CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Zora awoke to a warm ray of sunlight blanketing her face and a soft gust of breath against her collarbone.
It wasn't the first sensation that caused her eyes to flutter open, a disoriented grumble leaving her lips as she adjusted to the brightness. No, it was the second thing, the feeling of someone's head nestled in the crook of her neck and the legs tangled with her own and the weight of the arm draped across her waist that made her heart thrum unevenly.
She wasn't alone.
Someone had slept in her bed with her.
Someone was currently snuggled comfortably against her, snoring loudly and blissfully unaware of the panic swallowing her whole.
First, she looked down to confirm that she was clothed, and when she saw her skirt and blouse still in place (thank god), she looked to her right – slowly, cautiously, afraid to see who exactly was sleeping without a care in the world.
And then her breath caught in her throat.
Because it wasn't Allen, and she had been fearing that after smoking with him, she had allowed him into her room and into her bed (and into another place she wasn't ready to give anyone access to just yet) when she had been inebriated and had no recollection of any of those things happening. Instead, it was the person she least expected, whose touch and proximity flushed her cheeks a dark shade of red.
Jacob.
And for a moment, she was captivated by his serenity—the softness of his features, no frown or hard stare or clenched jaw in sight; the radiance of his skin, warm and glowing as the sun cast its light upon him, light that she swore was made just for him; the gentle beat of his pulse, a slow, rhythmic song that quelled the nerves churning in her stomach. A small smile found its way onto her face, and before she even registered the movement, her fingertips were trailing across the smooth plain of his cheek.
Beautiful.
She felt at peace swathed in the heat of the sun and the heat of his body, listening to the birds chirp outside of her window and feeling the warmth of his breath ghost along her skin. She would have been perfectly content laying there with him for the rest of the day…if not for the tiny, nagging thought that wrenched her from her spell.
Wait – how did he even get here?
Suddenly, the haze in her mind cleared, a stream of images flashing through her thoughts in quick succession. She remembered everything—the strange pull, like a rope wrapped around her heart, that led her out of bed and to the Black household; the daze she was under as she knocked on Jacob's window and convinced him to accompany her to the beach; chasing him along the shoreline and floating side-by-side in the cold darkness of the ocean; gazing at the stars and working up the intoxicated nerve to hold his hand; insisting he give her a piggy back ride as he walked her home; and finally, asking him to stay the night.
Zora heaved a sigh, attempting to fight off the exhaustion creeping up as her high wore off. Her eyes were heavy, arms dangling loosely around Jacob's neck as he trudged down the dark road. Though she looked forward to the comfort of her bed, the trek home from Second Beach had been faster than she expected—faster than she wanted—and now she found herself crossing the threshold of trees lining her backyard, the faded blue vinyl of her house prompting her to frown.
"What's wrong?" Jacob asked, his long strides quickly carrying them to her bedroom window.
"Nothing," she murmured, swaying as she climbed off his back. "Thanks for coming with me."
His movement was swift as he reached out to steady her, his lips pulled into a lopsided grin. "No problem. I had fun."
"Me too," she smiled. "A lot of fun."
She wanted to say something else—that she was happy she'd had a moment alone with him, that she wanted to do it again—but the assertion abandoned her, vanishing when she realized he was still gripping her shoulders. She was aware of how close they were, the silence heavy with confessions both were apprehensive to give. She could feel the warmth surrounding them as he remained in front of her, as she remained in his hold, as they found themselves getting lost – in her eyes, in his touch, in each other's orbit. Hearts fluttering, she reached out to cup his cheek…and then she felt the palpable absence stretching between them as he stepped away from her.
"I'm sorry," he blurted, noting her discouraged expression. "I…can't. Not with you—"
"Still kinda baked?"
"Yeah," he chuckled. "Still kinda baked."
She smiled, his laughter easing some of the tension. "I understand. Maybe…maybe next time?"
"Maybe next time."
The two of them stood quietly again, one with his hands shoved into his pockets and the other in contemplation as she looked up at the sky. Dawn was slowly approaching, a soft, orange light bleeding through the inky darkness. As she watched the sun rise, she thought of how perfect everything had been—the beach, the stargazing, the time she spent with him...
Zora didn't want any of it to end.
"So, it's getting pretty late—"
"Stay with me."
Jacob faltered, his eyes widening. "What?"
"Stay with me," she repeated, her confidence waning at his lack of enthusiasm. "Just…just for a little bit."
She watched the bobbing of his Adam's apple as he swallowed, heard the racing of his heart as he stammered a reply. "I-I don't know if that's such a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Because…"
"Because you don't want to?" she questioned, the hurt in her voice prompting him to quickly shake his head.
"No! I mean yes...I mean - trust me, I want to. But…what about your mom? What if…what if she sees me?"
"She won't," Zora grinned, trying her best to sound reassuring. "I'll sneak you out before she wakes up."
Her cheerfulness didn't convince him, his expression uneasy as he rubbed the nape of his neck. "I don't know, Zora."
There was a part of her that understood his hesitance. After all, her mom could easily—and would probably do so without a second thought—reinstate her grounding (and convince Billy to enact a similar consequence for Jacob), but the prospect of trouble carried no weight against the longing she felt. Inhibitions lowered, cares and anxieties nowhere to be found, Zora acted only on want. And what she wanted was Jacob to spend what was left of the night with her.
"I'm not ready for you to go yet."
And like magic, her words melted all of his apprehension, his shoulders and rigid stance slackening. Caught off guard by her confession, his mouth opened and closed, the tops of his ears tinged a faint shade of red. Then he shook his head free of what little doubt was left and took a small step forward, giving her a smile of surrender.
"Okay, I'll stay with you."
Zora was sweating now, the air stifling and uncomfortable as a wave of humiliation washed over her. She couldn't believe she had uttered those words, couldn't believe that she had been so bold and daring towards him because the real her—who was no longer inebriated and decided she wasn't smoking ever again—wasn't ready to be close to him, to be with him.
Not yet echoed frantically in her mind.
Not yet.
And though the words repeated themselves like a desperate prayer, she knew that she was lying to herself. Because she was ready, had known it all along, and the previous evening only solidified the truth she continuously cast aside. Despite her fears—and trust that she had plenty—she still found her way to him. While she wasn't enthused about the state of mind she had been in when she revealed that she missed him—her face burned as she remembered unabashedly saying, "I could feel that you needed me"—she understood, deep down, that beside him was where she wanted to be. It was this thought that made her realize she could no longer bury the feelings that threatened to spill whenever she was near him.
Zora could no longer deny their connection.
She would never forget the past - their past - but she was tired of being controlled by apprehension and nervousness and uncertainty. She was tired of fighting what was meant to be. She wanted Jacob, and while admitting such a desire scared her, she knew with more confidence and clarity than she had ever had that he wanted her, too.
Finally...she was ready to feel.
She was ready to let him in.
Zora exhaled a long, cathartic breath, the weight of all her doubts lifting and fading away. In its wake was a calm sense of quiet, one she wasn't able to enjoy for long due to the loud yawn emitted beside her.
"G'morning," Jacob murmured, groggy and bleary-eyed.
She met his sleepy stare, a swell of butterflies erupting in her stomach. "Morning."
"How'd you sleep?"
"Good, um…and you?"
"Good. Great, actually. I was pretty comfy." And wearing a small, boyish grin, he snuggled closer to her. "You make an excellent pillow."
She snorted a laugh, attempting to ignore the thrumming in her chest and the heat blooming in her face. "Smooth, Black. Very smooth."
"I try," he chuckled.
After their laughter died down, a nervous silence followed. It gave Zora time to make sense of the thoughts she couldn't yet vocalize. In the span of a few hours, everything was different, and as much as she would've liked to simply lay there, enjoy the moment, and avoid a potentially embarrassing conversation, she knew they needed to talk about the evening they had spent together – and most importantly, where it left them. She rolled onto her side to face him, so close that the tip of her nose nearly brushed his. "Jacob?"
"Yeah?"
"Last night," she began, pausing when she noticed the way his expression fell, as if he was preparing himself to hear the worst, "it was a lot of fun."
"Oh," he muttered, breathing a small sigh of relief. "I had a lot of fun, too."
"You seem surprised."
"I was," he admitted sheepishly. "Still am, actually. I…I thought you were going to say it was a mistake."
She shook her head. "It wasn't."
He swallowed, heat rising in his face as he processed her words and met her stare. She was wearing that look again - face flushed, brown eyes alight with wonder and adoration - and it made him nervous because it was real. The beach, her confession, her hand entwined with his…all of it had been real.
When she'd asked him to stay the night with her, he agreed knowing that whatever was happening between them would be short-lived. When she awoke in the morning, she would (with horror and shame) remember everything she had said and done. He'd expected her to declare that she meant none of it, to kick him out of her bed and return to regarding him as her friend and only her friend. And he would've accepted her rejection, would've pushed the beach and her confession and her hand entwined with his to the back of his mind and pretended that none of it happened because he would do anything she wanted him to. As long as he could still be in her life.
And so he hadn't expected the tenderness of her gaze or the warmth of her smile, both of which were directed at him. His heart pounded rapidly, wildly, and voice a nearly inaudible whisper, he said, "Can I ask you something?"
She nodded.
"When you said that you missed me…did you mean it?"
Without hesitation, she muttered, "Yes."
Jacob sucked in a breath, unsure if his heart could beat any faster. Itching to brush her hair from her forehead, he stammered, "Wh-what does this mean? Me being here with you?"
Upon hearing his question, Zora grew still and pensive. Because this was it – this was the conversation that would reveal all that she had kept buried, that would solidify the change between them, and there was no going back. Though part of her feared the leap she was about to make, she closed her eyes and plunged head first anyway.
"It means...that I can't ignore my feelings anymore, and I can't push you away. I don't want to."
Silence.
It stretched on and on, seconds turning into an entire minute. And it was entirely too awkward. Zora wasn't sure what she expected from him – excitement, joy? – but it certainly wasn't the unnerving quiet surrounding them. Her mind was frenzied, her thoughts a panicked string of oh god he's not saying anything why isn't he saying anything oh god this is bad this is so bad. And she couldn't take it anymore. Stomach churning, she quickly opened her eyes…only to find Jacob gaping at her. He wore a bewildered expression, his mouth opening in an attempt to speak and then closing, the words abandoning him.
She blinked. "Jacob?"
Saying his name seemed to do the trick.
Extracted from whatever daze he'd been in, he gave a smile of pure radiance before moving closer to her—which was nearly impossible seeing as they were already pressed together to fit on her twin-sized bed—the arm around her waist tightening.
"Is this okay?" he whispered.
"Yes," she breathed, the smoldering glint in his eyes making her mouth feel dry.
He reached up, gently grabbing a dark, choppy strand of hair and twirling it around his finger. "Can I kiss you?" The question was cautious, his voice so quiet that she almost didn't hear it above the erratic thumping in her chest. She nodded eagerly, eyes fluttering closed once more, and then she could feel the warmth of his breath against her jaw, could feel his lips almost graze hers, and never before had she wanted a kiss so badly. Fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck, she pulled him towards her and—
"Zora!"
The pair pulled away from each other quickly, Jacob falling to the floor with a loud thud. Whipping their heads towards the closed door, both relaxed (only a minuscule amount) once they realized the voice was coming from the kitchen.
Throwing him an uneasy glance, Zora shouted back, "Yeah, Mom?"
"Breakfast is ready!"
"'Kay! Be there in a minute!"
She and Jacob waited for another response, and when they heard the sizzling of oil resume, both exhaled heavy sighs of relief.
"Holy shit," she whispered. "I thought we were busted."
"I was literally about to throw myself out the window," he added.
Staring at each other with another round of perturbed expressions, they burst into a quiet fit of laughter, Jacob shushing Zora for snorting too loudly, and Zora whipping a pillow at his head in return. They could've stayed that way - laughing, joking, completely immersed in each other's company - but the noise of a cabinet full of pans and pots being rifled through brought them back to reality.
"I should probably go," Jacob said, careful to keep his voice low.
"That's a good idea. If I don't head to breakfast soon, she'll come looking for me."
"Can we talk later?"
The hope in his voice brought a smile to her lips. "Of course."
He mirrored her smile, and like the flick of a switch, the pull between them ignited again. Thinking of the moment they shared only a few minutes ago, both Zora and Jacob felt their faces overheat.
"I'll…er, I'll call you," he said, rising abruptly from the floor and heading to the window.
"Don't forget."
With one leg dangling outside and the other still inside her room, he turned to face her, his soft expression making her stomach somersault. "I won't."
He was seconds away from jumping into the grass when he and Zora heard the voice of her mom again.
"Zora, honey?" Autumn yelled.
"Yeah, Mom?"
The pair froze once more, blanching and gazing at each other with wide, horror-filled eyes as her mom - at normal volume this time - said, "Make sure to bring Jacob with you."
(Revised 3/27/2021)
AN: Hi, everyone. It's been awhile. I apologize for not updating in such a long time. The break I took was totally unintended; my mental health just absolutely plummeted and life got so busy and I had no motivation or inspiration to write or do any of the things I enjoy. BUT I'm back - sort of. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter tbh. I feel kind of rusty. I've also realized that I'm a perfectionist and that makes writing 10x harder because I end up hating everything I've created (this is why I went back and revised most of the early chapters, though revision is a necessary process for any writer), so I'll probably read this chapter in the morning and hate it and revise it, but I really wanted to update for those of you who've been following this story or have followed this story recently. Go easy on me, please. And thanks for reading. :)
