Fractured World

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious or iCarly

A/N:


Chapter 4 (The Funeral: Graveside Thoughts)

After the service, it seemed impossible to pull away from the fresh grave. Sasha's grave marker was alongside the plaque belonging to her parents, where they also had a stone bench which had been purchased and placed to view their grave. Sasha's marker was a statue of an angel, wings and arms outstretched, looking to the sky.

The wind whipped through Tori's hair as she gazed with a sense of longing towards the statue. Her arms were wrapped around her body as she held onto the feeling of the embrace they shared at the hospital. "I don't know why I miss you, when I barely knew you." Her words were whispered so as not to alert anyone standing nearby. "It feels like I love a ghost."

She turned her head, glancing sideways at the plaque of her grandparents. "Grandma, Grandpa; I'm sorry you had to suffer for something you never understood. Or maybe you did, I don't know." She remembered the story, the one that David said which sent Spencer over the edge.

The fact that Holly's vendetta went so far angered her; but somehow Tori felt that Amber would have no recollection of slighting the woman. It could've been as simple as Holly's sister wanting to ask Michael out and him turning her down, for all Tori knew. "A psychopath had you murdered, kidnapped mom and raised me just because she thought you stole Grandpa from her sister." Her thoughts were laced with a sense of disbelief, though the shock had long sense passed.

Why three generations of one family had to suffer because of one person made no sense to her; but how much had she suffered? The question weighed her down; and despite all the other family members saying otherwise, she remained skeptical that they might think the same of her.

"How are you feeling?" Jade's voice shocked her away from her thoughts and she turned to the woman insulted for having been interrupted with such an obvious question. "Sorry, I know that's kind of a stupid question. What's going through your mind?"

"A lot." She honestly didn't want to share her thoughts right now, preferring solitude as to being social. Even still, Jade had been good to her and she didn't want to come across ungrateful. "We're all about to go to John and Lillian's house, I guess it's like a wake of sorts. I always thought those were before the funeral."

"Not always; but it'll be good for you to go." Tori shut her eyes and exhaled sharp. She hadn't agreed to it, but she wasn't going to turn it down now. "I mean, I know you probably weren't looking forward to trying to talk to everyone right away; and you still don't have to. Just be there, listen to them because you'll get to learn more about your mother."

Her eyelids slid open and she curled her lower lip in beneath the corner of her teeth. "That's what I want." Her hands fell by her sides and her eyebrows started to come together. "Right now, it's like I feel this connection to my mother and even my grandparents; but what is it I feel? I love a ghost right now, that's what it feels like."

"The connection is because she was your mother and you want to know more about her, understand her, and get to know her. I feel the same way about my own mom."

"You still had your mother for a few early years, but you were a kid when you lost her." Her breath held in her throat for a second as she turned towards Jade, looking in her eyes carefully, studying them to try and figure out any emotion she could. "What do you do about those memories you have of her? People say as they get older, it's harder to recall some of those childhood memories."

Jade's head bobbed and her eyes dipped along with the corners of her mouth. The woman's hands swayed outwards from her hips and her lips parted briefly. "It's difficult, it's scary to think that I could ever forget my mom." Tori felt her chest grow tight and she turned her head towards her mother's grave. "But Dad and I keep those memories alive by talking about her, talking about the moments we had. The pictures we have of her are made more than pictures because of our conversations. She'll always be alive in our hearts and the more we talk about her, the stronger those memories are that we can hold on to and relish."

"I…I understand." She smiled for a fleeting second and turned away from her mother's grave. "I guess going to my 'grandparents' will be a good thing."

"I heard your dad say his father and granddad were going to be there." Tori did a double take, blinking twice as the word startled her. She hadn't yet gotten around to calling him that, but just hearing someone refer to him as such was still a great shock. "I wonder what they have to do with Sasha's family."

"I wouldn't know." Her eyelids fell halfway and the left corner of her mouth dented her cheek. "Obviously." She watched Jade roll her eyes and then smile. "Maybe they're just being impatient, or maybe they want to pay respects too."

"Your parents were fourteen, so chances are they knew Sasha pretty well. They probably already were getting ready for a baby on the way."

"You think?" She raised an eyebrow and cast a disapproving stare onto Jade. "I mean come on, it's not as if I wasn't born practically into that psychopath's hands or anything."

"Sorry Tori, I'm not trying to be insensitive or anything."

"It's fine." Tori crossed her arms and closed her eyes, sighing heavily as a feeling of guilt came over her. "You're just trying to help, I know. I'm not trying to snap at you, it's just…not easy to talk right now."

"I understand. Do you want us to be there with you at this gathering?"

"Ian's going to be there, they probably understand he's my boyfriend." She'd have to introduce him, of course, so she didn't want to bring too many people. It would be nice to have her best friend there; but Courtney's still in the process of being returned to the states. "I'm not sure if you and Beck really want to be there, you can but I don't want to have too many people following me around that they don't know."

"That makes sense. You have our number too if you need anything, anyway." Jade smiled and pat Tori's shoulder. "It's going to be alright, Tori." Her lower lip puffed oFavorites+utwards and she let out a heavy sigh.

"I'm not even sure I should go by that name anymore, but I'm not sure I'm ready to go by Lily either."

"Until you are ready, maybe bear in mind that the name Holly gave you was Victoria." Tori raised her eyebrows and then tensed her forehead, curious where Jade might be going with this. "Trina, all of us, called you Tori. It was a nickname, just something affectionate in a way."

Her eyes narrowed and her lips grew thinner. "You realize when you say 'all of us', everyone in that group besides you and Beck were a part of a criminal organization ran by the woman that raised me."

Jade visibly cringed. "Yes, I realize."

"Okay then."

Jade raised a hand, pointing upwards. "But Beck and I weren't a part of it." Tori chuckled softly and shook her head. She remembered how long she didn't trust the couple either after she, Ian and Courtney discovered Hollywood Arts to be one big lie where she was supposed to be 'watched'.

"I thought you were for long while, didn't trust you or anyone at that school because for all I knew, everyone was watching me for some reason." Yes, Jade and Beck helped bring Holly and her organization down, but she was still working on trusting the couple.

Wanting to turn the conversation a different direction, a subtle smirk appeared on her face as an intriguing thought came to mind. "On a lighter note, ten bucks says someone makes sure to ask if Ian and I are sexually active."

She watched Jade's eyebrow rise. "Are you?" Tori jerked her head back and crinkled her nose at the girl.

"No. We've only been dating a couple years now." It was that night he stumbled across David's notes when he was going to ask her out. There was a brief physical separation because she didn't want him to get hurt, and vice versa. After Courtney was taken, Tori couldn't keep herself from going to see him and they began meeting in secret every so often. "I don't exactly want to take the risk either." Her eyelids slid up fully and she stretched her mouth back into a line. "See, I have this thing about teenage pregnancies. No offense."

Jade coughed once. "None taken, I get it. Always better to wait."

"And pray the doctor or nurse working is a person with good character." The words were muttered as she turned away, tired of conversation. "I'll call you in a while, fill you in on how everything goes…A little nervous."

Looking around, she spotted Spencer's car off to the right. Sinjin had already gone, since he had some stuff to deal with at the house. "Hey Tori." She paused and looked over her shoulder. Jade walked towards her a step, raising a hand behind her neck and tilting her head to the left. "I um, I talked to Detective Malone about it and he got in touch with the witness protection agent and the advocate about trying to see if there'd be a secure way for you to talk to Trina." Tori's lips separated and her eyebrows rose high as Jade dropped her hand and stretched her shoulders back. "If that's something you'd like."

She didn't know how helpful it would be, but Trina might have answers and she honestly wanted to thank the girl for being so willing to get Sasha away from Holly. "You know what?" She started to smile. "Yeah, I think I'd like that. She might be able to answer some questions I have. Maybe."

"Like what, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't know." She breathed in, her eyelids closed over her eyes and she rolled her shoulders back. "Why'd she care, and did Holly or David ever even remotely care?" Exhaling, she swept her hands outwards and shook her head. "Was literally every single thing, every memory, a lie?"

She watched Jade drop her shoulders and frown, the girl's eyebrows began to curl together and her frown lines seemed to deepen. "Trina came across very blunt, straightforward and to the point. I don't know if you would like the answer she'd have, and I'm not sure she'd phrase it in any way besides harsh truth."

There was hesitation in Tori's heart and she knew well Jade was right. Hell, she already knew the answers to her own questions, but someone like Trina could certainly put some of her thoughts to rest. "Any answer is better than no answer, Jade."

"Holly hated your grandmother for a sin afflicted against her sister. She tortured your mother for eighteen years with the intention of replacing her with you." Tori's hands closed into fists and she grit her teeth behind closed lips. After a second, she bowed her head and felt the sting of tears starting to form beneath her eyelids. "I'm not sure you really need Trina to tell you what I think you already know."

"Maybe." She raised her head up. Jade was right, however Tori knew it would be confirmation enough. "Then I'll at least be all that more prepared to hear it when I do."

"If you say so. Let me know how everything goes with the family, okay?" Tori flashed a smile. "If it gets to be too much…"

"I think it'll be helpful just to sit and listen. I want to know about my mother, and well, I want to know about my dad and grandparents too."

She was tired of feeling the connection, yet felling uneasy because there was nothing there she could fall back onto. She had questions about her parents, about her grandparents; and going to this gathering would be the thing to bring some answers her way.

"I wish my best friend was here now more than even over these last few years…"

"She'll be home soon enough," Jade replied. Tori gasped softly, feeling that spark of excitement when she thought about Courtney coming back; but with it came that familiar sting of knowing just how badly Courtney would need help too. "But after everything I've gone through with Beck, I think having Ian around will give you a lot of comfort and support you'll need. Not to mention Carly's there too."

"Right." She turned back around and saw Ian making his way to Spencer's car. When he looked over and his eyes met hers, she felt an urge to hurry to him. With a nervous smile she started forward and waved in the air for Jade. "Wish me luck."


Thoughts thus far?