/TW:\ self-harm, and also very vague hints at an ED I guess?
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The young lion is panicking internally. His hand is still on Melon's forearm, and it would be weird to pull it back just now, wouldn't it? Even though he has no damn idea what pushed him to reach out in the first place. And his boss' lack of reaction is slowly chipping at whatever confidence Agata had. What, what is he thinking? What is he planning?
"Agata."
"Yes?"
His voice rises an octave too high, but Melon doesn't comment on it. His head is angled downwards, masking his expression – not that Agata is usually able to read him anyway. He can say there is something weird in his tone, though. Maybe it's just that he has never addressed him like this – no more "kitty", no sarcastic honorifics either.
"You know," the hybrid says, "you are supposed to go on that shipment cargo tomorrow morning."
Agata feels like he has swallowed a stone. A cold, freezing stone, and the ice is slowly spreading inside him via his bloodstream. He takes his hand back, cradles it with the other, and forces his tongue to form words:
"I know, boss."
He catches a glimpse of Melon's eyes before the hybrid turns back to the city below.
"You're not going."
"Wh-what?"
"They should be able to deal with one damn shipment without our help. And if they don't- well, it will be time to see about a change of leadership."
Another glance, and this time Melon doesn't turn away just yet. Agata tries to hold his gaze and to calm down his heartbeats at the same time. It feels like he just got whiplash.
"Also, I guess saving my life is a viable proof of loyalty."
The young lion realizes it's as good as a "thank you" he's ever going to get. Not that he expected any, anyway, so it's still… he doesn't quite know how to put it into words, but suddenly the stone has melted, replaced by a soft warmth in his chest.
"Oh, er, great. I'm- I really did not wanna go. I'm grateful. And, uh, relieved you… trust me again, I guess?"
"I never trusted any of you," Melon huffs. "You've just gone back down on the list of 'who is the next one to get murdered if I ever need a corpse'."
"… Do you often practice activities that require a corpse?"
"Oh, it comes in handy sometimes. You would be surprised."
"Yeah, I bet."
The hybrid shifts to look at him more easily – and for an uncomfortably long time, too. Agata scratches his neck under his mane, self-conscious now.
"… Do I-"
"I guess I do trust you more than anyone before."
He tries to answer – but no sound will come out and he's left staring, wide-eyed with his jaw hanging slightly open. The sight makes Melon chuckle.
"Close your mouth, you're gonna swallow a fly. And I'm going back inside, by the way. It's freezing tonight."
Agata follows him because he still hasn't got back enough brainpower to do anything else. It feels like at least half of his neurons have short-circuited, unable to process what the hybrid just said – and he's not even going to consider the unusual look in his eyes.
He's hit with a puff of pleasantly heated air when Melon opens the door of the rooftop and steps back inside.
"How are you not cold?" he mumbles, blowing on his hands to warm them up.
"I'm not skin and bone," the young lion replies on auto-pilot. "And I brought my jacket."
"Eh, not everyone is as… sizeable as you big cats."
"I'm pretty sure that, whatever their species is, you shouldn't be able to count an animal's ribs."
"You c-" He pauses, a hand feeling for his own ribs under his shirt. "… Well."
"Exactly. By the way, have you already eaten? I was heading for the kitchen."
"No… not today."
"Then do y- Wait. Today?"
Melon only shrugs.
"How could y- do you not get hungry?"
"Only sometimes… Plus, I was away at lunchtime, and it's fucking annoying to eat without taking my mask off."
For once, Agata refrains to ask the question that's on his mind; "why, then, did you choose to go through life under a gazelle identity?" – he's pretty sure the question would not be received graciously. He's not afraid for his safety anymore (maybe it's wishful thinking, but he wants to think they have slightly moved past that point in the last week), but he is worried that it would ruin whatever… moment they are having.
Maybe he also doesn't want an answer just yet. Melon doesn't read to him as one to dread a few whispers behind his back, or even an attempt at physical assault, so why? Is their world so… unfair that it will blatantly deny him a professor position if he didn't lie? Or is it something else entirely?
He realizes that his feet have carried him to the fridge and he opens its door idly.
"… do you have something against soy steak?"
"Are you asking me? I don't care, pick whatever."
Soy steak it is, then. He puts the leftovers in the microwave and watches it intently as it turns around, basked in yellow light. Outside, stars are starting to dot the night sky, and the kitchen is bathed in a mix of evening blue and soft, warm light.
He puts the meal on the nearby table and goes to fetch cutlery. He pauses when handing a fork to Melon and their gazes meet. They are both thinking back to the very same day. The hybrid slowly takes it and lays it flat on the table. None of them says a word.
"Did you tell the shipment guys that I wasn't coming with them?" Agata inquires when he's already halfway through his own plate.
He isn't sure if he's asking to make sure his boss has truly changed his mind about that, or if he's trying to make conversation.
"Hmm-mh." Melon isn't looking at him, considering instead with a frown the piece of food he has picked up as if it has personally offended him. He reluctantly puts it in his mouth. "Yeah, called them this morning," he continues after swallowing. "I thought about what I was going to do with you in the shower this morning."
Saying that, he points at Agata with what he has his hand – his fork – and the young lion can't help but flinch slightly.
"Can you, eh, not do that? Please?"
Feline eyes dart to the fork before lightning up in understanding.
"Ooh. I see. Do you still resent me for that?"
"Uh… I don't know. Maybe a little, to be honest. I was only abiding by the rules I was told, and they are important to me, because… it's having rules like that that helps me feel like not a completely rotten person, even when I'm eating meat and all that."
"It wasn't personal, you know. I was only looking for a reason to threaten one of you since I sniffed out your little chew toy."
Agata's mind flashes back to Louis' antlers and, well, Louis himself. They haven't talked much back when he was still their boss, but all the other lions thought so highly of him that he couldn't help but admire him too – and compare him to their new, crueler boss. He looks back at Melon. Ignores the way something inside him twists – it has done that a lot the past few days. Things are changing and Agata isn't sure what to think anymore.
"Sorry, I don't quite feel bad about it," the hybrid continues, to his surprise. "I had to do it. So, I can't really give you a sincere apology."
"I wasn't expectin-"
A sparkle of light on metal suddenly catches his eye – and he realizes with a pang in his chest that the fork tines are resting on the back of Melon's hand, pressing just hard enough that the skin dips a little.
"What- Melon, no!"
He barely even flinched – and yet the fork went deep, red already seeping out around the metal tines. Agata can only stare, mesmerized in a twisted way. It seems like his own hand is tingling, where the scars are, as if remembering how it felt – an echo. When he finally tears his gaze away, he finds the hybrid looking up at him.
"Now that makes us a shared experience, um?"
"You're crazy."
He laughs.
"Took you long enough to notice."
In low light, feline pupils dilate – no longer black scrape in the middle of marble-like sclerae, no longer knifepoint. For the first time, Agata notices that Melon's eyes have a ring of gold around them. They have only turned on one of the kitchen lights, and its warm glow catches on it, makes it shine.
"I knew you were dangerous," Agata slowly says, "and unpredictable… but I didn't expect this kind of craziness."
"Which kind?" he asks, his tone light and curious – unlike his eyes.
"Self-destructive."
Melon looks away, and he mouthes words that Agata can't guess, then his gaze wanders back to the fork still through his hand. He tears it out without hesitation and blood splashes on the kitchen table. A few droplets land on his shirt, adding carmine flowers to the leaves pattern.
Without a word, Agata gets up and fetches the first-aid kit for the cabinet. There is another, larger one in the bathroom, but this one was meant for cooking mishaps. Does deliberately driving a fork through your own hand count as that? Anyway, he just needs a bandage – he is definitely not qualified to attempt stitches.
"Give me your hand."
Melon's fingers are cold, maybe from their little talk outside, making the blood warmer by contrast. Agata worries for a brief moment that it will awaken the hunter part of him, but thankfully it stays dormant. As he tries to clean up around the wound, he slowly realizes that his instincts very rarely awaken around the hybrid – if at all. He wonders how much that colors their exchanges. Are they truer, that way? Free of biology… what, who are they?
He maneuvers Melon's hand to inspect his palm, mindful of the broken wrist. As he expected, the fork went all the way through.
"You never do things by halves, hum?" Agata hesitates, then decides on saying it: "Except when you tried to kill Dolph…"
"Eh, my only goal was to get his blood out. And, I did know about lion manes being able to act as shields, though I was sure I cut deep enough anyway. Don't look at me with those saucer eyes, kitty. I read books. Remember how this whole evening started…?"
"Hmm…" He pauses, searching one-handed for the disinfectant in the medkit. "Why did you choose history, by the way?"
"I wanted to learn more about society as a whole, but I'm told you have to choose a major at some point. And I was… curious to see how they handled the whole carnivore-herbivore thing in the past."
"Do you think you could, hum, change your student views about… that?"
The hybrid giggles and Agata feels a bit stupid. The other lions are probably right to tease him about his naivety… But is it this bad to believe the world can be a good place, sometimes?
"Haha, no," Melon answers, "I don't expect that much from them. Most are just here for the credit points, anyway. Or maybe they just give the less invested students to starting lecturers."
"'Starting'?" he repeats.
"Yeah. Got my diploma last year, I- ow!"
"Sorry! I have, uh, big fingers!"
Melon gives him back his injured hand and he begins to wrap it with gauze, more careful now. His tongue is peeking out as he focuses on his task – barely aware of the hybrid's gaze fixed on him.
"And isn't a Ph.D, like, several years of-" he starts as he is securing the bandage. "Wait, are we around the same age?"
"I guess. I'm twenty-four."
"You're younger than me?!"
Melon laughs again – except this time, it sounds genuine, devoid of the usual sharp, broken edge.
"And you're calling me a kitty?" Agata continues, rightfully outraged.
"Yep. A big, old kitty," he teases, reaching out with his valid arm to boop his nose.
Agata can't help going cross-eyed a little, too stunned by the gesture to even attempt to react.
That's, of course, the moment one of the other lions chooses to barge into the kitchen. Agata startles, accidentally knocking his glass over and it's only thanks to his quick reflexes that it doesn't end up shattering on the tiled floor.
There is a couple of seconds where the three of them just stare at each other.
"Th- uuuuh," Free begins. "There is Madaragumi scum snooping around our block. I, er, was looking for you, Boss. For orders."
Melon very slowly brings his freshly-bandaged hand out of Agata's grip. His expression has changed oh-so-slightly, lips still stretched and teeth showing – except it's not a smile anymore, and the golden light the young lion had noticed earlier in his eyes is gone, snuffed out like a candle in the winter wind.
"Are they looking for a fight?"
"It doesn't look like it. Dope thinks they are here on sort of a recon mission, and… he also thinks that they are probably there to check if you're still alive."
"Oh, he thinks? You kitties know how to do that now?"
The way he said the word "thinks" sounded like a knife scraping against a plate, making Agata cringe. He looks back at his boss, who has now stood up. In the dim lightning, shadows dance across his face, threatening now. His fangs glisten a sickly white, the dark circles that made him look vulnerable a few minutes ago now only highlighting the crazed look in his eyes. There and then, Agata remembers why he's scared of him.
Melon looks like he's about to give an order – and the young lion has a serious hunch about what that order might be – when the kitchen door bangs against the wall, making them all jump slightly. A third lion is standing in the doorway, his phone in hand.
"Boss," he says, pauses briefly to catch his breath, continues: "Someone attacked Gouhin's clinic. Looking for you."
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Btw I did fanart for this chapter : /2FFDH4j !
Hehe, time for a bit of action (next chapter) after all the talking x'D
