Hey there! It's been a while, hasn't it? Long story short I dropped out of uni indefinitely to work on my writing full-time - I've been working on my own novel and I'm currently writing the second draft. Of course, that has meant all my writing energy has gone into my original novel and this poor fanfic was put on the back burner until I could find some time to update. I'm happy to say that time is now~! I have the next chapter draft written up and I'm eager to write some more; it should be written and published in a day or two. I am planning to sit down and write it tomorrow. Thank you so much for your support on this story - all the comments I have received are really the difference between it being put on the backburner and being discontinued entirely. I really hope I can be worthy of your continued support :)
Shion gave herself one day to mourn before she returned to work. Sitting around in her room just made her feel worse, and it was a relief to focus on something else; she had already missed so many days of work, that when she showed up at the record store she wasn't confident she would even still have a job there.
Yoshida-san reassured her that she had nothing to worry about.
"Nobu-kun told me you were very sick," he said, "and he worked extra to make up for your absence anyway." The older man smiled at her, "I hope you're feeling better now - you still look a bit under the weather."
She didn't have the heart to tell him her most recent life tragedy so she just returned his smile. She hadn't realised Nobu had been covering her work while she was locked away in her room; he hadn't said anything about it but then again, why would he? She was shelving a new shipment of records when her best friend waltzed in with a spring in his step and a smile slapped across his face that only paused when he saw her watching him.
"Shion?" he was by her side immediately. "Why are you here?"
"I work here," she said stiffly - more stiffly than she'd intended. "Although I haven't been here in a long time so it makes sense that you don't remember."
Nobu's face fell. "That's not what I–"
"Anyway," she said, desperate not to be the subject of their conversation once again as she resumed her work, "I heard from Hachi about your romantic walk to the convenient store the other night."
Her flatmate had shyly mentioned it over breakfast this morning. Allegedly she'd broken off her fling with Takumi, but Shion recognised that kind of weak resolve. It was the type of resolve that made her father unable to leave the wife that abused his daughter; the type of resolve that made her unable to leave Naoki despite her flimsy intentions. That type of resolve never lasted long. She was almost willing to bet her life - not that it would mean anything now - that Takumi would be back.
Judging from the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth again, she was right on the mark.
"Something… might have happened," he admitted.
Shion raised her eyebrow at him, "Something?"
"We, uh, kissed, I think. And held hands. And then last night we…" his face glowed red and he shook his head. "Anyway we talked and we might be going to see the fireworks together."
Oh. So they'd done that already. She pushed down the ugly feelings and focused on the more innocent part of his recollection. "You think you kissed her?" A smirk crept onto her face despite her sour mood. "Was it so bad you can't even remember?"
"It wasn't bad!" he shot back, and her heart squeezed uncomfortably in her chest at his earnestness. "It was just… unexpected. And it felt a bit like a dream."
"And Takumi?" she said, "do you believe her when she said she ended things with him?"
"That's what she told me," he said, "and what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't trust her?" Ah. So he was using that term already. Her cynicism towards Hachi's attitude was making a pit in her stomach. If Hachi wasn't sincere in her feelings and went back to Takumi later on… if Nobu ended up getting hurt because of a romantic whim…
Then again, Shion thought to herself sternly, I'm in no position to judge Hachi.
How could she, when she was practically using Naoki and taking advantage of his feelings?
Nobu was studying her carefully and ruffled her hair when she caught him staring. "Thanks for worrying Shion," he said, and his eyes were warm. "It feels nice to know I have you on my side."
"Oh," her cheeks burned, "that's uh, no problem. You've done so much for me and everything…" She trailed off and quickly returned back to behind the counter. She had no desire to return to the original conversation.
The rest of the day passed slowly - mostly because word had gotten out that the guitarist and violinist of BLAST worked at the same record store - something that thrilled Yoshida-san. Fans who had been attending their recent concerts visited throughout the day offering gushing praise to Shion and Nobu, and occasionally asking for autographs and photos; the latter making Shion very uncomfortable.
It's my duty, she thought to herself as she forced a smile on her face for those photos. I owe it to them for supporting us, and I owe it to the band to do what I can for them. She wasn't about to ruin her friends' hard work by being her usual anxious, awkward self.
Between their work and band duties, they had no more time to spare for conversation. Then, after they'd closed up for the day they bumped into Hachi outside.
"Oh!" Hachi's face brightened at the sight of them. Or at the sight of Nobu.
She latched onto his arm eagerly and he laughed nervously. "H-hey."
"I bought food!" she chirped. "I thought we could go to your place and I could make dinner?"
"I get Hachi's cooking again?" his eyes shined so brightly that Shion had to look away. All this time she thought her friendship with Nobu was special, but he'd never looked like that in all the time she'd known him. But with Hachi he did. Was it purely because the nature of their relationship was platonic and not romantic? Was romance really that special? It just didn't make sense to her.
"I'll leave you guys to it," she offered a small smile and headed off before she could see their response. "Should I tell Nana-san that you won't be back tonight, Hachi?"
"Would you?" the other girl sounded relieved. "Thanks a bunch, Shion-chan! I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
"Yep." Shion didn't turn around. The further she got from Hachi, the more the bitterness faded. As she turned the corner, her phone buzzed. Nobu had asked if she was okay.
Just tired, she replied. Almost immediately her phone buzzed again.
Really? I can ask Hachi to stay over another day if you want me to.
Maybe he'd noticed her discomfort around Hachi. She would have loved nothing more than to hang out with him but she knew how much he'd been longing to be a couple with Hachi. It seemed pointless and rude to interfere with his date just so she could hang out with him.
It's okay.
Her phone didn't buzz again for the rest of the walk home. The flat was empty upon her return - Nana and Misato were out at an art exhibition held by Hachi's friends Junko-san and Kyousuke-san - and the silence was deafening. The first thing on her agenda was violin practice but after struggling to focus for half an hour she called it a day and lay spread-eagled on her new bed, staring off into space.
Dusk had barely fallen when a knock at the door snapped her back to attention. Then she was up off her feet and at the door in seconds, wrenching it open just in time to see Naoki there about to knock again.
"Shion-chan?" he eyed her curiously. "I wasn't expecting you to come to the door."
She rubbed her neck sheepishly, "I guess I was so eager to do something I forgot I have social anxiety." Either that or she'd gotten a bit too used to living here.
Naoki grinned at her, "You're that bored, huh?"
"A little," she admitted, opening the door wider for him to come in. He settled himself at the table while she got them some water before joining opposite him.
"Thanks," he said as she set a glass down in front of him. His posture was relaxed as he propped his head up on the table with one arm, and traced the rim of the glass with the other. "How was work?"
"It was okay," she said, sipping her drink. "It was nice to be back and doing something productive. Oh, and a bunch of BLAST fans came in to see me and Nobu."
Naoki laughed. "Enjoying the perks of fame already?"
"Hardly," she said. "I'm really grateful for their support and everything but they kept wanting photos with us. I'm not really a photo person but I guess I'll have to get used to it." She sighed, still unhappy at the prospect of strangers taking pictures of her.
Naoki frowned at that admittance and for a moment her heart froze. It made sense - TRAPNEST was a million times more famous than BLAST; he probably took a million fan photos all without a word of complaint and here she was whining that good-natured fans had come to politely ask for photos. At least they'd asked. And they were very polite and nice too.
"It's not that bad though–" she began to backtrack, but Naoki stopped her there, his frown softening so she could see he wasn't displeased with her.
"It's okay," he said kindly. "It's really nice of you to go out of your way to make those people happy but if it makes you that uncomfortable it's okay to say no, y'know?"
"But won't they get upset with me if I do that?" she said. "Especially if they've gone out of their way to come and see me."
"That doesn't make you obligated to do anything for them," he told her firmly. "It was their choice to come and see you while you were working - they don't get to decide to turn your work into a photo shoot when they turned up uninvited, Shion. Plus," he added, "most of TRAPNEST's fans are really polite and understanding whenever we decline to have photos taken."
"You do that?" she asked in disbelief.
He nodded. "Takumi does it all the time - Reira and Ren too, but less often. But yeah, even I do it sometimes when I feel a bit self-conscious about how I look."
She raised an eyebrow without thinking and then realised what she'd done and cursed under her breath. Naoki took no offence to it and chuckled at her antics.
"It's hard to believe, I know," he said. "It's an extremely rare occurrence because I always look good, but sometimes I'll be bothered by how my clothes fit or my hair looks or by the dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep because I was up all night thinking about a certain violinist cutie." Her cheeks warmed at his comment and he grinned, "That's a true story by the way. Ren and Reira wouldn't stop giving me crap about it either."
"Stop~" she whined covering her reddening face. Naoki laughed.
"Only because you asked me to and I'm respectful of that," he said with a wink. "See? I'm not upset at you because you told me to stop, am I?"
She shook her head, "But you're always nice to me."
"Respecting someone's boundaries isn't about being nice, Shion-chan," he said gently. "It's the bare minimum anyone should be doing."
It was certainly different from the lectures she would get from her stepmother back in the day. Those usually consisted of being yelled at or punished for trying to stand up for herself in any way shape or form. Saying she did actually mention she would be coming home from school late was disrespectful to the stepmother who had cooked her dinner anyway; protesting when her violin was confiscated a week before an important competition was grounds for threats that it might not be given back to her when the big day came either with that kind of attitude; not to mention asking for her parents to knock before they barged into her room because they usually did it at the worst times. That was a direct violation of the This Is Our House That We Paid For, Not Yours, And We Do Not Have To Knock At All policy.
Those had been the days when Shion had still sought out her father to help when her stepmother's temper flared up. The days when the shrugs and mutters of, "Be good to your stepmother and do as you're told," still felt like a knife twisted in her heart. Once it became clear that no matter how poorly she was treated, Otou-san would not help, Shion's strategy went from 'fight to escape' to 'exist to survive'.
A hand slid across the table to squeeze hers. Naoki's kind gaze was on her, gentle and soothing - not asking for anything in return. Her vision blurred.
"I hate him so much," she whispered. "He stood by for years while I was miserable doing nothing to help me, and then on his deathbed magically realises that maybe he shouldn't have done that and now I'm the bad guy because I wasn't around to hear him apologise."
"You're not the bad guy," he said. "You're allowed to feel however it is you feel. Grief aside, what happened to you when you were a kid was wrong and he should have protected you."
"I'm just so tired of doing everything wrong," her voice cracked. "Nothing I ever did was good enough. And even when I'm surrounded by friends who love me and care for me and tell me that I am good enough, all I can hear is my stepmother and that horrible cold laugh she would do that meant yeah right."
Her words took them back into silence. A moment later, she felt him slip into the seat next to her.
"Let's go somewhere," he suggested, tucking away a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "We can do anything you want - movie, karaoke, dinner. I don't know if you've eaten yet."
She shook her head and he smiled. "It'll be my treat. What do you feel up to?"
Shion smiled shyly. "Maybe we could rent a movie and have a sleepover?"
"Simple and cute," he winked. "A movie and sleepover it is - I suppose we'll be using the TV in my hotel room?"
"If that's okay?" she murmured, avoiding his eyes. Naoki was having none of it.
"Shion," he said, gently lifting her face with a finger under her chin, "you will always be welcome at my home - even if it isn't exactly my home."
She let out a light chuckle and then froze. Instinct kicked in and wiped the smile off her face. Then came the realisation that this was Naoki - not her family - and she didn't need to hide her happiness at all. Her shoulders relaxed at the thought.
They left shortly afterwards - making a trip to the video rental shop to pick out some movies. Naoki insisted she pick them all but after badgering him for an opinion they settled on watching some Disney Princess movies - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, and Cinderella. It was going to be a movie marathon. Then they swung by the convenience store for snacks and a quick bite to eat - the nicest, most expensive instant ramen Naoki could find.
"I want you to at least eat something," he said when she protested the offer. "And the more expensive they are, the more nutrition they'll have, right?"
She wasn't sure that applied to instant ramen but she let him have the point. After the two side stops, all that was left was to sneak back into the hotel where TRAPNEST was staying; something that proved to be its own fun when Naoki snickered and showed her their disguises.
Shion was still suppressing giggles when they arrived at his hotel room, breathless.
His television was conveniently positioned so it could be watched from the large king-sized bed that was smothered in blankets. She sat nervously at the dining table after arranging their snacks on the bedside table while Naoki fixed them their ramen.
"Dinner is served, my lady," he presented her with a steaming hot bowl, and her stomach rumbled in response. "Just in time as well," he noted with an amused expression.
She stuck out her bottom lip and his expression melted into something fonder as he joined her at the table and they began their meal.
"Nobu texted me just before," he said after a while. "He wanted to make sure you were alright - something about him ditching you after work."
"Hachi came to pick him up," she admitted. "After I left he did text and offer to reschedule so he could hang out with me if I needed him but… it didn't feel right to ask that of him."
"Are they dating then?" he asked, "Takumi has been acting a bit cranky recently but he hasn't mentioned anything about ending things with her."
She frowned. "He hasn't said anything?"
"Not to me at least," he said quickly. "But he doesn't really talk to me about that stuff anyway - that's what Ren deals with."
Shion snorted, "Poor Ren."
"Right?" he said. "Although I would say that karma is immediately paid back because it's Ren's advice he listens to."
"He doesn't seem like the type to give bad advice," she said thoughtfully.
"Tch tch," he shook his head in disbelief, "he's even fooled you. Sure he might act like he's an undeniably cool musician, but deep down he's just as immature as the rest of us. Just ask Nana-san."
They continued to chat as they ate about their bandmates - with Naoki regaling her with many different stories of TRAPNEST hijinks. Then when their food was finished they disappeared into Naoki's room, nesting up on the bed together surrounded by snacks while the first movie of the night - Cinderella - started up.
Shion was tentatively sitting against the headboard as close as she dared to the man beside her. Unlike the familiar comfortableness that came with being with Nobu, the extent of intimacy she had with Naoki had yet to be established. They hadn't touched since she'd asked him to hold her, the night after the bridge incident. Since then, she'd felt more comfortable expressing her feelings to him, but physical intimacy still intimidated her. With Nobu, she knew that every touch they shared was the result of mutual platonic attraction, but Naoki… he was a different story.
Naoki loved her and had admitted as much. That made initiating contact with him uncomfortable unless he made the first move.
"I can see the gears in your head moving," he teased, poking her cheek.
Shion puffed out her cheeks. "Can not."
"Can too."
"Can not."
"So?" he said, his eyes on her rather than the television, "What's happening up in there?"
Sighing, she rubbed her eyes. "It's embarrassing."
"You can tell me anything," he said solemnly.
It was enough to get her to crack. "Are - after our talk I mean - are we… are we allowed to cuddle?"
Naoki stared at her, speechless which only furthered to spread her embarrassment on her cheeks.
"That's what you've been worrying over?" he said, and his face reddened to match hers.
"I thought it was a valid concern," she muttered. "I don't want to cross boundaries."
"Do you want to cuddle, Shion-chan?" his voice was silky smooth as he leaned in a bit closer to hear her answer.
She nodded, daring to meet his eyes. The blue in them was piercing from this close.
"Me too," he murmured, a hand coming up to trace the outline of her jaw, "so I suppose that does mean we're allowed."
With that he leaned back up and opened his arms invitingly for her. With a bit of scooching, she had her head on his chest and an arm wrapped across him. His hands traced patterns in her forearm that mesmerised her more than a princess movie ever could. She wasn't as at ease as she would have been with Nobu - every so often her body would tense up and nervously twitch, and in response, Naoki would chuckle under his breath and peck the top of her head.
Despite it all, she felt safe and secure. Her eyelids drooped as she savoured the sensation of fingers lovingly stroking her skin.
They never made it past the first movie.
•─────⋅雨⋅─────•
