CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Zora was acutely aware of the dozens of brown eyes fixated on her.
One moment, she'd been laughing at Leah's terrifyingly accurate impression of her boss scolding her for being late to work, the two of them full of mirth as they stepped through the doorway. And then, expecting to enter a house brimming with cheerful energy and slight chaos, she was greeted with an alarming quietness. It was so unexpected that she almost continued laughing – almost. Because her gaze, as it always did, landed upon Jacob first, and as soon as she saw the rigidness of his stance and the hardness of his expression, she knew that he knew. The laughter that nearly escaped her made an abrupt retreat, shriveling in the back of her throat as she caught sight of the broken spoon gripped in his clenched fist. She exhaled the breath she didn't realize she was holding, one thought resounding through her mind: Shit.
"This should be good," Paul grinned.
Zora resisted the urge to scowl at him, choosing instead to pointedly ignore his comment. She tried to remain unperturbed, forcing a smile as her eyes met Jacob's.
"Hey…" she paused, apprehensive. "How's it going?"
"Not that great," he said flatly. "Just heard some pretty upsetting news."
Shit, shit, shit.
Someone must have told him, but how the hell did they know about it? The only person who should've known was Leah, and even she hadn't found out until several minutes ago. That meant someone else knew. Someone who, without her knowledge, overheard her conversation with Allen and thought it wise to tell Jacob before she could talk to him. Someone residing in the room with her at that very moment.
She clenched her jaw, the thoughts enough to send a lick of heat through her bones. The wolf in her was pissed – it wanted to sniff out the perpetrator, to snarl and bare its teeth in the face of whoever hadn't minded their goddamn business. It wanted control, but it was an itch she wouldn't allow herself to scratch, an itch she fought to suppress.
Phasing wouldn't do her any good right now.
She dug her nails into the skin of her palms. "It's not—it's not what you think it is," she answered, hoping her earnestness would ease some of the tension. His frown told her that it didn't work, prompting her to sigh.
The situation was not going to be remedied easily.
She knew he deserved an honest explanation, but she didn't want to deliver it in the company of her nosy and entertained pack mates – both of which added to her irritation and uneasiness. "Can we talk somewhere private?"
Jacob stared at her for another brief moment, eyes dark and scrutinizing, before giving a curt nod. He released the spoon from his clasp and trudged towards the screen door. Both Zora and Leah moved out of his way, watching as he walked down the creaky porch steps and towards the back of the house, his long strides carrying him into the expanse of trees lining the backyard.
"Shouldn't you be following?" Leah asked after a long moment of silence, trying to hide her amusement with a straight face.
"I am," Zora grumbled, using the hem of her shirt to wipe her sweating hands. "Just…give me a moment." She'd moved onto the porch, her ears picking up the faint sound of his quickly receding steps.
Jesus, he was walking fast.
"What are you waiting for?" Leah questioned. She was leaning lazily against the door frame, the sound of laughter and someone rummaging through a cabinet sounding off behind her as the kitchen roared back to life.
"I don't know. I just—" she paused, trying to make sense of the garbled mess of her thoughts. "I'm kind of nervous."
"That's okay," Leah told her, a rare soft smile making an appearance. "Just remember what I told you earlier: Don't let anyone or anything make you feel bad."
"Okay," Zora murmured, chewing on her bottom lip. She was trying her hardest to heed her friend's advice, and though her stomach churned, she gave an assertive nod. "You're right. I can do this."
"Atta girl," Leah grinned. She reached forward and gave Zora a rough and encouraging shoulder slap. "Now get out there and bare your soul."
Zora was fond of sunsets.
She liked the way the colors streaked across the sky, an ombré blend of orange and magenta and violet silhouetting the dark forest. To her, the most enjoyable part of evening patrols was looking up at the trees and admiring the faint light cutting through the tangle of branches and leaves—something she wished she could do now to avoid the anticipatory stare of the boy situated a few feet away from her.
She and Jacob were far enough into the woods that none of the pack could eavesdrop, a move she quickly realized wouldn't matter anyway. No matter how talented either of them were at not thinking certain thoughts when phased with the others, some of the details would inevitably slip out.
She ran a hand through her hair, pacing as she tried to formulate a cohesive response that made sense. She'd planned hours ago what she was going to say, and coupled with the determination Leah had just helped her to build up, she clung to the hope that the conversation would be smooth and painless. As soon as she faced him, though, the words completely abandoned her. She was stressed, more than she thought she would be. Confrontation was not one of her fears, and she'd spoken her mind to Jacob so many times that it should've come naturally to her. But it was different this time; she wasn't chastising him for hurting her feelings – she was the one doing the hurting.
She glanced at him and sighed for the umpteenth time. He was seated across from her, perched on the edge of a moss-covered log. His expression was stony and his arms were crossed over his chest—an act of striking similarity to Sam that, at any other time, would've prompted her to tease him—as he waited for her to speak.
She stopped her pacing and exhaled a deep breath. You can do this, she told herself. And whatever you do, don't feel bad. She cleared her throat, trying to steady her voice. "Like I said earlier, the date…it's not what you think it is."
"What is it then?"
"It's not romantic," she clarified. "It's a date, but it's not—it's not like that between Allen and me. You know it's not like that."
He shook his head disappointedly. "But he likes you, Zora."
"So?" she muttered, her gaze fixed on the twigs and damp leaves blanketing the ground. She didn't want to see the look he was wearing, a look that said come on, Zora. "I didn't say yes for him."
"Then why did you say yes?"
She stiffened at Jacob's question. They'd reached the part of the conversation she was dreading the most, but there was no going back now. She had to tell him the truth, no matter how much it would upset him.
"Because I've never been on a date, and he offered nicely. So I said yes...for me."
She waited (and waited) for the realization to wash over him, for any of the anger she knew was stewing inside of him to make an appearance, for him to simply acknowledge that he understood her, but it never came. Instead, he continued staring down at her with the same indiscernible expression, his eyes not betraying any of his emotions. After a moment of silence that was entirely too long, she spoke. "Aren't you going to say anything? Aren't you"—she hesitated, brow furrowed as she tried to read him—"aren't you mad at me?"
She'd been preparing for his outrage since agreeing to the date, and upon seeing the way he'd reacted to her back at the bungalow, she'd expected his bottled up feelings to burst as soon as they were alone. What she hadn't expected what his response, which left her confounded and temporarily wordless.
"No, I'm not mad at you."
She stared at him through wide eyes, unsure if she heard him correctly. "Wait, what?"
"I'm not mad at you," he repeated, watching as a mixture of surprise, confusion, and disbelief flitted across her face.
"But…why not?"
He breathed a faint laugh. "Do you want me to be mad at you?"
"No, no I don't. But I just…" she trailed off again, looking perplexed as she gaped at him. "I don't understand. I thought that—"
"That I was going to yell and rage and knock down some trees or something?" He jumped off the log then, his landing graceful and quiet despite his size, and stood with his hands shoved in his pockets. His emotionless front had slipped, and in its place was a small smile—one that she wasn't sure was brought forth by humor or melancholy. "Not gonna lie…the destroying trees idea definitely crossed my mind."
"And the other ideas? Didn't you—weren't you going to do those things?"
"No," he confessed. "I wasn't. I can't be mad at you, Zora."
She stared back at him, her whispered question tumbling out before she could register what she was saying. "Why not?"
"Because it would be wrong, and I have no right to be angry with you." He sighed, his fingers tangling in his short hair. "I admit…at first, I was mad. After Seth told me—"
"Wait, Seth told you?" she exclaimed incredulously. "I swear, when I get my hands on that kid, I'm gonna rip—" she stopped, realizing Jacob's silence was a cue for her to let him finish explaining. She composed herself and muttered an apology.
"After Seth told me, I thought, 'How could she say yes to that guy?' when I'm…when I've been trying…" he trailed off, a conflicted look on his face. "The walk here helped me clear my head, though, and it made me realize that I was being selfish, only thinking of my feelings instead of yours. I had my chance…with you…and I fucked it up. And it's not about me…it's about you. And you should do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. I can't—I won't be mad at that."
She blinked, heart pounding wildly, voice nowhere to be found. She hadn't expected this from him, hadn't expected his newfound levelheadedness, his newfound understanding. It was…well, it was indescribable. And when she met his eyes, everything was there: the sincerity, the honesty, the hurt and the regret and the longing—his and hers—always present, always burning.
She swallowed, her mouth suddenly feeling dry. "I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything." Another small smile pulled at his lips, this one wistful. "Just…have fun, alright?"
He looked as if he wanted to say more—and maybe she wanted him to—but he stopped himself. Hands still placed in his pockets, he gave her a slow nod of farewell and turned around, heading in the opposite direction from which they came.
And after he was long gone, she stayed planted in her spot, still staring after him.
Friday had quickly arrived, and with it, a storm of quarreling emotions for Zora.
On the one hand, she was excited. It was her first date, and the prospect of eating (free) food, wandering Port Angeles, and actually doing something fun on a Friday night—as opposed to working or patrolling—thrilled her. On the other hand, though, she felt guilty. It was the imprint, of course, that made her chest ache, an incessant feeling of tightness and heaviness weighing her down. But there was another part of her that, despite not wanting to, genuinely felt bad. After all, it was her first date, something she thought she would've experienced with Jacob many moons ago, something he still wanted to experience with her.
Even though he had insisted he wasn't upset with her, she knew he was unhappy—she could feel it. More and more these days, she was becoming attuned to his emotions, a development Sam and Jared had assured her was perfectly "normal." It was a sign of his acceptance of their connection, and while that knowledge may have brought her some comfort amidst the difficulties they always seemed to find themselves in, it was still overwhelming. In the past, there had been brief, random instances in which she knew, without asking him, what he was feeling; but now, it was a near constant. Without even being near him, she could feel which emotions were surging through him, emotions that exacerbated the guilt she was feeling because all of them had one focal point: her.
It didn't help that she'd barely seen him since their conversation in the forest (which had been almost three days ago). She'd chalked it up to her busyness at work—she'd traded a shift with Jared and picked up an extra one to make up for her absence on Friday—and the fact that the two of them were still on opposite patrolling schedules. But she couldn't fool herself; when she stopped by Emily and Sam's place for a quick bite to eat or to socialize, he either hadn't been around or she'd consistently just missed him. That meant he was avoiding her—a considerable feat seeing as they lived in a small town, had the same friends, and were in the same pack—and no matter how much she tried, she couldn't deny that it didn't hurt.
Still, she wasn't going to let herself dwell on any negativity. It was her night, and she planned on enjoying it to the fullest extent…at least this is what she told to herself as she sat on a small stool in the bathroom, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as her mom applied a second coat of mascara to her lashes.
"Are you done yet?" Zora questioned impatiently.
Autumn sighed. "For the thousandth time: no."
"Do I really need any makeup, though? I thought you said I was a 'natural' beauty."
"You are," her mom replied. "And I'm enhancing that natural beauty with a little eyeshadow and mascara."
"Can you enhance a little faster?" Zora pleaded, a rumble of hunger emitting from her stomach. "I need a snack before I leave."
"Alright, alright. Just give me a few more minutes." And with a shake of her head, Autumn stated, "It's mind-blowing how large your appetite is."
"A wolf-girl's gotta eat," Zora quipped, laughing at the playful eye roll her mother gave.
She was beyond grateful that Sam told her their secret, grateful that she no longer had to keep her mom in the dark. It made her life exponentially easier, and the openness had only deepened their mother-daughter relationship. It didn't mean, however, that her mom was enthusiastic about the dangerous responsibility Zora (and her friends) had resting upon their shoulders or the fact that she was now aware of Dr. Cullen's immortality. She was even less happy when she found out why Zora had run after the bloodsucker, why Zora felt the need to seek revenge for Jacob. Though she didn't quite understand the gravity of imprinting, she wasn't ecstatic about learning that her daughter's "soulmate" had pursued someone else and repeatedly wounded Zora in the process. Needless to say, she was not Jacob's biggest fan, which meant she'd been delighted when Zora expressed that her date was with a boy who wasn't him.
As promised, Zora's makeup was finished a few minutes later, and when she looked in the mirror to examine herself, she was surprised at how the subtle touches—the faint shimmer of the golden eyeshadow dusted across her lids, her elongated lashes, and the sheen of the clear gloss coating her lips—complemented her features.
"What do you think?" her mom asked, grinning at her daughter's amazed expression.
"I love it. It's…I look—" pretty, she almost said, but right before the word could make its exit, the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it!" Autumn exclaimed excitedly, her grin widening as she shooed Zora from her spot on the stool. "Go get dressed!" She rushed out of the bathroom, leaving Zora behind with her suddenly-increasing nerves and racing heart.
He wasn't supposed to be here already! she thought, panicked as she quickly strode into her bedroom. She faced the small, haphazard pile of clothes and shoes on her bed and let out a loud groan. I don't know what I'm going to wear and I haven't even done my hair yet and oh god. Fuck. Why am I so nervous? This isn't a big deal; it's just two people going out to eat and—
"False alarm!" she heard her mom shout from the living room. "It's just Leah!"
Zora breathed a large sigh of relief, her tensed body relaxing as she listened to the pleasantries exchanged between her mom and her friend. Leah's heavy steps soon trailed down the hallway, stopping just outside her door.
"Zora, why does your room look like shit?"
"Hello to you, too," she said, grabbing Leah by the wrist and pulling her towards the foot of her bed. "I'm so glad you're here. I've been trying to figure out what to wear and all I have are cut-offs and an old pair of jeans with holes in them and the khakis I wear to work and"—she paused to catch her breath—"please help me."
Leah blinked, and then gave a loud, hearty laugh. "Okay, first of all, you need to chill. I can literally feel the panic oozing off of you. And second, I could've sworn I saw a skirt in your closet. Wear that."
"No," Zora said vehemently. "No way. I don't wear skirts. And thanks to my freakish growth spurt, it's probably, like, super short now."
"Exactly. Show off those legs, Medina! Your face looks hot, and you need an outfit to match."
Zora refused again, prompting Leah to shake her head and sigh impatiently. "Listen, you can either put on the skirt or one of the other options you don't seem entirely enthusiastic about. It's your call."
Zora echoed her sigh as she glared at the pile of clothes. It wasn't as if she detested skirts…she just didn't want Allen or anyone else to think that she was trying too hard. Because she wasn't, and she didn't care about impressing some guy. And ugh—this was uncharted territory for her, and her overthinking mind couldn't handle the added stress from what would most likely become a never-ending contemplation. So she grumbled, "Fine," under her breath, stalked towards her closet, and yanked the denim skirt from its hanger.
She hated when Leah was right (which was often), but she was always thankful for her friend's wisdom, especially in this instance as she examined herself in the bathroom mirror once more. The girl staring back at her was strange, not totally unlike herself, but a softer version—different. And surprisingly, she liked it.
Behind her, Leah gave a low whistle. "You're a total babe."
"You think so?"
"I know so. In fact, I'm considering wining and dining you myself."
The girls broke into easy laughter with each other, the loud sound drawing in Zora's mom. She paused at the doorway wearing an affectionate smile. "Oh, sweetheart, you look wonderful."
"Thanks, Mom," she smiled back. "And thanks, Lee. I don't know what I'd do without either of you."
"Worry yourself into oblivion, probably," Leah joked, expertly dodging the elbow aimed at her stomach, but accepting the hug Zora pulled her into.
The three of them remained cramped in the bathroom until it was time for Zora to leave, the space full of animated conversation as Autumn and Leah applied any finishing touches to her makeup and hair. Only the two shifters heard the car pulling into the driveway, and upon noticing their abrupt silence and the shared look between them, the same giddiness Zora's mom expressed earlier came back.
"I'll get the door," she stated, grinning widely as she dashed from the room again.
Zora watched her leave, her heart thrumming faster with every step she heard, and then quickly glanced at Leah. "Is it normal to be this nervous?"
Leah nodded. "It's your first date, but you're going to have fun. Alright?" she squeezed Zora's hand encouragingly. "And if you don't have a good time or he tries to put his hands where they don't belong, we'll beat him up."
Zora nodded, laughing away some of her stress. "Alright."
(Revised 3/31/2021)
AN: Hi everyone. Apologies (as usual) for the overdue update. August was an entire month of depression for me, and it was pretty hard to fight off the writer's block that came with it. I've been writing frantically this last week or so, though; and I present to you this chapter - which is like part one of the date fiasco lol. Truth is, this newest update ended up being over 9,000 words long (I'm telling you, I've been writing frantically), so I split it up into two chapters instead. I guess that means it's a double update (yay for y'all)! Don't forget to read the next chapter because it's part two. And don't be afraid to let me know what you think. :)
