A bit of a fluffy chapter, with some angst sprinkled on top, of course, because I'm a horrible person :P
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"Are you crazy?"
Agata wants to dig himself into a hole and disappear underground. Or maybe dump his fellow lions down said-hole and not look back. He's still unsure. If he hears one more shriek, he might be more and more inclined to choose the latter.
(He also kinda wants to blame Melon, who tactically fled the scene after they finally realized they were not alone anymore. The others would not have been this insistent with him in the same room. Maybe they wouldn't have said anything at all. Of course, that would have only delayed the inevitable, but.)
He rubs at his temples, sighing internally.
"No, for the tenth time, I'm not…"
"It does not look as such!"
Ah, here comes the shriek. Agata moves his hand from over his eyes to glare at Dope, trying to muster every ounce of presence he possesses.
"It does look like it," Hino insists. "Admit it."
He sighs externally this time and grabs his glass, because he can't be made to answer while he's drinking, right? And he really does not want to answer. He is quite sure of his feelings, has more or less come to terms with them, but it does seem like utter madness, spelled out like this, without context. (Which context? he thinks bitterly. Before or after Melon drove a fork through his hand, before or after Agata wanted to kill him?)
"Do you have a thing for herbivores?"
Agata chokes on his drink.
"Do I-" He stops, coughs, trying to catch his breath and speak at the same time, outraged. "What?!"
"Do you have a thing for herbivores?" Hino repeats like it's a completely normal thing to ask. "Like, you know, a kink or something."
"I- No! No, I don't! Besides, Melon isn't an herbivore..."
Hino shrugs.
"Well, he's the closest there is in the Black Market. And the frail silhouette, the horns… he looks the part."
"Eh! Didn't you say the impala on TV, you know, the singer?" Dope interjects, happy to follow the other's lead. "Didn't you say she looked good? Like, a month ago?"
"I. Do not. Have. An Herbivore. Kink!"
"… are you masochistic, then?"
"No! And what ar- why- why are you only talking about sex things anyway?!"
The two lions stare at him for an uncomfortable time.
"Say, Agata. Are you instead… in love with our Boss?"
He's about to answer, already opening his mouth, when Dope decides to rub it in:
"Our unpredictable, psychotic Boss, who tried to kill Dolph, forbids us from eating meat, and terrorized you until like, a few weeks ago?"
"When you put it like that…"
"Then tell us how else you expect us to! Because right now, I'm tempted to stick to my initial assumption; you have lost your mind. He's manipulating you somehow, or-"
"No!"
He has nearly shouted, surprising them as well as himself. Him being manipulated by Melon is… a sensitive subject right now. His mind flashes back to their recent argument. He chose to believe that the hybrid told him the truth – no, more than that, he chose to believe in what he thought the other truly meant – what he wanted to see behind the veil of his apparent confusion. His heart clenches in his chest. What if…? He shakes his head. He made his choice. He has to stick to it. For better or worse.
(He does hope for better, though. Really, really hope. Because the alternative could be… well, worse than he can even imagine.)
"He… he's not manipulating me. He hasn't tried to hurt me at all since I…" Saved his life? His mind flashes back to the hybrid's silhouette, lying unconscious on the pavement splattered with his blood. He feels vaguely nauseous. "Since three weeks ago," he concludes.
The two lions look at him with clear skepticism.
"Not hurting the other animal, that's like the very bare minimum, you know," Hino points out. "Any lower, and the bar would be nothing more than a tripping hazard."
"I would say you're limbo dancing already."
Agata raises an eyebrow at that, and at the weird image his mind provided to go with Dope's shit. He considers for a brief moment trying to explain what the hybrid means to him, what he saw behind the violence and the madness – the light in between the deep cracks – explain how beautiful it is.
He realizes he doesn't have the words.
"Whatever," he says, pushing his glass away. "This is between him and me – none of your business. Good night."
He has barely the time to get out of his chair that Hino catches his arm.
"Hey, Agata. We're just worried about you. This guy, he… he's dangerous. Be careful."
He nods curtly, and the other lion watches him intently for a few more seconds, trying to pass Rex-knows-what through his eyes, then he gives up and sighs, letting go of Agata's arm.
"I hope you know what you're doing."
The silence in his bedroom may be worse than the two lions scolding him, he realizes once he took off his day clothes and settled in bed. Against them, it was easier to cling to his stance, to barricade himself behind the affirmation that he's right, that his love is real and, yeah, reciprocated, in some kind of way at least. But now that he doesn't have to defend it in front of anyone else anymore… his mind begins to quietly sap at his certitudes. He sighs again and reaches for the book on his bedside table, hoping to drown his swirling thoughts and doubts with the words on the pages.
(It doesn't quite work. He turns the pages, but he has no idea what the previous one even said when his eyes land on the next.)
He's about to give sleep a try, already reaching up to dog-ear his page, when a quiet knock at his door makes him pause.
"Yes?"
He catches a glimpse of slender legs and gazelle horns, and straightens up on his bed, the book already slipping out from his grip, forgotten. Melon closes the door behind him, leans against it. Agata waits. Then, as the seconds stretch out and his nervousness grows, he feels the need to break the silence:
"Hey, I swear I didn't know they were in the mansi-"
"That's fine. I didn't either. I should have heard them coming, though."
The lion nods, not knowing what else to do. He wants to ask Melon why he came, but a small part of him thinks that, without an answer to this question, he can pretend the hybrid only wants to hang out as normal couples do.
(A couple? Is that what they are now?)
"I overheard part of your conversation, though," Melon says.
Agata feels his ears heating up, and at the same time his stomach knots onto itself. With anyone else, he would only feel a little awkward to have his feelings exposed like this. With Melon… he doesn't know how he could react – and he finds that he fears his breakdowns just as much as his anger. Moreover, he feels slightly guilty to be having those thoughts. As if they weren't justified… He shakes his head, trying to clear his mind. He needs to stop overthinking this. He, also, probably needs to say something at this point.
"Ah, really?"
(His voice betrays him on the last syllable.)
"Hmm-mh. Couldn't help but to. You were being quite loud."
Agata tries to stop feeling stupid and searches for Melon's eyes, but the hybrid is looking at the window instead. It's fully dark outside now, the sky only speckled with a handful of stars. There is one he can see from his bed, the North Star, just over the edge of another building. So bright it always shines despite the city glow.
He realizes Melon hasn't met his gaze a single time since he came into his room – and the lion doesn't quite know what to make of that.
"Don't mind what they were saying," Agata adds – just to say something –, "they were being…"
He trails off. Looking for an adequate word.
"Right?" Melon offers with a weird little smile.
"What do you mean?"
"You shouldn't lo- care about me."
Agata noticed the stumble, doesn't dare comment on it. (That word scares him too.)
"I don't care what I should or should not do," he says instead, more confidently than he feels. "I've always acted on my feelings. I'm not going to change today."
"I will hurt you."
"I don't care," he repeats.
As Melon doesn't react, he gets up, walks to him. Finally, he looks up. Golden eyes like melted amber in the low light.
"Sorry I left you alone to deal with them. I had no idea what else to do."
"'S fine," Agata says, waving his hand. "I have known them a long time, you know. They are going to give me shit for a time, then they will settle down when they see that it's not... that it is…"
He stumbles, and the hybrid laughs, something quiet and joyless, a shaky exhale more than a real laugh even.
"Yeah, exactly. Look, kitty, you have acted on those feelings, alright. Kissed me, and- and all. Maybe now is the time to put an end to it."
He motions to step out of the lion's space, averting his eyes, one hand almost on the door handle already. He's fleeing, again. And something in Agata jumps up, short-circuits his brain and directly commands to his muscles. In one swift motion, he grabs the hybrid's arm, pulls him towards him with a bit more strength than he intended. Melon stumbles, too surprised to resist, latching onto the lion's shirt for support. Fingers curled around the fabric, his knee bent against Agata's, bodies pressed together. Neither of them dares to breathe anymore.
Slowly, the hybrid's grip on his shirt loosens, until his palm is resting plat over his chest. Surely, he must feel the thumping of his heart.
"If…" Agata begins, pausing to gather the courage to continue: "If you truly want to stop everything, fine. But know that I, for one, do not want that. Also, I'm old enough to make my own decisions, you know. Older than you, even, um?"
Melon laughs again, still quiet but a bit more genuine this time. The warmth from his hand is seeping through the thin layer of fabric, and Agata has trouble thinking about anything else.
"You said you don't want to hurt me, right?" he continues bravely. "Then stay. And as I said, we will figure it out."
They went to sleep together that night, but by the time Agata woke up, it was to an empty bed – just the memory of a body in his arms, warmth long gone. He decides to get up and see if Melon is in his office. (It's not an excuse to say "hi", no, not really. He also needs orders about what to do with the shipping boat crew, the one he was supposed to join before the hybrid changed his mind. Really.) But he finds the room empty, and when he asked the other lions, they said their boss was already out, they didn't know for how long. Agata tries hard to convince himself that they are not looking at him weirdly, that Hino and Dope didn't spill the beans yet.
They don't run into each other that day until early in the evening – until a knock at his door makes the lion's heart flutter anew.
"Can I come in?"
Agata hurriedly sits back into a proper position on his bed – half to make some room on it, half because he was pretty sure he had a double chin with the weird way his neck was craned to gaze at his phone while laying down. Melon comes to sit at the foot of the bed, and the lion realizes he was holding something only when said-something ends up in his lap.
"Saw it on my way home", the hybrid adds by way of explanation.
Agata watches him for a few more seconds, then looks down at the present. Through clear plastic wrap, he can make out the shape of… his eyes widen.
"Oh, is it what I think it is?"
He unties the yellow ribbon and instantly catches a whiff of the sweet smell. It's enough to make his mouth water – and that must have shown on his face because Melon chuckles.
"I don't know, dear," he muses, "is it?"
"Yes! … I talked about it at the jelly bar, right?"
He nods. The lion smiles, takes a piece of candy out with two fingers – his hand doesn't fit in the small packet – and pops it into his mouth, resisting the urge to melt in contentment as he bites down.
"You want one?"
"Nope, thanks. But it does smell good."
"Right?"
He takes another one, then re-ties the ribbon haphazardly, just so he doesn't eat through the whole packet in less than five minutes. (He has done it before.) He finishes swallowing, then:
"Thanks. It's sweet."
"'Sweet', hum…"
Melon leans back on one arm, the other – the injured one – resting over his thighs. He's still wearing his work clothes, the shirt and the black dress pants that the lion is weak to, only took off the tie. Agata can see the starlight reflecting in his eyes in between long lashes. It makes him want to kiss him, except he's also content with the way they are now, Melon's hand close to his own leg but not quite touching – just existing in the same place, quietly. He doesn't want another discussion about right and wrong and what he should do, because he has no answer to give his mind except for the one his heart whispers when they are together.
An idea pops in his head, and he says it out loud before he could overthink it:
"Truth or dare?"
The hybrid returns a puzzled look.
"It's a game," Agata explains. "Something we used to play at school, and still do when we drink sometimes. The base is, 'truth' means you have to answer honestly one question, and 'dare' that you have to do one action. You get to pick one at each round. The adult twist is, you can get out of any of the two if you take a shot. I have some beer somewhere in my closet if you wanna play it that way."
Melon seems to consider it, then a smile pulls up his lips.
"Fine, both for the game and the alcohol. But um, don't ask outrageous things. I'm, unfortunately, a lightweight."
He admitted it with a grimace, sticking his tongue out, and the lion laughs.
"Sure!" He says, getting up to fetch a bottle. "But only if you return the favor."
"Can't promise," he drawls out, playful flash of fangs catching the pale light. "You begin, kitty, I don't know what kind of things you can ask. And, uh… Truth."
Agata searches for the bottle opener first, giving himself the time to think it over. He wants to know more about the hybrid, but at the same time, he doesn't want to ask anything that might kill the mood and, well… that kind of feels like a quagmire. (He has never got the cap off a bottle so slowly and carefully ever in his life.) At last, the cap pops off with a hiss and he has no more excuse.
"What's the worst thing you ever said at an oral or wrote down for an exam…?"
(Figures that might be safe enough.)
"No."
"What?"
"Literally how the exchange went… I said 'no' when the examinator asked me a question, once," Melon clarifies, slightly chuckling to himself. "She worded it like a 'yes-no' question, sort of 'could you… blablabla', I don't even remember, and I just. Panicked. I didn't know the answer, I guess, and my mind blanked out on me. There were a few awkward seconds after that."
"Yeah, damn, I can imagine. Truth for me too, by the way."
"Hum… well, same vibe; what was the moment you embarrassed yourself the most?"
"Okay, let me see me… Oh, got it. Well... I had a delivery job at a pizzeria for a few months, after my parents made me quit school. One time, it was my last client for the night, and I couldn't find the house, I just wanted to go home, it was cold outside and I was lost in some kind of residential houses hell, I called and called the guy, he didn't answer and, I, uh… ended up leaving a five-minutes voicemail of me crying. I learnt about it from my manager the next day, because the guy called to let her know. After I- hey, don't laugh at me!"
"Sorry, hahaha, I was imagining you… with your big round eyes, you know, they get funny when you're flustered."
Agata frowns, wondering if he should get offended.
"Funny in a cute way, of course, dear."
"That's what my dad used to say too," he mumbles, rubbing at one of his ears – why are they hot all of a sudden? –, avoiding the hybrid's gaze. "When I was a kid..."
"I kind of want to see that now."
"I think I might have a picture frame. Wait, I- wait."
He lies down on the bed, reaching for a box underneath it. It's a memory box, and he's careful to keep his arm in front of it, obscuring it partly from the hybrid's curious gaze. He pushes the lid back over it and waves the picture around.
"Oh, that's a lovely little kitty!"
Agata can't quite tell if the compliment is genuine or not, but his ears burn in embarrassment all the same.
"Well, I, um… Hey, it's your turn, isn't it? For the game."
"Umm… yeah?"
"Truth or dare?"
Melon eyes him carefully, then utters an unsure "… dare?", looking like he's fully expecting to regret that decision in the next five seconds. The lion grins.
"Show me a picture of little you."
The hybrid stares at him, eyes wide.
"Eh, I did it! It's only fair! Wait, you have pictures of your childhood, right?"
"Yes…"
(He looks very much like he would have rather lied.) With a sigh, he fetches his phone from his pant pocket, fumbles with it for a minute or so. Then, without meeting his gaze, he shoves the screen into Agata's face.
"There."
He takes the phone carefully, angles it to avoid the reflection of the bedside lamp.
"Aww, but you were adorable!"
He can recognize Melon just fine, sure, but also this child looks very different from the hybrid he knows. His horns are smaller, his fangs too, barely peeking out, the pupils not yet reduced to feline slits. The way he looks up to the person taking the picture has a kind of openness that he never displays now. (A kind of happiness, too, maybe. Or at least hopefulness.) Agata glances up discreetly, taking advantage of the fact Melon is still not facing him. With the way his eyes are often half-lidded, maybe from having to squint whenever he's out in public, with the dark circles underneath, and the way his facial bones stick out… he looks much older than that child on the picture.
"When was it taken?" he prompts.
"I was four. My mama took it. It was when she was still playing the perfect mother, and I still thought I was normal."
Agata's heart clenches and he wordlessly passes Melon his phone back, not knowing what to say to that. He regrets asking for the picture.
"I still thought I was normal." He hates what he hears behind these simple words. His mind flashes back to another day, timid sun rays over moss-colored chairs, the same taste of orange and chocolate filling his mouth. He remembers the exact moment the mood shifted – just after he talked without thinking, as always, "I guess your childhood, it kind of explains… excuses… that…" He wonders if Melon had planned to turn on him anyway because he was afraid of losing his grip over them in general and over him in particular, or if it was truly what he said that set him off. Anyway, he got the memo – but he can't quite help it; he thinks the same thought every time he catches the hybrid without his defenses up, each time he glimpses at the cracks, at the pain and profound loneliness.
(He thinks about how it's easier to become perpetrator than to stay the victim. How easy it is to hurt others if it's to protect yourself.)
And sure, some find the courage to patch their wounds themselves, to go out in the open with their scars bared – and he admires those people, but Agata can understand all the same turning to the dark and the blood. At a slightly smaller scale of hurt both received and inflicted, he did just the same. Despite the way an animal's dying gaze brands itself on one's retina, he doesn't quite regret it, either. Because it made his future possible, alongside the Shishigumis.
"Anyway, kitty, truth or dare?"
"Uh… uh, I- what about- uh…" He stammers, not quite ready to go back to the game just yet. "Dare too, I guess?"
"Sing something."
Agata is fully ready to refuse, but then his mind argues that they might need the laugh. If he has to make an ass of himself for it… well.
He starts belting out, a capella, the worst possible cover of a famous pop song, remembers halfway through the chorus that it's sung by a female and that his voice cannot possibly go that high. He attempts to hit the note anyway, fails miserably. What escaped his throat sounded a bit like a dying chicken. (He didn't think such a sound could actually come from him. The more you know, eh?) He stops, possibly well on his way to die out of embarrassment, then gives up on his pride and starts laughing alongside Melon. The snort the hybrid ends up letting out rivaled the squeaky failed high note anyway, sending them both into a renewed fit of hilarity.
"Oh, fuck, Agata… damn…" He tries to catch his breath, wiping at his eyes. "That was… something."
"I'd like you to try, see if you can do better," the lion grumbles, still battling between relieved amusement and his bruised ego. "Well, actually, I do dare you. Go."
"… Can't I pick truth?"
"No. You sing."
Melon's face very much tells "why am I doing this I don't wanna do this", and it's funny in itself, except that for his part he can sound rather decent. His voice rumbles just the way it's expected from carnivore singers, though at the same time he easily hit notes in the higher octaves only experienced ones could hope to reach.
They continue with more rounds of the game until the last sunlight washes out from the skyline and the moon basks the room in its pale glow. They have been doing "truth"-es for quite some time now – namely since Agata painfully hits his little toe on the corner of a shelve while attempting to hop on one foot and balance a few books at the same time – so they are laying side by side, gazing up at the ceiling and the landscapes imprinted into the wood by the passing of time. The lion isn't sure he can pretend they are normal young adults playing a silly game this time, since so many of their stories are tied to who and what they are, but maybe he doesn't care about being normal anymore.
What they have, this evening, Melon's hand that has found his own at some point, this is all he wants.
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Plot is coming back next update, hope you're still on board in the mean time 3
