A Brits, a Yankee, a French and a Hun in Gallia

Answering the reviews

-Guest: I thought initially to put Sovietwomble friends in the fanfiction, but as I never got the chance to find their channels I thought of introducing Phlydaily. And what's with the insult? He seems quite competent in his video. Or at the very least far more competent than me.


In an airfield near Randgriz, the various pilots passed the time in whatever form they could master. Noah, Phillip, Alessandro, Nigel, Christopher and Harris were all sitting in a table inside a small Gallian pub near the airport, playing cards. «So Harris, I heard that the Gallian high command has changed your squad.» Alessandro commented.

«Indeed. As much as I understand, it had been a request of lieutenant Faldio himself to commander Varrot after seeing the successes of brilliant Brrrritish bombing. Yeeeees.» Harris responded. Noah simply chuckled. «British bombing. Hehehe…..» was all he said.

«I say chump, is there something entertaining?» Harris asked slightly irritated. «Oh he just wanted everybody to know he won his 15th award in hypocrisy. Congratulation filthy Yankee.» Phillip responded. The whole group was shocked and exclaimed «Whoa!», except Alessandro.

«Jesus Kraut. What's yer gaw damn problem!» Christopher exclaimed. «Oh I'm sure he was just joking. Mr. "Liberatore (Liberator) Dresden. Jr.» Alessandro responded. Christopher groaned in annoyance. «Jesus. Still not over it? B'sides, ye started this war and attacked us first at Pearl Harbor!» he tried to justify himself.

«What do you mean? Do you even know the proportion between Dresden and Pearl Harbor? Besides, it wasn't us, it was the Japanese because you made an embargo on oil.» Phillip responded. A fight seemed inevitable. «Now now chumps, I know that relations between our factions haven't been the best. Like at all. But we must remember who is the real enemy in the current situation, and that is the Empire and its supporter, the Soviet Union. God if we knew that you Jerries only intended to conquer Russia we would have avoided helping the Pole-I mean we would have supported the Poles, but under the condition of a free Polish state, we would have agreed to surrender.» Harris said.

Phillip was baffled at what he just heard. «Wait. You mean to tell me we could have avoided all the bloodshed if we just left some parts of Poland independent!?» he exclaimed. Harris shrugged at the question. «I don't quite know mate. I'm no bloody politic. So I guess either that or have Churchill dead or something.» he then said.

«Here's your drinks sirs.» a female Gallian waitress said. She had spiky blonde hair and purple eyes. «Very much appreciated miss Camilla.» Alessandro thanked the girl who blushed slightly. Harris looked at her more closely. «Say lass. You remind me of someone. Are you 15 by any chance? Have you ever faked being a male?» he asked.

She looked at him confused. «Wha? Oh not really. I'm 20. And as much as I'm aware….I don't think I've ever faked it.» she responded kindly. Harris sighed. «Of course. I must apologize for such silly questions. Besides you're Gallian, not Valoisian.» he commented.

A small chuckle could be heard. The squad turned to see five Germans in their Luftwaffe uniforms walking toward the table. «Wow. I thought that Tommie's like yourself had better pick up lines to be honest.» one of the Germans said in a slightly arrogant tone.

Harris raised an eyebrow. «I must apologize in advance, but who might you be?» he asked. «My name is Hermann. I'm the guy who piloted the Bf 109 E-4 that one time we saved Squad 7. The guys alongside me are Karl, Otto, Paul and Walter.» Hermann responded.

«I say chumps, despite the current situation of the Luftwaffe, there seems to be a large number of German planes and pilots still around.» Nigel commented. «We were all in Norway essentially.» Karl responded. Otto was laughing quietly, but was noticed by the group.

«I have to say Limey, I hope for your sake that you weren't trying to flirt with that cheese head, otherwise it may be the most pathetic romantic attempt I've ever seen!» he then said. Christopher looked annoyed at the German. «Say, what do ye even know 'bout pick up line?» he asked.

«We Germans flirt the best, because we've been around you know? Name a girl in the entire universe, and I'll manage to conquer her heart in an hour.» Otto grinned. Noah looked at him with a sign of challenge. «Unless they are 'Murican ladies. And unlike you guys, we have experience with German ladies ye know?» he said cockily, thinking of having destroyed the German ego.

Otto simply sighed. «And I thank god for that. I wouldn't really appreciate having to deal with a mob of angry Americans like the Japanese did.» he said in a mocking tone. Christopher knew what he meant and did not take it lightly. «That's it! Yer in for it now!» he exclaimed as he prepared to beat the German.

However, his actions were interrupted by the sound of anti air sirens. A British man in RAF uniform ran full speed inside of the bar. «Alarm! Alarm! The VVS is here! And it's a big formation! It's the Blitz all over again! Also the bombers needs to come too! A large Imperial/Soviet force is nearby!» he exclaimed.

«What did you say Smith!? Weren't they stopped at Vasel!?» Alessandro asked shocked. «Not anymore I'm afraid. We need to hurry!» Smith responded. Soon, the various fighter pilots were inside of their planes and were on the skies. The fighter formation was composed by Noah's OS2U-3, Alessandro CR.42 squadron, Christopher P-47D-28, Hermann Bf 109 E-4, Harris Spitfire Mk Vb in his tropical coloration, Karl flying on a Fw 190 A-5, Otto flying on a Me 262 A-1a, Paul flying on a Ho 229 V3 and Walter flying on a Me 410 B-6.

Soon they were reinforced by a F82E and a F8F-1B. The design of the Ho 229 V3 and the F82E was quick to find the curiosity of the pilots. «What. Are. Those?» Alessandro asked shocked and dumbfounded. «Don't worry. You're not drunk…..hopefully.» Harris responded.

«What were you guys thinking when designing this!? For Paul…..I guess this is what happens when people mess up on blueprints. As for the other monstrosity….. I guess this plane is a small example of America in plane form. How was it even introduced!? "I have an excellent idea, our best aircraft produced is the P-51. Do you know what's better than one P-51?" a moron asked. "No, sir." the reasonable guy responds. "Two P-51! We take two P-51's, weld them together and BOOM! Aircraft that is twice as good as P-51." the moron responds. "But sir!" the poor reasonable bastard tries to say, imploring his commander to use his brain, but the moronic commander responds "TWO P-51s NAOW!"» Alessandro rants.

«I have to agree with the Italian. Also what's that pod in the middle?» Hermann asked confused. «Glad ye asked Kraut. That charming little pod contains 8 M3 50 caliber hot dog-launching freedomguns!» one of the F82E pilots responded. «Bloody hell! Up ahead! Bomber formation!» Harris exclaimed.

«Jesus that's an actual bomber formation!» Christopher exclaimed. It was the formation above our brave heroes, with its P-39N-0, it's La-9, it's La-7, it's Yak-3 and it's Yak-15, with Talina's pink Yak-9 in front. But new planes came to support the squadron.

Those were Yak-9B, La-5, P-63C-5, Yak-3P and, most dangerously of all, Pe-2-359. The latter were actual bombers, with weapons such as bombs to destroy ground targets. «Well bullocks. Looks like the Soviets have finally sent actual bombers to the Imperials.» Harris commented.

«And again, they're using gaw damn 'Murican planes! That's it! The first gaw damn Imperial Commie bastard I see, I'll kill him….to death!» Christopher exclaimed. A short awkward silence followed. «Let's just deal with the Yakatakatakas or whatever.» Alessandro commented.

«Yeeees, and in the meantime, [Mr. Author, could you be a sport and play Magnificent Men?]» Harris asked, to which I happily complied.

[Those magnificent men in their flying machines starts to play]

«See Jerry? This is how you play it.» Harris said. «Oh suck my German sausage Tommie.» Hermann responded. «Quei temerari sulle macchine volanti sounds much better if you ask me.» Alessandro then said. Soon, the various pilots started to gain altitude, until they were above the Soviet Pe-2-359.

The Harris was the first to shoot, missing his bomber and alarming the group. He did manage to hit one of the bombers, but to his surprise he didn't destroy it. «Good heavens! Looks like the VVS bombing formation is made entirely of Stalin steel back hair!» he exclaimed.

«That's because yer using gaw damn machine guns! My turn now! YEEEEHAW!» the F82E exclaimed, as he fired to a nearby Soviet Pe-2, his cannons making easy work of his cockpit. The whole group was surprised. «Jesus! I don't think they are MG's! They look like experimental combat lasers!» Hermann exclaimed.

A short silence followed. « Wir müssen sofort an diesem Projekt arbeiten. (We need to work on that project immediately.)» he then commented. In the meantime, the Soviet fighters prepared to counter attack. « O, davay! Eti rebyata snova !? Kak by to ni bylo, gotov'tes' k uchastiyu! (Oh come on! These guys again?! Whatever, prepare to engage!)» Talina exclaimed annoyed as she ordered her fighter squadron to engage the enemy.

Some Yak-3 tried to engage, but one was quickly eliminated by Harris. Another one was hit in the fuel tank. Harris cringed at the scene. «Uuuuhhhhh…..his oil and water overheating are making me nervous. Will he deploy his legendary Russian bias?» he asked nervous.

And the answer, luckily for him, was not, as the plane exploded. Hermann shot down another Yak-3 above the lake near Randgriz. But there were plenty of Soviet aircraft who were starting to swarm the fighter squadron. «Gaw damn it! Arrow down! Arrow down! There's too many of them!» Christopher exclaimed.

Then he noticed something in the distance. «Wait a sec. What the hell is that?» he asked. «TENNŌHEIKA BANZAAAAIIII!» almost came as an answer, as an A6M2 came from above and shot down a P-39N-0, causing him to plunder to the ground in a massive explosion.

«Watch out everybody! We got a Kamikaze!» Christopher exclaimed. «I'm not a Kamikaze. I have enough fuel and ammunition to be a regular fighter, but I will not surrender anyway! The name is Sato, but that's not important. Let's stop the Soviets once and for all! For the Emperor! Or princess, you know.» the Zero pilot said.

«Working with a gaw damn Jap. Now I've seen it all.» Noah commented. «It's the Siberian intervention all over again.» Harris commented.

[Those magnificent men in their flying machines stops playing]


Meanwhile, on the ground, our heroes, the nameless, Squad E and the ambassador vehicle watched the ensuing battle. They had stopped fighting for a while and remained in an awkward silence. «Soooo…heard that Operation Northern Cross didn't go as planned.» Squire tried to break the ice.

«Yup. It pretty much went to shit.» Claude responded. «What were you guys thinking? "Yes! Let's just have everyone go over the top, charge blindly at the attacking Imperials, beat them somehow, and then rush 1500 kilometers towards their capital in less than nine months. This will definitely work!". Even Barbarossa was better planned than this!» Hans exclaimed.

«This is pretty much what I thought when I heard the plans. It was the Crimean war all over again.» the ambassador said. «Well then. I can only assume that the Federation is in no shape to support Gallia then.» Squire then said. «Typical French.» Bill commented. «Oh suck my French baguette, Tommie.» Edmond said.

In the meantime, the group watched the Yak-15 in action. «Sooo….I guess that's the Yak-15.» Gerhard commented. «Indeed. And that's not all. Yak-15 can out-turn Zeros. Very stronk plane!» Boris exclaimed. «I dunno man….It can waste its ammunition quite quickly.» Phlydaily commented.

«Yeees, I dare to say that the Yak-15 ammo capacity last about as long as Churchill's cigar ration. Not to mention it's a rather slow jet fighter, given the fact that its wings are quite big, quite thick I dare to say again.» Squire then said. «That's how I like my women.» Scatsbury then commented. «Of course you do.» Kurt commented.

«Just a question….they are firing quite a lot. Isn't the Yak-15 ammo capacity 120?» Mikalai asked. «But thanks to glorious Russian engineering, it can increase to well over 500!» Boris exclaimed. «Don't question it mate. They shouldn't even be here. They were built in 1946.» Jack then said.

«Can we go home now?» Sovietwomble asked. «Not until the air are clear from Soviet aircraft. I don't trust planes over Gallian cities, especially after last time.» Squire responded. «It's the Hague all over again.» Bill commented. Suddenly the rumbling sound of engines caught the attention of the squads.

It was Maximilian on his new T-50 tank. Beside him was Selvaria on her Valkyria form, and behind him was a large formation of Soviet and Imperial forces. «Sorry, but if I have to wait for the air force to finish, I might as well enter the battle now that things have calmed.» he said.

«I would recommend changing air commander. She wouldn't really perform well in the Eastern Front. Also nice to meet you again miss Boobskrieg.» Squire commented honest. Maximilian raised an eyebrow. «Funny you ask. She performs just fine, if not excellently when not fighting that air fleet. [Must be some of that plot armor everybody talks about.]» Maximilian responded. «I will fucking impale you.» Selvaria then said slightly embarrassed.

«What? Are you part of the Romanian Communist Party?» Bill asked.

«Maximilian! How did you get here!?» Faldio exclaimed. «Well, turns out my northern strategy didn't work, so I simply walked from the east rather than the north.» he responded. « Oh Gott, es ist wieder die Weichselkampagne! (Oh god it's the Vistula campaign all over again!)» Hans exclaimed in full panic mode.

«Well no matter! You will not have Randgriz that easily!» Welkin exclaimed. «Even if he had a little help?» a voice came from the left of Maximilian. Soon, a horde of soldiers came from the left. They were different from Maximilian men. Their armor was black in coloration, and were wearing hoods which hid their skull like masks. In front of them was a tank, similar to the Batomys but far more armed. On top of it was a man with spiky dark purple hair and a small beard matching its color. Besides him was a woman with long blonde hair and azure eyes.

«Oh dear god here comes the Edgelord.» Scatsbury commented. «Privet tovarishch Dahau. Tak priyatno prisoyedinit'sya k nam. (Hello comrade Dahau. So good to join us.)» Maximilian said. «YA proshu proshcheniya, yesli ya opozdal, moy lord. Takzhe ne ozhidal, chto yego milost'yu budet nazyvat'sya "tovarishch". (I apologize if I arrived late, my lord. Also was not expecting to be called "comrade" by his grace.)» he responded.

«O, eto to, chto Sovety govoryat vse vremya, i chto ya ponyal. Zvuchit khorosho, ne pravda li? (Oh it's a thing the Soviets say all the time and that I have picked up. Sounds nice don't you think?)» Maximilian then said. «Eto tak, moy lord. Pokhozhe, my ravny. (It does, my lord. It makes it look like we're equal.)» Dahau responded.

«Anyway, you can't win. I'm inevita-» Maximilian then said before being interrupted. « Vy ne zabyli kogo-to? (Aren't you forgetting someone?)» a feminine voice came from the right of Maximilian. « Dahau? Vy prizyvali podkrepleniye? (Dahau? Did you call for reinforcements?)» Maximilian asked.

« YA ne sdelal. Vy prizyvali podkrepleniye Lydia? (I didn't. Did you call for reinforcements Lydia?)» Dahau asked. She simply shook her head in disagreement. Soon another battalion of Imperial/Soviet soldiers and tanks arrived, with in front a lady with long flowing blue hair with a tint of purple while a sliver of that hair covered her face. She wore a black Papakha and a black Imperial coat. She had red eyes similar to the ones of Selvaria. She wore a long violet dress with styled with a slit on its side and purple boots fashioned with metal engravings. Alongside her was a white wolf with a scar on his right eye.

Selvaria looked at her in an awkward way. «Oh…Blyat.» was all Maximilian said. « Chto zh eto nelovko. (Well this is awkward.)» Selvaria then said. « Dolzhny li my bezhat'? (Should we run?)» Lydia asked to Dahau slightly pale. He shook his head in disagreement.

«Ne bespokoysya Yesli chto-to poydet ne tak, u nas tozhe yest' val'kiriya. (Don't worry. If things starts to go to the shitter, we have a Valkyria too.)» he then said. After she arrived a short awkward silence followed. «E-e ... ey, Levin. Davno ne videlis'... (Uh...hey Levin. Long time no see...)» Selvaria said slightly afraid, simply gaining an angry glare from the woman.

«What!? What's she doing here in Gallia!?» Claude exclaimed surprised. «I have to agree to be honest. [I swear this chapter just keeps on butchering the continuity of the original canon.]» Bill commented. «[Also man, this chapter took like, what? 2? 3? 4 Weeks? What is the damn author is doing during downtime?!]» Brian asked angrily.

«[No bloody idea. You should ask them.]» Squire responded. However the silence was interrupted by loud speakers, playing "Glory to Hung Kong" on an ear rape like tone. It was the Hong Kong Churchill Gun Carriers, moving at top speed with the Hillen leading the way. «Well jolly good! The Hong Kong regiment is finally here!» Squire exclaimed. «Not going to lie, I'm legitimately glad they came. They also saved us from awkwardness.» Maximilian then said.

The Churchill Gun Carrier were relatively different from what they were originally, with a thicker armor and a Ordnance QF 17 lb for a gun. «Bloody hell! How did you work on those so quickly!?» Squire asked Isara dumbfounded. «By the power of insomnia!» she exclaimed.

«And they have the audacity to say we are weird chumps.» Bill commented.

«Retards….» Scatsbury then said with a solemn tone. «Wait since when were you in charge?» Kurt asked serious. «Are you commanding a charge or a defensive operation?» Squire then asked. «And did you just call us retards!?» Ridley asked angrily.

«ASSEMBLE.» he then said after a slight pause. He then charged at the Imperial/Soviet forces, which prompted the rest of the tanks and soldiers to follow soon. «Well jolly good. [It would seems like we're parodizing Endgame now.]» Squire commented.

«[Well at least it's still better than having Samus Aran fighting the Nazis leaded by Leouch.]» Bill commented. «YEEEHAW! [Suck on it, Fury! This gon' be the best GAW DAMN fictional World War 2 thing ever made!]» Brian exclaimed as he charged forward.

«[I knew it! It was 100% fictional!]» Hans exclaimed. «[Of course! how else can you explain so many Shermans destroyed against a simple Tiger!]» Brian exclaimed. «[Oh as soon as the Author gives me a chance you're a dead man!]» Hans exclaimed angrily.

The Imperial/Soviet forces stood there for a while. «Dolzhny li my poruchit' moy gospodin? (Should we charge my lord?)» Selvaria asked extremely confused. «Trakhni eto. Zaryazhat'. My delayem eto. UUUUURRRRAAAA ! (Fuck it. Charge. We're doing this. UUUUURRRRAAAA!)» Maximilian gave up trying to make sense of what was going on, before launching a battle cry as his tank drove forward.

Soon, all the Imperial/Soviet forces charged too, all screaming the "ura" battle cry. The most epic, titanic battle Randgriz ever faced, and the most insulting kick in the nuts the Valkyria Chronicles franchise has ever received, had begun.


I hope you guys enjoyed this chapte-

Welkin: «KONINKLIJK GALLISCH LEGER! DOE OPEN! (ROYAL GALLIAN ARMY! OPEN UP!)»

"Loud sound of wall breaking and soldiers encircling the Author"

Squire: «You there! Have you explained that you neither own Valkyria Chronicles, Phlydaily, Life of Boris, Scatsbury, Sovietwomble or Squire, and have you given credit to "The Twilight of the Empire: Valkryia Chronicles 1958 Cold War" by chankljp as for inspiration to several locations on the Fanfiction?»

Author: «Uh…..Yeah?»

Squire: «Liar!»

"Several revolver shots noises."

Squire: «Well that surely cleared things up. As for the viewers, we sincerely appreciate the work of Imperial Wrath, or "K" and .gaming, for the use of various phrases in the fanfiction. We also appreciate the support of FreeWar, GJO1088, Dandaman5, UN Peacekeeper and Sgt117 for their various suggestions in the Fanfiction, you're all wonderful people. On top of that, we would appreciate to remind the general public, that we neither own Squire nor Valkyria Chronicles, and propose to support both. We would also like to appreciate the alternate history of chankljp, "The Twilight of the Empire: Valkryia Chronicles 1958 Cold War", Yeeees. Anyway, cheerio, and have a wonderful day. Or evening.»

"Silence"

Alicia: «Is no one going to point out we killed the author?»

Squire: «Weeelll…..bullocks. it's going to be hard reviving him any time soon.»

Bill: «Well at least it can't get any worse.»

"Loud sounds of wall crashing"

Raptor: «…»

Ichika: «…»

Squire: «Uhhhh….bugger.»

Raptor: «Did you just kill the fucking author you limey fuck!?»

Hans: «Everybody calm down! I'm sure the situation will get better!»

Ichika: «You do realize what that means!? The author won't be able to write for weeks! What are we supposed to do in the meantime?!»

Edmond: «Uhhh….who wants to go to Morocco?»

Brian: «Well as long as it ain't like Torch.»