Two weeks after her meeting with Naoki, it was time for BLAST's concert. While the last thing she wanted to do was face her friends, even Shion wasn't selfish enough to ruin their chance to impress Gaia Records.
The lights were flashing in their faces, obscuring the people screaming their names. Shion could feel her heartbeat hammering in her chest, like a metronome to the concert of sound before them all. Nana was grinning and waving and blowing kisses to the audience. On both sides of Shion, even Shin and Nobu were doing their part to show BLAST's gratitude. Shion stood rigid on the stage, her grasp tight around her violin. She didn't know if she was exhausted or stunned, but in the next moment none of it mattered. In the corner of her eye she saw the stage manager standing off stage with a police officer. Whatever they were talking about would lead them both to cast their look over at her. She didn't have long to contemplate it before Nana had thrown her arm over Shion's shoulder and was leading them offstage, past the police officer.
As they were packing up, she was approached.
"Excuse me. Are you Nishimura Shion?" He was an older man with greying hair and strict eyes which were now on her.
Shion nodded.
"I'm going to need to ask you to come with me please, Miss Nishimura." he said.
Shion frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"
His face gave nothing away. "We need to talk. Please allow me to drive you home."
"What's going on?" Nobu appeared next to her. "Is something wrong, sir?"
The police officer pinched his nose in frustration and sighed. "I am Maeda from the Metropolitan Police Department. There is a private matter I must discuss with Nishumura-san and it's not the sort of thing that should be discussed here, and so I am offering to take her home."
"But we've got a meeting with a record label after this," Nobu said. "And we should all be there for that."
"I'm afraid I will have to insist on this matter," Maeda-san said. "This is very important."
Shion nodded. "It's okay, I'll go with you." It wasn't like she would be able to relax and enjoy the potential success of a record label supporting them if this mysterious conversation with a police officer was hanging over her head. "But is it okay if we don't go to my home? I want to join the others afterwards."
Maeda-san looked doubtful but nodded. "Very well. We can talk in my car."
She packed up the rest of her stuff and followed the police officer away, not stopping to look at Nobu. Now that the concert was over, her previous feelings of self-hatred were back. She would deal with that later.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Maeda-san opened the passenger-side door for her before getting in on the other side. Her violin case was propped awkwardly between her knees and she waited for the police officer to speak, still massively confused as to what he wanted with her.
"Nishimura-san, I'm sorry to tell you that your father has died."
It was like someone had sewn her mouth shut and then dumped a bucket of ice cold water over her head. Instantly her eyes watered but not a sound came out of her. Maeda-san didn't continue until she had put herself together enough to speak.
"What happened?" Only the wavering in her voice betrayed her monotone.
"His health began to rapidly decline two weeks ago. He died two days ago. Your mother was with him."
"Stepmother." Shion said through gritted teeth. "We aren't related."
"Regardless, your stepmother reached out to the MPD after two weeks of being unable to contact your cellphone. It appears that your father wished to speak to you before he died and may have left you a voicemail message."
She didn't think she could hate herself more. This whole time she'd been sulking and her father had been in an American hospital slowly dying, trying to get hold of her and hadn't been successful because:
"My phone was off." she muttered.
"I would advise you not to listen to any messages until you feel safe to do so." Maeda-san said.
"Did… did my stepmother say anything about the funeral?" Shion said.
"It was already held this morning. She said it couldn't be held off any longer."
Anger flashed through her. Of fucking course she said that. Of course she contacted the police after everything had been neatly wrapped up.
"And his remains?"
"I understand that your stepmother arranged for a plot in America."
Shion's blood ran cold. "He was supposed to go in our family plot. In Japan."
She slammed her hand onto the dashboard in anger, not caring about the police officer sitting next to her. "How could she do that?! How could she put him somewhere I'll never fucking see him again?!"
Shion rounded on Maeda-san. "So what has she decided to do now? Is she coming back to Japan? Otou-san was the only reason for her to be in America in the first place."
"She mentioned plans to stay in America indefinitely."
"I need to go." Shion opened the car door and began scrambling out.
"Wait just a moment!" Maeda-san called out to her. It was the first time his composure had been somewhat ruffled. She cast a look back at him expecting sympathy but met understanding instead.
"If you can, please spend time with loved ones during this time," he said. "I realise you have no relatives left in Japan, but you are allowed to choose your own family, Nishimura-san. You seem to have many good friends." He reached across the seat to offer her something.
A business card.
"If you ever need help, please don't hesitate to call me." Then he sat back and nodded at her. "I'm sorry for your loss, Nishimura-san."
He waited for a brief moment after she slammed the door shut before driving off.
It began to rain.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Nobu | ノブ
Shion hadn't come back.
Why hadn't she come back?
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
For two weeks no one had seen her. It wasn't until he and Yasu had bumped into Naoki at the end of the first week that they even knew what was going on. They'd been out drinking and Shin had left early to go and meet a client. Then out of the corner of his eye Nobu had spotted Naoki drinking, alone.
He wasn't smiling or joking as he usually did. It was strange to see him almost… sombre. Nobu wondered if it had anything to do with the meeting Naoki was supposed to have with Shion. Had she rejected him then? Was that why she hadn't been around since?
"Isn't that Naoki?" he remarked to Yasu.
"It would seem so."
Naoki's eyes had drifted over to them and in an instant his own demeanour changed. A cheeky smile appeared but Nobu didn't believe it. The drummer had dark circles under his eyes and his energy wasn't quite genuine.
Still, Naoki came and scooted over to sit with them.
"Yasu! Nobu! How's it going?"
"We should ask you the same question," Yasu told him. "You look terrible."
Naoki laughed. "You can tell, huh? What gave it away?"
"I don't think you want us to answer that question."
Naoki snorted and then turned his attention to Nobu. After a few seconds he seemed satisfied. "You're looking good these days, Nobu. Bet you're quite the chick magnet in that band."
"Hardly." Nobu's cheeks warmed.
Naoki ordered another drink and downed half of it straight away. Either he was a heavyweight or stupid or desperate. Or all of them.
"So," Yasu said. "Are you going to tell us what happened to you?"
Naoki sighed. "Love is so exhausting."
Yasu nodded. "So this is about Shion-chan then?"
He let out an even bigger sigh. "I got rejected. She said she felt like she was using me."
Yasu gave him a look and before they knew it Naoki was sharing everything that had happened.
"When she first came in she was so nervous and I thought it was super cute," Naoki said. "But then when we got to talking about the serious stuff she kept saying she would feel uncomfortable around me even though she was happy to spend time with me."
"She just gets anxious about-" Nobu began but Naoki kept going.
"About romantic stuff. I know, she told me. She told me in the beginning about how she doesn't really get those feelings and I sat and listened and told her I understood. It was foreign to me but I tried to understand because I just wanted to be there for her."
Nobu felt a pang of jealousy. It was strange listening to Naoki talk about it. For a long time Nobu had been Shion's sole confidant but it sounded like she'd talked about similar things with Naoki as well.
"So what exactly happened that night she rejected you?" Yasu said.
Naoki groaned at the mention of the rejection. "Kick me while I'm down, why don't you?" He took another big sip of his drink before continuing. "She went on and on about how she was such a bad person and I should hate her for using me because she knew all along it would never work. And when I said it was fine, I liked being there for her even if I was getting used she went quiet. And then, get this," he finished his glass and requested another. "Then she told me that she slept with the one and only Terashima Nobuo - the night before, no less!"
Naoki smiled bitterly at Nobu. Yasu had his eyebrow raised.
"It's not what you think!" Nobu stammered. "We were both really upset - I'd just been ditched by Hachi for Takumi and Shion was stressing over hurting you if she rejected you. But I'll tell you now - it was a moment of comfort and gratitude, nothing else! We both talked afterwards and acknowledged what it meant to us and it wasn't that. I'm in love with Hachi! Hachi not Shion!"
Naoki's eyes softened. "I see."
"She didn't tell you that part?" Yasu asked.
Naoki shook his head. "She just burst out 'I slept with Nobu!' and left after saying sorry a bunch of times. And yeah, I was angry and hurt at first but… there are so many things in Shion's world I want to learn about. She didn't strike me as someone who would offer herself as a friend with benefits - but because I was hurting I let her go."
"Do you regret it?" Yasu said.
Naoki collapsed into his arms on the bar. "More than anything. Being with Shion and listening to her talk about relationships… it made me realise I don't care what I am to her as long as I can be with her."
"If you really mean that," said Nobu. "Then you should talk to her about it."
"She wouldn't want to see me," Naoki said. "It's over. Anyway," he said. "I'm surprised that she hadn't at least mentioned it to you Nobu. Aren't you two besties?"
"You were the last one to see her," Nobu told him flatly. "She hasn't left her room for a week. Her door's locked, no one can get her to open it and her phone has been off the entire time."
Naoki sat up. "Then bust the damn thing down! If she's dead in there you'd never know!"
"She's not dead," Nobu said. "Because Hachi said…. Hachi said she can hear her crying every night."
"And you've just left her in there by herself!" Naoki accused him.
"She doesn't want to see us!"
"Bullshit!" Naoki told him. "If you were really her friend then you would know more than anyone that her friends are her family! If she doesn't feel like she deserves to be around people that love her then you have to make her accept that she does! Don't sit there and tell me that she doesn't want to see you just because it makes you feel better."
Nobu went silent. At that moment he had never felt more pathetic.
Yasu lit up a cigarette. "Well," he said finally, "I suppose that's all there is to it."
Naoki got up. "I should go. Our manager will start complaining if I'm back too late." He shot a warning look at Nobu. "Look after Shion or I'll come back and kick your ass."
Nobu nodded, still too shocked to say anything. With Naoki gone, Yasu let out a small puff of smoke with a sigh. "To think Shion is under the impression that he hates her. Tch."
Nobu hung his head in shame. "How do I help her, Yasu? What am I supposed to do?"
The older man smiled at him, knowingly. "That's entirely up to you."
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Nothing, was the answer to that so far. Shy of whispering his support through her door one night, Nobu had done absolutely nothing. There was BLAST's third concert to prepare for that week. Shion didn't go to the band practices and everyone was on edge about whether or not she would even play the concert - would the label be interested in them still if Shion wasn't there?
But then they came back to Nana's apartment one day after practice and could hear the muffled sound of the violin playing all of BLAST's set pieces. Whether she was just playing for the sake of it or privately practicing, it would seem Shion was determined to do something. The playing carried on into the night.
Cut to the evening of the concert and the band had met up beforehand at the apartment. Nobu had been so preoccupied with worrying about Shion that he barely noticed Hachi doing her best to avoid him. He had been the last to arrive and everyone else was sitting at the table already. Shin was being cheeky and Nana was telling him off while Yasu overlooked the entire thing with a quiet smirk. Misato-chan had been the one to let him in.
"Has she come out?" he asked Misato-chan.
The girl shook her head regretfully. "Everyone is very worried about Nishimura-san."
He thought back to Naoki yelling at him to bust down the door and at this point the idea was very tempting. He just wanted to see if she was alive, that she was alright - and to help her if it wasn't. The others watched him march up to her door and raise a hand to knock-
And at that moment the door opened.
Shion looked terrible. She was dressed up in her usual concert outfit with her violin case in hand but her eyes betrayed how tired she was. Usually so quietly curious about the world around her, now she just appeared exhausted and withdrawn. When she saw Nobu her lip quivered and she then lowered her gaze - walking past him with not so much as a word. His heart throbbed painfully at how lifeless she seemed.
The others seemed to pick up on her low mood but didn't mention it. Her fortnightly disappearance was the elephant in the room that everyone was content to leave alone for the meantime. There was still the question of how the live show would go when Shion hadn't properly practised with them for a very long time, but she was a smart girl and brilliant with the violin. If anyone could improvise if things got sticky it was her.
They got a taxi for the remainder of people that didn't fit into Yasu's car. Namely Shion, Nobu, and Shin. Nobu and Shin had chatted on and on about the things Shion had missed during those weeks but aside from the occasional nod, she seemed not to hear them.
Their live show had gone better than their wildest dreams. At least a hundred fans screamed out support for BLAST; the names of every member were thrown out towards them. Nana was the most popular, as was to be expected. Beside him, Shion was frozen in place but a polite smile was on her face. And then they all disappeared backstage and the police officer had entered the picture, asking her to go with him.
After the episode with Shion's stalker, Nobu was hesitant to trust that she would be okay alone. But Maeda-san seemed like a good guy and Shion had said she would come and find them in time for the meeting with the Gaia Records representative later on.
Except now he sat in the office of that representative and Shion was nowhere to be seen. It was almost over and they were being offered free sushi at a nearby restaurant to celebrate winning the record deal which Shin had eagerly agreed to. Fancy sushi was nothing to turn your nose up at.
"What about Shion?" Nobu directed the question at Nana who also looked worried at their bandmate's absence. The time Naoki had carried Shion home after being attacked by a stalker flashed through his head. What if that police officer really had done something to her? He couldn't just go and eat sushi without knowing what had happened.
How was he supposed to find her?
He called her phone first. It wasn't turned off this time but after ringing for a while it went to voicemail. Wherever she was she either couldn't or didn't want to pick up. Nobu's heart was pounding and his stomach churned with anxiety. So he dialed another number.
"Hello? Nobu?" Naoki picked up almost immediately. "What's up?"
"Have you seen Shion?" he burst out. "We did a concert and then a police officer came and said he needed to talk to her. She said she'd catch up with us later but she never did and she's not picking up her phone and no one knows where she is and I was wondering if you've seen her?!" He tried to catch his breath but it was so difficult not to lose control when anxiety had such a strong grip on him.
"She's missing?" Naoki said. "What did the police want with her?"
"I don't know but he said it was important."
"Where are you?" Naoki said. "I'm coming to help look."
For Nobu at least, fancy sushi was off the table.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Shion | 心思
She didn't know how she got to the bridge. She had walked aimlessly for at least an hour with her violin case in hand, numb to the cold weather, uncaring of the rain, and numb to the swirl of emotions battling for her attention. Her father was dead. Her father was dead and she hadn't been there for him. After Maeda-san had left, she checked her phone only to be see millions of missed calls, messages, and voicemails from everyone she knew. Including her father.
He had left her many messages. The first few detailed that his health was getting worse and no one knew why. Then it became more emotional, he didn't want to die thinking she was angry with him. There was one left she hadn't yet listened to. She wasn't so sure she could.
She owed him that much at least.
Leaning against the bridge, she opened the last voicemail and put the phone to her ear. The date was one day before he had died.
"Shion, my lovely daughter. I cannot begin to describe how sorry I am. I betrayed your trust and your love. I was not worthy of the faith you once placed in me. I've caused you so much pain. I don't have much time left. I need to tell you everything here and now, just in case I don't get the chance to in the future. I am so proud of you, Shion. You've fought so hard to get to where you are. Against all odds you embraced a life of independence and began to make your own path - even when it wasn't the path you envisioned for yourself; which is also my fault. You are so much like your mother - I know she looks down on you and is so proud of what she sees. When you play the violin, you play with her by your side." A raspy, guttural cough interrupted the message and Shion's heart shattered into a million pieces at the mere sound. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared to be dying in a country that isn't my own, away from the one person I treasure above all else. I love you, my daughter. Please call me back soon. I just want to hear your voice one last time. Goodbye. Hopefully I will talk to you soon."
The message ended. Her legs gave out and she let out a heart wrenching scream that had been building up in her chest. She screamed herself hoarse, uncaring of the few bystanders that were there to witness it. This whole time she had been shut in her room sulking, and her father had been dying in a hospital bed trying to hear her voice.
"I'm… despicable…" she whispered to herself. She clawed at her arm until eventually she managed to draw blood from one of the scratch marks. Her father was dead and she was all alone.
She wanted to die.
The moon was high in the sky and the moonlight glistened against the lulling waters below. It wasn't a large bridge - just a simple walkway in the city. The drop was still enough to do the job though. It could put her out of this pain. It could make everything go away. She wouldn't have to think about hurting anyone else. She wouldn't have to be selfish anymore. She wouldn't have to think about Naoki or Nobu or her father or how much she missed her mother.
It could all go away.
She put her hands on the railings and began to climb up.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Nobu | ノブ
"Oi! Nobu!" Nobu had been trying to get through to Shion's phone while he waited for Naoki, who was now sprinting towards him. As the TRAPNEST drummer reached him he doubled over, panting heavily. Wherever this man had been prior to picking up Nobu's phone call, it hadn't been close.
When Naoki had pulled himself together he regarded Nobu skeptically. "Huh? Where's the rest of you? Aren't you all going to look for her?"
Nobu rubbed his neck sheepishly. "They're at dinner… with our future producer."
Naoki glared at him. "You mean the producer who might not have even been interested in you if Shion wasn't part of your band?"
"We can't afford to mess up right now, dude!" Nobu shot back. "I'm so worried about Shion my heart might explode - that's why I'm here and not there. But the reality is that Nana and Shin and Yasu don't know her well enough to be of any help. If I need help from them I can call Yasu but for now it's just me and you." He recalled the conversation he'd had with the band over this very issue. It hadn't been an easy call for them at all.
"You sure are an idiot Nobu," Nana retorted. "Shion's one of us. I'm not going to eat sushi until she's sitting there with us."
"I'll look for her," Nobu said. "And Naoki's going to help me too. Between the two of us we should be able to find her. I don't want to overwhelm her with a million people though - it might make her feel even worse."
Nana thought about it for a moment with a pout. She exchanged a look with Yasu who gave her a nod in response. She groaned. "Fine. But if you need help for anything at all you call Yasu and you tell us where to go. Got it?"
"Got it." Nobu said. "Just try and smooth things over with the producer. Two of us being absent doesn't exactly paint us in a great light right now.
"We already told him Shion was feeling sick after the show," Nana said. "Don't worry about it. Just… bring her home, Nobu? Ok? I'll call Hachi to let her know what's going on and to see if Shion went home."
Nobu did his best to smile for her. "Of course."
"Are you sure she talked to the cop here?" Naoki asked. They had gone back to the music venue from earlier that evening.
Nobu nodded. "We saw her sitting in the police car with him when we left with the producer. It was definitely her."
"So either she got out and left or he took her somewhere afterwards. Maybe she went home?"
He shook his head. "Nana called me when I was waiting for you. Hachi and Misato said she didn't go home."
"If the last person to see her was the police officer then maybe he can tell us what happened." Naoki said. "What did you say his name was?"
"Maeda-san," Nobu said. "The police station isn't far from here - we could go and check."
Naoki smiled grimly. "Sounds like a plan."
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Maeda-san came to the front desk after Nobu and Naoki frantically explained the situation to a woman out the front. Nobu recognised the same gruff looking man with greying hair from earlier. No doubt about it, this was the person who had last seen Shion.
A flicker of recognition registered in Maeda-san's eyes upon seeing Nobu.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
Nobu took the lead. "Yes actually. This evening you asked my bandmate Nishimura Shion to go with you after our live show for a talk? She promised she would meet up with us after but she never did. She's not answering her phone and we have no idea where she is. We were wondering if you knew anything about it?"
For a split second the police officer lost his composure. It was barely noticeable but Nobu was good with reading people. Nana joked all the time that his perceptiveness and his guitar playing were his only skills. What his perceptiveness was telling him now was that whatever they were about to learn was bad.
Very bad.
"She's missing?" Maeda-san muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She's missing, huh."
Naoki jumped in. "What exactly did you need to talk to her about anyway? Had she done something wrong?"
Maeda-san studied the pair of them and then let out a heavy sigh. "I suppose there's really nothing to do now but tell you." His tone became serious. "I informed Nishimura-san this evening that her father had passed away."
Nobu's heart plummeted in his chest and he felt a lump in his throat. "What?" he choked out. "Dead?"
"More importantly," Naoki interjected. "You let a girl walk away after telling her something that important without anyone around to support her?"
"I gave her my card in case she needed anything-" Maeda-san began.
Naoki scoffed. "Oh good. I'm glad she has a card to support her through this trying time."
Nobu nudged the other man with his elbow. "Dude, he's a police officer - show some respect."
"Shion is out there carrying the heaviest burden of her life - having spent the past two weeks isolating herself because she thinks she's a terrible person and you don't think that raises any alarm bells at all?" Naoki said hotly. "No one can contact her and no one knows where she is. She could be dead for all we know!"
"I can help look for her." Maeda-san offered. "I'm just about to finish up anyway and it'll be faster in a car."
"Thank you, sir." Nobu said
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
After ten minutes of driving around they still had no leads. Naoki was getting more and more agitated with every second that passed. Even Nobu was beginning to feel like it was hopeless. Tokyo was massive and there was no guarantee that Shion hadn't gotten on a train or taken a taxi somewhere. They had all assumed she had travelled on foot and the area perimeter they checked reflected how far she could have gone with an hour head start. What if she was out in this rain? She must be freezing.
Then their prayers were answered.
Maeda-san's radio crackled to life. There was so much police jargon that Nobu could barely keep up with anything that was being said but he did manage to pick up on: "Several reports… young woman…. sitting on bridge…" He and Naoki both looked to Maeda-san for confirmation and they got it when they saw how grave the officer looked.
"There's a young girl who matches Nishimura's description. I haven't been dispatched but if it is her you two might be able to talk her down."
Nobu did his best to quash the panic rising in his throat and nodded. "Please hurry."
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Shion | 心思
Her feet were dangling over the railing as she sat with tears streaming down her cheeks that were numb from the harsh wind and rain. With one hand she kept replaying her father's voicemail over and over again.
"Shion, my lovely daughter… I was not worthy… just in case I don't get the chance to in the future…you are so much like your mother… I love you… just want to hear your voice one last time… goodbye…"
He had died thinking that she hated him. She hadn't called him back. She had been so selfish. She hated him for how he had let her be treated for years. She hated herself for hating him. She hurt everyone around her. She was a burden to herself and others.
She should just die.
Shion took one last breath before she pushed herself off the edge.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
Nobu | ノブ
They arrived to a small crowd on one of the walkway bridges that went over a shallow river with a bed of rocks about five metres below. It was difficult to make out much from where they were but as he and Naoki jogged closer towards the scene with Maeda-san just behind them, Nobu could make out the silhouette of someone sitting on the railings, totally oblivious to the bystanders with umbrellas that kept calling out to her. He knew that silhouette very well.
Her name was on her lips but Naoki stopped him before he could call out. "She might get startled and jump before we get close enough if you do that." Naoki hissed.
"Then what the hell are we supposed to do?!" Nobu shot back.
"We need to hurry up and reach her!" The two of them sped up. Nobu's lungs protested from the lack of warm up before being put through such strenuous activity. He was a band geek - working out was not something he did very often if at all.
"Excuse me!" They made their way through the crowd in front of them and stopped dead when they were only a few feet from their target.
Her shoulders were shaking - whether from the shock or the cold, Nobu didn't know. More than anything he just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and tell her it would be okay. Except first he had to persuade her to give him that opportunity.
But right at that moment she began to nudge herself forward. The crowd erupted into panicked murmurs but no one dared step forward. Everything moved in slow motion. Shion was falling forward, forward, forward, until she was falling down, down, down-
Nobu's legs turned to jelly and he couldn't move. She would die if he didn't get it together!
"SHION!" Beside him, Naoki jumped into action and launched past him. He managed to wrap his arms around her chest before she fell too far and yanked them both backwards. The drummer fell with a thud onto the path and she landed on top of him, her phone clattering to the ground.
And then Naoki had wrapped his arms around her and was burying his face into the back of her neck murmuring words that only the three of them could hear.
"Please don't die," he murmured, his shoulders quivering. "Please don't leave, Shion. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad person. I promise you're not a bad person."
Tears welled up in her eyes and she brought her arms up to clutch the ones that were around her.
"It hurts so much!" she choked. "I can't do it anymore. Please don't make me live with this!"
Naoki squeezed her tighter. "I'll be here for you. And Nobu and Nana-chan and everyone else you know. You're not alone Shion - you're not a burden."
Her only response was a strangled cry and her tears threatened to choke her.
With the immediate crisis over, the bystanders began to clear out after seeing Maeda-san was there to take over things. The police officer lent his coat to wrap up Shion in and Naoki carried her back to the police car while Nobu trailed behind feeling useless and angry but relieved.
Shion was alive. Soaked and exhausted, but very much alive. No matter what came after, just that one fact was enough for him.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
