Chapter three-
Journal entry-
I remember it like it was yesterday Vince had thrown a huge pool party some business deal had gone right for him and the company and we where celebrating.
Stephanie huddled in the corner with her goonie of friends refusing to get in the pool, it could mess up their precious hair.
Shane and his buddies where horse playing in the pool, our mom yelling at them to stop it before someone got hurt as Vince stood proudly at the grill laughing and smiling with his business partners as they all spook, I had just gotten out of the pool with my best friend Claire as we laid on the lounge chairs drying off.
"Emily come here." my dad called me over to him, I wrapped the towel around me walking over to him "yea daddy." I smiled at my farther "George here needs to run to the store, his not familiar with the area, can you show him?" he asked of me, I requnized goerge from being at the house before doing business with Vince, I smiled nodding my head "yes of course, just let me get dressed." I smiled at goerge, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the way his eyes seemed to linger to long on me, I cleared my throat before heading upstairs to change.
That was the day all my innocence and happiness flew out the window
The day I turned nine all of that flew out of the window, I woke up a young fourteen year old naive teenager who had ever had a small peck on the cheek from a boy in school and ended that day with more then I bargained for, and I never understood why.
We had driven to the store, he kept trying to talk to me, I thought it was too much, but figured it was the typical adults trying to be cool and get to know me type of thing, I noticed he took a wrong turn on the way back to my house, I frowned "This is the wrong way." I told him
"No just the long day, its such a nice day out for a drive."He smiled over at me, I just nodded though I knew better, I knew you couldn't get to my house from this direction.
"you're quite a looker." he commented, I looked down nodding "Thank you." I whispered uncomfortable and just wanting to get home, I felt the car come to a stop and looked up, I frowned seeing we where parked down a dirt road "What are we?" I was cut off as he hand moved up my thigh, I yanked my thigh away from him glaring "don't touch me." I spat.
This was wrong, he was wrong, I may not have understood anything else, but I understood that.
He chuckled leaning in "Oh come on I know how you rich girls are, the older men with the money, to keep up the life style daddy provides." He leaned over running his finger down my exposed color bone making me flinch away "Dont touch me." I spat glaring, making him chuckle "Awe come on sweetheart do you know-" his fingers trailed down my leg "how much money, I make your farther." he squeezed my thigh as I closed my eyes tightly I kept thinking of my dad more and more. I kept thinking of my brother, what would Shane do if he found this out? Surely my dad didn't know about this, I knew we fought a lot but he couldn't of known.
I heard his belt buckle and prayed, this couldn't be how I lost my virginity, I shook my head as tears escaped my eyes no matter how much I tried to fight to control them "please, I wont say anything please just take me home and this never happened." I begged as he exposed himself to me.
"Oh I know you wont say anything, not like your farther will believe you over me, his trust business partner who makes him a ton of money over his wild rebellious teen daughter who constantly fights with him, yea his told me, so your going to lay back and you wont say a word." I frowned feeling helpless at this point, I was horrified, In the end I had no choice but to lay back while this dirty man looked at my exposed body.
"If you breathe a word about this, I'll kill you," the man growled. I had a feeling my fate had been sealed. He didn't touch me just stared at me body while he touched himself.
This became the worst day of my life, He invaded my very soul, filled it with his stench. I couldn't breathe, I felt nauseous I didn't understand what had happened to me.
This is how my story started. On this night, my life became more than a nightmare, it became hell.
I sighed rubbing my temple listening to Stephanie go on and on, on the way back to the hotel, I sighed sitting back "how long until I can drive myself?" I asked, Stephanie rolled her eyes.
"not until you get a license and dad has to approve it" she smirked enjoying this control our farther had over me, I frowned sitting back "steph" Paul said softly.
"no Paul she knows the rules, she needs to stop trying to break them" she snapped "rules? I'm not a child Stephanie and im not breaking any rules by what wanting freedom?" I asked
"and you'd have freedom if you didn't whore yourself around and kill off unborn babies" she glared at me, I bit my lip and nodded as tears burnt my eyes, she thought I made myself have a miscarriage, she didn't know the fight I had with him to keep that baby, and how the miscarriage was my breaking point, "Stephanie!" Paul said more sternly.
"what its the truth, I know it, she knows it and you know it and the sooner she takes responsibility the sooner we can all move past this situation she's put our family in." and with that she went back to her phone, the rest of the ride was silent as I tried to remember my steps and control the tears, I felt the car stop and was the first one out leaning against it I crossed my arms as Paul climbed out.
"hey kid she just" I held my hand up "please don't excuse her right now" my voice cracked, Paul nodded and patted my shoulder going to the trunk to get our luggage, I didn't know how Stephanie was lucky enough to land a guy like Paul he was always so nice.
I thanked Paul as we all walked into the hotel to check into our room's thank god my mother convinced my farther to let me have my own room, otherwise, I probably would've finished the job tonight, I know I know not funny, neither is my bitch of a sister. I took my luggage from my brother in law who looked torn, he knew his wife was wrong but what was he going to do, make things harder for himself? I doubt it.
"thanks" I mumbled as I took the new laptop case my farther bought so I could do my Skype sessions, and my brand new luggage, my mother took me out shopping Sunday before we left, bought me some new clothes, some of them more fancy she said just in case I go to a dinner or anything but other then that she let me pick up out whatever I wanted, that's the thing about my mom she always allowed me to be different and I always had, I used to use my bedroom walls as art canvas drawing the most mystical creatures, my mother loved it, farther hated it, him and stephane hated anything about me, and Shane well he was just one foot out the door waiting to take the other.
"Em you want to join us for dinner?" Paul asked making me look up I seen Stephanie roll her eyes "no thanks Paul, but thank you for asking" I told him politely. He nodded looking torn "you sure?" he asked, I smiled nodding "im sure im going to order some room service take a shower and bed its been" I glared at my sister "a long day" I told him and headed up to my room. I sighed setting my luggage down, day one down only three hundred sixty four to go.
I dug out a pair of baggy gray sweat pants that stopped just below my knee and a white t-shirt to sleep in and got in the shower, I stood under the water and closed my eyes tightly trying to control myself. I knew I was having an episode I knew I needed to call my counselor, I didn't want to, I wanted to be strong and deal with this on my own, his face, and he has a little girl, I felt sick, he had a life, he had a family, a home, and I have nothing, I can't even have children, I have spent a large chunk of my adult hood inside a mental institution, when I should have been going to a regular college, I was accepted to Harvard medical! And I ended up getting my degree through mail correspondence.
I should've been living it up, and I was in weekly individual and group counseling, I wiped the tears that fell down my cheek's, sadly, seeing him today, I was a ball of emotions, it brought a lot back to the surface I didn't even realize I still felt for him.
And Stephanie who was she to judge me? She doesn't even know, she has no clue what I went through, none of them do, no one could be bothered to pay attention, how do you not noticed your child's behavior changing, being high, how do you not smell the smell of alcohol on your fifth teen year old? Or did they just not care? I felt the tears on my face as I started washing my hair, before I knew it I punched the shower wall, I looked up and took a deep breath, turned the water off.
I wrapped a towel around myself and my hair and walked out to the bedroom area picking up the new cell phone farther got me, insisting I have one, I called my counselor "hi Marcy I'm sorry for calling so late" I tried to sound like I wasn't already in the middle of a break down "its just my sister said these horrible things today and I seen him, and I'm sorry" I sobbed, I wiped my eyes, I hated crying, it always made me feel weak to cry, like that fourteen year old little girl all over again.
"hey its OK, it what I'm here for, are you able to get on Skype?" she asked "uh in a minute I just got out of the shower" I told her. "OK I want you to get dressed and get on Skype with me in fifth teen minutes Emily, take an extra Zoloft right now" she told me, I nodded "OK" I whispered and hung up.
I walked over to the bag I had now named the torture kit, would I ever be off these meds? I really wanted that, I knew being here in this environment it would never happen.
I quickly got dressed and brushed my hair before setting the laptop up and starting the Skype, I smiled seeing Marcy's face, it was a relief to see her face on the laptop screen "I'm sorry I just" I shook my head as I wiped my eyes "This is to hard" I whispered bringing my knees to my chest and laying my head on them.
"No one said it was going to be an easy adjustment" she said softly, I shook my head wiping my eyes "yea society wasn't going to be easy, day to day normality wasn't going to be easy, but this? This is torture, I have a sister that daily reminds me of what I did, how my baby-"my eyes shot down and I took a deep breath "I seen him tonight, and all these emotions just came flooding back through me."
"We knew this would happen, what did you do when you see him?" she asked, I sighed "actually I ran into him and he helped me up, I didn't speak to him, I ran." I admitted shrugging "i don't know what to say to him, part of me knows I should hate him and stay far away from him, but then another part of me, Marcy I miss him so much." I whispered.
"And you'll never know which side is correct if you don't face it." I sighed
"Marcy there's too much to try to face here, him, my family, my sister and the daily reminder of what I did, and I could see my attacker at any given time, its inhuman Marcy!"
"you mean he still works for the company?" she asked, I nodded "oh honey why didn't you say so, I would've never." she frowned, I shrugged, it wasn't her fault
"Oh Marcy its not your fault, this was the simplest way to get my freedom, but now im wondering at what cost?" I asked her, she sighed "is there anyone that you could take in front of a judge that will take over as your conservator?" she asked, I shrugged "probably not, my farther has managed to alienate everyone from my life" I told her, she sighed "well mi going to look into something, you just keep staying strong, Emily you are one the strongest individuals I have encountered, you have goals and dreams, this is just a roadblock until you get there, you keep strong, remember I am always here, follow your programs and do your steps" she told me, I nodded breathing out.
"Yea thanks" I mumbled as we disconnected, I sat back and breathed before grabbing my room key cigarettes and phone, I slipped on a pair of flip flops and headed out to the downstairs bar I had spotted, once I was in the outdoors I lit a cigarette and walked in silence, I can do this right? If I knew what the prize was at the end of it all? My freedom, from here, from my family from it all.
I wish I had another option as Marcy spoke of but like I said my farther had alienated me from everyone who would help, to save the McMahon name, I didn't understand it, if I was such a burden an embarrassment, then why not just rid himself of me, its not like I would put up a fight, hell I didn't even want my trust fund, my part of the wwe I'd sign it all over just to be free of them.
I found myself sitting at the bar "Hi can I get jack clean please"
"I'm gonna need Id." the bartender said looking at me doubtful I was of legal age, I smirked nodding as I dug through my wallet "here" I said handing it to him he nodded handing it back and went to get my drink, I sighed sitting back, I closed my eyes hearing the glass be set down "thanks" I mumbled, as I pick the glass up taking a sip.
My phone started ringing, I frowned not knowing the number, but I only had a handful of peoples numbers in my phone any ways "hello"
"are you OK? Did he fucking touch you? You stick my knife up his dick?" I laughed hearing Lilly voice "oh my god how the hell did you get my number? And how the fuck are you calling me?" I asked her taking another drink.
"Jay is letting me use his phone and I might've broke into Marcy's office no biggie" I could literally see her shrugging "now off of me, you, are you OK?" she asked, I sighed.
"Lil you can get into so much trouble for this! And im fine, had a rough moment, no biggie" I told her
"Bullshit Em, your family's setting you up to fail and you know it" I felt a headache coming on I knew she was being my friend but I didn't need anymore today, I truly didn't think I could handle it "i know that and I wont allow them to lil" I told her.
"well hello pretty lady, fancy seeing you here" I heard from behind me making me turn my head, I felt my stomach tighten at the sight of the blonde headed smokey blue eyed man in front of me and for some reason, I felt safe, I felt protected and OK, I smiled at him "uh hold on lil, hello yourself" I told him as he took the sit next to me.
"Emily who is that?" I could hear Lilly "Um Lil I will talk to you later, don't worry about me, im fine" I said my eyes still on the man next to me.
"hope I didn't interrupt" he said as I hit end of my phone, I shook my head "uh no just a friend calling to check up on me" I told him shrugging as I took a drink.
Jon leaned forward sniffing "jack, my kind of girl" he winked at me "you just keep getting better and better" I laughed "you don't even know me for met to get better" he shrugged ordering his drink, jack with a Dr. Pepper, I scrunched my nose at the odd combination, something Lilly would probably drink.
"so what brings a beautiful women like you here by yourself?" he asked, I shrugged "i could ask the same of you" I resounded "ah yes but there's a problem with that, I'm not a beautiful women" he said making me laugh.
"well glad to get that out of the way" I told him making him laugh, I shrugged lighting my cigarette as it was a smoking environment, "needed a drink to help end a shitty day" I told him "now your turn" I told him blowing the smoke out "me and the boys needed a drink and a game of pool" he told me nodding behind me, where I seen his two friends from earlier.
I nodded "well don't let me keep you" I told him taking another drink "fuck you drink that like its water" I shrugged not sure if that was something to be proud of, but what did he know right? "you wanna join us?" he asked.
"oh no, thank you but no, im gonna finish this and head back to bed" I said, Jon leaned in "awe come on pretty lady, hang out with me tonight" I could smell him and it was, he placed his hand on my inner thigh, I didn't flinch, I just felt heat run through my body and before I knew it, I was nodding, I cleared my throat "fine for a little bit" I told him, he nodded keeping his hand on my thigh as he ordered his drink.
I cautiously walked back to his friends with him "guys this is one of our new med people, Emily, Emily this is Colby and Joe" Jon introduce us, I smiled shaking their hands.
Before I knew it I was three drinks in playing teams with the guys, I was actually having an enjoyable time laughing as Jon and I were getting our asses kicked, I fell over to jons side leaning close to him giggling "Jon, don't blow this one OK baby?" I asked making him smirked as he took his shot sinking it, he stood up smirking at me "oh darlin, I don't blow anything" he winked at me making me blush and look down.
He walked past me putting his hand on my hip as he did so purposely touching me, which I oddly found I was OK with, that was until he chuckled "your so fucking cute." he whispered in my ear.
"Hey Emily fancy seeing you here" I felt my whole body tense as I looked up, there he stood blue jeans a black and red t-shirt stretched against his muscles, I swallowed hard and nodded to him.
Jon stood up from making his shot looking between us as his eyes raked over my body, I felt uncomfortable remembering how possessive he once was of me
"Hey man your out and about." Joe spoke, he nodded "Yea the kid went home with the mom tonight, so im a free man again." he smirked.
"Well grab a drink, we're just kicking Jon here ass and have you met Emily?" Colby asked his eyes looking me over he nodded "uh yea she used to be around when I first started here." he spoke in the smooth tone he always seemed to have, I wasn't sure how do we play this, its not like people knew about us, I felt sick and frozen in my spot so many emotions ran over me, there was no way I could play a game of pool with him.
I smiled at the guys "Actually thanks for the game fellas but I do need to go, have an early morning." I grabbed my stuff finishing my drink and heading out putting my head down as I passed him, it took everything I had in me not to stop and look at him, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that at this moment, I blew out a breath.
"Emily" I heard making me stop and turn around I seen Jon jogging to me, I raised my eyebrow "i cant have you walking to your room alone, what kind of man would I be?" he asked winking at me, I laughed a little shaking my hand "then by all means" I told him as we headed out of the hotel bar, I looked back to see his eyes intently on myself and Jon.
"so what was that?" he asked lighting a cigarette and handing it to me, I looked at him confused taking it "what was what?" I asked watching him light another one up "you turned white as a ghost when he walked in, your shaking like a tree right now and i wouldn't be surprised if you didn't puke as soon as you got in your room, and not from the alcohol" he told me, fuck he read me like a book how? I'm always careful to guard my emotions.
I sighed shrugging "ancient history" I mumbled as my eyes burnt, I turned my head the other way as we walked I felt Jon stop and grab my head making me look at him, his thumb ran across a couple of shredded tears "I know you just met me, and fuck I don't know what it is about you, but I feel this pull to you" he told me softly.
"Look Jon im fucked up beyond repair im only here because I literally have to be, him-" I glanced my eyes in the direction of the bar "He damaged me in more ways I can even describe, you don't want to get caught up with a girl like me, I'm fucked up." I told him and tried to walk away.
Jon was quick though and grabbed onto my hand pulling me back to him, he stared down at me for a moment his face a bunch of emotions, confusion, sympathy, but want he had want in his face, I watched him as if he was in slow motion bend down and his lips light touch mine, I felt like electric had shot through me when our lips connected like every part of my body was alive and at a party, he placed two big hands on the side of my face as he deepened the kiss pushing me against the wall as I placed my hands on the inside of his forearms kissing him back.
He pulled away placing his forehead on mine blowing out a breath "I see your damaged, I seen it on the roof top earlier today, I know that look in your eyes, it's a look I seen my entire life, nothing you can say or do will scare me away, and if you just need a friend, I'll be that, if you want more, I wouldn't argue-" we both smiled at that as he ran his thumb over my cheek "I like you, I know I just met you but I like you." he told me, I nodded leaning up pecking his lips one more time, before pulling my room key out, I turned to open the door "I like you too Jon." I turned to look back at him "I just I been through a lot and I need time." I told him, he nodded "Then friends it is, good night pretty lady." he gave me that dimpled smile of his, I smiled "Good night Jon." I shut my door blowing out a breath.
I sighed laying down on my bed, my hand went to touch my lips and I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face.
A/N- I hope you all liked it, more of the mystery guy, who do you guys think it is? Please let me know any idea's, suggestions, or anything you'd like to see, I think in the next chapter or two I'll revile who the guy is….. and as always thanks for the reviews and support, please read and review :)
