CHAPTER 5
A/N: Still at the barbecue. Back where chapter 3 left off. Explicit language and dirty talk towards the end.
LPOV
It's not like it was the first time I saw them since I left La Push. I would run into them every couple of years and adorn my face with a fake smile, but I always hated it. It wasn't as if I wasn't over the 20 year old betrayal. I definitely had a better life with Antwan in Chicago and he was undoubtedly the better man. As I recently explained to Akeala — they did me a favor. I got to leave La Push, stop feeling emotionally unhinged and continuously fueled by righteous anger. I got to have a normal life and go to college and graduate school, met the love of my life and had all the trappings that went with it.
But, there they were. Smiling at me, with a tinge of pity in their eyes - oh, there's single mom Leah, with the dead dad, dead husband and sick mom who we royally fucked over and treated like shit when she was 20. Poor baby. And even though my heart and mind had said c'est la vie many moons ago, my body - through the muscles tensing in my neck and shoulders and the ever widening pit in my stomach - reminded me of the hell I went through as a 20 year old.
Still, I wasn't 20 anymore. Back then my MO was to drive everyone away, keep them away, and show them not to fuck with me in the process. Overtime I had learned, mostly through therapy and with the help of an emotionally available partner, that I was avoiding vulnerability. Their actions - devine or not - were their responsibility, not mine. Regardless, I was 40 and going to act like an adult, so I stood up and gave Emily a cordial hug.
"You look great!" She said, as she pulled me in. I looked at the siding of the house so I didn't have to look Sam in the eye who was standing behind her.
"Kids are all grown up!" He said, with a big grin on his face. Ugh. Here it comes. I'm going to have to hug him, I thought as I braced myself. I gave him a quick hug/pat, the kind you do with relatives who you don't really like.
"Yeah," I drawled. "And yours too." I spotted Omar, Theo and Jared's older son following Seth out back to the detached garage. Theo in particular was exceptionally buff. "He's gotten so big, Sam…" I stopped myself momentarily, remembering that Rachel told me that he and Will Camron had phased.
"Omar's not exactly a little guy anymore either," said Emily trying to hint at something. I glanced over at them. Seth had Omar move a heavy 20 foot ladder and now Paul, Embry, Quil and Theo and Will were all watching him, examining his muscles and how strong he was. Subtle much? I gave Seth a look and soon they all disbursed. Seth and Paul heading back into the house.
"No, but he'll always be my baby," I said with a wistful smile.
Emily smiled back at me, but then Sam asked pointedly, "If he phases, will you stay here?"
I glancedat him, annoyed.
"I have no idea. I don't know if he will. I'm sure Alpha Awful is on it, though."
Emily chucked. "He's actually kept a very tight ship, Lee. Theo has learned a lot under him. And it's a blessing that Sam could retire and we can grow old together," was that vomit I tasted in my mouth? "He's been alpha the longest and has kept us all incredibly safe." I took a deep breath.
We traded some more pleasantries, and after a short bit were interrupted by Akeala with a wet face. Was she still upset about Devin? She claimed she was tired and asked to head back to my mom's. I smoothed my hand up and down her arm, remembering how hard it was to be young, but in honesty it felt hard to be older too. I found Omar in the yard and instructed him to walk back with her and that I'd be back soon, I just wanted to help Alex and Seth clean up.
After they headed out, I grabbed another beer, but felt the need for something stronger. This was too much shit to deal with. Reliving painful teen trauma, sick mom, reunited with old dirtbags who couldn't even say hello, beloved son might turn into a shape shifter, sweet daughter was clearly crushed by a little asshole. What a wonderful fucking evening, I thought as I irritatedly put paper plates and cups in a trashbag. What the fuck would I do if he did phase and became a protector? Would we stay? I moved through the yard and out past the garage where the trash cans were. What about Akeala? Why was she so upset? Why was her face wet? Was she crying? Was she that miserable to be here?
"Fuck my life," I muttered under my breath.
"Need some of this?" I screamed, not realizing I wasn't alone. The deep husky words came from Paul, leaning against the back of the garage smoking a joint. "Come on, it's medical," he said with a smirk.
I exhaled, Annoyed. "Fuck, Paul. Don't fucking creep up on me like that," I said hurriedly, and then eyed his joint. I looked back at the house to make sure no one was in view and pushed some hair out of my face, recomposing myself. "And yes, give me that," and I quickly took it out of his hand.
"Oh, so angry, Jackson. That was always your calling card." he said with a chuckle, crossing his legs and folding his arms, seeming completely relaxed.
I scowled at him, slightly surprised he remembered my married name. "I am not fucking angry," I said sounding very angry and inhailing a drag, letting it roll through me. "I am stressed. There's a difference," I passed it back to him and then put the trash in the trash can.
He nodded his head at me, his lips curling and his eyes becoming dark. "You know what you need?"
"Please do tell," I said incredulously, hands on my hips.
"You need to be fucked. hard." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "You need a good fucking to let all that tension roll off that sweet ass of yours and relax you through out your whole body," he said, lasciviously gleeful.
"Shut up, Paul. Seth is going to hear you and come out here with an axe. It's post Me Too and your the big fucking boss man. You can't say that shit."
He chuckled. "He can't hear anything. Too much kid noise. Besides, I'm not your boss, baby,"
"That's for fucking sure," I muttered, unable to look at him in the eye.
"And aren't you the big boss lady?" he said with a smirk. "The big boss lady that does everything for everyone one else." I glanced up at him. "What about you? When was the last time someone stroked your clit in that perfect way, told you to bend over and spread your legs and made you come until next week?" I gulped as he inched away from the wall and moved closer to me. I felt a chill and only noticed because of the goosebumps on my arms and my nipples that increasingly got harder. What the fuck? Was I considering this? What was in that joint? I shifted in my stand and crossed my arms over breasts, hiding them. He chuckled again, now just inches from me.
"Come on, baby. Let me make you feel good," he said as he placed a very warm hand on my hip, moving his thumb back and forward. I could feel his erection press against my lower stomach. Was I repulsed by this? Why wasn't I repulsed by this? You should be repulsed by this! I commanded myself.
I took a deep breath. "How many women have you said this bullshit to this week?" I said, rolling my eyes, pushing back from him and swinging his hand off my hip.
"That are smokin' hot 40 year-old former she-wolves? None," he said with a smirk.
"I'm not fucking interested," I said tersly, "And you better keep this shit in your alpha lock box or I will peronally castrate you. Do you understand? I don't need this shit getting back to my kids." I turned and headed back to the house.
"All that anger," he said. "I can help you...by fucking you,"
"I'm not angry," I snapped, not looking back at him. "Not usually, anymore." I said a bit more calmly under my breath.
"Sure, baby," he said, taking another drag. "You just let me know when you're ready, okay?" he patronized.
I continued to walk and looked straight ahead, only turning my raised hand to give him my second bird of the evening.
A/N: What do you guys think? Should she go for it?
