Chapter 2: Ghosts
Gin flash stepped wildly, his ears filled with the evolved Aizen's dying scream and his heart threatening to burst through the wall of his chest. At first, his terrified mind registered nothing but the intense instinct to flee, and his feet and power carried him several blocks away, where he was able to hide amongst the buildings. As his panic faded, he slowed, and finally stopped in between two shops. He panted softly, staring as he lifted and turned one badly damaged hand. One by one, his white fingers peeled back, revealing the darkened orb underneath. Just looking at it, lying there in his palm, brought a feeling of peace.
"It's over," he whispered, "It's really over. He's dead. Aizen's gone. I killed him."
He was given exactly three long breaths to enjoy his solemn victory, then a sharp chill ran through him from end to end as Aizen's thick, enraged reiatsu rose up, and Gin could feel that the monster was not just alive, but was seeking him with deadly intent. It was almost better, he thought, that Aizen's horrendous powers transported him nearly instantly to Gin's location, before his stunned mind could register how badly he was undone. The man he'd followed for so long with an intent to kill, was hovering in front of him, speaking to him as he attacked, tearing off the arm and hand that held the hogyoku.
"Don't you understand?" Aizen mocked him, "Even if it is taken from my body, the hogyoku is now…a part of me!"
He shoved Kyoka Suigetsu viciously through Gin's unprotected chest.
Gin sat up, screaming hoarsely in terror, the remnants of the memory still dancing macabrely in front of his eyes. He felt strong slender arms wrap around him and he panted and shook as Toshiro's voice sounded in his ear.
"It's okay. You're safe, Yuki. It wasn't real. It was just a dream."
For a moment, Gin was sure that he couldn't breathe. He gasped raggedly, grabbing at his throat and shaking all over. His chest and arm radiated with the remembered pain of Aizen's deadly attack.
It was like I was back there again…back in Karakura Town…the real one that was brought to Soul Society for its protection. Yes, I was back in Karakura Town, just after I attacked Sousuke and ran away with the hogyoku.
Then…oh god, then…
"Yuki!" Toshiro called out to him again, holding onto the other man's shoulders, "Yuki, please calm down. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you!"
It was the last declaration that struck Gin the hardest and unstuck his ragged, grating voice.
"C-can't!" he managed in a haunted tone, "T-too strong."
He was shaken all over again as the blind tenth division taicho laughed softly.
"Okay, maybe we're not in any shape to stand up to someone strong now," Toshiro confessed, "but I'll heal quickly, and I promise you, because you have looked out for me, I will do the same for you. Yuki, I will protect you."
Gin was glad that Toshiro couldn't see the tears that welled up in eyes that he had thought had seen too much, what with Aizen's treachery, Central 46's mercilessness and Kurotsuchi's cruelty, to cry so shamelessly. He sobbed silently into Toshiro's shoulder, feeling warring urges to pull away before his lies were discovered and to hang on for dear life.
No one ever said they would protect me.
Not ever.
The recruiters from the shinigami academy only said that they would help me find my inner strength, so I could fight hollows. Sousuke promised me that with him, I would discover my true potential and achieve my destiny. I'm used to looking out for myself, though being nearly killed by Aizen, denied justice by Central 46 and tortured to near madness by Kurotsuchi and his ilk in Muken left me almost helpless. To have someone, anyone value my life…tell me that I am worthy of their protection? Even though he doesn't know it is me…I am…touched.
"Yuki?" Toshiro inquired softly, his fingertip capturing a large tear.
He bit his lip and sighed sympathetically.
"S-sorry," Gin apologized roughly.
"What do you have to be sorry for?" Toshiro chided him, brushing the long hairs away from his face, "You've had it really rough. I can see that without my eyes."
"B-burden," Gin sighed, burying his face more deeply in Toshiro's shoulder.
It won't last, my sweet snowflower, so while you're here and I've got you with me, I'm going to take what comfort I can, even though I have to steal it from you while deceiving you.
Yeah, it's evil and I know it's wrong, but I need just this little bit of you right now. When I'm stronger, I'll let you go. I'll disappear deeper into the Rukongai and keep hiding. No one can ever know it's me, still here and living. I'd be back in that horrible place and suffering even worse horrors before I could…
"You're not a burden," Toshiro chided him, making Gin's thoughts scatter like the bright petals of his old comrade, Byakuya's, zanpakuto, "Remember? You found me and you brought me here and took care of me. I'd say that I owe you."
If only that was true. I was surprised when I saw your collapsed body in the wreckage on the ground and I suddenly stopped feeling so lonely. I know I can't depend on anyone. It's too dangerous. But my desire to be with you overpowered my common sense. The last thing I should do is to keep you here. And I'm committing even worse sins by lying to you about who I am and why I am so damaged.
God, if we could just go back in time for a little while.
That was my motivation for bringing you here. Even though I knew it would be only for a little while, and even though after you leave, I'll have to move on and hide again…it's worth it.
So very worth it!
"G-good company," Gin stammered.
I'm so weak and pathetic, and if you knew it was me, you wouldn't be so grateful and so kind, given my past sins. I know Central 46 couldn't forgive me for the things I did, even though I only did them to get close to Aizen for the purpose of killing him.
Why do I feel like you possibly could?
Toshiro.
"Well," Toshiro went on conversationally, "I don't think just my company is enough to thank you for saving my life, so as soon as I am well, I will make sure that you get fully healed too, okay? Do we have a deal?"
Gin smiled a sad smile that his snowy captive couldn't see.
"Deal."
It was a lie, but it felt good to hope even just a little.
"Good," Toshiro chuckled, patting him on the shoulder, "Now, is it morning? I think I see some light."
"Morning," Gin agreed, "Hungry?"
"Yeah. I hate to be a bother. I have some money if you need to get supplies. Is there a shop you go to around here for that?"
"Sorry," Gin apologized, "Far."
"Okay, but are you sure you have enough food for us? I don't want to use up all of your supplies. You know, I could be helpful for hunting. I can't use my powers and I can't see, but I can sense game for you."
Gin smiled.
"Have."
"Oh, you have enough for now. Good. You know, I'll pay you back."
"Stop," Gin said, shaking his head, "Good company."
Toshiro's expression softened.
"So, you get lonely living out here? Why don't you go to a town? There are some good places. I could help you find somewhere to live nearer to civilization."
"N-no," Gin objected, "too dangerous."
"Oh right. I forgot," Toshiro sighed, "But, I think that, once I am well and I go back, you should let me help you find a better situation."
"No," Gin said sadly, "F-freak. Ugly. Criminal."
Toshiro paused, frowning.
"You do realize that I'm a shinigami, yet you willingly tell me you're a criminal? But…you did save me. Can you tell me what happened? I mean, maybe if I hear your story, I could help you out."
Gin exhaled in a sarcastic, hissing laugh.
"Can't. Don't worry. I'm fine."
"Hmm," Toshiro said, his frown deepening, "you don't seem fine to me. I wish you would tell me more, but…I suppose we should focus on getting something to eat."
"Rest," Gin advised him, slipping out of the bed and climbing onto shaky legs.
He dressed slowly, looking out the bedroom window at the snow that still drifted down outside. When he was dressed, he walked out of the bedroom and headed into the kitchen, where he searched his shelves and found something that at least seemed suitable. He took his time with the cooking, and just as he was finishing and placing the meal on plates, Toshiro entered the kitchen, using a hand placed on the wall to guide him.
"Feisty," Gin chuckled.
"I call it being determined," Toshiro corrected him, his voice carrying a friendly warmth the former taicho didn't expect, even given that Toshiro didn't know his true identity.
But I suppose everyone who grew up in the Rukon learned to be at ease with other Rukon folk. Sure, the nobles looked down on everyone, but here, we were all equals. And sometimes being a criminal doesn't mean being a bad person. A man who steals food to keep from starving is still a thief, so he would do well not to look down on other thieves too much.
I wonder if Toshiro ever had to steal food.
"Yuki," Toshiro said as he found the table with his hand and then a chair that he sat down on, "how long have you been here?"
"Awhile. Not long," Gin answered, "Can't stay long."
"Because of your crimes?" the taicho asked, "Can you at least tell me if they were violent crimes? I mean…"
"Safe with me," Gin promised solemnly, "Only violent…w-with…"
He paused, remembering.
I did callously set Rukia up to fight Arroniero. I did other violent things so that Sousuke wouldn't figure out that I was playing him…but all of the time, he was playing me. I was a violent criminal.
"Safe with me," he repeated slowly, placing a hand on his throat as the continued talking made it feel dry, "No crime anymore. Ever."
Toshiro took a breath and nodded.
"Why did you do it before?" he asked, "Your violent crimes."
I have to throw him off, but…
"Monster caged. Me too…tortured…escaped."
Toshiro's blind eyes widened.
"You were tortured, Yuki?" he asked more urgently, "By who? Who caged you?"
Gin froze, staring down at the plates he had picked up. He set one in front of Toshiro and sat down across from him.
"Please eat."
Toshiro picked up his chopsticks and worked steadily at the food on his plate.
"Who did it, Yuki?" he asked again, "I mean, I know you were a criminal, but there's no excuse for torture…not even for monsters. No one should be treated like that. Even criminals deserve humane treatment. Tell me and I'll…"
"No."
"But, why not? I'm a taicho. I can…"
Gin wasn't sure how he moved so quickly, jumping out of his chair and stunning Toshiro with a swift blow to the back of the head. He watched through troubled eyes as the younger man slumped into his plate, then he collected Toshiro's limp body and carried him back to the bedroom. He quickly packed the bare necessities into a shoulder bag, then he removed the seal on the unconscious taicho's vision, and he escaped the cabin he had been calling home, heading deeper into the Rukongai, his heart increasingly heavier by the moment, and his mind tormented.
I don't know what makes me want so badly to live. I admit that I wish I could go back with Toshiro and be healed and forgiven. I want that so badly, it makes me, a heartless beast and former servant of the even more heartless Aizen Sousuke, cry.
But there is no forgiveness for me.
There is no mercy.
There is no hope.
Goodbye, my lovely snowflower.
Please forget me.
XXXXXXXXXX
Toshiro groaned discontentedly as consciousness began to return, and a heavy ache rose up in his head. It increased to a horrid pounding, and he cracked his eyes open, looking around to find himself back in the bed in Yuki's cabin.
He blinked in surprise.
"I can see," he whispered.
He sat up in the bed, placing a hand on his throbbing head.
"Yuki?"
He was stricken immediately with the bareness of the room, the scant coverings on the bed and the lack of curtains or pictures on the walls.
But a fugitive wouldn't keep a lot of possessions. He would have to be ready to move.
He climbed out of the bed and walked slowly through the cabin, studying the few things that appeared to have been left behind.
It's so strange. I've felt since the beginning that there was something familiar about him, about Yuki. His voice was distorted because of the damage done to him…
Toshiro paused, his mind flashing back.
"Monster caged. Me too…tortured…escaped."
Toshiro's blind eyes widened.
"You were tortured, Yuki?" he asked more urgently, "By who? Who caged you?"
"Who caged you?" he repeated softly, "Who are you, Yuki?"
He closed his eyes, focusing intently on the residual reaitsu that still clung to the things within the cabin. He thought harder.
What is this feeling? This sensation that I know I have felt before? I feel that I know this man. I felt it before, when I heard his voice, but I could not look at him, because my eyes were…
I was blinded because of my injuries.
But as much as he had been badly injured in the fighting, it just seemed too convenient that, not only was his vision conveniently affected while Yuki was with him, now that the recluse was gone, the blindness was gone too.
He wanted to help me, but he didn't want me to see him. He was a criminal who was arrested and punished, but he escaped and he wants to remain free and out of sight. He worries he will be recaptured, not just because of the authorities and the ones who tortured him, but because of a monstrous criminal who he…
A sudden thought struck him, but the idea seemed too impossible for him to accept.
No.
He died when Aizen tried to take over. Rangiku told me that Ichimaru Gin confessed to her that he wanted to kill Aizen, because Aizen stole a piece of her soul and gave it to the hogyoku. She repeated that story to Central 46, so that they would consider forgiving his sins, because of his attempt to kill Aizen to avenge her. They refused. They gave her a body. She buried Gin in the Rukongai, where they met.
Despite the weakness that he still felt in his recovering body, Toshiro found himself filled with new strength, and he raced out of the cabin and headed towards the nearest town. It was easy enough from there to figure out where he was, and to make his way back to the place where Ichimaru Gin was supposed to be buried. He found the grave easily, and surprised himself by not hesitating in the slightest, but by digging up the casket and laying a palm on the shrouded bones that were all that remained. But even old bones, he knew, would still radiate with the markers of the person's reiatsu, and these bones told the tenth division taicho a truth that he didn't know how to accept.
This is a fake!
This is not Ichimaru Gin. This body that was given to Rangiku to bury is a fake, meant to make sure that no one knew that Gin was still alive…still alive and held prisoner in Central 46, being tortured.
Why?
Was it retribution?
Even though they knew from Rangiku that his aim was always to kill Aizen? But in truth, even if Gin wasn't with Aizen in spirit, he did physically leave to join the man, and he committed unspeakable crimes.
Toshiro froze, his mind replaying everything that had happened since the fugitive found him.
He could have killed me or just walked away. Gin didn't have to help me. He risked discovery by helping me. Yes, he did blind me so that I would not recognize me, but he only worked to heal me.
And when I began to ask too many questions, something happened. I remember asking him questions, then…I don't know. Everything just suddenly went blank, and when I woke in the bed, he was gone.
He restored my vision before he left.
Ichimaru Gin is alive!
Toshiro breathed slowly, silently grappling with the stunning truth.
"He is alive."
And that makes me curious. If he was kept alive and tortured, what was the goal of the torture? Was it because they wanted revenge on him? On Aizen? Is it because they wanted information? Why did they hide him and torture him? There is a secret there that I sense someone did not want ever revealed. I need to know. I need to know why they kept him alive and gave Rangiku a fake to bury and mourn. I need to know why he was kept and tortured. Did he know something that they wanted him to tell them?
What am I missing here?
A larger question loomed in his unsettled mind as well, one that left little chills running up and down his spine.
If Ichimaru Gin is still alive and he is hiding out here, what is my obligation? After all, he is supposed to be dead. Central 46 could not acknowledge he is alive and seek his return openly without exposing how he was incarcerated and hidden. They would have to admit the deception.
If I take the obvious step and report what I know, I will be threatening to expose something they didn't want known. Gin will be a fugitive again. I will become a part of the plot to hide and…and what?
I don't want any part of that.
I just want…
…answers…
