Chapter 13: Through Europe With Hate, Part 3
Tywyn, Wales– that evening
"This is Hector Ramirez, and welcome to Twenty Questions. Tonight, we continue our look into the ongoing aftermath of the destruction of Jasper by the Decepticons. Joining us tonight is one of the survivors of the carnage, one Rex Lewis. Good evening, Rex– nice to have you on the show," the TV in Phyllis and Mary's hotel room blared, the image on the screen splitting between the host and another man with a conspicuous mustache, mirrored sunglasses, and a loud suit.
"Thanksss for inviting me, Hector," the second man said in a raspy voice, drawing out the "s" like a serpent's hiss. "It's a real pleasure to be here."
"So, Rex– mind telling us your story for all the viewers at home?" Hector asked.
"Well, back when there was still a Jasper, I had the distinct honor of being one of the most successful business owners in town."
"Can we watch something else?" Mary asked as she looked on at the screen.
"Hate to break it to you, but no," Grif retorted. "Golden rule of TV– he who has the remote picks the show."
"What sort of business?"
"The local used car lot."
Mary let out an audible groan.
"I see. Anyways, what was it like being caught in the middle of the attack?"
"I wasn't. You see, a little bit before the Decepticons razed the town, my son and I were out of the country, trying to recover from a…major loss in the family. It wasn't until we got back that we found out what happened."
Hector nodded. "So, as someone who survived Jasper, what're your thoughts regarding the lack of an Autob–"
"WHAT ARE MY THOUGHTS ON THOSE WRETCHED ROBOTS?!" Rex screamed, his voice suddenly becoming shrill. "I THINK THAT THEY ARE A BUNCH OF COMPLETE AND UTTER INCOMPETENT, LAZY NINCOMPOOPS! THANKS TO THEM DECIDING TO SIT ON THEIR SHINY METAL ASSES, I'M OUT OF A JOB AND A HOME OF MY OWN!"
"…I see. Now, for the viewers at home, what do you think about Harold Attinger's campaign to drive the Autobots off Earth?"
"He's a fool if he thinks that the United Nations will actually revoke their rights to stay on Earth!" the interviewee continued, his shrillness beginning to slightly fade."I mean, when was the last time the UN did anything that wasn't ultimately just a load of hot air?"
"And his claims that we can handle the Decepticon threat?"
"Hogwash! Barring any sudden quantum leaps in weapons technology, we cannot rely on the military to be capable of dealing with those things without being annihilated! As far as those metallic monsters from outer space are concerned, we are little more than a defanged cobra– all hood and no bite! Where our conventional forces and the Autobots have failed to secure humanity's right to ex–"
Mary lunged forward, grabbed the remote right out of her bodyguard's hands, and promptly changed the channel over to Midsomer Murders.
"Hey! I was watching that!" Grif yelled.
"Well, maybe some of us want to watch something other than some guy yelling himself hoarse," came the oddly calm reply.
"It's called 'keeping up with current events'," Grif retorted. "Or as it's also called in me and Donut's line of work, 'market research'."
Mary sighed before making her way over to the room's minifridge.
The Tredegar Arms Pub– nearby
"Hey, bartender– do us all a favor and turn that off before I do it for you!" Phyllis snarled, gesturing at the nearby TV broadcasting Twenty Questions.
"Um, Miss Gabor, you do know you can always ignore it, right?" Donut replied from his spot in a corner booth, a glass of wine in his hand.
"Kind of hard to do when one of the guys on the show has a voice like nails on a chalkboard!" came the snappy retort. "Though on the upside, at least now those stupid heritage railroads and going to Euro Disney aren't going to be most excruciating parts of this trip."
"And what's so wrong with that second one?"
Phyllis rolled her eyes. "It's too kiddy for my liking, okay?"
Donut blinked. "…that's it?"
"Look, I've got an image to maintain! I mean, what'd you rather see on the cover of Cool Trash– the aftermath of me getting completely blitzed at some nightclub or me waiting in line to ride the Haunted Mansion?"
"Second one, actually. It'd be a good reminder that you're more than just some hard-drinking party girl."
It was Phyllis' turn to blink. "Okay, either I'm drunker than I thought or I've crossed over into the Twilight Zone or something, because you just sounded like you actually give a rat's ass about me."
"Considering that pretty much everyone else I work with kinda hates you, call it benevolent contrarianism."
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
In case you're wondering who Harold Attinger is, he's a character from the fourth Michael Bay movie who LuisJM decided to incorporate into his "Transformers Prime: Season 3" fics. Similarly, "Jasper" refers to a small Nevada town that was the primary setting of the first couple of seasons of Transformers: Prime, which was destroyed by Decepticons in Luis's continuity.
On a quasi-related note, if you're wondering just who this "Hector Ramirez" guy is, he's a Geraldo Rivera parody/recurring minor character from the four major Hasbro cartoons produced by Sunbow in the 1980s (read: the original Transformers series, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero, the original Jem series, and Inhumanoids). As for what he's doing here, chalk that up to my fondness for the G1 iteration of Transformers. Also, in case you're wondering who that Rex Lewis guy is, all I'm willing to say is that his remark about humanity being a "defanged cobra" should be enough of a hint.
