10.21.2017 / 1:34 p.m. Title: Snapshots: Anthology of a Life Well Lived
Author: Kimberly21570
Fandoms: Guiding Light / All My Children
Pairings: Olivia and Natalia / Lena and Bianca
Disclaimers and Other Assorted Ramblings: The characters of Olivia and Emma Spencer, Natalia and Rafe Rivera, and Maureen Reardon are owned by CBS/TeleNext and Proctor & Gamble. The characters of Lena Kundera, Bianca Montgomery, Dr. Maggie Stone, and AJ Chandler are owned by All My Children, ABC/Disney and Prospect Park. The original characters of Jordan and Alexandria "Lexie" Montgomery-Kundera, Jacob and Dylan Jackson-Morgan, Dantéa (Téa) Rivera, and Dr. Valerie Blaine are the property of this author, and any resemblance to fictional characters, or real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
No copyright infringement intended with regard to Guiding Light, CBS/TeleNext, Proctor & Gamble, AMC, ABC/Disney, or any other person or entity. The dialogue, settings, and story content in these scenes are original. Written for fun, not profit. All other standard disclaimers apply.
Rating: Overall, Chapter 6 is rated R, though this particular update is rated PG-13, I suppose. It's always a struggle for me when it comes to ratings, because I know what I would and would not want my 14 and 16 year-old nieces to read. At any rate, this update is tame, for the most part, and the parts that aren't contain information I think of as important for teenage girls to know, so I wouldn't see an issue with them reading it. The story will eventually reach NC-17.
Synopsis: It's a stroll down memory lane for Olivia and Natalia, Lena and Bianca, and their friends and family, as two of our favorite couples' daughters prepare to enter into wedded bliss, in a double wedding… of sorts…
Author's Note: Finally, the long delay is over! My deepest apologies for the extended absence from this story. I needed to get Confessions… to the right place before posting on Snapshots again, so as not to ruin a major plot point in Confessions…
Just as a reminder, it's important to pay particular attention to the transitions in time, as this chapter contains flashbacks within flashbacks. Twenty-nine-year-old Emma is still on Moshup Beach, reminiscing about a conversation that took place during the summer when she and Jordan were 20 and 17, respectively, and the story flashes back to other memories…
I do hope you all enjoy.
Kim
Snapshots: Anthology of a Life Well Lived
Copyright September 2012
"You cannot explain, with the limitations of language and inexperience, why your body can cause such a sudden, fumbling response in someone else, nor can you put into exact words what you feel about your body, explain the thrum it feels in proximity to another warm-skinned form. What you feel is a tangle of contradictions: power, pleasure, fear, shame, exultation, some strange wish to make noise. You cannot say how those things knit themselves together somewhere in the lower abdomen and pulse."
— Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
Chapter 6.4—Awakenings:
Moshup Beach, Martha's Vineyard—Saturday, April 21, 2029, 9:00 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
As she rounded the southern-most tip of the northwestern edge of the island, where the lighthouse stood its vigilant watch high above, Emma laughed, remembering her first encounter with this section of Moshup Beach. Along the beach where it flanked the cliffs, the area was clothing optional—and her Ma had nearly had a heart attack upon seeing a swath of naked bodies lying proudly on huge blankets basking in the sun, or lounging in beach chairs, or under umbrellas or tents. It had been a real awakening for Natalia to see people so completely relaxed in their natural state of undress, reading their books, or listening to music, playing volleyball, or simply relaxing.
She remembered her mother's laughter as she watched her Ma experience the nude beach for the first time. They had come upon the beach quite by accident, but that hadn't softened Natalia's reaction. Olivia's laughter quickly turned to pleading, as her Ma swiftly delivered her mother's punishment—a sharply worded censure, along with the threat that Olivia wouldn't see their bed for at least a month. Emma laughed out loud as she thought about that threat. As a child, such a threat seemed silly. But now, as an adult, she understood exactly what that meant. Her poor mother, no sex for a month. Harsh punishment, indeed.
Her thoughts returned then, to her childhood, to the memories of times spent here on the Vineyard—and more directly, to the differences she noted in childrearing between her parents, and Jordan's. She and Jordan and their siblings hadn't played on this section of the beach as children, of course, but they knew that it was there. And Aunt Lena and Auntie B had never really seemed all that concerned about their children being exposed to naked bodies. They didn't seek that atmosphere out, of course, but they also didn't freak out if it happened—at least not that she ever witnessed. And that line of thinking sent her back to the conversation with Jordan once again.
The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—Sunday, July 18, 2021, 2:00 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Emerging from the memory as she finished retelling the story of her first kiss, Jordan recalled her reaction with a hint of amusement. It seemed so silly in retrospect, to have been so torn up inside over something as innocent as a first kiss. Her mothers loved her unconditionally. She had never had any doubt of that. Yet something inside her made her worry that they wouldn't be accepting of her feelings for AJ. Why was that? she wondered only fleetingly, because it hadn't really mattered in the end. She glanced at Emma then, studying her profile in the firelight, as she waited for a response.
Emma remained quiet for a moment, as the fire crackled, filling the night air with its brilliance. "Do you love him?" Her voice was quiet, almost timid in the asking. She found it disconcerting that Jordan's answer actually mattered.
Jordan responded with a silence of her own, and then with a question of her own. "Do you love Maury?"
Biting her lower lip, Emma stared into the fire. Then, she glanced at Jordan. "Yes, I do love her," she answered honestly.
The expression in Emma's eyes told Jordan there was more to the story. "But…?" she prodded, her tone asking the question.
The fire instantly became interesting again, as Emma averted the sincerity in those gorgeous dark eyes. "But… sometimes unexpected things happen, and they leave you wondering 'what if'," she answered quietly. She wasn't even certain what that meant, exactly, but something inside her told her that it was true.
Jordan's heart pounded in her chest, but she said nothing in response. What did you mean by that? Are you talking about Dylan again? Yes. It must be Dylan. Nothing else makes sense. The air hung heavy between them, as the night took on a decided chill; but cold was the last thing either of them was feeling.
Emma took a deep breath, and asked, "Are you sleeping with him?" She was nervous, almost hesitant to know the answer, though she had no idea why. And she felt neither need nor desire to contemplate it.
There was a long pause, and Jordan bit her lower lip, adorably. "We've talked about it," she finally admitted. "But no, not yet."
Arching an eyebrow, Emma looked much like her mother in the glow of the firelight. "You've talked about it?" She emphasized the part about talking, sounding almost as if the notion were absurd; though she knew from experience that it wasn't.
A nervous, fleeting smile crossed Jordan's lips. "I promised my moms that I wouldn't actually do anything without talking with them first," she admitted. "So I went to them and, well… it was an interesting conversation, to say the least."
"I'll bet," Emma said with a soft laugh. "I can't wait to hear this one!"
Jordan laughed, her memories drawing her back to an afternoon just a few days before they left for their summer on the Vineyard, as she shared her story with Emma…
The Montgomery-Kundera Household, Pine Valley—Friday, May 21, 2021, 7:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
"Mama?"
Jordan's voice was quiet, searching, as she entered the family room of their home in Pine Valley. She found her mother exactly where she imagined—curled up on the old chaise with a cup of coffee and her morning newspaper.
Glancing up from the electronic device through which she had begrudgingly learned to read her daily copy of the Wall Street Journal, Lena smiled at her eldest daughter. Quickly, the smile faded into a look of concern. "What's wrong, Mój Mały?" she asked, gently.
Jordan smiled at the familiar endearment. Even at seventeen, she adored being called her Mama's "Little One." Self-consciously tousling her mop of wild dark curls, she bit her lower lip. "Could we talk?"
"Of course, Sweetheart," Lena answered without a moment's hesitation. "Always…"
Tapping the button to preserve the battery, she set her e-reader on the table beside the lamp with one hand, while patting the seat beside her with the other. "Come. Sit. What's on your mind?" she asked, as Jordan slid into the space where her Mom usually sat next to her Mama, especially on family nights when they watched movies.
"Well, AJ and I have been thinking…"
Again, Jordan chewed her bottom lip, nervously. Her heart thudded so fiercely in her chest that she swore her mama could hear it. "I mean… well, I promised to come talk to you before we…"
It took a moment, and then, realization dawned. "Oh—," Lena exhaled. Her mouth held the shape of the "O" long after the sound ceased. Once it registered, she knew exactly where this was headed. She hoped she hadn't sounded too surprised. Her heart skipped a beat or two as she composed herself. "So… you think you might be ready for sex, huh?" Gently, her fingers raked through Jordan's thick curls.
Apprehensively, Jordan nodded her head. She never made eye contact with Lena. "Are you angry?"
"Angry?" Lena repeated. She pulled Jordan closer, and lightly, she pressed her lips against her daughter's temple. "No, Honey, of course not."
"Upset?" Jordan tried again to identify her mother's reaction. Knowledge was power.
Pausing, Lena searched for just the right word to express her immediate reaction. "Curious," she finally supplied.
"Curious?"
Jordan was intrigued. This was not the response she anticipated. In fact, of all the scenarios she had run in her head as she contemplated this conversation, curious had never even been a contender. She had friends whose parent's had promised to be open-minded when it came to sex, but when approached with the subject, they freaked out and got angry. Or worse… Lacey was still grounded—and her "talk" happened more than two months ago!
"Tell me about what prompted this," Lena gently pressed, drawing Jordan from her thoughts. "Not in general," she clarified, "I know you've been dating AJ for a while, so it's natural for this to come up. But why now?" She emphasized the timing.
Blushing, Jordan perceptively said, "You already figured me out, didn't you?" Her Mama had always been so attuned to her that sometimes it was like living with two therapists instead of one.
"You mean that we're leaving for the Vineyard next weekend, and you're both probably thinking about being apart all summer?" Lena said, intuitively.
"Yeah—," Jordan sheepishly admitted.
Lena smoothed back curls from Jordan's beautifully angular face. "I can understand wanting to feel close to him before we go," she said, validating her daughter's feelings.
"You can?" Jordan looked surprised.
"Yes, Honey, I can," Lena reiterated. "I think it's a natural human reaction." She paused for a moment, contemplating.
"But?" Jordan said, intuitively. Her intuition said her mother was about to burst her bubble.
A slight smile teased at Lena's lips. Her daughter knew her well. "But I think there are better reasons to make this particular decision," she said carefully.
Jordan nodded, indicating that she was listening, contemplating.
"How's this…," Lena said, setting the stage for compromise. "We'll go see Aunt Maggie early next week so we can go over the options and decide what's best for you, okay?"
Jordan's Godmother, Dr. Maggie Stone, was Bianca's best friend, and the resident women's health specialist at Haven of Hope, the women's shelter Bianca had founded when Jordan was a baby.
"That sounds fair," Jordan agreed with a shrug. However, experience warned her it wasn't going to be that simple. "I hear another 'but' coming…"
Lena grinned. "Will you at least consider not acting on your decision before we leave?" she proposed. "I won't ask you to promise, but will you at least consider it?"
"You don't think I'm ready," Jordan said, perceptively.
"I think you're mature enough to make wise decisions," Lena answered honestly. "Which is why I'm willing to make the appointment with Aunt Maggie, and not lock you in your room until you're thirty."
Lena's tone was sprinkled with touch of her natural wry wittiness. It calmed Jordan's nerves, and made her smile.
"Look, Sweetheart, I'm not only concerned with protecting you physically, I'm concerned about protecting your heart," Lena said, sentimentally. Your beautiful, precious, tender heart, she sighed inwardly. "I just don't want to see you make a decision like this based solely upon hormones and feelings." Especially angst-ridden, teenaged ones, she thought, but didn't voice. "And I think they're both a big part of this."
"Because we're leaving so soon…" Jordan nodded her head as she finished her mother's thought.
Nodding, Lena offered a reassuring smile. "If this is truly the right thing for you, trust me, it'll still feel right when we get home," she said, assuredly. "And if AJ really loves you, he'll be willing to wait."
An appreciative smile flickered across Jordan's face. "I'll consider it, Mama," she agreed. And then she leaned in, kissing her mother's cheek. "Thank you… for everything," she said. "Especially for not freaking out on me."
The child had no idea how much Lena was freaking out inside, but she would never let Jordan see that. She knew that she and Bianca were raising their girls to be responsible young women, and despite her misgivings, at least Jordan had come to her first. The rest, she would just have to trust to fall in line. "I love you, Jordan," Lena declared, as she gently patted her daughter's thigh. "I'm glad you came to me with this. We'll take care of it together, okay?"
"M'kay," Jordan murmured. And then she snuggled up in the chair with her Mama, just like she had as a child. "I love you too, Mama."
Lena's heart filled to overflowing as she quietly held her daughter. Life didn't get any better than this, she decided, as she contemplated their family, and the closeness they had always shared—even during the difficult times.
The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—Sunday, July 18, 2021, 2:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Her thoughts returning to the conversation with Emma, Jordan said, "So that was the talk I had with Mama right before we left. Obviously, I decided to take her advice and wait…"
Nodding, Emma said, "For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision."
Emma's tone was sincere, and tinged with something even she couldn't quite identify. Was it regret? Longing? Relief? She hadn't a clue. But Jordan easily picked up on it too. "You sound as though you speak from experience," she ventured.
"I, uh… Yeah, I kinda do," Emma hesitantly admitted.
"Does that mean you're sleeping with Maury?" Jordan pressed.
The directness of the question caught Emma off-guard, causing her heart to palpitate, as her stomach roiled in protest. She paused for several beats, contemplating. And then she nodded. "I am, yes," she answered, quietly, but honestly. Somehow it didn't seem like such a big deal to admit that to Jordan now. She couldn't explain why. "I have been for a while."
Jordan felt an unexpected knot tighten in her belly. It made her curiously uncomfortable. "Do you regret it?" She was curious, and she trusted Emma's judgment.
Emma considered the question. Was that the way she felt? No, it wasn't, she finally decided. "I don't regret being intimate with her, but I regret not waiting until I was older," she admitted.
"Why the distinction?" Jordan sounded intrigued.
"I don't know," Emma sighed offhandedly. But the expression in her eyes told Jordan that wasn't entirely true, and she waited as Emma contemplated the question more fully.
Once again, Emma's gaze was focused on the flickering flame in the fire pit, and she spoke almost as if thinking aloud. "I've often wondered if things would have gone as far physically with Dylan, if I hadn't known what I did about sex from being with Maury," she mused. "You know, if I hadn't been so aware of my own needs, of my own…"
She let the thought trail off into ocean breeze, as silence fell around them. She felt confused, and she didn't know why.
"How old were you?" Jordan asked after a few moments of stillness. "The first time with Maury."
"We uh, we started fooling around when I was fifteen," Emma cautiously shared. "Not long after the make-out session in the snow." She didn't know how much information was too much, given the age gap between them. She treaded carefully, as she continued. "Y'know, just exploring, assuaging our natural mutual curiosity. And we actually had sex a few months later."
If Jordan was surprised by the revelation, she didn't show it. But she couldn't imagine having done something like that at fifteen. She was seventeen now, and still having a difficult time contemplating it. She had only broached the subject with her mama because it was what AJ wanted. She was fairly certain that her mama knew that, but to her credit, Lena had never asked. "Do your parents know?"
"Oh, yeah," Emma answered with a nervous laugh. The tone of her voice told Jordan they weren't exactly amused by the fact. "They didn't find out right away though. We'd been doing it for several months before they figured it out."
"When was the first time?"
Emma offered a wry smile. "Ironically, it was right before we left to come here for the summer," she confessed. "While my parents were out celebrating their fifth anniversary."
Jordan laughed. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah," Emma grinned. "They made the mistake of having our nanny look after my sisters that night, so that basically left Maury and me alone to do whatever we wanted. I mean, they were in the house, but we were alone in my room all night."
"How did they react when they found out?"
"Ma was completely beside herself," Emma answered. "Didn't talk to me for two whole days. It was the longest two days of my life…"
That final statement was delivered on a discontented sigh, and Jordan reached over, gently squeezing Emma's hand. "Hey, I don't know that my moms would've reacted any differently, if I had decided to go through with it," she said, attempting to soothe.
"You know, my Mom wasn't exactly okay with it, but at least she didn't shut me out like Ma." Emma sounded hurt, but she forced herself to let it go. "I'll tell ya one thing, though—it sure caused one hell of an argument between the two of them."
"What happened?" Jordan sounded concerned.
"Well, Mom was just thankful that I hadn't done it with a guy without coming to her for protection," Emma explained. "That pissed Ma off, of course, and Mom was banished from their bedroom for two nights."
Jordan chuckled. "I can totally see your Ma doing that." She sounded rather amused.
"Totally," Emma agreed. "It wasn't the first time, and it certainly wasn't the last," she laughed. She paused for a moment, her thoughts turning inward again. "Ma wasn't angry with me. She was disappointed in me. She said she raised me better than that. Which is true," she ruefully admitted. "I hate that I disappointed her that way. That made it so much worse."
"I can imagine," Jordan empathized. The mere thought of ever disappointing her parents made her sad in a way she couldn't even comprehend.
Emma gave her a dubious grin. She couldn't imagine Jordan ever disappointing her parents. As she watched her in the firelight, she reflected upon all that Jordan was—intelligent, articulate, funny, over-achieving without even trying, and so damned beautiful, she took Emma's breath away.
Where on earth did that come from? Emma wondered. She was afraid to know the answer, and thus, she set her mind back to the truth about Jordan. And the truth was that despite how seemingly perfect the girl was, she carried not a hint of self-righteousness. She was simply Jordan, and she was innately good.
"So, you've never been with a guy?" Jordan's question broke through Emma's wandering thoughts. "Not even Dylan?"
"Nope," Emma answered forthrightly. She was more than happy for the distraction. "But you wouldn't believe the conversation that went on when my moms thought I might," she said, rolling her eyes.
Dark eyes flashed with curiosity. "What happened?"
"Well…" Emma began, stifling a laugh, as her memory drifted back in time again, to the summer before she and Dylan left for college…
The Farmhouse of Love—Friday, July 5, 2019, 7:30 a.m. Central Daylight Time
"Well, has he sucked your tits yet?"
Olivia's voice cracked through the quiet of morning, startling Emma into awareness. She groaned, and shifted beneath the covers. Ordinarily, she was a morning person like her Ma, but this morning, she would have rather had a root canal than see the sun come up. Rightly so, given how pissed her mothers had been last night.
With laser precision, steely jade eyes scanned the form beneath the pile of blankets, up and down. Olivia was none too pleased with her daughter at the moment.
She and Natalia had returned earlier than expected from the annual Bauer Barbecue the night before, discovering Emma and Dylan in her bed, in various stages of undress. She had been too tired to deal with it at the time, and thus, elected to address it in the morning; much to Emma's relief, and Natalia's consternation.
"Olivia!" Natalia censured.
Olivia leveled a glare toward her wife. "What?" she snapped defensively. "I need to know how far this has gone, so I can make sure our daughter is protected."
"Well, you needn't be so crass about it," Natalia countered.
Groaning again, Emma rolled toward her alarm clock. Prying open one bleary eye, she noted the time. "Do we really have to do this right now?" She stressed the immediacy of it, but in the stark light of day, she was almost sorry her mother had waited. If she had handled it last night, then it would already be over with, rather than just starting.
"Yes, we do," Olivia answered. "Now get up."
She wasn't angry about the fact that Emma was having sex. That issue had been resolved years prior, when they learned their daughter had been experimenting with her then-girlfriend, Maureen. Her anger was about the fact that the Cardinal Rule had been broken—no sexual activity of any kind in their home, regardless of the gender of her partner. Emma had three younger siblings, and any or all of them could have burst through that bedroom door without warning.
Emma had argued that it was a double-standard, given that her mothers were allowed to have sex at home, but in the end Olivia won the battle. It was the only way she could placate Natalia, who was fit to be tied over the fact that Emma was having sex at all.
Lethargically, Emma pushed back the covers. She struggled with the sheet that was twisted around her body, as she attempted to sit upright against her headboard.
Scrubbing her face with her hands, she forced herself into consciousness. "I'm really sorry, Mom," she said contritely, as she wrapped her arms around her bended knees. "I really didn't think you'd be home that early. I thought you were all staying for the fireworks display."
Olivia sank down on the bed next to her. "Bella was running a fever," she reported. Her tone was calmer now, less daunting.
"Is she better this morning?" Emma's concern was sincere. After the devastation of losing Dantéa, Emma had been reluctant to accept, and to love Isabella when she was born. But once Olivia and Natalia worked through the fear with her, little Bella had become the light of Emma's life. Now, at seven years old, Bella idolized her big sister, and Emma was as protective as a mother hen to both her and their five-year-old twin sisters, Marissa and Adrianna.
Natalia chose the other side of the bed. Though she was none too pleased with Emma, she was even less pleased with Olivia. "She'll be fine. I'm sure it's just a little bug."
"Whether you were expecting us or not, you broke the rules, Emma." Olivia's tone was firm, but not harsh. "One of the girls could've come in here."
"I know I did, Mom," Emma said penitently. "And I'm so sorry. It won't happen again. I promise."
Olivia nodded, acknowledging that she accepted Emma at her word. She had always been a good kid, and it never took more than a single gentle rebuke for her to learn. "So, how far have things gone with Dylan?"
Emma groaned. "Do we really need a family summit about this?" She sounded as though she would rather sleep on a bed of nails. "I am an adult, you know," she reminded, as she gathered long chestnut tresses into her hands. Draping them over her shoulder, she absently ran her fingers through the ends.
Olivia smiled at the familiar nervous habit. "I know you are. But yes, we do," she insisted.
A sigh of resignation fell from Emma's lips, and she steeled herself for the conversation. She prayed it wouldn't be as uncomfortable as the one they had when she'd been caught with Maureen. But even she knew such a prayer was futile.
"Have you had sex with him?" Olivia asked bluntly.
"No," Emma denied truthfully. "I promised I'd tell you before I did, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did," Olivia agreed. "But sometimes things get out of hand, so I need the truth."
"We haven't had sex, Mom," Emma sighed. "I swear."
"Has he sucked your tits?" Olivia repeated her initial question. Given Emma's rather obvious state of undress the evening prior, she assumed that he had.
The noise that Natalia emitted sent the message that she was still not pleased with Olivia's choice of words.
"Yes—" Emma really didn't think that was a big deal, but Natalia's nonverbal response sent another message.
"Have you touched him?"
Emma didn't need a roadmap to know exactly what Olivia meant. Silently, she chewed her bottom lip as she mulled over her response. "Yes—"
Olivia glanced at Natalia, attempting to gauge her wife's reaction. The woman looked almost ashen. She knew this was difficult for her to handle—the idea of their little Jellybean growing up. But no matter how difficult it was to accept, it was happening, and they couldn't stop it. With that knowledge as her guide, she pressed forward. "How have you touched him, Emma?" She emphasized the means. "There are more things to be concerned about than just getting pregnant."
Emma understood the true nature of her mother's question. "Just my hand, Mom," she answered. Her discomfort was increasing with each question leveled at her, and the fidgeting with her hair increased in equal measure. It wasn't that she was necessarily uncomfortable talking about sex—at least not in theory. But this was different. It was deeply personal. And with her mothers!
"Okay," Olivia nodded. She was glad to not have to be more graphic. Natalia would have had a coronary. Despite how far Natalia had come in terms of her sexual knowledge, Olivia still wondered if she even knew what a blowjob was, or why anyone would want to do such a thing.
She glanced at her then, finding her busily fidgeting with her own hair, and she couldn't help the chuckle that tickled inside her. Emma was so much like her mama.
"And there's nothing else to worry about, I promise," Emma added. "Dylan's never been with anyone."
An eyebrow arched in disbelief. "Cute, charming, captain of the football team has never had sex?" Olivia sounded beyond skeptical.
Locking on Olivia's gaze, Emma's eyes never faltered. "He was still asking permission to kiss me two months after we started dating, Mom. Do you really believe he's untrustworthy?"
Pausing, Olivia considered the question seriously. "No—" she sighed. The kid had a point. She remembered how frustrated Emma had been about that, and how Natalia had pointed it out as a blessing in disguise. "Anything else happen?"
"I never let him go down on me." Emma offered that information to keep Olivia from asking directly. Somehow it was less uncomfortable that way. "I've only ever done that with Maury."
Natalia's hands fidgeted in her lap, but she remained silent. She didn't want a repeat of the scene that unfolded when she learned Emma was having sex with Maureen. Natalia liked Maureen, but could she be trusted with Emma's heart? They were both so young—like Natalia when she first had sex with Nicky, and her heart ached to protect her child from the kind of pain she'd faced at such a tender age. Emma couldn't come up pregnant, of course, but as she looked back on those days with Nicky, what she'd realized was that the pregnancy wasn't really the painful part, because it gave her Rafe. The pain was caused by the belief that Nicky hadn't ever really loved her, because he had taken what he wanted, and then left her without a word.
"All right," Olivia said, accepting Emma's statement as truth. "Have you let him do anything else to you?"
"Well, I mean… he's touched me," Emma answered vaguely.
That telltale eyebrow vaulted, sending an unspoken message to Emma. Immediately, she relented, offering more details. "Okay, okay," she sighed. "I let him get me off with his hand, like I did him."
"Anything else?" Olivia prodded, making certain she had all the facts.
"No—"
Olivia nodded. "How many times have you touched him?"
"A couple," Emma answered with a shrug.
"As couple, as in two, or as in two dozen?"
"Just twice," Emma clarified. She prayed that this interrogation would end soon. God, it was like being fifteen and getting caught with Maury again—except it was worse!
"How recently?"
Fretting, Emma gulped. "Last night…"
"Oh, Dios mío!" Natalia muttered. And her daughter had slept all night on those sheets!
Ignoring her wife's response, Olivia held her course. "When he ejaculated, did he get any on you?"
Natalia actually grimaced at that one. She felt a sudden urgency to clean that she simply couldn't ignore. That bed would be stripped the moment Olivia was finished grilling their daughter. Emma looked positively mortified. Like she wanted to crawl beneath the covers and just die!
"Look, these questions might be uncomfortable, but I need to know, Em," Olivia normalized. "You can still get pregnant even if he doesn't come inside you."
Emma groaned at Olivia's comment, and shifted in the bed.
"Olivia—" Natalia censured.
Olivia met Natalia's gaze with challenge flashing in her eyes. "Oh, for Christ's sake, Natalia," she muttered. "She's a grown woman. I'm not gonna pussyfoot around this!"
"Olivia!" Natalia snapped at the blasphemy.
"It's okay, Ma." Emma patted Natalia's hand comfortingly, as she shook her head in response to Olivia's question. "I never took my panties off with him, Mom. Just my bra."
"Did he ever rub his dick against you, even when you both had underwear on?" Olivia asked, concerned about the answer she might receive.
Truth was, he had, and it felt so fucking good, the hardness of his cock thrusting against her swollen clit as he humped her to orgasm. He was on the verge of coming too when he finally rolled off of her, and she'd finished him with her hand. Suddenly worried, Emma gulped. "Does that actually matter?"
"It does, Em," Olivia answered grimly.
"Then, yeah," Emma answered, looking contrite. Suddenly that orgasm didn't seem so worth it.
"God, I should've been better at this," Olivia sighed, frustrated by her own lack of fortitude. "Unlikely as it is, you could still get pregnant."
"Oh—" Emma sounded scared. "I... I didn't know, Mom. I'm sorry…"
"There's no need," Olivia said. "It's my fault for not teaching you better."
"Mom…"
Olivia offered a wry smile. "What about your hands?" she pressed. "Or his?"
Chewing her lower lip, Emma averted Olivia's gaze, and nodded. "I got it on my hand."
Reaching out, Olivia gently tipped Emma's chin. Her eyes were gentle, yet insistent. "This is important, Em, so tell me the truth. Did you touch yourself afterwards?"
Shaking her head, Emma answered, "No, Mom. I've never done that with him."
The implication was that she had done it with Maury, and Natalia wasn't sure whether to be grateful, or cry.
"Did this ever happen when you were just wearing a swimming suit?" Olivia meticulously inquired. It was summer, after all, and the two of them had spent many a late night out in the pool.
"No—" Emma shook her head again.
"Do you think you might have sex with him before you leave for school?" Olivia asked forthrightly. She knew there were only a few weeks left, and that emotions ran high for teenagers when a separation was imminent.
Emma shrugged her shoulders. "We've talked about it," she confessed.
"How seriously have you talked about it?" Olivia pressed. "I need a real gauge here, Em."
"Serious, like we probably will," Emma finally admitted.
"Serious, like you might have last night, if we hadn't come home when we did?" Olivia queried knowingly.
Eyes downcast, Emma released a discontented sigh. "Yeah…"
Reaching out, Olivia gently stroked Emma's long, chestnut locks. "Then we need to make some decisions, don't we?" It was more statement than question, and Olivia's tone was supportive.
Natalia opened her mouth to argue, but then decided to let it go. Olivia was right—Emma was a grown woman, capable of making her own choices, and mature enough to hear the truth, uncensored. As much as Natalia longed to protect her precious girl, she knew she couldn't do that by denying her the right to free will. She could only protect her by providing her with information and access to birth control. She realized now that Emma should have been granted such access long ago, and that Natalia's own naiveté had prevented her from adequately protecting her own child. Silently, she vowed not to make that same mistake in the future—no matter how much it pained her to do otherwise.
"Yeah, I think we do," Emma agreed. She stole a glance at Natalia, wondering what her other mother was thinking.
"All right," Olivia said decidedly, "I'll make an appointment with Dr. Blaine. I'm sorry I didn't do that when you and Dylan first started dating."
Emma reached for Olivia's hand, squeezing it gently. "I think maybe I should do that," she said. "I'm an adult, right? It's time I was responsible for things like that."
Olivia smiled at her daughter. "Right," she agreed. "Do you still want me to come with you?"
Grinning, Emma nodded sheepishly. "I'd like it if you'd both come," she said, glancing tentatively toward Natalia again. "A girl's never too old to need her two mommies."
That reference brought a smile to Natalia's face. "No, she sure isn't," she agreed. Her heart was still torn over the thought of Emma growing up, as she pulled her close, lightly kissing her temple. But nothing in the world would ever make her love for her daughter fade.
Natalia apologized then, for struggling so much with Emma growing up, and they talked things out calmly, as they often did in times of great conflict. They decided to make a day of it—just Emma and her two moms—a rite of passage, much like shopping for her first "grown up" bra. And as that rite of passage transpired, it wasn't lost on either Olivia or Natalia, the connection between the two events, and the intervening moments that happened in between.
The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—Saturday, April 21, 2029, 9:00 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Jordan leaned against a pillar on the front porch, muscular arms draped loosely around her knees. Her dark eyes glistened in the morning sunlight as she gazed out across the landscape of her life, her thoughts adrift in memories of years gone by. After her chat with Lexie that morning, she found herself thinking about that late-night talk with Emma on the beach when she was just barely seventeen. She hadn't thought about that night in years, but for some reason, it was now foremost in her mind.
And she laughed to herself as she remembered all of the things they had confessed to one another that night; some of them serious, others silly. They had come a long way in the years that followed, and as she looked back on that night, she realized that had been the true starting point of their journey.
The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—Sunday, July 18, 2021, 2:15 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
"Oh, my God!" Jordan exclaimed, as Emma finished relating the story of that horrific conversation with her mothers. "That sounds absolutely mortifying!"
Emma barked out a laugh. "You're tellin' me!"
"Wow…" Jordan sighed, as she shook her head. "Well, at least it ended civilly."
"Agreed," Emma said. She was quiet for a moment. Reflective. "Anyway, Dylan and I came close that summer, but the trip to the doc was a waste of time. I couldn't go through with it. Having sex with him, I mean."
"Why not?" Jordan's curiosity was heightening with every admission from Emma.
"He chose Ohio State over U of M," Emma answered. He chose football over me, she thought, but didn't voice. "And we were both leaving for school in just a few weeks. It just didn't feel right, you know, the whole long-distance thing."
Truth be told, Emma was still more than a little disappointed in Dylan's choice of schools. She had selected University of Michigan over top-ranked Washington University in St. Louis, with the hopes that he would join her there. "And honestly, as much as I loved him, I couldn't afford the distraction of a relationship. Pre-med is stressful, and medical school will be even worse. I just couldn't see adding the pressures of a relationship and sex to the mix." She didn't divulge the fact that after the conversation with her moms that morning, she had been scared shitless of fucking up her future.
"Hmm…"
"What, 'Hmm…'?" Emma quirked an eyebrow. She knew she was being analyzed—the dangers of having a shrink in the family.
"And yet, you're in a relationship with Maury again." Jordan noted the dichotomy. She sounded like her mother in the midst of a session. "And it's long-distance, to boot."
Emma grinned sheepishly. "You have a point," she conceded.
"So why Maury, and not someone you met at U of M?" Jordan questioned.
"It's committed, yet casual, with Maury right now. No pressure. We talk almost every day; enjoy one another when we can get together. She's one of my best friends, and I love her very much," Emma answered. And then her lips formed an impish grin, as she leaned closer to Jordan, as if divulging a secret. "Besides, the sex is incredible, and I don't have to worry about birth control or getting pregnant."
Jordan blushed at the overtness of Emma's comment. It was one thing to hear her admit to having sex. It was something completely different to hear her admit that she thoroughly enjoyed it. Self-consciously, she cleared her throat. "What about other guys?" she asked. She was searching for answers to a question she was afraid to even ask.
"I've never really had any interest in relationships or sex with other guys," Emma shrugged. "Though, I probably would have with Jacob, if he'd shown an interest. I totally had a thing for him when we were younger."
She paused for a moment, reflecting, and then released a slow sigh. "All I know is that if Maury and I ever break up again, I'm gonna wait until I'm certain I've met the person I wanna be with forever," she shared. "It worked wonders for my Moms."
"You don't think Maury is the one?" Jordan asked, gently.
"I don't know," Emma sighed. "I used to, y'know? But… I'm just not sure anymore."
"What happened?" Jordan asked, gently. The look in Emma's eyes told her she probably shouldn't have asked that question. "I'm sorry," she quickly backtracked. "I didn't mean to be so personal."
A wobbly smile tickled at the corners of Emma's mouth, as their gazes caught for a brief moment. "It's okay," she said, passively. "I guess… sometimes life just surprises you, y'know?"
Nodding, Jordan silently contemplated Emma's words. Was there something hidden in what she wasn't saying? Was she second-guessing her decision to walk away from Dylan? As often was the case, the air once again hung between them.
Finally, Emma cleared her throat. "So… Dark, white, or milk?" she posed.
Jordan smiled at Emma's segue, and feigned serious contemplation. "Yes…" she grinned.
"Ah… a true chocoholic," Emma laughed. "You're a woman after my own heart, Jordan."
Jordan's breath caught in her chest. Emma called her a woman. Not a girl, but a woman. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly, staving off the visceral feelings Emma had evoked within her body. The mere sound of Emma's voice caused more of a stir than anything AJ had ever tried. That always seemed to take her by surprise, but in the best possible way.
Then the game continued. It was Jordan's turn. "Ruffles® or Lays®?" She didn't often indulge in junk food, but thanks to her Aunt Maggie's influence, she had become not only a nachos aficionado, but a chip connoisseur.
"Lays®," Emma answered. "No one can eat just one!"
"Amen to that!" Jordan exclaimed, drawing a laugh from Emma.
"Milk or juice?" Emma posed.
"Milk—it does a body good," Jordan answered with a teasing lilt.
Teal-blue eyes raked across Jordan's body. It's certainly done your body good… Emma had to force her own body into submission after the errant thought. It was simply inappropriate to indulge such thoughts about the girl.
Jordan blushed under Emma's rapt gaze. "Beef, chicken, or pork?" She ticked off the obvious choices.
"Absolutely," Emma grinned.
Jordan laughed.
Emma shrugged innocently. "What can I say? I like meat." There was humor in her tone.
"Said the lesbian…," Jordan commented, facetiously.
It was Emma's turn to laugh, and she did so, heartily. "I'm not a lesbian," she protested lightly. "I'm bisexual."
Grinning, Jordan said, "Point taken." She loved that Emma was so certain of who and what she was—and wasn't.
Emma nodded, accepting the inherent apology. "Colgate® or Crest®?"
"Crest®," Jordan answered.
"Oh, n-n-n-no…" Emma was shaking her head. "That's a deal breaker right there."
Jordan chuckled. "Why's that?"
"I just don't think I could ever give my heart to a Crest® user," Emma said facetiously. "I'm a Colgate® girl, all the way."
An eyebrow arched. "I could be persuaded to switch," Jordan declared. You could manage to persuade me to switch a lot of things. The thought came on her so swiftly, it actually shocked her. Where the hell did that come from? Again, she prayed that Emma couldn't see the blush that crept across her face.
But Emma had noticed it, and she quickly came to Jordan's rescue—and her own—posing another question. "Coke® or Pepsi®?"
"Oh, Coca-Cola®, hands down!" Jordan answered decidedly.
Emma grinned. "That's my Girl," she said, with deep affection in her tone.
Jordan sighed. "I wish…," she murmured softly. She realized she'd said that aloud when he heard Emma's breath hitch in her chest.
Blushing, Emma diverted her eyes away from Jordan's intent gaze. "Don't—okay?" The words tumbled from her lips in a quiet, longing plea, as her emotions threatened to overwhelm. She was having so much fun with Jordan, but struggling so hard at the same time to quell the growing attraction she felt toward her. They were friends, right? They'd been friends since childhood. So surely, this wasn't happening. It simply couldn't, for oh, so many reasons. And so she steadied herself, offering a wobbly smile to Jordan as she gazed at her in the firelight.
There was a lengthy pause as Emma contemplated, and then, came Emma's smile, causing Jordan to practically melt at the vulnerability on that beautiful face. "Blueberry or Banana?" she asked softly. She knew this one would bring another smile to Emma's face, this one far less tremulous.
"Pancakes?"
"Of course!"
"Banana pancakes!" they exclaimed together. And then they were laughing together; the tension fading. Emma had picked the expression up from her mothers, and passed it on to Jordan.
"Fried or scrambled?" Emma posed.
"Scrambled." There was a sense of nostalgia in Jordan's tone. "Remember that time you taught me how to make them over Facetime?"
"Yeah," Emma sighed, wistfully. "Didn't your Aunt Maggie teach your mom the same way?"
Laughing, Jordan confirmed the story. "Yeah, except they didn't have video calling, so Mom was workin' blind," she said. "I can't believe you remember that."
"I remember everything," Emma said softly. And she did. She remembered every single moment they had shared.
Jordan's breath caught at the hint of longing that edged the sense of nostalgia in Emma's tone. She remembered everything, too. And more than that, she wanted a chance to make new memories with this girl, this woman, who meant so very much to her.
Moshup Beach, Martha's Vineyard—Saturday, April 21, 2029, 9:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
Jogging along at a steady pace, Emma made her way back toward the cottage. She couldn't believe how long she'd been gone this morning, but she felt like it was inevitable given the journey she'd been on, revisiting the past. Realizing how late it was, she knew that the family would be asking about her, and not wanting to worry them, she picked up the pace. And her mind still adrift in that night on the beach, so many years ago, suddenly hastening her return seemed of the utmost importance—she couldn't wait to see Jordan again.
The Cottage, Martha's Vineyard—Sunday, July 18, 2021, 2:30 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time
"I remember everything," Emma said softly. And she did. She remembered years of playing together in the ocean, on the beach, at the carousel. And card games with their families, reading together at their favorite bookstore, ice cream at Mad Martha's, and sunsets from atop the lighthouse on the Cliffs. She remembered every night they had spent here, talking, laughing, sharing stories… sleeping in Jordan's bed—the warmth of Jordan's body, nestled against her own.
And in that moment, she could feel Jordan's body wrapped around her; she could hear that soft, sweet voice whispering against her ear, "I miss you when you're asleep."
Jordan had drifted off for the night after murmuring those words to her. But Emma had lain awake for hours, just basking in the warmth of being held in her arms; wishing things could be different—and wondering how… and why.
Back in the present, the memories surrounded her, enveloping her in their warmth and familiarity, and her body shook from the intensity of the experience.
Noticing Emma's shiver, Jordan reached over, fingertips lightly brushing against her arm. "Are you cold?" she asked; genuinely concerned. "Do you wanna go inside?"
Emma smiled at her. "I'm a little chilly," she fibbed—chilly was the last thing she was, "but… I don't wanna go inside." Her eyes sparkled in the firelight.
"Come here," Jordan gently encouraged. Motioning with her hand, she invited Emma into her embrace.
Despite the fact that she'd been in Jordan's arms countless times before, Emma knew it was a bad idea. She offered a wary expression, causing Jordan to laugh. "Don't worry, I won't bite," she said. "Unless you want me to, of course."
Emma rolled her eyes, but the grin that played on her lips gave her away. "Don't tease, straight girl," she warned, as she crawled over, planting herself in the proffered position between Jordan's legs. She had known for years that despite Jordan's relationship with AJ, the girl was anything but completely straight. There had always been something between the two of them; but she needed the safety of denial to get her through the week. And damn, was it going to be a long week!
Jordan smiled, wrapping Emma snugly in her embrace; one arm around her toned abdomen, the other around her upper chest, as she pulled the older woman against her, resting her chin against a muscular shoulder. "Better?" she intoned.
"Mm… definitely better," Emma answered, nestling into Jordan's embrace the way she had so many times as they were growing up. But this time, though her body relaxed into those muscular arms, she still felt decidedly on edge as she allowed the younger woman to hold her. How was that even possible, two such dichotomous feelings? And yet, that was exactly how she felt. Reason told her she should feel conflicted, and she did. But not for the reasons she thought she should.
Nuzzling against Emma's neck, Jordan drew in a deep breath, greedily soaking in the sweet essence of her. She always smelled of lavender with a hint of honeysuckle, and Jordan couldn't get enough. "God, Em, you always smell so good," she murmured softly, her nose gliding along the taut cord of muscle in Emma's long, graceful neck, as her fingertips lightly traced the well-defined ridges of Emma's abs just beneath the soft fabric of her Michigan t-shirt.
Throat suddenly dry, Emma swallowed hard as she fought valiantly to tamp down the physical response Jordan was evoking from her body. The girl had no idea what she was doing; no clue as to the firestorm she was creating with nothing more than a few light touching and softly whispered words.
"It can't be like this between us, Jordan," Emma whispered in warning. But she didn't pull away. Instead, she closed her eyes, losing herself in the nearness of her. God, she wanted it to be exactly like this, but it was wrong on so many levels she couldn't even count.
"We're not hurting anyone," Jordan insisted.
"We're hurting ourselves," Emma pointed out.
"I'll take my chances for now," Jordan replied, pressing her forehead against Emma's temple. "I just wanna be close to you for a while."
Despite the warnings that clamored in her head, Emma hadn't the strength to refuse her; not even if she'd wanted to. Sinking deeper into the solid strength of Jordan's full-bodied embrace, she released a slow, contented sigh. She certainly couldn't argue, because she wanted the exact same thing. Always had. Always would. Consequences, be damned.
TBC in Chapter 6.5—Awakenings…
