Something warm held her hand. It felt good, but when she squeezed it, Shion felt a sudden jerk.

"Shion!"

Naoki was at her side, his brown eyes round with shock - and relief. When she made to sit up, he was there supporting her back and tucking pillows behind her. She hadn't noticed until now, but she was in her room. It was hard to tell at first because it looked so different. Up until now, she'd lived in an unfurnished room with just the futon Nana and Hachi had bought for her months ago.

Now the first thing that was different was she was lying in a bed. As she scanned the room, she noted a clothes dresser by the window, a glass of water, and a lamp sitting on a bedside table at her side. Her music stand was neatly tucked in the corner by the door with her violin case. Through a crack in the brand new curtains, she could see it was nighttime.

Was she dreaming?

Naoki watched her quietly as she took everything in.

"Where did all of this come from?" she asked him.

"It's a present," he said. "When we brought you back, I couldn't believe it when Nobu said you'd been living here for months with just a futon."

"I'll pay you back," she began, but he was already shaking his head.

"Let me do this for you, Shion." he said. "Please."

She was too tired to argue, so she let it slide. The exhaustion had hit her like a ton of bricks. How much time had passed since… since that had happened. Afterwards, she had vague memories of being taken to the hospital, where they did a psych evaluation on her. She mumbled her way through it and was sent home an hour later.

The rainy night flickered through her brain. She would have died. She wanted to. Maybe she still did.

"Otou-san…" she murmured, the memory sliding down into her stomach like lead.

Naoki squeezed her hand. "I'm so sorry, Shion."

Then she remembered another detail from that night.

"My phone." Her eyes darted frantically around the room for her phone. Already she could feel the urge to listen to those voicemails again. She spotted it tucked behind the lamp, and she reached for it, but Naoki beat her to it.

"Maeda-san said you weren't to listen to those messages for a little while," he sounded apologetic. "I know you want to hear his voice, Shion, but… right now, it probably won't help you very much."

Shion slumped back, defeated. She was too tired to fight back.

"Nobu will be happy that you're awake," Naoki chirped. "You've been sleeping for most of the day. We were getting a bit worried about you."

"Where is he?" she said. "Nobu - where is he?"

Naoki smiled. "At band practice. He and everyone else should be back soon."

Shion nodded and said nothing else, but Naoki didn't turn his attention away from her for a second.

"Shion…" he began.

"Please don't," she said. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I get that," said Naoki, "I do, but… talking about it could help."

"I can't." She fiddled with the duvet covers, which were also brand new.

He didn't push the subject any further. After making sure she'd had a few sips of water, he left Shion to her thoughts, claiming he was going to get her something to eat. Shion suspected it was more to just give her a moment alone.

She remembered very little of what happened. Just receiving the news about her father. It was almost as though the bridge had appeared in front of her.

Her father was dead.

This time she let herself cry without regret. No matter how he had treated her, no matter how he had made her feel in recent times. She knew that his behaviour was inexcusable, but she would deal with that later. For now, all she could think about was one thing.

I miss him.

•─────⋅雨⋅─────•

Naoki came back with some fancy sushi on a plate.

"The others saved this for you last night when you didn't show up," he told her. "And if you're still hungry, Nana-san made a cake last night to celebrate your record deal - I can probably wrestle the guys for the last piece."

Shion quickly muttered her thanks before digging in. She was starving. Even as leftovers, the sushi was delicious. Very quickly, she ate one… two… three pieces. Naoki watched her, his relief visible.

Just as she finished her meal, they heard the front door open.

"Huh? Shion's room is open," she heard someone say. Footsteps hurried to her room, and soon Shin had poked his head around the door.

"You're awake!" Shin exclaimed happily, coming in to stand at the foot of her bed.

"Shin," she said weakly. "I'm sorry for making you worry."

"Well, it is true that all of us haven't been able to focus properly all day," Shin said. "You should have seen how much Nobu messed up today - it was pretty funny."

"What are you telling her?" Shion's heart leapt when she saw Nobu walk in to join them, nodding at Naoki before elbowing Shin's ribcage. "I wasn't bad at all - you're the one that kept messing up."

"Hardly," Shin smirked. "I'm professional enough not to let emotions ruin my playing."

"You little-"

"Oi!" A hand roughly smacked Nobu's head, and he winced in pain. Naoki was glaring at the two of them.

"Don't make Shion worry about that kind of thing. She's got enough on her plate as it is."

Nobu shot Shion an apologetic look, and Shin looked smug but said nothing else. Then Nobu looked Shion up and down and pushed past Naoki to sit on the side of the bed, much to Naoki's displeasure.

"How are you feeling?" he said. His voice was warm.

"I'm… okay. Better than I was, at least."

Nobu put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't push yourself- we're all here for you. The whole band is a family. You aren't alone in this - whatever you need, you can ask for, okay?"

Shion swallowed thickly, her eyes threatening to water over again.

Nobu smiled kindly at her and ruffled her hair, saying nothing more. He didn't need to.

Shion was with her family.

•─────⋅雨⋅─────•

The party quietly moved out of Shion's room to join Hachi, Misato and Yasu, who had been lingering in the kitchen, not wanting to overwhelm Shion in her bedroom. Apparently, Nana was still at work and would be home soon. Hachi gave Shion a big hug when she eventually came out to sit with everyone at the table.

"I was so worried, Shion-chan!" she gushed. "I've made omurice for you tonight - it's your favourite, right?" The older girl rushed to the kitchen and came back with a plate of beautiful looking omurice. Its presentation was flawless and on top written in ketchup was げんきだして (Cheer up!).

It was a lively party with Naoki there with them. He and Yasu talked about their memories at high school together, with Nobu and Shin adding their own quips. Nobu and Naoki seemed to have some kind of rivalry that left them shooting each other annoyed looks whenever the other spoke.

She was too exhausted to participate herself, beyond the occasional listening noise or nod. Still, the conversation and banter let her forget about the heavy feeling in her chest.

Shion eventually took a break from the excitement to refill her water glass. She was surprised to see that Shin had decided to follow her to the kitchen as well, leaving the others to argue about the greatest rock band of all time.

"You're very quiet," Shin remarked as she turned the tap on. "I mean, you're always quiet, but this must be a new record for you. I don't think there's a prize for that, you know."

Shion took a sip of water. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm just so tired."

Shin smirked. "It was a joke~! A joke~! I'm not going to judge you for not speaking when I know how you feel right now."

"You know how I feel?" Shion swallowed nervously at the dangerous glint in his eyes.

"I do."

"Oh."

"That's why," Shin said, "if you ever need to talk to someone about that kind of stuff, you can always come to me. I won't even charge you," he added with a wink, but his tone remained serious.

She swallowed. "Thank you. Um, you too. If you ever want to talk, I mean."

He smiled at her. "You're such a sweetie, Shion-chan."

She felt blood rush to her cheeks, and she pouted but said nothing. It wasn't fair that he was four years her junior and still seemed so much more mature than her! Shin laughed at her and swung his arms around her shoulder, leading them back to their friends.

"Oh right," Shion remembered as she sat down again next to Shin. All eyes turned to her as she spoke for the first time that night. "What happened to the record contract?" she lowered her gaze guiltily, "I'm really sorry I wasn't there at the meeting."

"Don't worry about it!" Nobu said cheerfully. "Bottom line: he loved us."

"So you signed the contract?"

"Not yet," Yasu told her. "We thought we'd give it some time to think about it. "In fact," he said, addressing the rest of them, "I wonder if it wouldn't be better for a basic punk band like ours to start by creating a base of faithful fans and then going up - rather than immediately joining a big record label."

"Why!?" Nobu and Hachi both spoke up at the same time and reciprocated a bashful look at each other. Shion wondered if Nobu had made any more progress with Hachi since they last spoke about it. They hadn't had much time to talk recently - something that was her fault, of course. The conversation about the band's future continued, with Yasu explaining the importance of carefully thinking over the contract.

"Because of the situation, we'll be bound to the company if we sign it," he explained. "Financially, on various levels. But if we get a good reputation as a small band, the offers will come on their own, and we won't have to worry about the future - and we'll be able to choose our conditions."

"I don't care about conditions!" Nobu burst out. "We should put all our hope into a professional career opportunity. All we need to do is sell well, right?"

Hachi was nodding along enthusiastically with him as he spoke.

"Yeah," Yasu said, "but frankly, based on our actual situation, I don't think you'd be able to compose successful songs one after another."

Nobu's shoulders sagged, and Shion opened her mouth to speak up in his defence, but someone else beat her to it.

"Of course he can do that!" Hachi declared. "He's already written some! Because… for example, I'm not a music expert, and I didn't know anything about punk music before - even The Sex Pistols… I only knew them from Sid and Nancy. Even after seeing it, I didn't feel like I knew much about punk music," her trail of thought led to a look of surprise and judgement from the other punk fans in the room. She deflated slightly but kept going.

"But," she said. "I like the songs Nobu writes. And I'm not saying that because we're friends - it's because I've liked his songs from the moment I heard the first one. I was amazed and really touched. It was so beautiful it gave me goosebumps. You couldn't be anything but successful."

Everyone in the room fell silent, stunned by her outburst. Sitting next to Hachi, Nobu couldn't keep the scarlet blush off his face. He was left a stuttering mess as Hachi made to keep going, and he stopped her before she got carried away.

"Hey, Hachi," he said, blushing furiously and not looking at her, "that's enough, we get it. Thanks. You don't need to say anything else." Shion tilted her head, surprised at his behaviour. She'd never seen that expression on his face before.

"I'm so happy I'm in tears," Nobu said, still not looking at the reason for his tears. With that, Hachi also began to blush, and she quickly sat back down. The conversation moved on, with Shin shooting an amused smile at Hachi every once and a while. Shion was left with a feeling that began to chew away at her, and she couldn't figure out why it made her so irritated. She tuned out the rest of the conversation, trying to solve the riddle herself. It couldn't be jealousy - she had been well aware from the start of Nobus' feelings for Hachi. So why did seeing them almost reciprocated get to her so much?

Suddenly she craved for Nobu's attention to be back on her; his gaze, smile, and warmth. She had gotten so comfortable depending on him that it felt strange seeing him treat someone else the same way.

Eventually, the wine ran out.

"Nee~ Hachi, can you buy some more wine?" Shin whined, waving the empty bottle in front of the woman in question, with his puppy eyes shining. "It's dangerous, so go with Nobu."

"You can go yourself!" Nobu shot back at the boy.

Shin sighed and ran his hands through his blue hair. "But it's so obvious that I'm underage, so no one will sell to me."

Nobu stood up, very red - not entirely from the alcohol either, Shion suspected.

"I-I can go by myself, don't worry Hachi."

But Shin wouldn't let it slide and pushed Hachi towards him. "No way! I don't know if you'll pass as overage, but Hachi's become really mature-looking these days, so there won't be a problem."

Both Hachi and Nobu seemed defeated until Nobu cast a pleading look at Shion.

Even if Shin hadn't been staring at her expectantly from over the pair's shoulders, her answer would have remained the same.

"I'm a bit too tired for the walk, sorry," she said, smiling weakly. She understood everyone was on board to get the two alone together, and she wasn't going to get in the way of that. Especially not when she knew Nobu's feelings perfectly well.

After being practically shoved out the door, Shion began to clear away the dirty dishes, leaving Shin, Naoki, and Yasu to continue talking amongst themselves.

"Ah! You don't have to do those, Nishimura-san," Misato said, rushing to the kitchen where Shion had begun to run water. "You must be so tired - I can do these; it isn't a problem."

"No, I want to do them," Shion said. "And you're our guest. I can't let you do them."

"But you've been so kind to let me stay here for so long," Misato insisted. "Please let me help."

Shion nodded, not possessing the energy to fight it any longer. In truth, she just wanted to do a monotonous chore that would help her take her mind off things. Misato dutifully stood with her and dried the dishes before gracefully tucking them into their appropriate places.

"I am very glad that you're alright," Misato said solemnly.

Shion murmured her thanks and continued to scrub at the plate she was working on. There were many dishes to get through due to the feast that Hachi had prepared the night before.

"I do really think you bring a wonderful new side to BLAST with your playing," Misato tried to bring up a safer topic. "Yesterday's concert was wonderful. I don't know if you could hear, but even though many people were screaming out for Nana-san, many were also calling out for you. And there were so many people too!"

"That's true," Shion said. "There were lots of people."

She passed the plate to Misato, but it slipped out of her hand and shattered on the ground at the last second.

"Be careful not to stand on anything!" Misato said quickly, crouching to delicately put the shards into a pile to be thrown away. Shion barely heard her.

Vision blurred, she sank to the ground and hid her head in her knees, making no effort to control her breathing or tears. What was the point?

The talking over by the window ceased, and a moment later, a hand found its way to her shoulder, where it felt warm. For a split second, she thought it was Nobu until she remembered that her best friend was out.

"Shion-chan?"

She cried harder when she heard Naoki's voice. She hadn't forgotten the way she had left things with him, and yet here he was, dealing with her again when he had no obligation to.

"Are you hurt?" he said gently. Shion was too choked up to speak, so she settled with a slight shake of her head. He let out a relieved sigh and then dropped to the floor to sit next to her, the warmth of his body supporting hers. He placed a hand on her head, and she felt him silently urge her to cry until it was all out of her system.

I'll be here, he seemed to be saying.

The sobs wracked her body until her throat was raw and her head pounded, but the hand stayed there, gently stroking and soothing. When the exhaustion she felt began to overpower her, the same hand guided her to lay down in a more comfortable position.

She fell into an uneasy sleep with tears running down her face still but a warm presence around her to soothe.

•─────⋅雨⋅─────•

She did not wake up until Nobu and Hachi returned, but her wish was to stay ignorant for now. She kept her eyes shut. Naoki's hand no longer stroked her hair, but it rested on her head. She couldn't hear Shin and Yasu, so she assumed they must have left already, which was confirmed by Misato when Hachi asked her about them.

"But I bought all of this for them!" Hachi said in disbelief.

"Sorry," Misato said apologetically. "But we can keep it all for the next gathering."

"Huh? Naoki - you're still here?" Nobu said, clearly surprised.

Above her, Shion heard him speak. "Shion-chan tired herself out, and I didn't want to risk waking her by trying to move her."

"They've been like that for a while," Misato said. "When Nana got home, Naoki scared her because she didn't see him at first."

"Nana's home?!" Hachi said.

"Yes, but she's-"

Shion heard a yell of protest when Hachi burst into the bathroom with no prior warning when Nana was clearly in there having a bath. Hachi giggled something about having a girl's bath and shut the door behind her.

"How did she end up falling asleep like that?" Nobu asked.

There was a pause where neither Naoki nor Misato spoke.

"A plate broke," Misato said, finally. "Nishimura-san got a bit upset. Fujieda-san came over to look after her, and she fell asleep like that."

"Oh," there was a trace of guilt in Nobu's voice. "But what are you going to do? You can't just stay like that all night?"

"I don't mind if the others don't mind," Naoki said. "I'd rather sit here all night than wake her up. I'm taking time off from the band, so I can always be available for her; it's no big deal."

"She was distraught," Misato agreed. "I don't know what we would have done if Fujieda-san wasn't here."

Inside, Shion felt her heart squeeze at the mention of him taking time away from TRAPNEST. She was also grateful for Naoki's kindness, even though she knew she didn't deserve it. In the morning, she would talk it over with him - make him understand that he didn't have to go to the pain of looking after her anymore. Then he could go back to focusing on music.

Probably sensing that the two young men wanted to discuss other matters, Misato excused herself to go to bed.

When she was gone, Nobu spoke.

"Have you talked to her about what happened between the two of you yet?" he asked.

Shion had to try really hard to control her breathing then. The last thing she wanted to do was listen to Naoki talk about how much he hated her.

Although if that were true, he probably wouldn't be offering to sit on the hardwood floor, stroking her hair for the entire night just so she didn't wake up.

"No," Naoki said. "I don't really think this is the right time for that."

"But you know what you're gonna say?"

There was another pause, and Shion imagined the three of them stopping to check that she was still asleep. The pressure to breathe like a sleeping person increased.

"I do," Naoki said, "but she's going to be the first one I tell it to, sorry."

"Fair enough," Nobu said, not pushing any further. "You ended up being a pretty decent guy, you know."

"You wound me," Naoki said teasingly.

"You know what I mean!" Nobu said, flustered. "I thought you were gonna be this womaniser that messed around with Shion, but you've treated her like a gentleman this entire time. You've been there for her when I wasn't. I'm just… really grateful to you, you know? She's my best friend, but I feel like I wasn't there for her when she needed me most and it keeps happening again and again."

"I was just in the right place at the right time," Naoki said.

Nobu sighed. "I guess. But it doesn't feel good always being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"You were the one that sat with her during the psych evaluation, not me," Naoki pointed out.

Had he? Shion could barely remember her brief hospital visit.

"About that," Nobu said. "I'm so worried about her. She said she didn't care anymore and that even if she didn't die, she had nothing to live for. She was asked if she felt that way because her father had died, and Shion said it was because she was unloveable and messed up every relationship she had."

"Shion-chan," Naoki sighed. "That's not true at all."

"Shion blames herself for everything that happened between you, so… could you talk to her about it soon?" said Nobu, his voice pleading. "I just don't want her to go through this thing with her father when the thing with you is still hanging over her head."

"I get it," said Naoki. "I'll sort it out, don't worry."

"Thanks," said Nobu. "Seriously."

•─────⋅雨⋅─────•

When Nobu left, the room settled back into silence. Shion decided to wait an appropriate amount of time before 'waking up'. In the meantime, Naoki sat steadily beneath her, making no noise aside from his breathing, which almost sent her back to sleep. Then she began to stir, and Naoki moved his hand on her head so she could sit up.

"Shion-chan?"

"Naoki," she said, with a real yawn that had caught up with her. "What time is it?"

"About 1 in the morning," he said. "Everyone left or went to bed."

"But not you," she said. "You stayed."

"Yeah, I did."

She brought her eyes up to meet his gaze, which was softly studying her. "You don't have to keep looking out for me anymore."

"I didn't do anything that chivalrous," he said, "I just didn't want to wake you up."

"So if it was someone else, you would have sat here all night as well?" she challenged.

"Well, no," he began, "but what does that matter?"

"It matters because I've been horrible to you!" she said, getting to her feet and backing away so that she could put some distance between them. "I don't deserve your kindness."

Naoki stood up and closed the distance between them, his face serious.

"Shion-chan," he said, his voice pained. "The only one who can decide who deserves my kindness is me."

She was trapped. Shion had no rebuttal for that statement except further self-pity.

She was so tired.

"Then, what do you want from me?" she said quietly. "I can't give you the relationship you want. I can't be your girlfriend."

"And I'm not asking you to be anymore," he said, and she didn't detect dishonesty in his face as he said it. "I just… I want to be by your side, and I want you to rely on me. I want to make it up as we go along. No pressure or expectations - we just do whatever feels right. For both of us."

Naoki was sincerely facing her with all of his feelings laid bare. Suddenly she had an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around him and never let go, but she restrained herself.

Then he stepped forward instead, raising his thumb to wipe away tears that were leaking down her cheeks. "Gosh," he said teasingly, "you sure have cried a lot recently."

The source of her original pain came flooding back to her. It must have shown on her face because Naoki immediately began to apologise. "Sorry - I didn't mean to be insensitive or anything, I just meant-"

Shion took a deep breath and flashed him a weak smile. "It's okay," she said. "I just… I can't believe Otou-san is really gone. Suppose I'd never met Nana and Hachi in this apartment. In that case, I'd be alone right now, and it terrifies me that if I do something wrong or something happens to the band, then I will be alone."

"I won't let that happen," Naoki told her decisively. "No matter what, I'll support you - so you can take that off your list of worries, okay? That one is sorted."

"I just don't want to be a burden," she said. "And I know that even if I was, you wouldn't tell me. I want to be able to support you through things too. You've seen me at my worst, but I've never heard about your worries at all."

Naoki laughed. "You wanna see my worries?"

Shion looked at him, "Yes."

His cheeks tinged pink, and he looked away. "You didn't need to say it so fast."

"But it's true."

Taking a few moments to compose himself, he met her eyes again.

"Sometimes," he said, "I feel like probably TRAPNEST doesn't need me."

Shion boggled. "What?"

"I mean, I'm just a drummer," he said. "And anyone could replace me if you think about it. The media don't really pay attention to me either."

"Even if that is technically true," she said, "the band wouldn't be the same. The TRAPNEST that is shaking the world right now is the TRAPNEST with Naoki in it." She paused to think about what else she could say to persuade him, and then she remembered.

"When I saw you perform in Hachi's hometown, I thought all of you were phenomenal. I remember feeling intimidated because Nana wanted us to be your rivals, and I didn't think it could be done. You all looked so cool - like you belonged on that stage." She smiled at him, "I couldn't imagine a TRAPNEST without you."

She was about to say more when it seemed Naoki was still uncertain, but as she opened her mouth, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead.

"Thanks for that, Shion-chan," he said. "But you don't have to say more. I get it, and it doesn't bother me that much anyway," he added. "It's just if I were to have anything I'm worried about, that would be it. I'm kind of simple that way. I don't really have any worries, which is why it isn't a burden at all to help you with yours."

At that moment, Shion knew her answer. She took his hand as he looked confused and interlocked their fingers. "It might be difficult for me at first," she said. "But I promise I'll try to rely on you more. I'll tell the truth if something makes me uncomfortable, and we can figure it out together."

Naoki nodded. "Then… can I try something right now?"

Shion tilted her head in confusion. "I guess?"

Naoki took another half step closer, gauging her reaction to his movement. Shion could guess what he was trying to do and the hole in her heart gave her the courage to close the gap. He wrapped his arms around her, and she hid her face in his shoulder, embracing his warmth. Already the loneliness was beginning to fade, and she didn't want to risk it coming back, not tonight at least.

She willed herself to pull away, and Naoki responded by backing away, looking guilty.

"Was that too much?" he said when he had put distance between them. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean-"

It was her turn to stifle a giggle and his cautious behaviour.

"It was fine," she said. "Better than fine, it was… really nice, I just…."

"What is it?" Naoki said. "Did it make you uncomfortable?"

"No! I just… realised I don't really want you to go tonight," she blushed as she realised the implication her words might have but stayed firm in her assertion. Naoki relaxed slightly when he realised she wasn't uncomfortable and allowed her to step forward until her hands rested lightly on his shoulders.

"Can I try something too?" she whispered shyly.

Naoki nodded.

She entwined her hand in his and led him towards her room. He stopped dead at the doorway.

"Shion-chan…" he began, "I don't know about this…."

"It's not what you think!" she blurted out before slamming her hand over her mouth as her voice came out louder than she had planned. "I just… could you… hold me? I did it once with Nobu, and it was really nice. Please?" she added when she saw Naoki was still looking unsure.

Finally, he sighed and stepped into the room. Shion was already wearing her pyjamas from earlier, but he seemed unsure as to how to proceed.

"Do I… take my shirt off?" He seemed a bit lost.

Shion didn't really get what the big deal was. He knew that they weren't going to be doing anything.

"If you want?" she shrugged and shuffled into bed, leaving enough room for Naoki to slide in next to her.

He unbuttoned his shirt and left it hanging over the end of the bed, and then slowly but surely, he edged himself closer to her. A tentative hand came to wrap around her waist, and she felt the heat of his chest on her back.

She quickly pressed a light kiss on the back of his hand and then closed her eyes. "Thank you, Naoki," she murmured.

"I can't believe Nobu managed to do this and retain his sanity," she thought she heard him mutter as sleep pulled her under.

•─────⋅雨⋅─────•