CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Shortly after Jacob made the trek to his house, Bella arrived, her rusty truck and wide smile in tow. He met her at the driver's door, enveloping her in a giant hug as she stepped out of her car.

"I'm happy to see you, too," she laughed.

He placed her back on her feet and grinned. She hadn't been to La Push in a while, and seeing her smile up at him made him nostalgic for the old days—the easy, comfortable days in which he fixed up the bikes while she watched, ate pizza, and talked about everything and nothing.

"I missed you," he said.

"And I missed you. So what are we doing today?"

"Whatever you want. You're my guest."

"We could go to the beach," she proposed. "Or…order pizza and pig out in front of the TV."

He smiled again. "You read my mind. Pizza and TV it is."

After ordering two large pizzas—Bella eating only three slices while Jacob devoured the rest—they sat on his couch, her head resting on his shoulder as they settled into a comfortable silence. He was dozing off, the lack of sleep from extra patrols finally catching up to him; but as long as he could keep an extra, protective eye on her, the exhaustion was worth it.

"Jake?"

"Hmm?" he murmured sleepily.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Ask away."

"Why haven't you told me about Zora?"

His heavy eyes fluttered open. How did she know about Zora? He stared at the ceiling for a moment, contemplating his answer. "I just…haven't found the right time. How did you know her name?"

"I heard you say it before," she said, then smiled guiltily. "Also, Edward told me."

That bastard. He shook his head, his irritation towards the sparkling bloodsucker growing. He should've known Cullen would use any opportunity to share his personal business. "What did he tell you?"

Bella moved her head, shifting her body so that she could stare directly at him. "I know that she imprinted on you."

He gazed back at her, dumbfounded and unable to read her expression. In truth, he hadn't told her because he was confused - while part of him cared deeply for the girl sitting beside him, there was another part of him that had already fallen into Zora's orbit. His feelings were Bella were still there...but he realized they weren't the same anymore, a dimmed version of what they used to be.

"It's true," he nodded slowly. "I'm her imprint."

"That's why she doesn't like me."

"I think she'd like you if she got to know you a little better."

She laughed, the noise void of any humor. "I don't think so, Jake." She folded her hands and placed them in her lap, her lip caught between her teeth as she searched for something to say.

Is she...jealous?

"I suppose I should congratulate you," she finally spoke, half-smiling. "I'd be lying, though, if I said I wasn't at least a little envious."

His heart rate picked up its tempo. So she was jealous – and admitting it.

"Why would you be envious?"

"Because…you're my best friend, and I…don't want to share you with someone else."

"Selfish, much?" he grinned.

She chuckled. "Very."

"I haven't imprinted on her," he explained. "It's pretty confusing." In fact, he wasn't sure why she was able to imprint on him, but he wasn't able to reciprocate. He could feel the effects of her claim to him; he was drawn to her the way Emily and Kim were drawn to Sam and Jared, but he hypothesized that since he wasn't entirely human, his own wolf ability allowed him to relinquish some of her hold on him. Or maybe he was purposely not giving in, holding onto the hope that someone else would come to their senses and finally see him.

Bella scrutinized him, watching as different emotions flitted across his face. "Edward has seen you through her eyes. She thinks the world of you."

"I know," he muttered, picturing Zora in his thoughts. She looked at him the way one stares at stars—lost, full of awe, breath taken away. It was hypnotic.

"You have feelings for her," she stated, her words sounding like an accusation. "I saw the way you looked at her the night of the bonfire. I could hear it in your voice when you spoke to her. And I can see it now."

He ran a hand through his hair. The conversation seemed promising at first, but he had a feeling it wasn't going to end in his favor. "Where are you going with all of this, Bells?"

She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I think...she's someone you should pursue. You should be with her, Jake."

"I knew you'd say something like that," he replied unhappily. "Have you forgotten how much you mean to me?"

"Of course I haven't, but I just...I don't want to hurt you."

"And what about you?" he questioned. "Your leech has hurt you once. You don't think he's capable of doing it again?" He knew his words were low, and though her wince produced a small flash of guilt within him, he was too caught up in his steadily rising annoyance to be fazed by it.

After a long pause, she sighed and tore her gaze away from him, beginning to move off of the couch. "I'm gonna go, Jake."

"Wait," he called out, dragging a tired hand along his face. "I didn't mean to say that."

"It doesn't matter. Nothing you say or do...it won't change anything." She was staring down at him with an expression he disliked, one she gave him too many times - a dismal look of apology. "It'll always be him."

Her words felt like a sucker punch to the gut, more painful than any other hit he'd received during a fight with Paul or Jared or any other of his pack mates. It'll always be him. He was full of anger and heavy with defeat. After all the time they'd spent together, the many weeks and months she'd relied on him to stitch up the wounds her bloodsucker left behind, she still wanted him? He shook his head - he wasn't ready to move on. He shot up from the couch, equal parts determined and nervous. His mind was focused on one course of action, one confession that would send a clear message to Zora - a choice that he wouldn't be able to take back. And as her face dashed through his thoughts - her beaming smile, her radiant energy - he faltered. His feelings for her were growing every day, and though she confused him and challenged him and excited him all at once...he couldn't forget about the girl standing in front of him just yet. So he pushed past his swarming guilt and took a deep breath.

"Bella, I'm in love with you."

Her body went rigid, eyes wide and unblinking. "You...you what?"

"I'm in love with you," he repeated, "and I want you to give me a chance. I want you to choose me."

For a moment, the room was saturated in silence, her fluttering heart the only audible noise. And then, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "You can't, Jake. And...and I can't."

"Because of your bloodsucker?"

"Because of Edward," she corrected. "I love him. You know that."

"I know," he replied coldly, masking the hurt with a stony expression. "What I want to know is how you feel about me."

She shook her head, stammering, "That's - that's complicated—"

"What's complicated about it? You either feel something or you don't. And if you don't...then just send me away. Tell me to get lost and to forget about you because I can't sit around anymore and pretend I'm okay with being your best friend." He wanted more than that, and as he awaited her response, awaited her inevitable, "Forget about me, Jake," he promised himself he would no longer let Bella hold him back. He would finally move on and be with someone who actually wanted him, someone who actually cared, someone who—

"I can't do that," she muttered. "I need you."

He sighed, his tensed shoulders slacking and his pathetic heart puttering. She hadn't sent him away like she should have, hadn't told him to get lost. Instead, she swiveled around the subject, avoiding confrontation and declaring that the whatever was going on between them was complicated, that after all this time, she still needed him. It wasn't the admission he hoped for, but at the very least, it was an acknowledgement that something was there - it had to be. And like the sad fool he was, he took the bait.

She watched the disappointment flit across his face, his conflicted expression prompting her to throw her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, Jake."

He didn't respond, remaining quiet as he returned her hug. As they embraced, though, the weight of his declaration settled like dust, occupying the space around him and making him feel grimy. He hadn't forgotten about Zora. She would see and hear everything, and he knew, with a heavy heart, that she wouldn't forgive him.


Zora thrummed her fingers against the counter top, blowing at strands of hair that fell onto her face. Her eyes kept darting to the house phone, hoping she could will it to ring. It had been several hours since Jacob walked her home from school, and she had yet to receive any word from him. The anxiety she relieved herself of came crawling back, towing with it an intense irritation. She was annoyed that he hadn't called, annoyed that she was eager to hear his voice, and annoyed that she was being a stereotypical teenage girl waiting by the phone for a boy to call. She knew her suspicion was valid because he had a tendency to make terrible choices when he was with her. Still, she wanted to trust him, so she pushed the doubt and negative thoughts to the back of her mind. She glanced at the phone periodically while eating dinner, her mom relentlessly hounding her until she caved and admitted she was waiting for someone to call her.

"Someone? As in…a boy?" Autumn said curiously.

Zora gave a long sigh. "Yes, mom. A boy."

Her mom wore a mischievous grin. "I knew you had a crush on Embry!"

A horrified look flashed across Zora's face. "No, not Embry! We're just friends."

"Who is it, then?"

Zora bit one of her nails. She supposed she'd have to tell her mom about him sooner or later. "His name is Jacob Black."

"Black…" Autumn trailed off in thought. "Oh! Billy's son. I don't think I ever met him, but I did meet his sisters. Is he kind?"

Well, he was unhappy about the fact that I laid a magical, werewolf claim to him, so no, not at first, she wanted to say. Instead, she replied with, "Yes, he is."

"Are you two dating?"

"I don't think so. We haven't gone on a date yet, but we're supposed to go out soon. And we both admitted to liking each other, so…I don't know. It's complicated and I have no idea how to handle all of these strange, mushy feelings."

Autumn was beaming, ecstatic that her daughter was sharing some of her personal life with her. "My best advice is to not overthink it. You know he likes you, and he knows you like him, so nothing should be too complicated. Go on some dates and get to know each other better. If it works out, great! If not…well, then I think Embry would make a fine son-in-law."

Zora rolled her eyes at the last part. She wished her mother was right about things not being complicated, but werewolves and imprinting and leech-loving humans made sure the situation was anything but.

"Thanks, mom," she said. "I guess I'll call him."

She smiled. "That's my girl. You know I was the one to ask your dad to go steady. Don't be afraid to go after what you want."

With that, she stood from the table, placed a kiss on Zora's cheek, and headed to her bedroom to give Zora some privacy. Once Zora heard her door close, she dialed Jacob's number. The phone rang four times - Zora grew more nervous with each one - until someone picked up.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Jacob!" she said, relieved and visibly relaxing at the sound of his voice. "This is Zora."

"Hey, I'm sorry I forgot to call."

"That's alright…is everything okay?"

"Yeah!" he replied, though both noticed the exaggerated enthusiasm. Upon hearing it, Zora immediately became more anxious, her mind tried to analyze the inflection; and Jacob inwardly cursed at himself for not seeming calmer. "Do you…think we could meet somewhere to talk?"

"Sure," she murmured, her heart racing. "I need to wait until my mom falls asleep, though."

"Great. Come to the beach whenever you're ready."

She nodded, realizing he couldn't see her and said, "Okay." After telling her he'd see her soon, he ended the call. Zora remained at the table for several minutes, staring absentmindedly at the phone. Her stomach churned at the off-putting vagueness of their conversation and the hesitance in his voice; she knew he had something to tell her, and whatever it was, she wasn't ready to hear it.


It was past midnight when her mom fell asleep, her light snores and low, soft breathing letting Zora know that she was unconscious and wouldn't hear her slipping through the front door. Securing a pair of clothes around her ankle, she phased into her wolf with ease. Quil and Brady were patrolling, images of dark trees and thick branches whipping past her as she peered into their minds. They didn't ask her any questions or make small talk, wishing her good luck instead as she ran to First Beach. When she arrived, she found Jacob sitting on a soaked piece of driftwood, sand slipping through his fingertips as he stared into the water. His heart thrummed faster as she trotted towards him, and unsure if it was a good or bad sign, she quickly made the switch again, pulling on a pair of shorts and an old t-shirt.

"I thought you were gonna stand me up," he joked half-heartedly, his gaze not meeting her eyes.

"I considered it," she smiled weakly. "Took my mom forever to fall asleep."

"I wouldn't have been too upset if you had."

"You know I wouldn't do that to you," she muttered, sauntering forward and taking the seat next to him. "I'll always show up."

She noticed the effect her words had, his mouth set in a firm line as he reached down to grip more sand, watching as it fell onto a small pile on top of his feet. Zora gave him a few minutes to collect his thoughts, and when the silence became unbearable, she asked, "Jacob, what's wrong?" The concern in her voice was so genuine that it made his stomach tighten. He finally looked up at her, revealing the remorse he'd been trying to hide. She saw the sad look on his face and frowned. "What did you do?"

"Promise me..." he paused, his sigh heavy, "that you won't storm off before I'm done explaining."

A feeling of dread washed over her. "No. I'm not promising you anything. What did you do?"

"I told Bella that I'm in love with her."

A sudden coldness prickled at her skin.

Zora had been preparing for the worst as soon as their phone call ended; she had prepared for some dumb mistake he would undoubtedly make and the apology that would follow. But revealing that he loved her? That was the one instance that hadn't entered her overthinking mind, and now that she had heard his confession, she felt her breath stolen from her, his words a hard blow to the chest. And pushed over a steep cliff of despair, she fell and fell and fell.

Her voice was ragged. "You're in love with her?"

He nodded, the tightening of his throat and the dryness in his mouth rendering him unable to speak.

"For how long?"

"A while," he managed to whisper.

She exhaled a long, shaky breath, her jaw clenched as she teared her gaze away from him. They remained in painful silence after that, both staring into the ocean with blurred, teary vision. He felt the tremors she was trying to suppress, the sobs she was trying to hold back, and it heightened the remorse flooding him. I'm sorry was on the tip of his tongue, but the words vanished as she stood brusquely and trudged towards the shore.

"Zora, wait—"

"Don't come near me!"

He stopped in his tracks, watching as her hands tightened into fists - a telltale sign of her rising anger. He called out to her again, but she put up a quivering hand to silence him.

"You keep hurting me," she murmured, and despite their distance, her voice was crisp and clear. "You keep hurting me, and I endure it because I don't have a choice, because of this unfair bond we have, but I'm tired of it. I'm tired of you not caring."

"I do care about you—"

"Stop lying!" she growled, the animalistic noise ripping from her throat. A combination of sadness and anger coursed through her, a tingle of heat rolling down her spine as her skin itched to release the animal within. She wanted to tear something - or someone - apart.

Jacob watched helplessly as she tried to control the rage, wishing he could comfort her, but knowing that whatever he said or did would only make it worse. He couldn't console her when he was the one to inflict the damage. He wiped the tear that rolled down his cheek. "I'm so sorry..."

"Just stop. Stop apologizing. I just want - I want..." you, she almost said, but pushed the word aside. "I want you to tell me what this means. What about...us?"

This was the part he dreaded the most. Before she joined him on the beach, he tried practicing what to say to make her understand, but everything sounded awful. There was no easy way to say that he had chosen someone else, someone who wasn't her. So he looked into her pleading brown eyes and delivered the truth. "I can't give up on her. Not yet."

His words had a chilling effect. She felt lethargic, heavy, as if some invisible force was pressing all of its weight upon her. The aching in her chest heightened and billowed, radiating throughout her entire body. This, she thought forlornly, is heartbreak.

"Fine," she whispered. "I won't be there for you when she chooses him, and she will choose him. I won't be waiting for you on the sidelines, and I won't be your friend."

She wished her words scared him, wished he was afraid of losing her, but it was the opposite - she didn't want to lose him. She realized, however, that she never truly had him in the first place. And as much as she wanted to be his first choice, the torn, sorrowful expression he wore confirmed that she was second best. She heard him mutter another desperate apology, but she didn't acknowledge him, her mind miles and miles away. She felt absent and disconnected from her body, unaware that she had burst from her skin. She was running through the woods and howling into the night, nails digging into the earth as she propelled herself further into the forest without any sense of direction.

For once, her mind was quiet, vacant.

She was alone.


AN: This chapter has been revised as of 12/10/2020. I hate that SMeyer made Jacob (who was such a promising character in Twilight and the beginning of New Moon) into such a shitty character, and I especially hate that I was following her portrayal of him so closely in this story. So I changed the part where he forcefully kisses Bella (because that's gross and assault), and in chapter eighteen, I changed the part where he convinces her to kiss him on the mountain (because in the book, he literally threatens suicide and that is some straight-up manipulative bullshit). There are so many issues in canon that need to be rectified, so I'll do my part as an author to change the things I disagree with. Thanks for reading!