Fractured World

Disclaimer: Do not own Victorious or iCarly

A/N:


Chapter 10 (Shed the Binding Chains)

Tori stood before the all too familiar police station, feeling uneasy and anxious as a light drizzle fell from the sky. Her hand rested on the warm metal handle of the glass door and she dipped her chin as she recalled Jade's phone call to her.

Jade told her that they wanted her to come down to the station because Trina agreed to meet there. She also mentioned that there would be some more upsetting news, but she wanted to tell her in person. What this news could be actually made her extremely nervous, more than simply seeing Trina again for the first time since she ran away from home.

Raising her hand, she pulled the door open and looked over her shoulder to Carly's rental car. Rather than Sinjin this time, because he had to be at his house for something; and Ian needed to greet his family upon their arrival home.

She would've loved for him to be here but even Carly was told to wait in the car because Jade said there needed to be fewer people present. This was another reason she feared what the bad news might be.

Even if Trina had never been her legitimate sister, she was the closest thing to family she had growing up. It was the reason she was so surprised to see her beating Ian in the backyard those years ago; all this time later, she figured Trina would've been ordered to do that.

Tori sniffled as she made her way towards the receptionist, still thinking back to the times she'd had with Trina. "Tori?" Jade's voice beckoned her and she looked to the girl, standing at the receptionist's desk. Her hand was on the counter, her shoulders sunken.

In front of Jade's hand was the Playstation console she asked for, along with the games that went along with it. Jade turned her head towards the console, her eyebrows rising. Tori couldn't help but to wonder what the girl was thinking: That Holly, of all people, got her a Playstation. This could not have been farther from the truth.

"Ian's siblings wanted their own console and I was playing his primarily whenever I'd visit." Tori said, not bothering to wait on Jade to ask the question she believed was on her mind. Jade lifted her head, breathing in slowly. "He was moving onto other interests and was going to give his to his siblings but they wanted a new one, fussed until their father went ahead and bought one."

Jade shook her head. "Not to say anything about today's parenting, but that's pretty common." Tori chuckled softly and closed her eyes.

"Well, it had more to do with all the stuff I was playing on the console. All my save data and everything, Ian and his dad figured since he didn't want his anymore they'd just give it to me. It was a gift, I wanted my own system too and Ian gave me his."

"The games too?" Jade lifted Grand Theft Auto 5 up and laughed. "This just came out like within this year." Tori grabbed her game, which she hadn't even finished yet, and set it back with the stack.

"It's kind of been a little secret between me and Trina. She convinced her parents," Tori rolled her eyes, "Somehow, to let me keep the console. So long as I don't go online or anything, and Trina bought me a few games. Including GTA 5, which she got on early release. Again, not entirely sure what she did to accomplish that."

"Some things are better left unsaid, I suppose." Jade folded her arms across her chest and smiled. "Gaming runs in your family, I suppose." She laughed, recalling how Jacob was practically on a handheld all day, and there was a moment she heard Sarah talking about Guitar Hero with her dad.

"Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm a hardcore gamer but definitely I have my preferences."

"I bet you'll be interested in going online on some of these…"

Tori shrugged, she'd heard enough people talk about the online versions of games like GTA and in truth, it seemed like a hellion of foul mouthed children running around in rampant chaos.

"So, where's Trina?"

"In one of the meeting rooms with the police and Gary." Jade's smile faded in an instant and she pat the game console box. "Want me to run this out to your chauffer of the day?" Tori rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Sure, Carly is just outside."

Jade's eyebrows rose and she let out a small gasp. "My! Ian's not with you?"

She chuckled painfully, realizing through this entire time Ian's probably never left her side. "We do value each other's personal space. His family's coming back home." Jade pat her upper arm and smiled.

"I'm teasing you. Just, figured you'd want him here for this. He'll be there after, I'm sure." Jade picked up the box and set the bag of games on it. "I'll run this out to Carly. You can wait for me if you want or go on ahead, they're down the hall and to your left."

Feeling an uneasy sensation in her stomach, she shook her head and watched as Jade made her way to the door. "I'll wait." Tori propped her elbow on the counter, leaning against it and watching through the glass as Jade hurried to the car.

It didn't take long for the exchange to happen or for Jade to return. Once she did, they proceeded to the door. Each step she took felt heavier than the last, and before they entered the room Jade stopped and turned to her. "Tori, I want you to be prepared." Tori looked at Jade, already grieving for what she feared would be another broken connection.

"I'm not going to be able to see her after this, am I? Is that what you're about to say?" She held her breath, watching Jade close her eyes and turn her head.

"I'm sorry. I thought maybe Gary could have an exception made, so did he, but it's impossible." Her heart sank into the pits of her stomach and she leaned against the nearby wall as a pained groan drifted from her lips. "There's too much danger. To her, her family, to you. We can't even predict that Cat or Robbie will even stay in prison, and they're the biggest threats to either one of you during the trial or even after; and after the trial, she's going into the Witness Protection plan. They absolutely will not allow her to maintain prior connections; and you are still a victim of her parents."

Jade's words were like a steamroller running over her, but she understood them. Even then, Trina had suffered a lot as well; so both of them were also a painful reminder of Holly's evil to the other person.

"Let's just go in."

"I hope you get the answers you want from her. I'm not sure what you're looking for though."

Her lips pressed firmly together and her hand fell onto the doorknob, the skin around her eyes tensed and lines stretched from the corners of her mouth. "At this point, just to say goodbye."

She opened the door to a stark white room with brown carpeting. Every corner had an officer standing in it. There was a long brown table in which Trina was seated facing the door. Gary and Beck sat on either side of her. Two officers sat at the sides of the table.

Trina raised her head and the moment her gaze connected, Tori felt like collapsing into a ball and weeping. Not out of fear or pain, but out of loss. Jade placed a hand on Tori's shoulder, startling her, as she moved past her.

"Trina." Her voice broke as she took a single step towards the chair in front of the girl. "Jade says I'm not going to see you again after this." She gently pulled the chair back and took a seat. Trina continued to watch her, her expression was unreadable to Tori and her hands were calmly resting on the table's surface. "I wanted to know some things, but I wanted to thank you too and say goodbye."

Trina's gaze dropped to the table and the girl's chest started to expand. "I'm not sure why. I kind of figured you hated me at this point." She put her hand to her chest, watching Trina's forehead crease. "I was part of the big lie after all."

"You never wanted to be. I know you didn't."

Trina chuckled and turned her head slightly. "Yeah, that's true. I hoped when I did what I had to Ian, he'd run and take you with him. I figured he would, even if it got him killed in the process." Tori mustered a sad smile and Trina glanced sideways towards her. "Seems that little seed I planted came to pass, though not exactly how I would've liked."

"Did you know I saw the whole thing?"

Trina breathed in slowly and nodded. "I did. Then when I heard Mom order Cat to go after Courtney, I knew you must have learned something." Trina's hands closed and she bowed her head. "I wish I could've stopped your friend from being taken, Tori. I honestly do." Moisture filled Tori's eyes and she quickly wiped her nose as it started to drip. "One of my biggest regrets was not reaching Courtney before Cat, not being able to call Sinjin's number either. In that moment, Tori, I think I've never felt more hopeless. I kept trying to find a way to get you out of there, away from Mom and Dad; and making you even slightly aware you were in danger, I put your best friend in danger."

"Trina…"

"I'm sorry." Tori closed her eyes, her breathing grew heavy and she shook her head. "They're probably going to try Cat for the kidnapping and her role in the organization. Robbie is the bigger problem, that's why the authorities and even WPS won't allow us further communication."

"I get it. It must have been difficult for you, right under the nose of Holly and David, having their expectations on you and everything."

"Yeah."

"In the end, you got away."

Trina swept her hand along her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. "When you ran away, when Ian's family went into hiding and both he and Sinjin disappeared, I knew what was up. It was the perfect opening, Mom and Dad were distracted and panicking. I just had to wait it out a little bit longer, I had to wait until there wasn't anyone that could come after me or my family for talking."

"So that's why you went to the police after David was arrested?"

"I had one moment with Mom in her little…" Trina sneered. "Dungeon." The girl leaned back slowly, dropping her hands to her legs. "We had police radio hooked up too so that she and Dad knew what was going on. The minute I heard the police announce that an arrest was being made for Dad-and for Andre's grandmother-I made my move. I locked Mom in the cell and got Sasha out of there."

Tori pushed her hand towards the center of the table and Trina stared down at it. A second or two later, Trina placed her hand on the table just an inch away from hers. "Thank you for that, Trina." Trina smiled gently, and Tori saw tears sliding down the woman's face. "My father found us and the police let us have a moment with my mom before she died."

"I wish that I could have saved her before, that I could have given her a chance to live and for you to have a life with your mom; but I don't think that's what she would've wanted with the state she was in. Her mind was going, her body was wasting away, I don't think she would've lived a functioning life."

"She's at peace now, I think that's the important thing." Painful as it was, Tori accepted that Trina's words were true. She would hate to have to see her mother suffering in life. "I have to ask you one more thing, Trina. I-I think I know the answer, but I wanted to hear it from you."

Trina frowned and her brow furrowed. "What?" Tori hesitated for a moment, struggling to put her thoughts into words. She was trying to prepare herself mentally for the perceived impact.

"Was there ever any love? Any minute, any moment where maybe, just maybe Holly or David cared about me?" She looked into Trina's eyes, searching them and then the woman's face for a reaction. There was nothing for what seemed to be the longest time.

It was as though all life in the room had perished. Gary, Beck, Jade and the officers all transformed into statues and the only other person that seemed alive was Trina as she moved her hand away slowly.

"The last thing my mother told me before I left her behind was 'I wish I had aborted you but I wanted a dynasty'." Tori cringed inwardly, dropping her head a bit and curling her hand inwards. "I was a tool, never a daughter. That woman was never capable of love. Not for her own child and…not for you." The words were like a wrecking ball, crushing into her. The impact was far greater than she had predicted, but rather than break down, she tried to remain strong.

Still, holding back the tears was nearly impossible as she stumbled over her words. "David?"

"In the end, Dad got an ailment that perfectly fit his life. I'm not sure he agreed with Mom about some of the stuff she's done, primarily targeting a family for dumping her sister or whatever. He ignored it for the power, for the position. That's all that mattered to him, having the power and control on the force. He forced his own people to look the other way, let criminals run rampant through the streets…he never cared about me or you either, only himself."

Tori closed her eyes, feeling the tears run over her lips and drip from her chin. Her body was quivering and she refused to open her mouth for fear of the sob she felt clinging to the back of her throat.

She remembered the moment David found her at the café where she was meeting Spencer for the first time. The hatred and panic in his face had been clear, he was on the verge of losing everything and the power he once held had finally diminished.

Trina leaned back in her seat. "I'm sure you could tell when he was taken in, he was ready to kill you wasn't he? You, your father; because when you ran away and your father came out of the woodworks, that's when his hold on the city broke. Holly gave him the power, but having your grandparents murdered and your mother kidnapped while thinking they could raise you up…Can't say he was targeting the right person with his anger and depravity. Guess he was blind to that too."

She ran a hand along her arm and looked to the side. "I figured Holly wouldn't have felt anything. I wondered if maybe with David there would've been something there."

"Honestly Tori? As much as Mom wanted to torture you, your mother, your grandparents. Her own madness is also what kept you alive." She snapped her head back towards Trina, her eyebrows rose in an instant. "She had a plan in her mind she wanted to see into fruition, damned be the consequences."

"So what are you saying?"

"Dad wanted to kill you from the start, and Sasha, because he didn't think it was smart to keep either of you alive." Tori felt the wind being knocked out of her as though sucker punched in the gut, she started to cringe and felt herself unable to breathe. "I'm sorry to say it like that, I know it's hard to hear; but you do need to hear it. Mom made him keep his distance, she knew what he wanted but his wishes didn't align with hers. She probably would've cast him out too if she didn't find use for his position and power. She even wanted me to remain close to you just on the thought that David might try to put a bullet in you at any given point of time."

Trina bowed her head. "I'm not sure whether his doing that would've been perceived as a mercy or just outright hate. I'd almost want to say, if it helps you in any way, maybe a mercy just because of what Mom had in store for you. Maybe if you're looking for a sign that he gave a damn about anyone other than himself, you could talk yourself into believing he might've wanted to spare you from the torture Mom would've subjected."

Unable to contain it anymore, Tori released the sob she'd been holding back. Her head fell as her hands rose to her face and she trembled, each breath was a sob. She felt Jade's hand rubbing her back and she continued to cry.

She wanted to understand, but perhaps there were some things better left unsaid. She heard Trina sniffling and began to wonder why Trina wasn't saying anything. Gasping through her sobs, she raised her head to see Trina's face wet with tears.

"Why?" She screamed out, her chest throbbing with pain. "Why did Holly do all this? What was she hoping to accomplish?"

"I can't answer that." She watched Trina wipe her face. "I don't know what her thoughts were, I don't know what she hoped to accomplish." Tori sniffed as Jade handed her a tissue.

She took the tissue and started wiping the mixture of tears and snot away from her face.

"Tori, listen to me." Trina leaned forward and extended her hand, her palm facing upwards. Gary and Beck looked to each other, then to Trina and nodded as though they were giving some sort of approval.

Tori reached forward and placed a shaky hand into Trina's, whimpering as the girl closed her fingers around her hand and then placed her other hand on top.

"You want to cling to something that's not there, I know. I wanted the same thing, to feel like my parents gave a shit about me. They raised you up and even though they were rarely around, you still want to feel like you had that connection with them."

If anything it had been Trina who raised her, she understood this now more than ever. "I just…" Gasps continued to tremble from her lips and she closed her eyes, looking away. Trina's gesture was a comfort nonetheless, but it was hard to feel okay in this moment.

"Even with me, I know you see a sister that you want to hold on to. I'd like that too, but it's impossible. Even this meeting today was tough to get approval for. You have your father, you've got Ian and his family too. It's not going to be easy to do, what I'm about to say." She looked into Trina's eyes, whimpering at the sadness in the girl's expression. "You need to let go."

The words were a shockwave coursing through her, scaring her and bringing both grief and confusion. "How?"

"You'll find your way. Find yourself, learn to love who you are and not who Mom and Dad would've made you to be, a victim. Grow with your dad and have a family bond that you and I never got to have with. You have to let go of me too. It's too dangerous, too much risk involved. Once the trial's over, once I'm into the Witness Protection Program, the woman you knew will no longer exist."

"You'll be gone. Forever?"

Trina sighed and shook her head. "Maybe not forever, maybe some day years down the line when it's okay." Trina dropped her head to her arm, weeping softly as Trina started to squeeze her hand. "I won't be Katrina anymore. My name will be different, where I live will be far away from here. I can't have any connections with anyone that I knew here outside of my husband and my daughter. Obviously."

"I understand."

"Don't cling to a past you wish you could've had. Build a future, build your life going forward." Tori raised her head up, her breath was trembling and her brow furrowed as she saw Trina smile through her tears. "You know, your mom told me what they planned on naming you. Lily? I think that's a far more beautiful name than 'Victoria'."

"I guess."

"You're not Victoria anymore, you don't have to be. Learn how to be Lily. Cheesy as that sounds." Trina smirked and Tori chuckled, her heart lifted up just a tiny bit. "I mean who was 'Victoria'? The victim, the girl that was raised by a madwoman for the sole purpose of being put through torture. From the moment she was born an evil woman planned out her entire life and future death." Tori closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing.

"Yeah."

"And who is Lily? The beautiful flower, reborn, ready to bloom into something far greater. A girl full of hope for the future, a flower fertilized by the love of those around her." Tori began to smile, thinking about the connections she had been making so far. She had Ian, yes; but now Spencer and her Aunt Carly. The relatives. "That's my final prayer for you, Lily."

Tori gasped, her hand moving over her mouth as she studied the smile on Trina's face. Hearing her own name, the name given to her at birth, spoken by the one person that seemed to care about her growing up was like music to her. It was soothing, but she wasn't sure if she was ready even though she liked how it sounded.

"I'm going to miss you, Trina."

"I know. I'll miss you too."

"Thank you. For everything."

Trina closed her eyes and Tori watched the girl's body rise as she took a breath. "I wish you the best." Trina opened her eyes and placed her hands gently onto the table. "Maybe one day in the future we'll meet again; but until then, I'll always be with you in spirit. Know that, you'll be in my thoughts."

"I'm glad you got away from them. By the way."

"I'm glad you did too, glad you'll be able to live. So, goodbye." Trina started to stand, and with her, Tori and the others followed. "I have to go be with my husband and daughter. You should go to your dad, to Ian and the family you should've been with."

"If it means much, you were family too." Trina smiled and nodded back at her. She wiped her face with the tissue and watched as Trina made her way to the door. All she could think about was that the last connection she had was being tethered, but she had the hope that one day they could meet again in freedom.

Soon, only Jade was left in the room with her. She felt Jade's hand on her shoulder and looked to the girl with old tears drying up in her eyelids. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit. Like I don't know where I'm going, what my future is going to look like. I'm scared, but at the same time I feel free for the first time in my life." Jade smiled back at her and her hand fell away.

"Well, come on Tori. I guess it's time to go."

Tori paused, breathing in and turning her gaze down towards the floor as Jade made her way to the door. Something didn't seem right when Jade said her name, for the first time in all of this, she didn't want to be called with that name.

Sure, Tori was a nickname given to her by friends and Trina herself; but now it carried the same sound, the same stigma as her full name. Trina wanted her to be free, to not cling to the past and remove the shackles that might hold her back.

She was scared of that, frightened of doing that; but she wanted to try. If for no other reason than to carry out Trina's final wish for her.

Jade stopped at the door, her hand resting on the wood as she turned her head back. "Tori, are you okay?" Once again, like a lasso constricting around her waist.

"No." She blinked twice, shaking her head as a soft breath fell from her lips. "I mean yes. I'm okay." Her chest started to expand and she looked Jade squarely in the eyes. "I'm not Victoria, I'm not Tori. Not anymore."

She watched her friend's eyebrows rise. Jade pulled her hand from the door and turned fully towards her. "No?"

"Mom and Spe-Dad," she said clearing her throat, "Wanted to name me Lillian after my grandmother. Lily for short, I suppose. Trina wants me to not cling to the past, I don't know how but maybe this is the first step?"

"What are you saying?"

Closing her eyes and inhaling deep, she was confident in this choice. "I'm scared of this, so scared. But I want to start being referred to as the name given to me by my real parents." She opened her eyes and saw a smile begin to creep upon her face.

"From this point on, I'm Lillian. Lily. I want to be referred to as Lily. Tori is who I used to be, I don't want to be that girl anymore. I don't want to be the victim, I want to be like the flower emerging from the ashes…"

"Okay." Jade started to smile. "From this point on, I'll start calling you 'Lily'." Her heart began to swell and for the first time in months she truly felt free. "So, Lily, are you ready to go?"

"Say that one more time?" She smiled coyly and Jade rolled her eyes despite grinning.

"Lily." Her heart skipped a beat and she took a step forward, laughing aloud.

"Yes," said Lily-no longer Tori in her mind or heart, "Let's go. I don't want to keep Aunt Carly waiting any longer."


So much has been said here. No doubt Trina said much that was hard to hear, but Tori needed to hear those things. Perhaps this goodbye was the most important thing she could've had up to this point. Now, she is going to try to move forward by learning to accept her birth name. Because this is third person limited, that means once a character declares their name change, the narrative follows suit. So you know in narration, she will now be referred to as Lily because that's her mindset.