The next three weeks consisted of walking to the bus stop every morning to get to work. It would have been a real struggle but ever since Shion's first day, Nobu had begun to show up at her door every morning to help her down the seven flights of stairs in the apartment complex. No matter how much she insisted she wasn't worth the hassle, he refused to listen.
"Better safe than sorry." He'd told her. "It's no big deal. We're friends so of course I'm gonna look out for you."
To know she had a friend that cared that much touched her deeply, and afterwards she looked forward to seeing him every morning.
There had been no word from her father about the delivery of her bedroom furniture that was supposed to come after she had moved in. So far he hadn't responded to the messages she had left and since she had no idea where his new house was or whether their number had changed, Shion had no choice but to wait for him to reach out herself; leaving her to contend with an empty bedroom asides from her futon. It also meant she'd needed to go emergency clothes shopping as she hadn't been able to fit that much into her backpack. Her monthly pay would be given to her soon and the rent was due in just a couple of days. It left her tight for money and most likely she'd be living from paycheck to paycheck once her other money ran out.
On a happier note, after work Shion walked with Nobu to the studio for their separate sessions - Nobu usually practised by himself for a while before the rest of BLAST showed up later on. She hadn't yet allowed him to sit in while she played the violin, but he had invited her plenty of times to listen to new songs he was working on - all of which she loved.
This afternoon's session might go differently however. She'd been practising her heart out trying to get a new song right specifically so she could play it for Nobu and she knew that if she didn't ask him this week she'd probably find an excuse to never invite him to listen again.
Nobu was about to slip into his studio room when she shyly called out to him, tapping the shoulder straps of her violin case nervously.
"Um, Nobu?"
He turned to her curiously. "What's up?"
"Uhhh, well if you wanted to… you could always… listen to me play for a little while…" She took a gulp of air immediately after finishing her sentence. Maybe he'd forgotten all about the time when he'd mentioned he would like to hear her play.
She needn't have worried because his face lit up. "I'd love to! Are you serious?!"
Shion nodded and gestured to the door of her own practice room, "Then… let's go?"
Within a few minutes she'd applied a new layer of rosin to her bow and stood in position facing Nobu, heart pounding. This would be the first time someone had heard her play in… forever. Time had allowed her ankle to heal almost completely and while she still had difficulty with stairs or moving around in general with her walking boot, she had enough strength to stand by herself without need of support more or less which she appreciated. When she played sitting down like she had been for her recent practices, she felt boxed in and suffocated.
Nobu's expression was kind however, and he sat on his chair patiently.
"It's a nice looking violin." He commented, and she blinked. Nobu just smiled at her confusion and she realised he was just doing his best to put her at ease.
"Yeah… it was my mother's. Okaa-san called this one Augustine."
And to her surprise Nobu seemed relieved. He grinned, "I named my first guitar too - I've always wondered if maybe that was a weird thing to do." He'd let the comment about her mother slide and she was relieved that he trusted her to tell him everything in her own time.
Feeling more comfortable now that the silence between them had been broken, she began to play/
When I was darkness at that time fueteru kuchibiru
Heya no katasumi de I cry
Mogakeba mogaku hodo tsukisasaru kono kizu
Yaburareta yakusoku hurt me
When I was darkness at that time, with trembling lips
I cry in the corner of my room
The more I struggle, the more these wounds pierce into me
Our broken promises hurt me
Nobody can save me
Kamisama hitotsu dake
Tomete saku you na my love
God, I have one request
Stop tearing apart my love
I need your love
I'm a broken rose
Maichiru no kanashimi your song
Ibasho nai kodoku na my life
You song is fluttering sadness
I have nowhere to go, my lonely life
I need your love
I'm a broken rose.
Oh baby, help me from frozen pain
With your smile, your eyes,
And sing just for me
I wanna need your love...
I'm a broken rose
I wanna need your love…
When she finished the final note a flood of relief rushed through her and she almost collapsed on the spot. Then she heard the clapping and Nobu was on his feet grinning like an idiot.
"You played my song!" He couldn't believe it. "You didn't have the sheet music though…"
"Oh… I uh, figured it out with trial and error," she admitted, a bit embarrassed. It would have been polite to ask for permission before she went ahead and made her own arrangement of his song, but she'd wanted it to be a surprise.
"It must have taken you so long." He blushed. "It's kind of flattering that you went through that much effort to just play my little song."
"I fell in love with it the moment I heard it!" She said. "And then when Nana added the lyrics to it… I loved it even more. I sorta felt… compelled to play it."
The scarlet on his face deepened and spread to his ears. It was only when he recovered that he spoke again, this time more serious.
"You know," he said. "You should play this for Nana. She'd be thrilled. Hachi and Shin too, if you felt up for it."
No way! I couldn't. Her first instinct to run away popped up and she had to remind herself of the progress she had made and intended to make battling her anxiety.
Nana. Hachi. They were good people. They were her precious housemates who had so far treated her like their own younger sister. Perhaps it wouldn't be a stretch to play for them. Shinichi on the other hand, who she had yet to meet…
That was a different story. But then again if everyone was at the studio and he was the only one next door while she performed for her friends, that excluded him and she hated the idea of that.
Maybe… this could be a challenge that she set for herself? To play music in front of one stranger.
"Okay." She whispered it so quietly that her voice was barely audible. Nobu's sharp ears picked it up and he beamed at her, coming to rest his hand on her shoulder. The weight was comforting and eased her nerves.
"They'll be so excited! Just tell me when you want to do it and I'll give them the heads up."
"Well…" She was sure to find an excuse to get out of it if she gave herself the time. "I don't mind if… if they come in today. I feel more confident having played the song once today already."
Nobu's eyes widened but he nodded straight away. "Got it. I'll let them know then - they've got a performance to watch today!"
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
"Ah Shion. How're you feeling?" Nana poked her head into the room around an hour later with Hachi and Shinichi in tow.
"Nervous now that you're actually here." Shion admitted. There was a pit at the bottom of her stomach and butterflies swirled around it in a desperate frenzy. It was getting a little difficult to breathe normally.
Hachi bounded over to her and smothered her in a hug, the scent of her soft perfume permeating through the air. "You'll be great Shion!" She said. "Everyone here loves you! We'll support you no matter what."
"Eee - Hachi isn't it a little bold of you to include me on that list so soon?" A young boy behind her with styled blue hair and many piercings spoke, amusement in his voice. "This is the first time I'm meeting your other housemate."
Shion frantically bowed her head to him. "Nishimura Shion desu. It's nice to meet you Shinichi! Everyone was so happy when you joined BLAST, so I'm excited to hear you all play together."
He half-smiled and he seemed to let his guard down. "I didn't think my elder would bow to me first. It's a little funny, but a little cute as well. You can call me Shin by the way, it's fine."
Oh yeah. She'd forgotten about that. Nana had interrogated him further about his age after he'd joined and she shared over dinner that he'd admitted he was in his final year of middle school, making him only fifteen years of age. It wasn't as though she would be particularly offended by being the one to bow first, but her face burned at the thought of making such an embarrassing mistake.
Shin laughed it off. "So Hachi said you're gonna play for us? Guess I'll look forward to it." With that the boy sauntered off to stand against the back wall of the room, ignoring the chairs Nobu had helpfully arranged that Nana and Hachi now sat in as well.
Shion licked her lips nervously, readying her violin and testing the strings, even though she'd already tuned it to perfection and double checked every half hour since they'd waited for the audience to arrive.
"I might make some mistakes…" she started to say, but Nobu met her eyes and it was enough for her to silence herself.
"We understand Shion." Hachi smiled, and Nana nodded in agreement. "We know how much work you've put into being able to let someone listen to you. We'll support you no matter what."
It was what she needed to start playing.
When I was darkness at that time…
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
This performance felt much different. With three new people watching her Shion was on edge and that meant her fingers had stiffened; leading to a few mistakes. She was unsure whether they were audible or not to her audience but their awfulness repeated itself on a loop in her head. It was a good thing she'd practised so much because it felt as though most of her effort had gone into controlling her nerves. When the final notes faded, her head was light and her body was trembling.
Nobu came to her aid and gave her the extra seat Shin had left alone. She slumped into it, feeling defeated despite her relatively okay performance.
No one had spoken yet.
Nana was staring at her.
"Shion! You little-!" The older woman shot up and ruffled her hair, messing it up. "That was our song! Is this what you've been up to in here?" Shion didn't know whether she should smile or not - was Nana… pleased?
"We need you!" Nana declared, and Shion's jaw dropped. Everyone in the room was focused on the leader of BLAST.
"What… do you mean, Nana?" Hachi spoke up. "Do you mean… you want Shion to join BLAST?"
"It's a good idea, right?" Nana said. "I've heard of a few bands that use a violinist - it would give us a totally unique sound; we'd have evolved our sound from the previous BLAST. Don'tcha think, Nobu?"
She looked to the blonde man and he had to snap out of it before he spoke. "Uh, yeah! But… don't you also think that's asking too much of Shion? This was a really hard thing for her to do - suddenly being in a band is a lot of pressure."
"If she's up for it though, I'm for it." Surprisingly it was Shin who spoke next. The younger boy seemed to sense her surprise because he flashed a charming smile at Shion.
"I liked it. You're an honest person and it showed when you were playing." She didn't really have a clue what she meant but she smiled gratefully anyway.
All the eyes in the room settled on her.
"What do you think, Shion?" Nobu said, searching her face. "Everyone will understand if this is too much too fast."
"Um." She bit her lip. Being part of BLAST meant having band members to hang out with and bond with. She'd have a valid reason to speak to these people outside of being the person who lived with Nana and Hachi. Not to mention then she could share her music with Nobu and play more of his songs. She especially wanted to play more of his songs.
But on the other hand, what could she possibly contribute to a band with such talented musicians. Nana had said Shin was going to surpass Ren, the guitarist in the famous band TRAPNEST she'd learned about, and Nobu and Nana were also incredible musicians by their own merit.
She'd been playing violin her whole life, that was true, but she'd only just got back into it. Even if she didn't have crippling social anxiety that made playing in front of just four people next to impossible, her skills definitely weren't good enough for a band searching for stardom like BLAST.
And what of her classical music dream? It might have been at a standstill currently and she had no idea how she would proceed with it, but she didn't want to give it up just yet.
"Um… I…" She swallowed, not knowing what to say. It was 50/50. Playing for an audience today was challenging yes, but also a tiny bit exhilarating. The adrenaline was still coursing through her even now. Being part of a band, a family - it was very tempting.
"I need to think about it."
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
BLAST had their practice after she'd given her answer to Nana, who invited her to watch them in return. None of them had been lying about Shin's ability - he was truly talented, and ambitious to boot. It made Shion a little nervous about what would happen if she did accept Nana's offer only to hinder their progress as a group.
Halfway through a song, her phone went off and she slipped out into the hallway to take the call.
"Otou-san? Is that you?"
"Shion." He sounded tired. "I received your messages. I'd like you to join us for dinner tonight so we can talk."
"That's fine but… I don't know where your house is. Can you tell me the address?"
"We won't be eating at home. There's not enough room. Your stepmother would like to eat out at a restaurant." He continued to tell her the whereabouts of said restaurant and Shion figured out that it was almost an hour's bus ride from the studio. It was gonna be tough to catch a bus back home by the time they were finished - surely her father knew that too? She'd have to leave the moment she got off the phone without stopping at home to drop off her violin.
"I'll… be there." She resisted letting out a sigh.
"Good." The phone hung up and she stared at the screen for a second longer before tucking it into her pocket, heart heavy. There had been no trace of her affectionate father during that call. The world seemed much lonelier.
BLAST were taking a break when she went back inside.
"Everything okay?" Nana asked.
She sighed and smiled apologetically. "I've gotta take off now. Otou-san wants to have dinner and it's gonna take me awhile to get there."
"Will you be okay with your ankle?" Nobu asked. She'd forsaken her crutches a few days ago, so really the only trouble she had was lugging a heavy walking boot around.
"It should be fine. I don't think the restaurant is too far from the bus stop."
"You're not visiting your father at home?" Hachi said.
"Ahh, it's nothing to worry about. My stepmother just felt like eating out for once, that's all." Hachi's eyes were reflecting the sadness she felt and it frightened her a little bit.
She slipped her violin case onto her back and smiled at everyone before she headed for the door.
"See you later."
"Text me before you get on the bus!" Nobu told her.
"And after you get off," he added when she nodded.
"Be careful out there." Shin called after her when she left. Her head was still thinking back to the phone call with her father. What did he want to talk about that had left him so solemn?
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
