Shiho opened her eyes slowly, announcing the beginning of a new day. The first thought to cross her mind was, as usual, Dai. It didn't even strike her anymore for it became a daily routine; He is the one to cross her mind when she wakes up, whenever she's alone, whenever she sees a coffee or a drink. He was somehow related to everything.
Now Shiho got away with a lot of things before, she kissed him when he was under the effect of anesthesia and he didn't know it, she hugged him when he had an infection and he had no memory of it too. But this time, she was certain he knew because he kept on avoiding her.
An entire month had passed since that incident and she didn't see him once. She should've known better than to kiss him. Yet it was totally worth it that if she got a chance to do it again, she would still do it.
Dai was nowhere near the lab, not at her sister's, just nowhere to be seen in the places she visits. Shiho was nervous in the first week fearing that he might tell Akemi. It would certainly break her sister's heart to know that they kissed, but with each weekend she met her she found her unaware of it.
Shiho knew she messed up and felt guilty for it. Akemi's ignorance only helped to make her feel worse. Not only that she took advantage of Dai being drunk, but she stabbed her sister in the back too. Sometimes, She gets convinced that she doesn't deserve love. What's there to love about her when she works for a criminal organization, developing a traceless poison? And she'd betrayed the only person who actually loves her too. Shiho was drawn into a loop of sadness due to that.
Dai loves Akemi so much, the kiss that meant so much for her probably meant nothing to him and didn't affect him in the slightest. This idea made Shiho feel bad for herself more than for Akemi. It was her who has to endure the suffering of unrequited love while Akemi and Dai continue their perfect relationship.
Sometimes she wonders if it's better this way with Dai avoiding her. She really doesn't know how their meeting will go, it will probably be too awkward so maybe it is better like this. Shiho thought that with time she'll forget him, so she tried to take advantage of the opportunity of them not meeting to try and get him out of her mind, but she just couldn't. If anything, she's thinking about him even more.
The redhead rolled out of bed. She woke up already feeling tired. Her thoughts were draining her energy with every passing moment, sucking away her weight. She was like a living zombie, moving and working but dead on the inside.
Sunday used to be the escape from her sorrow but now it felt like an obligation. Seeing Akemi has turned into a reminder of all the bad thoughts that hunted her. Shiho was exhausted and needed rest from people but didn't skip seeing Akemi once. She couldn't punish Akemi for something she had no hand in. It was her own fault and she had to take responsibility for it.
To avoid having to stay for long, however, Shiho told Akemi that she won't have dinner and that she'll visit her shortly at lunchtime instead.
It was almost lunchtime when the redhead arrived. The brunette welcomed her with a wide smile and invited her in. Shiho didn't even bother looking for Dai, he stopped coming on Sundays since the day they kissed.
They both sat in the living room.
"You look tired." Akemi commented.
"I'm fine." Shiho muttered.
"You're not." She poked her sister's arm lightly. "You're working a lot, You should get some rest. Maybe we could go on vacation together, what do you think?"
Akemi's innocent look and soft smile were like daggers to Shiho's heart. She examined her for a moment.
"I can't right now I'm bu-"
"Busy..." Akemi finished her sister's sentence. "Yeah, I know... Just try to take some time for yourself. You work so hard so you deserve a rest, I don't think anokata would decline."
Shiho just nodded.
At that exact moment, the key turned in the door and Dai appeared from the entrance. His intense gaze moved between the two sisters examining them with a stern look before fixing on Akemi. Shiho felt her heart tremble when he glanced at her. She was not expecting to see him and was scared of his reaction, but at the same time, she couldn't take her eyes off of him after an entire month of not seeing him.
During the past month, Shuichi gained an alcoholic codename and became an executive member. Yet, he still had a feeling that the infiltration will still take long. Now, he no longer reports to Gin and he reports straight to the boss, but the only thing he knew about him was the number to text, no name, no hint, just nothing… The upside though is that he doesn't have to work exclusively under Gin, now he gets to go on missions while he's in charge, and he gets to work with different members, more pleasing ones like scotch and bourbon.
"Hello." He said in a dry tone, looking at Akemi.
"Hi! You came just in time." Akemi chirped "Shiho's here!"
"I'm not staying here for long, I came to get my laptop I left it here somewhere." He said with a monotonous tone, eyes searching the place for the device.
Shiho felt annoyed. He didn't even say hi to her. She messed up but does he have to be this rude? Not willing to be an unwanted company, she got to her feet. This meeting was no better than solitude anyway.
"No you could stay, I'm leaving." She said. If he can't stand being in the same room with her then she'll make it easier for him.
"But why? I could barely get the both of you in the same room but every time it happens one of you has to leave." Akemi protested.
"I told you yesterday that I can't stay for long. I have a report to finish." Shiho said before muttering a goodbye and heading outside.
When the door closed, Akemi turned to her boyfriend.
"Is there something going on between you two?"
Shuichi stopped his search and turned to face her.
"No, it's nothing. Why?"
"Nothing, I just feel like you two haven't been getting along lately."
"That's not true, we're just… too busy." He reassured. "Now help me find my laptop."
(~)
Shiho left Akemi's apartment. She stood at the building entrance watching the streets flood with water. She stayed there waiting for her driver for long minutes but he texted her that he's stuck in traffic. Frustrated, Shiho walked outside the building. She better finds herself a taxi instead of waiting for him.
The heavy rain continued pouring. The umbrella didn't do Shiho much with water soaking her legs. Her heel got stuck in a metal grate and she almost twisted her ankle, and to add to her misery, a big truck splashed water all over her boots. She cursed Dai for causing her to deal with this. It was all his fault. That idiot!
If he'd really just came for the laptop, she would've seen him leave when she was waiting for her driver to arrive. But nope, he was just making an excuse to avoid her. All because of a kiss! What a drama queen! Why did she even like him? Right now, she really hates him.
A while had passed with no taxi passing. Shiho felt her legs soaked. Just as she stood cursing him, Dai's Chevy passed in front of her. It was a rare car to find in Japan so it had to be the damned Dai Moroboshi driving it. He didn't even slow down, just drove right past her. How she hated him right now!
After preceding Shiho with meters, Dai suddenly pressed the brakes. He drove the car in reverse against traffic and stopped in front of her. He opened the window to be met by a fierce glare from her blues.
"Get in." He said.
"I'm waiting for my driver." She coldly answered.
"I saw you stopping a taxi." Shuichi said, leaning and opening the door to the passenger's seat for her. "They won't stop for you when you're soaked like this."
Shiho sighed. She had no desire to get in the car with him after he drove past her, but Why does he have to be always right?
The scientist took a step closer and got inside. She was expecting Dai to talk about that incident, to fight her, to make any reaction now that they were alone, but Dai only kept silent And she just knew, that when he decides to be silent, he never breaks his decision. Those words he just said will probably be his last unless she talks.
So he doesn't want to talk about what happened! Neither does she. But what would silence do them? The air between them had turned toxic. Shiho knew that they need to talk about that incident, whether they like it or not. She didn't know how to start or what to say though.
She was resting her head on the window when she turned to face Dai suddenly. She found him focused on the road ahead.
"Dai san, I think we should talk." When she received no reaction, she continued. "… about the other day."
Shuichi sighed. He seriously did not want to discuss this. It's one of the reasons he avoided her for weeks.
"It was a mistake, Shiho, and it shouldn't have happened. There's no need to talk about it." He said, eyes on the road.
"I still think that we should." She insisted, hiding her nervousness behind a mask of calmness.
Shuichi spent a while thinking in silence. Shiho swallowed, she felt her heart race while waiting for his response.
"...Alright, you wanna talk about it? Let's talk about it. Why did you kiss me?" He frowned.
"I don't know what I was thinking honestly. I was tired and wasn't thinking clearly and… It just happened." She answered, sincerely.
"That's no good reason, Shiho. You shouldn't have done it." Shuichi said angrily. His anger both hurt and triggered her.
"That was not your opinion when you kissed back."
"I was drunk!"
"Well still, why are you so sore about it? It was just a kiss, it didn't mean anything."
"Not if it meant more to you." Dai interjected.
At this moment, Shiho felt even more hurt. For him to be confident that the kiss meant more to her, that she has feelings for him! It was humiliating. Even if it was true, him knowing it was different.
"You surely are so confident to think that. If that's your concern then don't worry, I have no feelings for you." She lied.
"If not then why did you do it?" He still sounded angry. Again, the conviction in his voice came to her heart like daggers.
"I told you I wasn't thinking clearly, but it meant nothing. I didn't feel anything when I did it." She lied again. Dai's hands tightened on the driving wheel.
"But you gave me a reason to lie. And you were the one to fight me thinking I'd cheated with vermouth, now I kissed Akemi's sister and I have to hide it from her."
Shuichi allowed himself to lie about his identity, other than that, he was truthful in his relationship with Akemi. He felt guilty for using her and tried to compensate for it by this. But now, he kissed her sister, and he's lying to her. He hated Shiho for forcing him to lie.
"You did not cheat, I initiated it. It was just a kiss... Don't you think you're giving this whole thing a size bigger than it deserves?" Shiho spoke calmly, focusing her gaze on him while he stared at the road ahead.
She couldn't understand all the fuss about him cheating when he did not. She was the one to initiate it and she made it clear that it meant nothing to her, so why all of the anger if the kiss was meaningless?
This was not enough to end Shuichi's anger. He nodded with both eyes on the road and lips tightened. He was right to avoid Shiho, talking won't fix shit.
"As I said, it's pointless to talk about it now. So let's finish this ride in silence."
"But we can't just-" Shiho protested.
"Didn't you hear what I said?" He interrupted, glaring at her from the corner of his eye.
How could he be so cold? Was this even the same Dai she knew? The one she fell in love with? How could he punish her like this for a kiss?
Shiho crossed her arms and turned to face the window. Her lips were pursed for the rest of the ride. Dai dropped her off in front of her building and left. Shiho regretted getting in the car with him. If she had known he was so angry about it she wouldn't have spoken to him, hell she would've been the one to avoid him instead.
She walked inside her apartment and took a seat on the first chair that encountered her. Dai's words had deeply hurt her even if he didn't realize it. That's what he thought of her; a pathetic woman who loved her sister's boyfriend. And despite thinking it, he still made it clear that she was unwanted, that her kiss was just trouble for him, a meaningless act, that all of her existence was unwanted and treated by avoidance. Is it that easy for him to cut her off from his life entirely? Does she mean this little to him?
The pounding on the door interrupted her train of thought. Shiho got to her feet and walked to the door determined to kick whoever was knocking. She was in a black mood and did not want to see anyone.
"Sherry!"
It was Gin. She hadn't seen him in a month now. Ever since he held a gun on her, she only saw him once on a mission and they did not speak. That's what he does every time he messes up, he stays away for a couple of weeks before coming back as if nothing had happened, and dammit does he pick a good time?
This time though, Shiho didn't feel angry to have him come back, she didn't feel afraid or annoyed. Her thoughts were on another man.
"Gin, get out of here."
"Wow wow wow!" He raised his hands in the air. "That's not a nice greeting, you need to calm down."
"Leave now, before I-"
"Before you what?" He looked at her amused.
What was she thinking anyway? That was a stupid sentence to say, she can't do anything about him being here and he knew it.
"Whatever. You stay here, I'll leave." She muttered and walked past him.
Shiho took a step in the building hallway when Gin grabbed her wrist. But she brushed his hand away.
"Fuck off" She snapped.
Gin had always found Sherry sexier when angry. What attracted him to her at the beginning was her arrogance and coldness towards everyone, including him. But when she gets angry, it's like another level of attractiveness. One month without his Sherry was a lot to bear, he missed her, especially in this mood. Gin extended a hand tracing her skin but Shiho brushed it away angrily.
"What is wrong with you? You put a gun to my head and try to kill me then appear here as if nothing had happened, and act as if you want me?" She hissed.
"I'm not acting Sherry, I really do want you." Gin's voice was calm and husky.
"You know what Gin? I don't want you! Fuck you!" She lashed out. All the pain inside her was bound to be out and Gin happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Don't-you-talk-to-me-like-that." He warned.
"Fuck you! Fuck you!" Shiho repeated hysterically. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she looked at him with contempt. "I hate you Gin! So you better stay the fuck away from me before I-"
"Before you what?"
"Before I fucking kill you." Shiho said with conviction, gazing at him fearlessly before leaving the building.
Gin stayed in his place, it was as if some demon took over his Sherry. He felt threatened, not by her threatening to kill him but by her getting out of his control, rebelling. Sherry was his favorite joy in life, he can't lose her like this. He has got to do something about it. Not now though, the streets are crowded and he doesn't want to make a scene out of himself.
(~)
As days went by, Shuichi and Shiho kept on avoiding each other. They only met for Akemi's birthday two weeks after that last time in the car.
Shuichi came late to the restaurant. He didn't add much to the conversation and neither did Shiho. They didn't speak to each other at all. They would only comment on what Akemi says from time to time, other than that, they were mostly silent. And when they finally spoke to each other, it turned into an argument. That one time was the only time that Dai and Shiho directly spoke to each other. The tension between them was so obvious enough for Akemi to notice. She had to intervene and stop them from arguing as puzzlement filled her thoughts.
When the evening ended, Shiho's driver picked her up. Dai and Akemi preferred to walk. The agent placed his hand into his pocket sheltering it from the cold while the brunette wrapped her arm around his, enjoying his warmth.
"What happened between you and Shiho?" Akemi asked.
"I told you before, it's nothing."
"I'm not stupid, Dai kun. You two used not to be like this."
Shuichi's hands created fists inside his pocket.
"...We had a little quarrel about work, it's nothing, but you know how she gets."
"And how you get." Akemi added. He shrugged. "So you two ruined my birthday for a stupid quarrel."
"I'm sorry." He whispered. Shuichi brought the hand out of his pocket and wrapped it around her shoulder.
"But now, you'll have to make it up for me."
"What do you suggest?"
"Okay, umm...First, you guys should make up, and then I want you to take me to Tropical land."
"Noo." Shuichi protested. Akemi's been asking him to accompany her to the theme park for months, he never agreed.
"These are my demands, Moroboshi." She grinned.
He stayed silent for a moment... "She was wrong."
Akemi sighed. She knew Dai had too much pride, and so did Shiho. So to make things work between them she needs to be more persuasive.
"We can do the second whenever you want. As for the first, please do it soon!… Look, Dai kun, I know Shiho has a bad temper but most of the time she doesn't mean what she says. So whatever happened between you two, just make up. I really miss having you both around." She wrapped her arm around him bringing him closer. "Will you do it for me?"
"…Alright, Akemi, I'll do it." Shuichi muttered, looking ahead at the street. He and Shiho kissed behind her back and she was trying to bring them together! He felt ashamed to even look her in the eye.
That night, Shuichi slept in Akemi's apartment, and on the next day, he headed to Shiho's. If this is what it takes to make Akemi happy, he'll grit his teeth and do it.
At 10 pm, Shiho got home. She found Dai standing in front of her building. Their eyes locked as she walked closer to the main entrance.
"We need to talk." Shuichi said When she was close enough.
"No, Dai san, you were right. It's pointless to talk about it." She walked past him and he followed. "I'm not changing my mind if you walk with me."
"Do you think I wanna talk about it? I'm doing this for Akemi and so should you."
Shiho stopped walking. For a moment she felt scared. What if her sister knew? Could it be Dai had told her? Was he tired of keeping a secret from her? This will mean the ruin of their relationship, but God no, she can't handle living without her!
"What do you want?" She asked, looking at him over her shoulder. Dai avoided her gaze.
"These things can't be discussed in corridors." He muttered.
Wait, isn't that her sentence? Shiho examined him for a moment before turning and entering the building. Shuichi followed her in silence until they got to the apartment.
"What's with Akemi?" She nonchalantly asked, while burning to know what happened.
"She noticed that we're off. I told her we had a quarrel about work and now she wants us back together. We won't be meeting much anyway but if we do let's be on good terms for her sake, alright?"
"No, that's not alright." Shiho shook her head. "I'm not acting as if we're on good terms. Either we really go back or not, but I'm not going to pretend it. It was all for a stupid reason, to begin with."
"We can't just go back." His tone was calm and low.
"Why not?"
"Because we kissed, I kissed you, I cheated on her."
"I told you, you did not cheat. How is it considered cheating if it did not mean anything for both of us."
"Even if it didn't, it shouldn't have happened. But you went on and-…"
"I know, I know, I know!" Shiho uttered, fed up. "I screwed up... I want to fix it... Tell me what I can do, If there is.. any way!" Her voice shook and she was thankful she controlled it before he could notice. If only she knew that a little kiss would cost her all of this…
"It cannot be fixed. The only way to fix it is to take it back and that can't happen."
"All of this for a kiss? I told you I didn't feel anything so why are you so...?" Shiho trailed off. Shuichi stared at her in silence. She could see a lot of thoughts behind his green eyes. She took a step closer to him and went on softly. "Dai san, you did not cheat. I dragged you into it and I'm sorry. But as long as it was just physical then it shouldn't be a problem."
"It is a problem, Shiho." Dai said in a low voice.
"You're impossible. I just, I can't understand you." She shook her head, exasperated.
"You not feeling anything, doesn't necessarily mean that I, didn't feel anything." He muttered.
"What?" Shiho whispered, startled. So he felt something when he kissed her back? What! Her eyes widened. Shuichi's greens fixed on her as he went on.
"We better off not seeing each other from now on. Text me before you come to Akemi so that we don't encounter. If we ever do, let's not fight in front of her." Dai said, then turned to the door and left.
Just like that, he left her standing in amazement.
That's right, that's why he was continually avoiding her. Ever since that day they kissed, Shuichi couldn't get Shiho out of his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about their kiss and he felt horrible.
He was a cheater! It doesn't matter that she initiated it or that he was drunk. He was a cheater of the worst kind by having his mind on another woman. And of all people, he thought about his girlfriend's sister, the girlfriend whom he was using when she loved him unconditionally. That's a new reason to hate himself more.
Shuichi had no control over these thoughts which is why he avoided Shiho, lest they develop into something more. He hated her for causing it. If she weren't to kiss him that day he wouldn't have had these thoughts, but it's too late now.
When he lays his head on a pillow he thinks about her, how she always managed to be there for him at the right time, at his worst, she always made it better. But this time she only made it worse.
Hello! I'm sorry for taking so long to update but it's just so hard to write their encounters after a kiss. I hope I didn't mess it up. Tell me what you guys think and if you have any ideas for the next chapter, let me know because I have none :D
(Update) Next chapter: Shiho tries to stand up for Gin, but he's not that easy to take down.
