Chapter 9-
"OK what is wrong?" Lilly asked me sitting on the foot of my bed, I sighed sitting up wiping my eyes "his getting married." I admitted out loud since it was brought up that my family wouldn't be coming to next months visit due to attending his wedding, my ex's wedding, I rolled my eyes, they didn't know that part though.
"Hold on." Lilly held up her hand and walked out of my room making me feel confused as I leaned against the head board of my bed using the sleeve's of his gray sweater I still had to wipe the tears off of my face.
Lilly walked back in with a tablet making me frown "how did you get that?" I asked her as she sat next to me "don't worry about it, here." she handed it to me showing a google search for randy and his fiance Samantha.
I sighed seeing the picture of the two standing on what looked like a balcony arms wrapped around each other him kissing the side of her head, the way he used to with me.
"Lilly how does this help?" I croaked out as a fresh crop of tears burnt my eyes looking at her, she sighed taking the tablet "I don't know I thought maybe she would be ugly and we could trash her." she shrugged sitting next to me "Trust me, who ever randy ended up with would be gorgeous." I shrugged "how could they not be." I mumbled taking the tablet back and looking through more pictures "he looks happy." I mumbled as I ran my fingertips across his face.
I sighed laying down on my bed pulling my legs against my stomach sniffling, I looked up at Lilly "i miss him so much, everyday I miss him, I try so hard not to but his there, like a disease that I cant get rid of, he is in me and im infected by him." I cried "I don't want to, I want to hate him, I need to hate him and I cant, why cant I hate him?" I looked up seeing Lilly now sitting on my bed next to me.
I laid my head on her lap as she started to run her fingers through my hair making me close my eyes and relax a little "Hun let me ask you something, how many times have you had your heart broken?" she asked me, I looked up at her confused "once."
"how many times have you heard your faith stolen by this guy promising you everything only for you to be here realizing he promised you a sky full of lie's?" she asked, I shook my head "lily im not sure where your going with this." I muttered.
"How many times have you been unable to sleep? Because the one man you thought you'd keep forever, that you gave your heart and soul to, isn't by your side, you try to close your eyes and your hunted with memories, visions of growing old together, entwined hand, you lie there and try to remember the familer scent of his colgon, you cry and it doesn't help, your still in pain, your still lonely, ive told you, marci's told you, you need to let go and lord knows you've tried, it's strange how much pain a broken heart can hold, too bad they cant just give us a pill to heal a broken heart, how they try to heal our minds, Look I know you think your alone, but your not, you got me, its not about what your missing with him but what you got right in front of you and maybe its not idea, but you got me, reach down deep into your soul and find that strength I know is deep down in there, just breath, just take it slow and soon your heart will heal itself and all this brokenness, and right now it may not feel like it but your gonna pick yourself up from all of this, never lose faith in what you deserve, your gonna find someone who loves you so much they're going to give you that world he promised you a thousand times better, and then you'll forget about how badly he broke your heart." she soothed as my heavy eyes slowly closed with my head in her lap, and my hand clutching the tablet with his picture displayed close yo my chest.
I looked between the two shocked "what?" I asked shocked "how?" I asked in shock, Lilly shot me a look making me shake my head "well duh I know how, but I mean, I don't know, um wow." I spoke shocked, looking at the two I was surprised I never noticed it before, they had the same dirty blonde hair, and odd gray blue eyes.
Lilly looked back at me "OK well uh your good?" she asked, I shook my head "Lilly" I spoke softly, she shook her head holding her hand up before making a first "I'm good, I'll uh call you, you know when I can." she looked at Jon and back to me I frowned stepping closer to hear "Lil." I tried softly
"MARCI." she turned around walking towards a now altered Marci, I frowned going to follow when she stopped holding her hand up "Emily I know your trying but I need space OK." she snapped taking me back "Lilly I didn't know." I pointed back to Jon.
She nodded "maybe not, but you called him here." she sucked her lips placing her hands on her hips I frowned as Marci walked over to us looking back at Jon concerned "Lilly I didn't know." was all I could say.
"Whoa didn't know what?" Marci asked
"Nothing."
"That's her cousin." I answered at the same time causing her to glare at me "Just shut up!'' she screamed "Lilly!" Marci exclaimed looking shocked at Lilly outburst at me.
"Lilly she didn't know, how could she? I didn't know you where right here, I been looking for you." Jon finally spoke up from behind me.
"Marci I just wanna go inside now, please." she begged through gritted teeth trying to fight tears which shattered my heart, Lilly was the strongest person I knew.
Marci nodded putting her arm around her shoulders "Marc I swear-" I started before Marci nodded "I know, I'll call you." she whispered, I sighed running my hands through my hair looking back at Jon who looked pale.
I shoved my hands in my back pockets walking over to him "you OK.?" I asked as he looked at me his eyes squinted in confusion, he pointed "what is she doing here?" he asked, I sighed biting the inside of my bottom lips "A whole lot of people and systems failing her brought her here." I told him, he covered his mouth nodding "and what are you doing here? How do you know her? You know at first when you gave me the address I thought you where I don't, how are you so close to her?" he asked looking over at me.
I blew out a breath "That entells a long talk that at this point in the day, I think im way to sober for." I frowned, Jon shrugged "I'm open for a beer." he mumbled, I nodded "me to." I mumbled grabbing my stuff out of my rental "fuck it." I said tossing the keys in the front seat.
I followed Jon to his rented SUV climbing in the passenger side watching as he climbed in the drivers seat, the ride was silent, Jons music playing some rock music, Jon's thumb's thumping against the steering wheel as his eyes stayed focused on the road.
I fought the urge to reach out and caress his face, I felt safe with Jon like I knew gorge couldn't find me near him, he comforted me in a way I didn't quite understand.
I finally took my eyes off of him when I felt the SUV come to a stop, I looked up to see we where in front of a bar, I blew out a breath as Jon got out, grabbing my bag I was surprised to see him opening my door for me "Don't look too shocked there pretty lady, I have some manners." he winked making me laugh as I slid out of the SUV.
"Lets go have that beer." I told him walking inside, not noticing the people with their cell phones snapping pictures.
We entered and immediately found a corner table in a dark corner "perfect." I mumbled heading straight to it, as Jon went straight to the bar as my phone went off.
I bit my lip seeing randy name flashing on my phone, probably returning my call, I couldn't tell him I was at a bar with Jon and him not go ballistic and I wasn't ready to deal with that explosion, I pressed silence turning my ringer off as I put my phone down on the table Jon walked up with a tray, two shots and two bottled beers "I didn't know what you drank." he mumbled setting down and sitting across from me "this works." I told him feeling somewhat awkward.
"Hey if you don't wanna talk about it, its fine." he reached across taking my hand as my eyes focused on the alcohol in front of me, I shook my head grabbing the shot drinking it, tequila, that works I thought to myself as I grabbed the neck of the bud light beer and sat back against the chair.
"what do you want to know?" I asked him looking up.
"how do you know my cousin?" he asked me, I sighed blowing out a breath "I've spent the last-" I squinted my eyes thinking for a moment "sixish years as a resident there, I met here there,well after I came off of suicide watch." I took a sip of my beers as Jon's eyes stayed intently on me " I was once in a dark place, when I was fourteen one of my farhters business partners started sexual assaulting me, well he never actually touched me, just-" I shook my head as my stomach turned and tears burnt my eyes, I cleared my throat looking down "anyways, uh he moved away when I was sixteen but I think mentally the damage was done, I never really came back from it, I started smoking pot then moved to pills, drinking when I could." I shook my head "Then I met Randy and he wasn't in the best place at that time either, but I don't know in a way, he was exactly what I needed at that point." I looked up to see Jon had taken his shot already and was half way finished with his beer.
I sighed sitting forward resting my elbows on the table as I took a swig of my bottle " he was like uh I was drowning and he brought me up like fresh air you know?" I squinted looking at Jon "And then I don't know in one moment everything slipped away, I woke up in his arms in love and safe and comforted, he left me in his hotel bed with kisses and I love you, and I took a test I had hidden in my duffel bag for the past week in a half, petrified of the results. Positive, I was pregnant and with all the pot and pills and drinking, lord knows-" I shook my head wiping my eyes, Jon reached out but I held my hand up.
"you don't have to." he told me, I shook my head "No for you to understand how your cousin and I are she's the closet to a sister, a friend-" I laughed "a soul mate I've ever had, you need to hear this to understand that." I told him wiping my eyes, I blew out a breath "I took a cab to the arena petrified, I walked to my brother in law's locker room to wait for him to show up there, he wasn't answering his phone, and that's when evaluation just started so I knew he would be there at some point."
"I uh as I got closer to the room could-" I swallowed trying to contain the emotions in my throat I took a large drink of my beer clearing my throat "I could hear the moaning, I hoped I would walk in on Ric, even Dave, prayed not Hunter or Randy, my stomach though my gut, told me, I knew before I opened that door to see my boyfriend on his knee's face deep into one of the diva's pussy." I told Jon who shook his head anger.
I shrugged "it happens in relationships, people do stupid shit, but uh he see me, I took off to his locker room where I had dropped my stuff with every intent to leave, he caught up, uh long story short he found the pregnancy test, told me no, not right now, handed me six hundred dollars, fucked my brains out, told me to call him when I had uh taken care of it and left." I bit my lip that still stung no matter how many years it'd been, it hurt, I cleared my throat finishing off my beer, Jon waved the waitress over ordering more "uh hmm yea so I left, I felt so dirty,so cheap, so used, and I think, no I know I just mentally that was it, I had no more left, no more room for another heart break in my life."
I blew out a breath "I planed on taking his money and buying a shit ton of baby stuff, I planned on packing my hotel room up, clearing my bank out and leaving, never to be seen again." I nodded "but uh on the way to my room I started having the worse cramping I have ever felt in my life, and by the time I got to my room, I was bleeding so heavy-" I shook my head "I miscarried my baby in a hotel bedroom on the floor, by myself-" I nodded to the waitress as Jon and I both reached out taking our shots and downing them back "ah, and I broke, so I went to my bag I grabbed a baggy of perc's I had swiped from Jeff Hardy, downed them with a fifth of vodka, I took the knife I carried with me walked into the bath room and slit my wrist.'' I held up my arm so he could see the giant scar over top the smaller ones "wasn't the first time I'd cut myself but it was the first time I did it with intent to kill myself, and I collapsed on the bathroom floor everything fading to black, mark calaway and Shawn micheals was in the next room, they saved me, called 911, mark sat in a freezing cold shower with me holding a towel to my arm and sticking his fingers down my throat." I nodded.
"So my family gets notified im at the hospital doctors pumping my stomach and stitching my arms and im fighting them, I wanted to die, I didn't want to leave, my farther signed the papers for me to be locked away, in a mental institution." I looked down shrugging "he didn't even come see me in the hospital, my mom stayed with me, and mark."
"So I was shipped off, stayed in suicide watch for god knows how long going even more insane, then I met your cousin, Lilly and everything seemed to turn brighter when I met her, she was like coming up for fresh air again, she was a comfort to me in any way I needed it, Lilly got there because after the state took her from her crack whore mother, refused to allow you to take her, placed her in three different homes where each time she was raped and abused, finally the third time, she didn't give the sick fuck a chance, she took a switch blade, and when he showed up in her room like she new he would, she rammed that blade so far up his penis, he'll never have a sex life again and has to pee out of a bag." I told Jon who smirked a little before nodding holding his head down.
"I fought, I fought so hard for her, the fucking state, I was unfit, I didn't have a "real" Job and they didn't think I could keep her safe from our family." he told me, I nodded "I know that and she knows that, today scared her, see she's been deemed mental unstable by the state and they wont release her on her own, she will have to be under someone, I had planned once I got my own shit under control of trying. So she accepted the fact she'd end up dying there, but then she sees you and scares the shit out of her." I told him.
"I'll fight for her, she shouldn't be in there,you shouldn't of been in there, how the fuck can you go back to him?" he asked, I shruged blowing out a breath "when I came back here, I had no intent I wanted to get passed this fucking year im forced here and move the fuck on, that first night I met you?"g I asked him, he nodded "i ran into him, that night playing pool and I had to leave, was because of him, then my parents had this party a welcoming home thing." I rolled my eyes "anyways, he was there and we talked and that spark just lit up again, and I don't know." I picked at my fingers blowing out a breath "i always wondered how would it be if things where different for him and I, and well things are different." Jon nodded blowing out a breath.
He rubbed his hands over his face shaking his head "fuck." he sat back looking at me our eyes connecting, I bit my lip feeling that connection with him, I knew in that moment if I wasn't with randy, maybe something could've been between Jon and I, and I was surprised at the sad feeling I had in my stomach over not getting to know how that would've been.
"I liked you from the moment I seen you on the roof top, I mean I walked out and thought you where fucking gorgeous right then and there." he admitted to me, leaving me shocked, I never felt like I was beautiful or gorgeous, I mean maybe I had moments where I was cute, but beautiful or gorgeous? No not me "then that night when we kissed-" he shook his head "I hope randy realized how fucking lucky he is and to not ruin this chance with you." he spoke finishing off his beer, I shook my head "I'll pass along the message." I told him.
"So that lady is that who I need to talk to?" he asked, I nodded "I'd start with her go from there." I finished my beer off knowing I needed to be finished, I frowned "I need food." I mumbled feeling my stomach rumble, Jon laughed nodding tossing cash on the table "come on, I'll feed you and get you back to your man." I smiled standing up taking his hand as he helped me up.
We stood against each other Jon looking down at me as I placed my hands on his chest my heart pounding and my stomach in flutters, I watched Jon tilt his head and start to move towards me, I quickly turned my head giving him my cheek "Jon." I whispered, he sighed placing his head inside the crook of my neck and shoulder taking a deep breath nodding "I know, I know, I just there's a pull to you ." he told me standing straight, I nodded biting my lip, I felt it to, but I wouldn't tell him that.
"you two make a cute couple." a older lady smiled at us, before I could protest Jon took my hand pulling me to him smiling proudly "thank you." he spoke looking at me "ready honey?" he asked making me laugh and smack his arm "yes feed me please." I smiled politely at the older lady as we walked through the bar Jon leading the way out as he opened the door for me before climbing in himself.
I smiled at him before we both started laughing "you OK. to drive?" I asked him, he nodded "Trust me it takes me then that to get me fucked." he told me reversing out, I nodded blowing out a breath ready for today to be done, I had texted Chris telling him I needed the rest of the day off, after everything I just wanted to go to my room and have some peace and quite for a moment.
I smiled thanking Jon "you going to the arena?" he asked, I shook my head "No I took the night off, with everything, I needed a moment." I told him as we walked inside the hotel lobby to the elevator, he nodded shoving his hand inside his pocket before pushing the bottom for me, "Thanks Em, for helping me with all of this." he told me, I nodded "Least I could do, I mean this is the second time you've got me food so." I shrugged making him laugh.
The elevator door opened. Jon sighed leaning in giving me a tight hug "Thanks Emily." he mumbled, I nodded hugging him back before letting go "no problem Jon." I told him before slowly entering the elevator, I leaned against the wall seeing Jon standing there until the doors closer, I laughed as he waved bye to me just as the doors closed.
I shook my head digging my phone out of my purse seeing I had some texts and a few missed calls, I sighed walked off the elevator onto my hotel floor, I frowned reading the first two texts from Randy, starting off he was sorry he was on the phone with alania, and then the second seemed worried asking if I was OK. and where was I.
I dug my key card out opening my door as I opened the last message which was a picture message, I shut the door behind me as the message opened showing Jon and I, him helping me out of his SUV in front of the bar, and inside the bar when he tried to kiss me and one message underneath "care to fucking explain?"
A/N Hey everyone I am so sorry I haven't updated in awhile, honestly its been quite the month in a half, my brother in law was fired from his job, my baby niece was in sugrey for her hairs, my two year old took three stitches in her chin, my husband was hit on his motor cycle head on, his amazing fine! And no major injuries by the grace of god, and my seven year old had to have a tooth pulled so its been crazy for me! I hope you guys enjoyed this, and I know she already told Jon all this stuff but I felt like it made since for her to tell him in a bar after finding out Lilly was his cousin…. Please read and review let me know what you think, any ideas you all may have and again as always thank you all for the support!
