It feels like I only go backwards, baby

Every part of me says, "Go ahead"

I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again

Feels like we only go backwards, darling

Feels Like We Only Go Backwards- Tame Impala

Haley woke up the next morning feeling the worst she'd ever felt in a long time. Her parents showing up out of the blue had really put a toll on her. Not to mention that they had also sprung the move back to California on her. She could barely stand to look at them as they packed up her apartment in silence.

Haley knew that her mother truly felt bad. Not only about ditching her in the first place, but also uprooting her once again. While shoving her belongings into boxes, Lydia James would occasionally stop, look around and sigh loudly as if she was trying to work up the courage to speak. After the fifth time this happened, Haley stopped looking up at her to see if she would utter the words she wanted to hear. They never came.

She appreciated that her mother seemed to understand what she was going through, but it still didn't make her feel any more warmly to her. Her parents had been so selfish since Taylor died. Haley was the only one making sacrifices.

The rest of the day went as smoothly as it could have, with Haley not muttering a word to her parents and not answering any of the texts Lucas had sent her. It shouldn't have surprised her when she never heard from Nathan.

Everything was officially packed at 8pm once Haley shoved the last of her clothing into her suitcase. Her parents turned in to get a good night's sleep before the early flight the next morning, but Haley decided to take one last stroll around Tree Hill.

Though Haley came to this tiny town under unfortunate circumstances, she could not deny how much she had come to love her new home. She loved how the air grew cool at dusk. She loved that she could walk to school. She loved her new friends. And her old one. She'd always carry the loss of her sister with her and the betrayal of her parents, but she would never regret her move to Tree Hill.

On her walk, Haley naturally made her way to the River Court. Against her better judgment, she found herself relieved to find Lucas, Jake, and Jenny there. They weren't playing basketball, but sitting at one of the tables, looking out at the river. Haley walked over to them and gave them a teary smile.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, surprised to see them.

Lucas grinned, "You might be willing to leave without giving me a proper goodbye, but I knew you'd never go without biding adieu to the River Court."

"How'd you know I'd be here now?" Haley asked.

"He didn't. Don't let his confidence fool you. We've been here for hours," Jake responded.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to ignore you, Lucas. It was just busy with so much to pack…" Haley trailed off, feeling guilty for making her friends wait for her for so long.

"Don't worry about it. It's for me, anyway. I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye," Lucas replied.

"And don't forget Jenny, too," Jake interjected, lifting his daughter for Haley to hold.

Haley gladly accepted the baby being extended to her. She couldn't believe she was really going to leave without saying goodbye. How could she do that to these people she loved so much?

"Send me pictures of her everyday," Haley requested.

Jake smiled, "Of course. As long as you write back."

Haley sighed and took a seat at the bench next to Jake. She focused all her attention on the smiling baby in front of her, knowing the tears she'd been suppressing would begin to fall if she paid too much attention to her friends around her.

"When do you leave?" Jake asked after giving his friend a moment to gather herself.

Haley couldn't help the tear that fell from her eye at Jake's words. Knowing the reality of what was happening was one thing but talking about it with the very people she would miss the most was another. She wiped at her eyes in an attempt to prevent any more tears from falling before answering.

"Tomorrow. Bright and early. We have a 9AM flight," Haley stuttered, looking quickly between Lucas and Jake before focusing her attention back on Jenny. She didn't have it in her to see their reactions to her news.

She couldn't miss their reactions completely, however, when Lucas let out an audible gasp. He did not expect her to be leaving so soon. Or, if he was being completely honest with himself, he was not expecting her to leave at all. He still had hope that they could figure out a way for Haley to stay in Tree Hill. But that plan would require more time than he had if Haley were truly leaving in twelve hours.

"What? Why so soon? Don't you need to pack?" Lucas asked desperately.

Haley shrugged and looked to Lucas sadly.

"I am packed. I came here on short notice; I don't have too much stuff. I'm all set to go," Haley explained with a small, sad smile.

This move was extremely hard on her already, she didn't want to make it any harder for her friends by showing them how upset she really was. She wanted them to think that she would be okay in California, even though she wasn't so sure of that herself. Jake easily picked up on this and wanted to help make Haley's move as painless for her as possible.

"Jenny and I are definitely going to miss you, Haley. You're a great friend. We're always here for you if you need anything," Jake told his friend.

Lucas sighed. This was not what he wanted at all. He knew this move would be terrible for everyone involved and desperately wished there were something he could do, but he couldn't seem to come up with any way to stop what was happening. He realized that he would need to accept the circumstances and give Haley a proper goodbye as well.

"So am I. Everyone around here is. You've really impacted our lives, Haley."

Haley allowed a few more tears to fall as she took in what her friends were saying. It is true that she came to Tree Hill for Nathan. However, she couldn't deny the other relationships she formed. She found true friendship with both boys in front of her and she would genuinely miss them just as much.

Haley looked around the River Court and out toward the river itself. The sun was minutes away from being completely set and she knew her moment here was over. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cool air she had come to find soothing then stood up, handing Jenny back to Jake. Haley took her time hugging both boys and thanking them for their friendship. She promised to keep in touch, then reluctantly began walking back to her apartment now allowing the tears to flow freely since she was alone.

Haley chanced another look at her phone. She still had nothing from Nathan. She shook her head while she slid her phone back into her pocket, not having the strength to deal with Nathan's radio silence. He obviously always thought it was easier to leave her without saying goodbye.

+++++++++++++++ She Paints Me Blue ++++++++++++++++++

Nathan didn't think he had a plan on where he was going when he sprinted away from the mess occurring at his house, but he soon found himself at a familiar large, white house with a red door. He knocked forcefully and waited anxiously for Brooke to answer. He needed to sort out what was going on right now and Brooke was the only person he knew that would be honest and straightforward with him.

After what felt like minutes but was only really fifteen seconds, Brooke finally swung open the door. She was ready to fire back at Nathan with a snarky remark about breaking down her door but stopped herself when she took in the appearance of the boy in front of her. She was starting to get used to seeing different sides of Nathan in the past couple weeks that she had never seen before, but she was still unprepared for what she encountered. Nathan looked as if he hadn't slept in days. She'd never seen him so despondent, so utterly hopeless. She quickly stepped aside and let him in, closing the door behind him.

Without waiting any further invitation, Nathan walked into the living room ready to vent to Brooke. He hesitated for a moment when he found Peyton sitting on a couch looking at him with the same surprised look he saw on Brooke's face. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk so openly to Peyton about this too, but quickly shrugged it off knowing that he was running out of time and that he couldn't wait for Peyton to leave. He took a seat in an armchair across from the couch that Peyton, and now Brooke, sat at.

Brooke raised her eyebrow at the boy in front of her. She wanted to let him open up to her in his own time, but her patience was running thin. He barged in with such urgency and now he sat across from her, his leg restless and his eyes set on his feet not saying a word. Finally, she couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Everything alright, Nate?" She asked softly.

Nathan's head snapped up to Brooke as if he were just remembering where we were and who he was with. He blew out a breath and chuckled bitterly to himself. He'd gone through so many different emotions over the last couple of hours and he had a hard time settling down. He realized now, though, that Brooke and Peyton were waiting patiently for him and that it would probably benefit him to talk to them about what was going on.

"Haley's leaving," Nathan stated matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" Brooke asked carefully.

"She's going back to California. Dan called her parents and guilted them into coming to get her…" Nathan trailed off, pausing to take a deep breath in an attempt to hold back his tears.

"She's going back to California," Nathan repeated, "And just like that she's going to be out of my life again."

For once, Brooke didn't know what to say. She knew how much Haley means to Nathan. She cannot imagine what he is thinking or how he is going to take this loss. Clearly Nathan had gone through this same experience just six years ago and he managed it. But Brooke knew there was something fundamentally different about the loss this time. There was a new element that was sure to make this a lot more complicated for Nathan.

"Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that Nathan. Are you doing okay?" Peyton finally asked, breaking the silence.

Nathan shook his head. "No, I'm not doing okay."

Nathan looked to Brooke, hoping she would be able to provide him with some much needed comfort or insight. Brooke took in the look on his face and sighed, realizing she really needed to speak up.

"How does Haley feel about leaving?" Brooke asked, deciding to take a different approach than Peyton.

Nathan shook his head while shrugging and running his hand through his hair. "Honestly? I don't know. Our parents and Lucas were all talking about it and me and Haley were sitting there without saying anything. The second I heard that it was Dan's fault I left. I just couldn't hear it anymore. I mean, I know the outcome, what's the point in staying? She's going to leave."

At that moment Nathan heard his phone ding. He looked down and saw it was a message from Haley. His heart beat hard in his chest, but he just didn't have it in him in that moment to read her text or write back to her. He had to figure out what was going on in his head first.

"Maybe you should talk to her. See how she is doing. That might help you get some clarity," Brooke offered.

She loved to help Nathan, but she was honestly at a loss in this moment. She couldn't fix this problem for him. All she knew is that he should probably really be having this conversation with Haley.

"I don't know," Nathan started. "What am I supposed to say to her? Thanks for coming to find me, completely turning my life upside down, making me need you again more than I need anybody. Have a safe trip back to California, see you again never."

Nathan stood up and started pacing during his rant. His mind has been swirling with all the events of the night. From Rachel storming into his house, being worried about what Haley would think when she saw Rachel, having an honest conversation with Haley about their friendship, to her parents' sudden intrusion, and finally the revelation that his dad was behind said intrusion, Nathan didn't have the time to stop and think about the reality of Haley leaving. Haley would be gone once again. He just got her back. How could he lose her like this?

"Yeah, if that's what you're feeling then tell her that," Brooke replied. "Nathan, I know your friendship has been a bit rocky since she got here, but it is only going to make things worse if you keep running away from her. You can't let her leave without saying goodbye."

Nathan choked on a sob in the back of his throat at Brooke's words. He couldn't say goodbye to her. He was sure it would kill him.

Nathan sat back down in the chair and looked resolutely up at Brooke and Peyton.

"No, I can't. I can't say goodbye to her. It's better this way. Just—I'm going to go. I can't see Haley before she leaves. Just tell her to save a safe flight if you see her," Nathan proclaimed, standing up and storming toward the front door.

Brooke was frozen in place, confused by the range of emotions the boy in front of her was going through and by the conclusion he settled on. His logic was so irrational that Brooke couldn't even follow his train of thought.

"What?" Peyton spoke up first. "How is that going to help?"

Nathan quickly turned back and marched to stand in front of the couch, "It's just going to make it easier for Haley. That's all."

"What are you afraid of?" Brooke asked.

"I'm not afraid of anything," Nathan said quickly, turning once again to walk toward the door before either girl could interrupt him again. He didn't make it far.

"I think you are, Nathan. I think we both know why saying goodbye to Haley would be so scary this time. But you can't run away from it. You don't say goodbye to her again Nathan, and you lose her for good. I am on your side without a doubt, but even I know you can only get so many chances. Don't throw away something good just because you're scared," Brooke declared.

Nathan turned back, "That's it though, Brooke. I'm losing her either way. Saying goodbye isn't going to stop that."

"Nathan, you are seventeen years old. You'll be going to college soon. You can go wherever you want. You guys can be long distance for a bit and then you can go be with her permanently. But if you don't say goodbye you are going to lose her for good," Brooke replied, not even sure if she was referencing their friendship or a potential something more but feeling like her advice was valid either way.

"I don't know, Brooke…" Nathan trailed off, rubbing both his eyes hard against the palms of his hands.

Brooke took a deep breath and stood up in front of Nathan, pulling his hands away from his eyes are forcing him to look at her.

"Nathan, I think you want to say goodbye to her. I think you are upset about losing your friend you just got back. And… and I think you're gutted that you never really got to explore what being more than friends with Haley would be like," Brooke started with caution. Noting that he wasn't going to fight her on this in the moment, she continued.

"I think you were excited for both of those things and now they were stripped from you. And that sucks, I know it does. I think that you are afraid of getting hurt. But you are going to feel that hurt either way. She will be gone regardless of whether or not you say goodbye to her. It's time to face the fear instead of running from it. Stop being a coward. Tell her how you feel."

Nathan let out a deep breath. He knew Brooke was right. He didn't want to talk to Haley because he knew it would break his heart. But that wasn't fair to Haley.

Nathan only nodded in response before successfully making his way through the front door.

Though he knew he was definitely going to see Haley before she left, Nathan did not make his way right to her door. He walked around Tree Hill for a bit trying to compose himself. He knew if he showed up right away he would be nothing short of a hysterical mess. He was vaguely aware of his phone going off periodically, but never bothered to look at it knowing there was no one he was interested in talking to at this moment.

Eventually, Nathan was able to collect himself enough to make his way to Haley's apartment. He took a slow, deep breath as he approached the door. No matter how long he spent preparing himself for this goodbye it would never be enough. He knocked on the door and waited.

Moments later Haley opened the door, looking like she'd been crying. Instantly Nathan's heart broke. He regretted wasting so much time talking to Brooke and Peyton and trying to figure out how to approach her. She was leaving soon; he should've been with her.

"What do you want, Nathan?" Haley asked, exasperated. She had been texting him all night and had finally accepted that she just wouldn't get her chance to say goodbye. She hated how he kept coming in and out of her life however he pleased and had just about given up on him.

Nathan was slightly taken aback by Haley's cold demeanor. He knew that he ignored a few of her messages, but he didn't think she'd be so mad. He took a deep breath before answering.

"I'm sorry I stormed out earlier. I just needed to get some space, clear my head. How are you doing?"

Haley sighed. She was leaving in less than twelve hours and simply didn't have the energy to hold a grudge against a boy who would once again be out of her life in such a short period of time. She opened the door and stepped back, letting Nathan walk in.

Nathan's breath caught in his throat when he caught a glimpse of her empty apartment. There were a few suitcases packed neatly next to the door and all that was left in the living room was the couch and a small coffee table. This was too real and happening too quickly. Nathan whipped his head back around to meet Haley's eyes. He was desperate to get the details of her departure, his eyes silently begging her to tell him good news.

Haley read his expression and gave him a small, sad smile, knowing that she wouldn't be able to provide him with the reassurance he was looking for. She slowly made her way past Nathan and to the couch, taking a seat and patting the cushion next to her. She waited until Nathan listened to her silent command before she responded.

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning. Got an early flight back to California," she told him carefully, studying his face carefully.

Nathan nodded slowly, "So that's it, huh?"

"What's it?" Haley asked, confused about what he was referring to.

"This," he gestured between himself and Haley, "It's over. You think you can just move across the entire country and everything will stay the same between us?" Nathan asks in disbelief.

"Of course not, Nathan. I know things will be different. I know this sucks. But there's nothing I can do, Nathan. They're my parents. I have to go with them," Haley explained.

"No, you don't. My mom would love to have you in our house. I'm sure Jake would be happy to have you stay with him, too. Hell, I know Brooke would let you stay with her if I asked her to. There are so many choices, Haley. Please stay. I can't lose you," Nathan choked out the last sentence, beginning to cry. He just didn't have it in him to hold back the tears anymore.

Haley couldn't help it when her own tears began to fall. She tried to blink them away as she turned to face Nathan straight on. She tried to grab his hands away from his face so she could look him in the eye, but he resisted.

"Nathan, please look at me," Haley begged desperately, but Nathan still refused to take his hands away from his eyes. He didn't want her to see him like this. He hadn't been this hysterical since he left her in the first place all those years ago.

"Nathan," Haley started again, "I don't want to lose you either. We don't have to lose each other. We've come so far and I can't live without you in my life again."

Haley sighed, frustrated when her friend still failed to respond to her. They worked so hard over the last few weeks to get back to this point. They were so involved in each other's lives again. How could he not even want to try to remain friends?

"You do know there are phones, right? And e-mails? Believe it or not, Nathan, it is possible to remain in contact with someone you are not physically close to," Haley explained with a bit more venom than she had originally intended.

"Yeah, great, then let's just be pen pals. I'll write and tell you all the fun stuff happening in Tree Hill with my dad and you can tell me about all the fun time you're spending with Damien," Nathan finally replied bitterly.

Haley couldn't hide the confusion she felt from his sudden outburst, "What? Damien? Where did that come from?"

"Don't deny it, Haley. I know how this is going to be. You'll go back to California and, sure, you'll call me from time to time to catch up, but then you're going to fall right back into your old routine without me. You'll go to the $5 movies on Friday night and be captain of the Chess club and—and you'll be sleeping with Damien, and you won't need me."

Nathan chanced a looked at Haley. He was frozen by how heartbroken she looked. He was certain he looked the same way.

"Nathan. I am not going to forget you. I know things have been crazy since I came here, but you can't lose sight of that fact. I came here. For you. I don't want to go back to California. I'm not going to sleep with Damien. I want to be here with you. I'm going to talk to you all the time. You're not losing me that easily," Haley responded slowly and clearly, making sure that Nathan couldn't misunderstand what she was saying.

Nathan kept looking at Haley, allowing the tears to flow freely. The weight of everything that has transpired between them since her arrival and now the reality of her leaving again so suddenly really crashing down on him. He stared at her as she cried just as much, never averting eye contact. He felt like he should say something in response, but he couldn't come up with any words that would be able to convey how he truly felt. So he didn't respond with words.

Nathan reached both hands to Haley's cheeks to cradle her face in his hands and wipe away her tears. He scooted himself closer to her so their knees were touching. Glancing at her lips, he carefully tilted her chin up and slowly began to close the gap between them. Nathan stopped just a few inches short, wanting to look back up in her eyes before proceeding. Her half-hooded eyes showed no trace of hesitancy, so he quickly closed the gap between them.

They kissed sweetly and slowly for a few moments. Finally, they pulled apart for air and smiled at each other, holding each other closely.

"Stay with me tonight," Haley suggested, "It'll be tight, but we can both squeeze on this couch. One last sleepover, like old times."

Nathan immediately kicked off his shoes then laid himself down on the couch, pulling Haley down with him. She laughed at his enthusiasm but easily settled herself on top of him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head in his neck. Nathan stroked her hair before pulling her back up for one last kiss.

Haley smiled against his lips, then settled back down into her previous position. They knew there was a lot to talk about, but that could wait for tomorrow. Neither could bring themselves to ruin this moment.

A/N: As promised, here is an update. Only 2.5 years later. I have 2 chapters left after this. I will get them out eventually. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Megan AKA ToBecomeAClown