revving..

Lilly slid her hand from my breast, and moved it down my toned torso as she slipped two fingers between my legs as she massaged with gentle care, I moaned as she countied to do this until she placed kisses on my breasts and down my torso until she hit my pelvic bone as I grinded into her hand. Lilly laid pleasant pecks between my thighs before dipping her tongue onto my slick folds making me arch my lower back moaning out "mm shit Lilly." I moaned,

Lilly reached up and grabbed a hold of my ass as I gripped her hair rotating my hips as I gripped her hair and at times pulled it.i bit my lip trying to control the orgasm that was on the verge of exploding, Lilly stopped and climbed up placing a rough kiss on my lips "Tonight is not about me, tonight is about you." she spoke before going back to what she was doing, I moaned biting my lip as I gripped her hair tightly. "Oh fuck, mm Jesus Lilly." I moaned panting hard as my climax rocked through my body Lilly's tongue moving fast to lather up my juices, she moaned coming up laying next to me, my eyes heavy as I was completely spent, she smiled leaning up kissing me "Goodnight Em." she whispered softly as I turned on my side feeling my blanket cover us up as we both passed out from our intense moment.

The following Monday-

I felt sick, I felt nervous, and I felt annoyed if my sister wouldn't shut up! I sighed rubbing my temples as herself, her husband Paul aka triple h, my farther and myself drove to the arena.

"Ah god couldn't you wear something" Stephanie looked me up and down "nice" I rolled my eyes. I had on a pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt with my black converse and my hair put up, this was who I was and I didn't care if they liked it or not.

"Stephanie enough." Vince snapped at her, Stephanie crossed her arms pouting, making me chuckle, oh daddy's girl got in trouble, and I rolled my eyes.

"Well god cant she wear long sleeves no one wants to see that" she pointed to the giant scar on my arm, I rolled my eyes "well no one wants to see you face so how can we work that out?" I snapped back, Paul turned his face to hide his laughter.

"That's enough! Both of you knock it off!"Vince looked between the two of us, Stephanie scowling at me as I smirked shrugging.

"Can everyone just shut up, I have a headache" I mumbled rubbing my temple; Paul smirked at me nodding as if he agreed. We finally made it to the arena, my farther and I separating from Stephanie and Paul which was to Stephanie very vocal pleasure.

My farther adjusted his tie "you been at Harvard medical." he told me, I rolled my eyes "cause you know god forbid you tell the truth." I mumbled.

"Emily just stop ok, look you don't like this arrangement, but you have no other options, so suck it up and deal with it." he lectured, oh I had options, I always have options just not options I don't want to chose.

"Chris this is Emily, my daughter I told you about, she just finished med school and is starting her internship this year with us" my farther introduced me to the wwe dr, he smiled holding his hand out, I timidly took it, it was hard for me to encounter new men "nice to meet you Emily, it's going to be a pleasure working with you" I smiled "thank you, I can't wait to start" I told him politely, back in the world of fakeness, truth was I couldn't wait to be out of here.

My farther smiled "well then if you're all settled here, I have some business to attend to, and I will meet you here at the end of the show" he informed me walking off.

Chris started showing me the charts and how they do things which wrestlers needed clearing, which ones we where watching, what matches on the card tonight we needed to keep an eye on "And this one we keep always keep an eye on, due to some of his previous issue's." he said handing me a file.

It was him, my stomach dropped as I shakily opened it reading his file, I already knew most of this information but I read it as if I didn't know.

I nodded handing it back "well there's not much to do tonight, if you want to just relax and watch the show, easy first night." Chris said going to his laptop and typing some stuff up, I just nodded sitting back. I was bored, I didn't want to do this, and I didn't want to be in sport medicine.

"So are you interested in sports medicine?" he asked, I instantly shook my head no "nope, I want to be in the er." I shrugged, making Chris laugh "gotta love the family business." he joked making me laugh, yea that's why I was here, I guess if I told myself that enough I could make myself believe it.

After an hour I decided i was hungry and would venture out to get something to eat, though I didn't want to be seen by the people who did know me from growing up, to go with my father's fake story I been away at med school. But my stomach rumbling made me lose that battle.

I found catering and quickly got a turkey melt and some grapes with a water bottle going to head back to Chris's office, I rounded the corner I ran into what felt like a wall making me fall on my ass, I moaned "Ow.", I looked up and the sight made my stomach drop, there he stood he held his hand out to help me up, I stared at it for a moment "I won't bite." he winked, I sighed taking his hand as he helped me up, I wasn't prepared for this on my first night "I I uh" I stuttered unsure of what to say to him.

"Its no problem Emily, accidents happen." he said staring at me his eyes running over my entire body as we stood quietly staring at each other, I gulped, I quickly took off leaving my UN ate food.

"Hey did you find, you ok?" Chris asked as I sat down, trying to calm myself I dug throw my bag and just nodded "I'm going to go smoke" I told him quickly and walked out of the room quickly.

How was I going to do this!?, god when I touched his hand the pool to him I felt, I shook my head, no you are not going there!

I put the cigarette into my mouth trying to light it, apparently my trusty bic lighter wasn't being so trusty right now "come on" I gripped the cigarette between my teeth shaking the light out, after a moment I seen a flame in front of me, I leaned forward lighting my cigarette with it sucking in, I nodded "thanks" I said blowing out the smoke, I looked up seeing the person lighting his own, he nodded, I felt like I was hit in the stomach, god damn he was hot, he had dirty blonde hair that was a wavy mess on top of his head, he wore a black zip up hoody and had on black jeans, he turned to look at me and had the most amazing blue gray eyes similar to Lilly's, I never seen anyone else with those colored eyes before, they instantly comforted me without having to say a word.

"no problem sunshine" he said making me roll my eyes, he held out his hand "I'm Jon" I stared at his hand, I didn't trust men, hell how could I after everything I been through, but something about him, I felt safe, I shook my head of that thought don't even know him! What the fuck, maybe I wasn't ready for the real world yet if I'm trusting stranger right always, "Emily" I shook his hand.

"So are you a new diva?" he asked me taking a drag, I laughed shaking my head "no I'm working with Chris" I told him flicking mine, he nodded.

"Too bad you're not a diva" I raised my eyebrow "oh yea and why is that?" I asked

"Cause id make them have you work with me darlin" he winked at me; I started laughing "oh is that really what you're going with? Your first impression and your going with that" I asked him taking my last drag and flicking my cigarette.

"Hey I'm a man that speaks the truth" he shrugged making me laugh.

"Well um thanks for the light" I told him and started to head inside.

"Anytime pretty lady" Jon called out, I stopped and shook my head and headed inside, I felt instantly better as I headed back towards the medic room as the show was starting.

"Sorry Chris" I told him, he nodded and pointed to something, it was a turkey melt, French fries and a coke, I smiled "thank you" I told him.

"I seen the mess around the corner" he told me softly, I sat down in front of the monitor with him taking a bite not realizing how hungry I was until now.

"I uh" he cleared his throat "I don't know what's going on with you, I know that was a panic attack earlier, I just want you to know, I'm not like most people here, you can trust me" he told me looking over at me, I nodded looking down.

"I'm sorry I just don't trust anyone" I told him softly and looked up he nodded "well you'll see you can trust me, hey I got you your uniform you can start wearing next week" he told me handing me a set of black scrubs, I nodded "thank you" I was happy to start this part of my new life, the rest scared the hell out of me.

I looked up in time to see the same blonde haired blue eyed man from earlier enter the ring with two other men dressed in complete black, I sat back slowing eating my dinner as I watched him, I gather his ring name was dean Ambrose, he was in a stable called the shield, they seemed pretty fierce.

I hissed watching him get hit hard and not get up, Chris frowned and started talking into a mic "Ambrose he good? Does he need medic? Of course he is, ok tell him I want him in here as soon as his done" he turned to look at me "so much for an easy night, this guy's the hardest one I've worked with, just uh sit back for this one, until your more adapted here" he told me, I nodded but couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of getting to see him, I shook my head, don't even go there.

I heard commutation "ah this is bullshit!" his voice yelled out as he slammed into the room, I felt myself flinch a little and closed my eyes remembering my breathing steps.

"Dude I'm fine I got up, I'm walking functioning" I heard his voice snap.

"I know that Jon but you hit your hard pretty hard you didn't get up immediately it's my Job Jon to make your ok, sit" Chris said sternly, I hears a huff and opened my eyes I seen Jon sitting there, tapping his fingers impatiently.

"Emily had me my clip board" Chris said not taking his focus off of Jon, I just nodded turning to grab it.

Jon seen me as I walked timidly over to the two "hey pretty lady" he smiled wide mood completely changed "Jon" I nodded handing the clip board to Chris.

"I see you two know each other" he mumbled writing some stuff down, Jon smiled at me such a cute little grin that showed off his dimples.

"Ah we met earlier" Jon said looking to Chris now looking irritated and bored "So we uh done here" he snapped, Chris nodded "your good to go, Jon you should really take you health more seriously" Chris lectured him, he nodded rolling his eyes.

"Yea yea I know" he slid down and patted Chris's cheek, he smirked over to me "see you pretty lady" and with that he walked out to the hall where his two team mates stood waiting.

"I mean it Jon!" Chris called out, Jon just waved him off, as I stood watching him, his friend with black and some blonde hair stood staring at me. Jon looked over at me and smiled nodding before turning back to his friend who smirked nodding.

"He's definitely one not to trust." Chris spoke up next to me

I couldn't take my eyes off him. I was too enthralled.

"Why," I breathed, not taking my eyes off this man who held me captivated like no one since him had.

"He's bad news all he cares about is getting laid by any women who will have him." Chris said bluntly

That news should have made me turn from him. But it didn't. It was like it wouldn't register to my brain that this man was no good for me, would finish breaking me and was after one thing.

Jon took that moment to look up our eyes connecting; her gave that same sexy dimpled smirk and winked before walking off with his buddies. I nodded, unsure as to how to answer; unsure how to take Chris's concern for my well being, But, I knew something told me that I couldn't stay away from a man that could entangle me with just one look

A/N For those reading punk drunk love and Here comes the pain, I havnt left those stories, my laptop I was writing them on the screen got broke, so now im using my old laptop that had this story I had forgotten on and the light bulb lit and I couldn't stop writing, im working on my other two stories trying to remember what I had written so bare with me on those and enjoy this one, please read and review, who do you think he is? Hope you all enjoyed, also I think im going to open each chapter with a jornal entry of Em's in the physch ward….let me know thanks!