The realization of this world made my already high anxiety intensify tenths fold. It kept building up as I thought how everything of the orphanage fit with The Promised Neverland. Then before I could think of calming down, I had my first anxiety attack. Hyperventilating with tears streaming down my face, I clinch a pillow to my chest. It felt like someone was choking me.

A nausea feeling came over me and a minute later everything in my belly got thrown up onto the couch. This in hindsight, might have been a blessing in disguise. It helped me to think that this feeling would pass. In my last life I suffered from digestion issues. Throwing up was disgusting but it also brought a physical relief, even if it only lasted a few minutes. The action distracted me and I thought back to what I would do when throwing up and how it would help me feel better.

It's going to be okay, just ride it out. I'm going to feel better soon. Just stay still.

I don't know how much time it took for the feeling to stop, but it felt like hours.

Forcing myself to take deep breaths, I realize that what I just experienced was an anxiety attack. My anxiety wasn't this high in my last life. But with the daily stress of knowing something is wrong my nerves have been gradually getting worse.

The dinner bell began to ring, but I knew I couldn't go to the cafeteria like this.

If I don't go down there, then someone will come get me within a few minutes. That's not enough time to get the couch clean. I also need to change clothes and wash my face. Maybe I can just clean myself and leave the couch like it is until after eating. But some of the children like to read after dinner since they can't play outside when it's dark. They will see the mess and tell Mama. Since I'm the one who loves being in here, I would be the most likely culprit.

I can't cover it up, but I can still lie about what happened.

I stayed on the couch hunched over. The book fell on the ground at some point during my anxiety attack, but I didn't bother picking it up. To help sale the act, I sniffled and kept my head down between my legs.

"Shirley are you in here? It's time for dinner." One of the older children called out as he opened the library's door. It's Frank. He just turned eleven years old last week. I made a crayon drawing for him as a present. Now that I know what's going on, I think through all the characters in the series, but the name Frank doesn't bring back any recollection. My crying gets just a bit louder and it's not difficult to fake when I think about how Frank will likely be dead soon.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked as he kneels next to me. He places his hand on my back and rubs circles. He says soothing words in my ear for a minute or so. I left up my head so he can see how red my face is and how there are tiers and snot running down.

Looking at Frank made my heart ache. He is an energetic black boy who loves helping Mama and Sister cook meals. His dream is to be a chef and have his own restaurant. He said he'll let all Glory Bell orphans eat there for free.

Like the other children, he smiles often. Mama and Susan take such good care of everyone that it's rare for anyone to have a frown. But seeing a sibling in distress will erase any of their happiness. This situation being a good example. Frank looked downtrodden the moment he saw me.

"I got sick and ruined Mama's couch." I hiccupped between words. "She's going to be mad at me." I figured pretending to be upset about the couch would be an easy lie. Afterall, my family thinks I'm seven. What child wouldn't be upset if they think their parent would be unhappy with them.

"Oh it's okay. She won't punish you for this. The couch can be cleaned." He reinforces how it'll be okay before leaving to get Mama. He wanted to bring me to her, but I said I didn't want the others to see me all dirty. The minute alone gave me more time to think over what I'm going to say to Mama.

I hear hurried footsteps soon enough.

"Shirley, Frank says you aren't feeling well." The white woman I call Mama comes beside me and places her hands on my shoulders. Though I call her Mama, I know her name is Mary. Only Sister Susan can call her by name. Her age is a mystery to me, but my guess is early to mid-forties. If you look closely, you can see some gray in her blond hair. She always has it in a tight bun. If she were to wear things like dresses, then it would make her look like an uptight businesswoman. But her black dress and white apron made her look more like a schoolteacher.

Her loving brown eyes are looking at me and I'm disgusted that she can have such a motherly appearance while raising children to be slaughtered.

"Mm sorry." I mumble and look down at my feet.

"Nothing to be sorry for my sweet girl. Now let's get you cleaned up." She tells Frank to go eat dinner and inform Sister Susan that she'll be taking care of me. Frank looks hesitant, likely wanting to stay and help. Such a good big brother. But he does what Mama asked and tells me to get better soon before leaving.

Mama then carries me to the bathroom.

I'm still crying, but I'm not sure if it's truly fake tiers since I am still terrified. Mama rubs my back and says kind words. I hate to admit it, but her efforts are working. She sets me down on the edge of the bathtub then gets the bath ready. While the water is running, she gives me a glass of water to rinse my mouth. With that done, she helps me out of my vomit stained clothes.

I look over at the bathroom's mirror.

Yikes, no wonder why Frank was concerned. My eyes are bloodshot and the bags under them highlight the red. There's also still snot on my face.

Mama is right next to me. I can see her gathering soap, washcloths, and some other things she might need to clean me. Seeing how small I am in comparison to her still messes with my mind. My last body was on the taller side. Most other women would be at least an inch or two shorter than me. I have no idea who my parents are so it's anyone's guess how big I'll be. Might not even get to be taller than Mama or Sister Susan.

I don't even know why I'm looking into the mirror. I hate doing that. It just reminds me of how different my current body is to my first one. At least I'm still Caucasian, but my face is completely different. This body is still growing so my facial features might change to look more like my last body, but the eyes and hair won't be the same.

I used to have light brown hair, but now it's more reddish. Could probably call it auburn. Mama lets us pick hairstyles within reason. I loved having long hair even though it was difficult to brush. But since I knew there something wrong with the house, I had Mama keep my hair short. Just thought short hair would be safer to have since adults might grab it if I runaway.

As I studied my reflection, brown eyes stare right back at me even though I still feel like they should be blue.

"Would you like some bubbles?" She asks, her voice kind and genteel. It took my attention away from the mirror. I wonder if she really does hold some amount of love for us or if it's all acting.

"Yes please." I sniffle. Mama smiles down at me. She goes to the bathroom closet to retrieve the bubble bath soap. She doesn't normally let us have bubble baths; the children tend to get bubbles all over the floor. But she is clearly trying to cheer me up.

The water gets covered in pink bubbles and smells like strawberries.

Mama helps me into the tub and starts lathering up my hair with shampoo. I hadn't pulled my hair back while vomiting. It acted like a fishing net and caught some chunks of half-digested food. Mama must have noticed since she was taking extra care to run her fingers through it.

She starts humming.

I stay quit during all of this pampering, thinking about what I remember.

The protagonists of the Promised Neverland were from a farm called Grace Field. There are some farms that focused on quality rather than quantity. Glory Bell must be one of the premium farms then since Mama and Sister treat us with such care. But the series only showed Grace Field. Or am I not remembering everything that happened? It's been over seven years since I read the series and being reincarnated might have messed with my memory of the past. Maybe if I create a timeline of the advents then I can better remember the smaller details.

Okay so the series takes place in the future. The year was around 204X in the first chapter. I can't remember the exact year. Today's date is 2024 July 10th if the calendar in the kitchen can be believed. Between sixteen and twenty-five years the plot starts. That's a lot of time. Most of the children here will be shipped off to be eaten. The girls have a small chance of living if they become mothers or sisters.

Can I live with myself if I become a breeder for these demons? Deep down I know the answer is no. I don't want to die again at an even younger age than last time, but if the only way for me to survive is by creating more children to be sacrificed then death would be my choice.

The nausea feeling hasn't gone away. It seems the more I think about how screwed over I am the worse the nausea gets.

"You seem tense dear. Are you still feeling sick?" Mama asks, and I inwardly curse. If I'm sick for too long, will they ship me off sooner? Do demons care if the meat is from sick humans? The answer is most likely yes. So they might not want to waste resources on a child who is often sick. But my test scores are the highest among my age group so they might make an exemption for me.

"I still feel like throwing up." The honest answer doesn't seem to be the dangerous one right now. Kids will get sick from time to time even if they're isolated on a farm. Mama will just think I have a stomach bug and give me medicine for it. I will have to be more careful not to appear sickly.

"Well I have just the right medicine to help you dear. I'm almost done washing you so you don't have to wait long." She assures me and goes back to her work.

After the bath, she dresses me in my nightgown and again carries me. Instead of taking me to the girl's bedroom, we go to the infirmary. The room was one of the clues pointing to how the orphanage wasn't normal. Children don't leave the house, but they still need check-ups, shots, dental care, and other medical attention if an accident happens. The infirmary can handle most of those things.

It has x-ray machines, equipment to take vitals, a dentist's chair, and enough medical supplies to outfit a small clinic. Mama and Susan are qualified to operate everything when needed. Now that I know where I'm at, it makes sense they would be given this level of medical training. Kids will be kids, and kids tend to hurt themselves. They can't send them somewhere else for treatment because the children would see the demons' headquarters and the illusion would be broken.

"You'll have to stay in here for a day or two until you get better. The other children might catch what you have." She explains as she tucks me in one of the beds. I don't say anything back. Mama doesn't seem put off by the lack of communication. Probably thinks I'm too tired to talk. She gets the promised medicine and leaves me to rest. It was a nausea pill so it would take a few minutes to kick in.

I'm too anxious to sleep. Besides I need to think of what I want to do.

Escaping seems near impossible and even if I did leave the farm the outside world is filled with demons. All of them would instantly want to eat me. I don't even know how to survive in the wilderness, let alone a wilderness filled with strange creatures and plants.

Wait, wasn't there a shelter the escapees went to? Yeah, there was, but they had a device that led them there. Could another device like it be hidden somewhere in Glory Bell? If I can't find the device, could I still figure out where the shelter is at? It was in a wasteland desert, so I could probably narrow down the location if I get a map, but the device also acted like a key for the shelter. I don't think I can get in there without it.

What was in that shelter again? Food, water, electricity, and weapons. Everything I would need to stay alive until the Grace Field kids get there. There was something else important though.

I racked my brains thinking of what happened when they got to the shelter, but I'm just drawing a blank. It's like not all my memories of the series are intake. I know there was something important.

The nausea pill finally takes effect before I could remember the lost pieces. One side effect of the medicine is drowsiness and even though I fought against it, my seven year old body succumbed to slumber.

In the morning, I was woken up by Sister Susan rubbing my shoulder. She looks Korean and is a few years younger than Mama. One of the children once asked how old she was, and her answer was twenty-nine. It's been a year since the child asked, so that puts her around thirty. The child who asked was named Ashley. She got shipped out five months ago at the age of eight.

"Good morning, Shirley. Feeling any better?" She asks, smiling. Her hair isn't contained like Mama's so it falls down as she bends over me. It's short so it doesn't come close to my face.

No. I still feel anxious, but should I still pretend to have a stomach bug? Those last for around twenty-four hours or more. Mama and Susan think my symptoms started yesterday evening. So I could still act sick for the day and maybe tomorrow. A day in bed would give me time alone to think of the plot and where I stand in it. If I have another episode like yesterday then I might still be able to fake it as a bug.

"Yes." I answer with a weak voice.

Susan gives a sympathetic look. Her hand is still rubbing my shoulder. I would push it off, but I need her to think I like her attention.

"It'll pass soon sweetheart. But I'll need to run some tests."

Damn it. Please let this not last long.

The tests were simple ones. She checked my temperature, pulse, and blood pressure. In my last life, I was hospitalized a few times for my digestive issues and the nurses would do these tests every few hours.

Susan didn't tell me the results and I didn't ask.

"Okay last one. I'll need to take a little blood, but I promise it won't hurt."

Okay that seems a little excessive. It's just a stomach bug. The hospital staff would also test my blood, but Susan is supposed to be an orphanage caregiver not a nurse. She shouldn't be drawing blood from the children. Well, I guess the other children wouldn't think this as strange. Only someone from the human world would see how strange it is for orphanage staff preforming this level of medical attention.

She gathers all the things she needs onto a tray and places it on the nightstand next to my bed. There's a device I recognize from one of my past hospital visits. It's a buzzy shot blocker. It's made to look like a cute bumble bee. I already know what it does, but I have no reason to know so I ask.

"What's that bee for?" I point to it.

"This nifty little guy will help make sure you don't feel much pain." She picks up the shot blocker, turns my hand over and puts it above my wrest. "Buzzy here will tickle your arm so you focus on him instead of the syringe." She then turns on the shot blocker making it buzz.

Next, she ties a rubber band around my arm and feels for the best vein. Once found she sanitizes the spot where she'll draw blood and pierces my skin with the sharp plastic. Thanks for Buzzy, I don't feel a thing. With the syringe in, she unties the rubber band.

She fills up five tubes before taking the syringe out. She has gaze at the ready to stop any blood from leaking out. After a few seconds of applying pressure, she removes the gaze and places a purple band aid on top.

The whole process took less than five minutes. Overall, I'm impressed at how well she did it. She followed all the steps from what I remember. All the while talking to me through the prosses to help me stay calm.

I'm still wondering why she needed to draw blood though for a simple stomach bug.

"What are you going to do with the blood?" I asked, genuinely not knowing. I never got to see how the hospital tested the blood.

"I'm going to send it to a lab where they will run all kinds of tests to see why you're sick." She answered, and I believe her for once. Guess the scientists at Headquarters just want to make sure it's not something serious.

She cleans up the mess and asks if I need another nausea pill. I say no since I don't want to fall back asleep.

"I'll make you some toast for breakfast." She leaves after that with the tubes in hand.

I wait a few minutes before getting up and walking over to the window. Thankfully the window shows a good view of the dirt road leading to the gate. After a minute I see Sister Susan walking down the path. The gate can't be seen from the house. Now that I know my siblings get killed there it makes sense, they would make the gate so far away.

I get back to my bed. Mama could check up on me at any moment.

The wall clock in the room says it's five till nine. That pill must have kept me asleep. The house wakes up at six every day. Even when no one wakes me up, I normally get up on time. It's been the same routine since I came here, so my body is used to waking at six.

The children finish dressing at seven, after that they eat breakfast, and at eight they start the mandatory testing. We are only given forty-five minutes to answer all the questions. The children too young to take the tests are sent to a playroom where Susan watches them. The children five and up get a fifteen minute break after the tests, but they must stay seated at their desks. During that time, Mama looks over the scores and congratulates the students who do well and encourages the others that they can still do better.

Once the clock hits nine, Mama directs them to the classrooms. The children get broken up into five smaller groups by age. The classroom with most children is the five to six years old and of course the other groups get progressively smaller as the ages go up. I'm in the second classroom with the seven to eight years old. Including me, there's eight in the class.

The last classroom is empty now. If Joy was still around then she would be in there. It's meant for the ones thirteen to fifteen. There isn't a classroom for any older groups. If a child stays here until they're fifteenth birthday they are sent away to an orphanage meant for older children. Or at least that's what Mama and Susan say, but I'm sure that's just a cover story to explain why anyone older than fifteen can't be in the house.

From my fragmented memories, I am sure the maximum age was twelve. But this isn't Grace Field, so the rules could be slightly altered. That could be my undoing in the future. If I think one thing to be true that isn't and act on it then the results would be disastrous. I need to remember every small detail about Grace Field I can and compare it with Glory Bell.

Since Mama and Susan think I'm sick, they won't make me do any schoolwork. The negative to that is they won't let me do anything; can't go to the library, can't go outside, and can't spend time with my siblings. I can do nothing but lay in bed.

I want to get some paper and write down everything I know.

The clock strikes nine and a bell rings. It's a large bell hanging in a tower outside. It's not connected to the main house. The bell's name is Old Glory and supposedly the orphanage was named after it.

There must be something hidden there. Only Mama and Susan are allowed inside the tower. They say they need to do maintenance work and that it's unsafe for children. I was suspicious of the tower before yesterday, but now I know it must have something important that they can't let us see.

Grace Field didn't have a clock tower, right?

My anxiety is starting to get high again. There are so many things different between Grace Field and Glory Bell. How can I escape when most of my knowledge is about a different farm?

Deep breaths. Take deep breaths. I'm only seven and am the top scorer of my age group. I still have years to figure out what to do. I have time to plan. Maybe I could even involve some of the children and escape together. Baby steps first, giant lips across a gorge last.

Maybe I can sneak out and get paper to make notes.

I look back at the wall clock.

It's 9:07 AM. It takes Mama and Susan about ten minutes to walk from the house to the gate and back. Mama should be supervising the children in the classrooms. Scratch that, she might be watching the babies and toddlers in the playroom since Susan isn't here. Mama would be too busy to check on me.

Susan left the house twelve minutes ago and might already be inside. I couldn't hear the front door opening when she left, so I can't hear the door open from this room. Not surprising since the front door is on the ground floor while the infirmary is on the third floor. I should assume Susan is back from the gate and is preparing me that toast she mentioned. My short window to get paper has passed.

When a child gets sick and rests in this room, Mama and Susan will check on them randomly throughout the day. With both in the house, I should not risk it. Best to lay low for now anyways.

I close my eyes, so I can pretend to be falling asleep when Susan comes back.

Can't write anything down today, but that might be for the best. If I create notes with information of the farms then I need to have a secure hiding spot for them.

The door opens and Susan comes in with a tray.

I open my eyes and see her close the door.

"I know you don't feel well, but try to eat a little bit dear." She sets the tray down on the nightstand. It has a slice of toast that's been cut in half. Weird, there's no jam or butter. Guess she thinks plain toast would be easiest on my stomach. There's also a glass of orange juice.

"Thank you." This woman could have me killed, best to be polit.

Her smile grows just a little bigger.

"Anything for my sweet little Shirley." She strokes the side of my face. "I need to go help Mama, but if you need anything just ring this bell and I or Mama will come." She places the bell on the nightstand next to the food tray and leaves.

The toast is going to get cold soon, but I'm not hungry. My anxiety making my gut feel like it is invested with butterflies. Susan is right though, I should eat something. I throw up part of my lunch yesterday and then skipped dinner.

I force myself to eat half the toast and drink a few sips of juice.

The clock now reads 9:20 AM. It's going to be a long day.

Okay so first step of Operation Runaway is to remember all the steps the Grace Field kids did to escape their plantation. Then I need to see if I can apply their plan to my escape.

Teamwork was key in their escape, but how can I convince my siblings their life is a lie? I'm not even sure if I want to be responsible for protecting them out in the demon's world. I'm nothing like Emma, Norman or Ray. I would just give the children false hope before they die.

If I try to replicate Grace Field's future breakout and loss, then the security and protocols could get updated. I could doom Norman's plan by using it years before he even starts thinking about it.

And I have no idea where that damn device is at. Can't even remember what it looked like. The Grace Field children got lucky with getting one. Sister Krone gave it to them.

The nausea gets worse, and I couldn't help but throw up again. Thankfully, Mama left a bucket next to my bed.

I laid down for hours rifling through my memories. My recollection of the first five mange volumes seems to be mostly intact, but after they escape Grace Field, it becomes muddled. Only a handful of pieces seem to come back to my mind. Like the fact the shelter is in a desert or that Norman is alive.

But I just can't remember how the story goes after volume five even though I've read all twenty of them. It might be a temporary amnesia. Afterall, it seems like parts of my past life are slowly coming back to me as I grow. Who's to say the mange's story won't come back to me too. Though I should assume, I'll never remember the story. Preparing for the worse case scenarios always makes things easier.

Another worse case would be never fining the device. I could create the most flawless plan on escaping, but in the end if I don't have the device then I won't have a safe place to live. I'll search for it, but my gut was telling me it would be a fruitless endeavor.

If I don't find the device before getting shipped, then I'll kill myself.

Maybe I'll leave what I know to a trustworthy sibling and they can pick up where I left off.