Sawyer's birthday party

Sawyer's birthday party was still in full swing when Tracy and I were looking for a place in the garden where we could be undisturbed. The incident in the factory hall was already a few weeks back, and the feelings of her and my parents had cooled down in the meantime. We had both realized that we had made a mistake and had come to the understanding that our relationship should grow slowly. But it wasn't that easy, given the many couples around us, who were making out in front of our eyes.

"My brother is crazy," I said, shaking my head. "Proposing to Lydia."

"I think it was a cute gesture," Tracy said, smiling blissfully. "Did you hear what he said to her? That was the most romantic thing I've ever heard."

I couldn't resist rolling my eyes. I thought it was quite cheesy. But if I was honest, I had to confess that I admired his courage. To propose in front of all the guests and our friends had certainly not been easy. I was genuinely happy about their bliss. "I really had no idea he was planning that. He only filled Justin in."

"Is that why you're mad?" Tracy asked.

"I'm not mad. It sounds weird, but Davis and Justin have always been closer than both of us."

"What do you think about Sawyer and Justin?" Tracy suddenly changed the subject. "I also didn't know that they are a couple, even though we are friends."

"They kept their relationship a secret," I explained to her reassurance. "Only a few people knew about it."

"You can see how much they care for each other. Makes me wonder if the age difference might matter."

"Why should it matter?" I frowned at her.

"Well, I wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who is 5 years older than me."

"Hey, I'm older than you," I said with a grin.

"Just a few months." She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't count."

"I don't think it matters, and honestly, I don't really care," I admitted and shrugged. "I'm just glad he's back. I was missing him." I reached for her hands." Shall we go back in and dance?"

"Yeah, great idea." Her eyes began to glow with enthusiasm. "Let's go dancing. And then we need to talk about something else," she said mysteriously.

I frowned at her. "Can't you tell me right away?"

"Okay." She cleared her throat. "My parents are away over the weekend," she said softly. "I'm alone in the house because Brandon wants to go camping with some of his friends."

"And then you are afraid to stay alone in the house?" I asked her.

"No." She grinned and then lowered her head in shame. "I'm not afraid. I just thought that you could come to us then. We would have the house for ourselves."

I swallowed hard. The next question that was on my tongue would have been what we wanted to do there. But I could recognize the truth on her slightly flushed cheeks. "I don't know, Tracy..." I began hesitantly. "Didn't we agree to wait with that?"

"And for how long?"

She jumped up and stood in front of me, her arms crossed. "I... I don't know," I stammered as my mouth went dry.

"Don't you find me attractive?"

I could tell that she was disappointed and I would have liked to say something nice to her. Of course I found her attractive. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that I was actually scared of the 'first time'. There were so many things that could go wrong. I had the same talk with Lydia last year. Apparently, from a certain point of view, it was normal for girls to sleep with boys. I desperately needed 'tutoring' for that matter. "Of course... I think you're attractive," I stuttered. "But I don't think here is the right place to discuss this topic."

"You know what? Forget what I said, okay?" She smoothed her dress. "Let's just go dancing now."

I looked at her in astonishment. I was surprised that she just had dropped the subject so quickly. But she didn't give me time to think about it, when she grabbed my hand and pulled me inside the house.

House of the Bakers

A few days later

As I stepped into our bedroom that evening, I saw Lydia opening the drawer and retrieving her ring, which she immediately put back on her finger. Shaking my head, I stood next to her. "How much longer are we going to wait before we finally tell them?"

"I don't know. Maybe a few more days, "she said, looking at her engagement ring.

"A few more days?" I echoed in disbelief. "We already have been waiting long enough. What's wrong? Are you ashamed of being engaged to me? Would you like to undo it?" I saw her pale face and regretted my harsh words. "Hey, I didn't mean it that way."

"You're right." She nervously twisted her ring. "We should have told them. But I just don't know how."

"We walk up to them and tell them that we are engaged. Where's the problem?" I frowned at her. "Of course we can do it quite differently. We fly to Vegas and marry there secretly. What do you think of that?" It was supposed to be a joke, but when I saw her shocked, wide-open eyes, I knew she thought I was serious.

"Like your mom and dad?" She asked in a slightly shaking voice.

"That was a joke!" I sat next to her and touched her arm. "Tell me what's wrong? You've been acting so strange the last few days."

"I... I don't know how to explain it…" she whispered softly and lowered her head.

"Just try it," I suggested, gently brushing a strand of hair from her forehead.

"Some people have... decades of time to prepare for... growing up," she began haltingly. "We didn't even have a year. In a few months we will be parents and a married couple. I know I've always wanted that. But now I don't even know if I want all that anymore."

As her eyes filled with tears and she gazed at me with such a desperate look, that I literally could feel how scared she was. "I'm with you, no matter what happens," I said quietly, pulling her into my arms. "And if you don't want to get married yet, that's okay too."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure, I didn't want to put pressure on you, so if you're not ready, we'll just wait a bit longer." When she turned to me and then wrapped her arms around my neck, I pressed her tightly against me.

"Thank you for your understanding," she whispered.

I tried to hide my disappointment as she snuggled against me. I suddenly realized that I wanted all that. Maybe it was also because I had role models in my parents who showed me how happy you could be in a marriage. It surprised me that I felt that way. Until a few months ago, I had little thought for the future. But Lydia's growing belly reminded me on a daily basis of my responsibility. I grabbed her hand and gently slipped the ring off her finger. "You don't need it then," I said softly.

"In my heart, I know we're engaged," she whispered softly. "I'm so sorry, Davis!"

I nodded and got up. "We should just tell the others. Otherwise they keep talking about it."

She pointed to the ring. "What are you going to do with it now?"

I looked thoughtfully at the ring. "I could ask the jeweler if he takes it back. But since it is already engraved..." I shrugged. "I don't think that's possible."

"Give it to me!" She begged, holding out her hand. "I know that I will wear it again someday. But not now," she said softly.

"Okay." I returned the ring and saw her open the drawer and then put it back into the box.

"Not wanting to wear it doesn't mean that I don't love you. I really do, you have to believe me. It's just that I'm not ready to marry you."

"I got it the first time. There is no need to explain it to me again."

"If I wore the ring then they would expect us to have a wedding date. And I don't want to..."

"Lydia, please stop it!" I looked her in the eyes. "No need to apologize. And I'm sorry I ambushed you with my proposal," I said sincerely. "But you simply could have said no."

"In front of all the people?" She shook her head. "Besides, when you asked me back then I really wanted that too."

"That wasn't even a week ago. So don't speak about it as if it had been months ago." I rolled my eyes.

She reached for her nightgown. "I'm tired. Maybe we can talk about this another time."

It was all said and done for her. Thoughtfully and with mixed feelings I looked after her as she disappeared into the bathroom.