*I don't own DC, Marvel, or even Ed, Edd n' Eddy!*
How The Joker Destroyed The Cul-De-Sac
Eddy was still in shock about what he'd just learned. He's been unconscious for a whole week only to find out that the cul-de-sac, his home for as long as he can remember, has been destroyed by the Joker not long after waking up. He hasn't said a word since Double Dee broke the news to him. Not when he was wheeled back into bed, not when Double Dee and Ed tried to coax him into a game of cribbage to try and calm his nerves, not even when a nurse came in to change his bandages.
It all just seems impossible to him. Like some sort of terrible nightmare. Looking in the mirror again, Eddy took a closer look at his injuries. A doctor told him that his eye had been gouged out, which would explain the cotton pad over his eye socket. But it looks like he was also hit by the Joker's special venom. Normally lethal, it can cause someone's skin to be bleached and their hair to turn green as they literally laugh themselves to death, their faces stuck resembling that of the Joker. The fact that Eddy didn't die from it means he was either given an antidote before it could take full effect, or the Joker Venom he was hit with was a low-grade dose.
Either way, he's at least glad that he didn't die laughing.
But he can see that Ed and Double Dee were no better off in terms of the injuries that they sustained.
Ed was being treated for mauling that had been done by the Joker's hyenas. Apparently, they saw the big lug as the more worthwhile meal out of the three of them. And from what he can tell, Ed has likely received shots for rabies and other dangerous pathogens that those beasts could have been carrying. Double Dee was burned badly by the Joker's flamethrower, no doubt from that crazy clown attempting to burn him alive.
All in all, the three of them are lucky to be alive right now.
"Double Dee, I need to know," Eddy said in a broken voice when the nurse left. "How did this happen? What caused us to be sent here because of Joker's attack?"
And really, Eddy has a right to be confused. He and his fellow Eds, along with the cul-de-sac kids, have all survived much worse injuries than these and always got right back up. What makes this time so different?
"Eddy, with all the stress that we've all been under, I don't think it would be…"
"And so it went!" exclaimed Ed as he cut off Double Dee. "For little did Ed, Edd, and Eddy know was that deep in the intestines of the Trailer Park, the Joker and his minions were plotting an attack on the cul-de-sac using an airborne Joker Virus! Slowly, as the Eds proved immune, he would release the flying toxin!"
Flashback Begins…
"I am a good shovel, huh Eddy?" Ed asked stupidly as the Eds finally dug their way out.
"Shut up, Lumpy." mumbled Eddy.
As he, Ed, and Double Dee climbed out of the hole that they'd dug in order to escape, they saw that the cul-de-sac was under siege! Small fires were starting everywhere, the ground shook from artillery fire, and crazed madmen ran about the cul-de-sac attacking everything that moved!
"Whoa, what's going on?" Eddy asked.
"I'm not sure, Eddy, but I don't like it." replied a frightened Double Dee.
Right as he was grabbed and shook up by a certain son of a shepherd.
"Salt and Milk Ed-Boy, gather your inadequate friends and flee! Flee in the name of blanched rhubarb!" exclaimed Rolf as his parents helped lead him away.
"I'm dorkin', man!" cried a weakened Kevin as he and his parents ran by.
Nazz could only laugh dileriously as she and her family tried desperately to escape the carnage. That's when our story's main protagonists saw Sarah and Jimmy trying to run away as well, but of course with Jimmy being the weaker one, they weren't getting far.
"Oh my legs!... I can't go on, Sarah!" Jimmy said weakly as he fell to the ground and attempted to crawl away. "Farewell, cruel world!"
"Come on Jimmy, you can do it!" urged Sarah.
She tried to drag Jimmy along, but in her sick and weak state she just couldn't muster up the strength that she once could. She released a final scream as she and Jimmy were literally blown to pieces by a rocket blast, much to the horror of the Ed-Boys. But especially Ed.
"BABY SISTER!" Ed screamed in horror.
A chillingly familiar laugh caused the Eds to look back and see that the Joker, his hyenas, and several henchmen were standing there holding the corpses of the Kanker Sisters. They appeared to have been skinned alive before being dunked in vats of salt. She shock from the intense pain must have killed them before their injuries could. Even though the Eds really didn't like the Kankers, they didn't want them to die such gruesome deaths.
"You won't get away with this, Joker!" exclaimed Eddy.
But he quickly shrunk back as he and his friends made a beeline away from the crazy clown and his associates. They screamed in absolute terror as they ran as fast as their legs could carry them. Double Dee, especially, since he's got the shortest legs out of the three of them. But Joker just laughed and hefted his rocket launcher over his shoulder.
"Don't think you can hide from me, kiddies!" he taunted.
Joker took aim, and fired a rocket. In a blast of shrapnel and other burnt materials, the first house that the Eds had hoped to hide in had been destroyed.
"Rolf's home!" screamed Ed.
They tried to take shelter in another house, but unfortunately for them, it too got blown up as the Eds continued to try and find cover.
"Not Johnny's, too!" Ed screamed.
Joker just kept laughing like the psychotic clown that he is as he and his henchmen continued to blast the entire cul-de-sac to smithereens. Double Dee was shaking like a leaf as the three boys found a house that was still standing and decided to hide in it.
"Eddy!..." whimpered Double Dee.
"Quick, in here!" exclaimed Eddy as he threw the door open.
"HYENAS!" screamed Ed.
It's true. Running out of the house and laughing in their own way was the Joker's hyenas. They cackled in a way that only hyenas can as they chased the Eds down to the lane in an effort to trap the three young lads. And the Joker further cut off their escape by shooting the Kanker Rubber Cement that he pilfered from the trailer of the now dead Kankers. It splashed all around the Eds who skidded to a halt. They learned from their previous experience with that stuff, and don't want to come in contact with it again. Thinking fast, Eddy grabbed a trash can lid and tried to use it as a shield.
"Joker!"
But that's when things got hairy as the Joker discarded his rocket launcher, reached into his pocket… and pulled a ridiculously huge missile, gatling gun, flamethrower combo with a pink flamingo design out of his pocket! Naturally, this weirded out the Eds.
"Author guy, this story's gettin' weird." Eddy said.
Yeah, even for me, that was weird. Okay, enough fourth wall breaking for now.
Joker didn't even need to aim as he shot the rocket at the Eds. It really was a good thing that Eddy had that trash can lid to act as a shield. Without it, they would have been far worse off. The Eds gasped as the Joker and his crew descended upon the crater left by the missile impact, giggling with sadistic glee.
"You kids put up a good fuss, I'll admit. But in the end it was all for nothing. Why, even your friends and their parents, as well as your own folks, are six feet under by now." Joker said with the most unsettling grin anyone's ever seen on him. "So what do you say, brats? Any last words before it's lights out for good?"
And last words they did indeed have.
"I'M TOO YOUNG, AND HANDSOME TO DIE!" Eddy screamed at the top of his lungs.
"BLAH BLAH BLAH!" was what Double Dee screamed for his last words.
But Ed didn't stay down long as he abruptly stood up and pointed skywards while glaring at the Joker.
"Now it's my turn!"
And with that, Ed totally defied the laws of reality like he and the Eds do every other day, and began to literally fly away from the Joker and his cronies while making a buzzing sound like a fly! Seriously, how the hell do these guys do all this crazy shit? But he's not alone in the sky as he held his two friends, almost brothers, under his arms in a vain attempt to get them to safety. Or at least hold out until the heroes arrive.
"I don't know how you're doing that, but it makes no difference, Fly Boy!" Ed heard Joker say.
And these concerns are actually warranted as the Joker chased them in a flying pod with a giant flyswatter attached to it!
"Joker!" yelped Eddy.
"Yap!" Double Dee also yelped.
Joker took a flew swings at Ed in an attempt to swat the boy out of the air, but Ed proved to be too nimble in the air, easily avoiding the Joker's swings. He dodged two more, but then...
"Ow!"
Joker got a lucky hit!
Ed's flight sputtered and died before he, Eddy, and Double Dee plummeted out of the sky. They hit the ground and skidded along and getting buried beneath a shallow layer of dirt and rocks. They stopped as they hit the wall of a buried bunker from World War II that appeared to have long since been abandoned. The three popped their heads out of the dirt as Joker started slowly closing in on them. The psycho clown obviously wanted to savor the 'kill'.
"Joker?..." asked a dazed Eddy before he saw something that snapped him to attention. "Joker!"
Ed was the first to get out of the dirt pile as the Joker slowly began to land, and noticed a hole in the roof of the bunker. Just from looking at the structure, he immediately knew even with his tiny, underused brain...
"We have found shelter!"
Ed quickly stuffed his friends into the bunker as they screamed while Joker continued to slowly close in like a killer clown out of a horror movie. Which, coincidentally, he might as well be. Ed started struggling to crawl in himself as the scene changed by literally turning the page like one would in a book.
End Flashback...
"...And recovering in hospital, we are. The end." Ed finished with a stupid smile.
Naturally, his friends didn't believe everything the big lug said. Even if most of it was true, Ed has a tendency to fabricate much information to make a story sound like something out of one of his comic books or monster movies. And minus the flying part, everything Ed just told Eddy was one hundred percent true.
"Gracious, Ed, what an enchanted world you live in." said Double Dee.
"I think I got a cramp listening to you." grumbled Eddy.
***To Be Continued…***
I hope everyone enjoyed this new chapter. Don't forget to vote on the poll that I currently have up. Thank you all for reading, and have a good one.
Poll Question: In "No Such Luck AU (The Emperor's Wrath)" which of these paths do you want Lincoln to follow?
Sith Juggernaut: 8 votes
Sith Marauder: 5 votes
