When I woke up I realised I was in the hospital. I wasn't dead. Instead I was wrapped up warmly I hurt in every place imaginable- my torso was wrapped up and sore. I lifted the blankets to take a peek and noticed they'd put a hospital gown on me but I was still dirty, I felt scummy, I could feel the blood and vomit on me still, I reached up with my unbandaged hand touching my tangled and matted hair groaning.
Why couldn't they have let me die? Why couldn't they have left me the hell alone?
I couldn't stop the tears from coming as I remembered what had happened, and how useless I'd felt as I relized I was losing my baby. I'd felt worthless since the day gorge started messing with me but as I lay in that bed it hit me all at once. Had I been so bad in a previous life that this hell was my punishment? Was I to live through every disgusting thing that man did to me and the hurt randy put me through? I didnt understand, if this was supposed to be my life, if these where my chocies, what was the point? I couldn't do it. I couldn't live anymore.
A nurse came in and saw that I was awake. She instantly came to my side.
"Oh, honey, don't cry. You're going to be fine. I'll go and get the doctor, okay?"
The little warmth in her voice made me cry harder as she quickly checked the machines I was hooked up to before leaving the room.
The docotor appered a short while later but unfortantly not alone behind him was my farther, I frowned, I was eightreen why was he here?
The doctor expained the stiches in my writer, and how the blood work showed a shit load of drugs in my system and combined with the alchole he was amazed I was even breathing. I remained silent, I wasnt talking about any of this infront of vince, it was all his fault! God why couldnt they just let me die?!
He said how he understood where I must be in my head but he would get me help. The drip stuck into me was supposed to help flush out my system and manage the terrible symptoms of withdrawal. Like fuck I was going to let that happen. Like fuck was I going to let them clear my head! He asked how long I'd been using, and a bunch of other questions.
"Uh I understand right now is a fragile time for you and your family, however upon are examine we noticed what looked like could be possible sexual assault, we had to stabilize you first, but now that your awake, we wanted to do a rape kit and some precautionary medicine." at this point I let out a bitter laugh shaking my head "Uh doc wasnt raped."
"I understand its hard for most women to admit and given the circiumstances." I sighed
"Seriously I wasnt raped, honestly, swear on a bible, wasnt fucking raped, rough sex with a man who has a huge penis." I snapped
"EMILY! JESUS!" my farther lectured, the doctor held up his hand to my farther nodding writing something on his chart "Ok as logn as you say it wasnt, just know at any time you can get help, if it was and your trying to protect someone." I graoned.
"I swear it wasnt." I didnt like that lable, on me or Randy, he didnt rape me! He wasnt the bad guy in my story, well not in that area of my life he wasnt. We just sometimes could get a little rough, which was fine, I liked it that way and when I needed it different from him he would give me that as well, passion we had a lot of passion, I didnt relize it would look like rape.
"Ok, now where you aware you where pregnant?" he asked, I looked down as a tear trinkled down my nose nodding "Im so sorry to inform you you lost the baby." the doctor told mewhat I already knew, I nodded turning my head sniffleing "when can I go home?" I asked, the docotr glanced at vince making me look at him.
"I'm eighteen," I said, he nodded "Emily your mother and I was given guardianship of you this morning, and we signed you to be evaulted in a phystrict faucilty in Ohio." I frowned shaking my head "No thats bullshit you cant do that!" I yelled looking at the doctor "they cant do that, please." I cried
"Im sorry but given your condtion upon arrivral they can." the doctor informed me
I clamped up again not wanting to talk to either person in the room now, I just wanted to sleep, sleep until all of this was said and done and I could get far away from everyone.
The Doctor sighed saying if I needed anything else just to call and walked out of the room, Vince stood up staring at me, "Emily who was the boy?" he asked, I shook my head no, I would not tell him so he could go on a war path against Randy. I glared over at him why would he care now? He never has before, I was always just a problem child to him, Why would he help me now? He didnt bother to help me when this road of self destruction began just told me I was embrassing him and his ocmpany and to behave accordingly to my last name.
I sat in a corner back both Randy next to me with his arm laying lazily around my shoulders and Alana sitting in front of us happily eating a hot fudge Sunday while Randy and I sipped on our coffee, Randy running his thumb across my shoulder, I glanced up at him seeing him give me a small smile " I missed you." he whispered, I bit my bottom lip nodding "yea I missed you too." I tried not to show how happy it made me he missed me, I was worried Samantha would drive that wedge between us, I needed to know about them but I knew it would have to wait until tomorrow evening when we where on the road again, for now I'd let him finally enjoy time with his daughter not surrounded by drama and fighting "ready baby?" randy asked Alana who nodded.
Randy through cash on the table as we slid out, he put his hand in mine and his other on Alana's shoulder as we walked out of the small diner towards his BMW, he leaned in giving me a small kiss as he opened the door for me before getting his daughter buckled in.
I smiled as I watched the young girl yawn "tired?" Randy asked her, she shook her head no as her eyes started to close causing both Randy and I to chuckle.
I turned back in my seat sighing, it had been a long day and I was exhausted, I felt Randy place his hand on top of my knee "I am sorry today was such a shit show." his voice spoke breaking my thoughts, I looked over at him nodding "It's fine." I whispered laying my head back.
"Tired?" he repeated the question he just asked his daughter only I nodded my head yes, I wasn't ready to leave him though, I put my hand over his "I need my rental." I yawned "We'll get it in the morning." he spoke his eyes on the road as he passed my hotel, I frowned looking out the window "randy you past the hotel." I pointed, he nodded keeping his eyes fixed on the road.
"I know, your going home with me where we should've been last night together." I nodded "but my stuff." I started feeling randy squeeze my leg "we'll get it in the morning, please babe I missed you today and its been shit, I just want you in my bed with me." I bit my lip nodding biting back my smile "what?" he asked, I shook my head looking out the window watching the cars and lights pass us by smiling "nothing." I squeezed his hand the ride back to his was silent.
We pulled into his drive, he glanced back smiling at his daughter "I'll get her settled in bed and meet you in mine." he smirked, I nodded grabbing my purse "I don't have anything to sleep in." I pouted, Randy chuckled as he lead me into his house "Grab one of my shirts sweetheart." I bit my lip nodding as I followed him up the stairs he let go of my hand walking into his daughters room "Daddy." she mumbled making me smile.
I walked to the door watching as he took her sandals off placing them in her closet, he room was a typical little girl princess bedroom, Randy glanced at me as he pulled her blankets back covering her up, I bit my lip lowing my head before heading towards his room, letting out a deep breath it was moments like this that was hard for me, he was such an amazing dad, and I would never get the opportunity to do things like this with him.
I opened his drawer trying to find a shirt to sleep in, I picked up a folded picture opening it, it was one of him and I, he was shirtless and I was pretty sure so was I, my hair a mess and both of us laughing with my head on his chest "That's how I tried to remember you all these years." I felt his arms wrap around my waist and him place a soft kiss on my shoulder "I didn't even know you still had this." he nodded taking it from my hand and placing it on top of his dresser.
He slowly turned me around placing his hands on each side of my face before leaning in kissing me I placed my hands on his wrists kissing him back I moaned as he deepened it kicking my shoes off he slowly pulled away "I love you." he whispered lifting my strap of my purse over my shoulder dropping my purse on the ground, making everything fall out of it "whats this?" he asked bending down picking up the papers.
I watched as he read over them "what is this?" he asked again, I smiled placing my hands on his hips "my dad, he uh his signing the papers early, I just gotta stay and help Chris through wrestle mania season." Randy smiled lifting me up, I squealed wrapping my legs around his waist "your gonna be free of all that bull shit soon?" he asked, I bit my lip nodding "AH!" I laughed when he laid me down on my bed "That makes me so fucking happy." I giggled leaning up to kiss him.
"mm I missed you." I repeated yawing, Randy kissed me one last time before rolling over to the side of me, placing his hand in mine he slowly starting tracing a circular motion in my palm "I am really sorry for today, I've never been in this situation and not sure who the fuck to handle it, Alana asked if Sam could come with us, I thought about texting you but I figured it would be easier to explain to you in person."
I blew out a breath "yea today was hard." I looked down clearing my throat, Randy frowned "hey talk to me." he pushed, I bit my lip shrugging I didn't realize how emotional I felt about it until now.
I sighed "She still loves you Randy, and not in a we where married and have a child love, its a still want love." Randy sighed "I made it clear to her, her and I are done, you're who and what I want."
I nodded "Randy it been on that end of watching you from a far and it fucking sucks, and shes the mother of your daughter so its not like I can say just be done with her because that's obviously not going to happen, but I can say I cant do days like yesterday and today again, and that's not a ultimatum or anything like that its just me being honest, she's going to need to get to a point of moving on and accepting us, or I'm going to have to step away." Randy nodded clearing his throat "I don't want that, I promise yesterday and today was the first and last time something like this will happen between us OK?" he promised.
I looked into his eyes staring at them, how I could just get lost in his eyes, they where like getting lost in the ocean, almost like my own personal threpy his eyes would tell me every emotion he felt.
My mother used to always say eyes where like the window to a persons soul and I never understood that until him, until I would look in his eyes and I knew exactly what she was talking about.
I nodded clearing my throat "OK." I believed him I had too if I didn't want this to become an issues with our relationship "I love you." he sounded unsure I leaned up kissing him "I love you."
He got up walking to his dresser, pulling at a shirt he handed it to me "Thank you." I took the shirt from his hands as I got up walking into his master bathroom, which was a room within itself, I glanced at the tub smiling, Randy was right that tub would've been perfect for last night.
I slowly undressed slipping his giant t-shirt over me, it was defiantly big enough to sleep in, I bit my lip after seeing Samantha and how well put together she was I couldn't help but wonder, it was hard to ignore the obvious differences of us, did she wear his shirts to bed? Or lingerie? I stared at myself in the mirror, my hair still pulled back in a pony tail and no trace of make up on my face from today.
I sighed taking a deep breath before walking out into his room, seeing him laying on his bed already changed into a pair of gray lounge pants and no shirt on, I loved his chest and abs, he glanced up from lazily switching through channels looking at me, I felt my face heat as I looked down his gaze staying on me while I walked over to the side of the bed, Randy smirked pulling the blankets down for me.
I laughed shaking my head "do you mind?" I joked nudging him as I scooted closer towards him, Randy smirked shrugging "i cant help it if your perfect." I blushed even more shaking my head "Im far from perfect babe." he shook his head and sighed.
" I hate when you think of yourself as nothing. Your so beautiful and amazing, you may not be perfect to someone else or even yourself, but you fucking are too me." his eyes sternly on me, I blew out a breath putting a piece of hair that fell out of my pony behind my ear shrugging "Im fucked up Randy, I'm broken." I swallowed the strong emotions back.
Randy turned over on his side putting his leg on mine as I laid my head down, he ran his fingertip down the side of my face as I felt that familer tingle start to take over my body from his touch as our eyes connected, that flutter in my belly "Everyone is broken." his voice in a different place then our bodies "they just like to hide it." his eyes intently on mine "like its a fucking mask, you are fucking perfect Emily." I leaned in capturing his lips with mine unable to handle anymore tonight.
Randy pulled away making me realize he had me on my back with my knees to his side and laying between my legs, his weight adding to the delicious friction as he grounded against me kissing along my jaw, he lifted himself long enough to start removing our clothing.
He sat back his eyes ranking over me as he removed his shirt from body leaving me in my red boy short underwear and no bra my breasts exposed to him, I felt extremely exposed as he sat back on his heels his eyes glazing over as he looked at my body.
I bit my lip looking to the side as I covered my breasts with my arm "uh huh don't you dare, look at me." Randy spoke while removing my arm with his hand, I looked at him "see what your beauty does to me?" he asked as he grabbed his hardened member "just kissing you does this to me, looking at you like this, im damn near spent and you haven't even had to touch to me, your fucking beautiful, your gorgeous." he leaned forward capturing his lips with mine.
He broke the kiss propping himself on his elbows as he positioned himself between my legs, I bit my lip as he rolled the condom onto his member "we need to get you on birth control." he mumbled hating condoms, but I knew I couldn't handle being pregnant, although I wouldn't argue skin to skin was better.
I looked up at him our eyes connecting as he slowly and gently entered me and for a moment I forgot to breath as Randy started to slowly make love to me, leaning down kissing me as he gripped the side of my head finger entangling through my hair.
I groaned turning over in the bed, slowly reaching out for Randy my eyes quickly opened realizing he wasn't here, I slowly sat up feeling that familer yummy pain between my legs, Randy's stamina was something else.
I bit my lip shaking my head as I looked at the alarm clock on the night stand, it read eight o'five, I hardly ever sleep this late, I heard giggling and voices down stairs, randy must be up with Alana.
I looked around grabbing my scrubs and socks slipping them on, walking into the bathroom, I frowned my hair was a matted mess thanks to randy and his late night activities, I shook my head as my face heated just thinking about it, I splashed some water on my face and throw my hair up in a messy bun trying to make some sense of the messy locks.
I looked around for a spare tooth brush not finding one, I decided to just use his, I quickly brushed my hair feeling a little better about appearing downstairs, I took a deep breath grabbing my phone and heading downstairs.
I felt odd like maybe I should hang out in his room and let him just have his time with his daughter that was until I heard a women's laugh, making me frown as I looked up from my texts from Stephanie, I was not in the mood to deal with his ex wife before coffee!
I followed the sounds of laughing and voices into Randy's kitchen ready to just call and cab and leave.
"Hi Emily!" Alana happily smiled waving at me making all eyes turn on me, except for Randy who was at the stove in those damn gray lounge pants and again with no shirt, I bit my lip as you could see some scratches on his shoulders "good morning Alana." I smiled at the excited little girl.
"Good morning Emily." Randy's mother spoke making me feel relief it was her laughing, oh thank god!
"Good morning Ellen, how are you this morning?" I asked her politely as Randy finally stepped away from the stove, he reached over handing me a coffee cup already made "i was about to bring it up to you." I nodded thanking him taking a sip, ah there it was that cinnioman vanilla, he looked at me with a smile "Thank you.'' I leaned up placing a quick kiss on his lips:Mm minty." he muttered smiling at me, I bit my lip embarrassed "I uh used your tooth brush." I spoke quietly so only he could hear me, Randy smirk letting out a small groan "why does that turn me on a bit?" he spoke in the same hushed voice, I looked at him my eyes wide as he gave me his famous smirk, I shook my head before walking over to the stool.
"Emily its good to see you." bob spoke with a smile towards Randy, Randy nodded making me feel like I was missing something here "Good to see you again too." I smiled again politely feeling like I was missing something.
"Daddy's making us breakfast!" Alana smiled sitting in my lap I tried to contain my surprise "oh really?" I asked smiling at her watching Randy's reaction to this, who just grinned "What's he making us?" I asked her
"His making us my favorite, pancakes, and eggs with lots and lots of cheese." she giggled happily "Daddy said he wasn't sure what your favorite was."
I smiled I rarely ate breakfast with my pills I didn't have an appetite, I frowned my pills where at the hotel, I missed last nights and now this mornings, I shook my head of those thoughts for the time being "uh pancakes and eggs are perfect." I smiled at her "with lots of cheese?" she asked almost in an unsure manner, I grinned "the more the better."
"Alana go wash up." Randy spoke putting food on the plates just as my phone rang, I glanced down surprised at the number it was Lilly, I hadn't spoken to her since that day in the parking lot, I hated to not answer her but I didn't want to be rude with Randy's family either so I silenced in hopes she would call back later as Randy put the plate in-front of me "you need to get that?" he asked me, I shook my head "no they'll call back, thank you." I smiled up at him
Alana came back on sitting between randy and I happily eating her cheesy eggs and pancakes "hey I do need to go to my hotel." I told Randy making him glance at me "I need my stuff." he chuckled nodding "yea we can go after breakfast, you can check out too." I laughed shaking my head.
"Why where you at a hotel dear?" Ellen asked Randy scratched the back of is his head "its a long story ma." Randy sighed I'm sure he didn't want to get into this in-front of his daughter "So son whats the plans for you three today?" Bob asked changing the subject.
Randy looked over to me shrugging "figured a quiet day in was just what the doctor ordered." he winked. I looked down feeling my face warm, dammit! Would he ever stop making me blush?
Randy chuckled as we finished breakfast and his parents left just us three, I bit my lip "Why don't you guys get dressed and ill clean up." I told him gathering all the plates "I can help its my house.'' I nodded "True but you cooked so its only fair I clean." I smiled at him taking a plate from his hand and side stepping him into the kitchen setting the dishes into the massive sink, I loved his kitchen it was huge.
I took cooking classes at the hospital and found out I enjoy cooking and baking and this would be the perfect kitchen to do it in, I turned the water on as I started scrapping the plates into the disposal, I felt his arms wrap around me and place a gentle kiss on the back of my head "I love you." I smiled up at him "I love you now go get dressed." he laughed walking up stairs after telling Alana to get dressed.
I sighed cleaning the kitchen up, this is what normality would feel like, I shook my head of those thoughts, April I had until April.
"You OK?" I heard making me look up to see Randy, I nodded leaning against the kitchen "Just think this is how normality would feel like." I muttered to him, he stood next to me nodding his head in agreence crossing his arms over his chest "Trust me babe, we will have plenty of mornings like this, soon." he put his arm around my shoulders kissing the side of my head "I brought your shoes down, you ready?" he asked, as we where heading to the door the door bell rang making both Randy and I glance at each other confused, Randy opened the door making me quickly frown, not today are you kidding me? There stood none other then Samantha.
"MOMMY!" Alana squealed excitedly to see her mom running to hug her, Sam bent down hugging her "hey baby." she spoke softly.
"What are you doing here Sam? We where just heading out." Randy questioned his ex as he took my hand tightly.
Samantha nodded "I know I should've called or texted but Randy I wanted to talk to Emily, if that's OK?"
Randy shook his head "No its not, I made it clear yesterday Sam, we gotta go." Randy nodded to Alana who looked confused at her parents tense stance with one another and it was because of me, I sighed clearing my throat as I put my hand on randys upper arm "Randy its fine, her and I can talk for a minute." I told him, I didn't want it to be like this every time we where in town and Randy asked me to come here, Randy looked down at me "are you sure?" he asked, I nodded as he sighed stepping to the side and letting Samantha in.
I took a deep breath I wasn't sure, but what I was sure that it wasn't fair to Alana that her parents be at odds with each other over me, so I would try my hardest and put my best foot forward in trying to make this all work.
