On the road
I rode my bike home, parked it, and went inside to get my car keys. Already on the way here, I had made the decision to go back to the hospital. I absolutely needed to talk to someone about what I had just learned. And I knew Lydia wouldn't only understand me, she wouldn't judge me either. Luckily, my parents were not there, so I didn't have to answer any awkward questions. And I also hoped that I would get the opportunity to talk to Lydia alone. Luck was on my side this time as I opened the door to her room and peeked inside carefully. Lydia lay in bed and was about to feed little Ben. When she saw me, she smiled and motioned for me to be quiet. Silently, I closed the door and walked slowly to the bed, unable to take my eyes off mother and son. That could have been me in 9 months, if the test had been positive, it went through my mind. My stomach clenched painfully, and I quickly swallowed the tears. Lydia frowned as she gazed up at me. But she waited until she finished with breastfeeding before she spoke to me.
"Hey, what's up, Sawyer? You look like you're about to cry," she said concerned.
I pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed. "I... I just had a long talk with Justin," I started, playing nervously with my fingers.
"Have you had a fight?" Lydia asked alarmed.
"No, that's not it." I took a deep breath and then told her the reason for my sadness. Lydia let me finish and then reached out to grab my hand.
"I wish you had told me," she said softly, stroking my hand. "How long have you been overdue?"
"About a week," I said softly. "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to worry about me." I lowered my head in embarrassment. "You were heavily pregnant. I didn't want you to get upset and then have the baby prematurely."
"You're sweet, you know that?" She climbed out of bed with the sleeping baby in her arms and put him in his crib gently. "Come here!" She said and hugged me.
I didn't want to cry. I had already done that in the bathroom after seeing that the test was negative. But I couldn't hold back the tears as she gently stroked my back.
"I'm your best friend," she said softly. "You can always come to me, no matter in what circumstances. You didn't have to go through this alone."
"I didn't," I sniffled. "I told Justin."
"I meant you had needed a female friend," she clarified. "When I suspected I was pregnant, you were the first to know. You were with me when I did the test. Can you remember? I would have liked to do the same for you."
I nodded slightly. "Justin was there," I confessed softly. "I mean, not in the bathroom," I corrected, remembering that I'd even been in the bathroom when Lydia dipped the test in her urine. "He was waiting outside the door."
"How did he react?" Lydia asked curiously.
"Before or after?"
"Before and after," she said, smiling slightly. "It was probably a shock for him when he found out you were overdue, right?"
"I think so." I shrugged, trying to remember Justin's first reaction. "He hugged me and just muttered," We can do this together. I won't let you down'."
Lydia nodded. "Justin is a good guy. I think it's because of what happend to him in the past. You know that his father didn't want him and gave his mother money for an abortion?"
I nodded slightly. "Yes, he told me. But Justin's reaction was different than Tom's. I really think he would have been happy to have a baby with me."
"You wanted a baby too, am I right?" Lydia asked.
I thought for a moment and then nodded. "I didn't know how much before I held this negative test in my hands. I was really sad about it, even though I should be happy. Crazy, right?"
Lydia laughed softly and then pointed to the crib. "Can I confide something to you?"
"Sure." I frowned at her. "What's wrong?"
"When Ben was lying in my arms, drinking on my breast, I thought about how nice it would be if he wasn't an only child."
"You are already thinking of having another baby?" I asked surprised.
"You see, I'm not any crazier than you." She laughed about my stupid face. "But first I want to get married," she added more seriously. "But after that I want another baby."
"Wow." For a moment I was speechless. "Does Davis know about your plans?"
"What are you thinking?" She laughed. "That remains my secret for the time being. I will tell him when the time is right." She looked at me curiously. "And what about you and Justin?"
"What about us?" I asked confused.
"Well, since you two have already thought about offspring, what about marriage?"
"I'm 17, Lydia," I reminded her, rolling my eyes.
"So what?" She shrugged. "Me too." She sighed softly. "Life is too short not to take every opportunity to be happy," she said. "And I know how much the two of you love each other."
I nodded hesitantly. Yes, we loved each other. But marriage? Apart from the fact that we hadn't even talked about this topic, I was just too young for it. My parents would never allow that. Unless... A thought had just crossed my mind and I got up.
"I have to go now," I said to Lydia, hugging her briefly. "I'll come back later," I promised and left the room. Lydia's comment had given me an idea, and I pulled out my phone and wrote Justin a text that we needed to meet again. I had no idea how he would react to my suggestion. But I also knew that he wanted nothing more than to fly to L.A. with me. Maybe this was the solution to all our problems. With a tingling sensation of excitement and anticipation in my stomach, I made my way to Justin's home.
House of the Bakers
"We should... what?" I stared at Sawyer, completely dumbfounded. She couldn't be serious about what she had just suggested to me.
"That would be the solution to all our problems."
Her cheeks were flushed with excitement, and she gazed at me with a serious look. "Please, let's get married, Justin!"
Of course, I had already thought about what that moment would be like when I asked a girl if she wanted to marry me. But in my imagination it had been me who had popped the question, not the girl. "Do you want to marry me?" I stammered perplexed. I had to make sure I hadn't heard wrong.
Sawyer nodded determinedly. "Yes, I want that," she said solemnly. "That's what I wanted from the first moment I laid eyes on you. The moment when you saved my life after I had crashed during the cheerleading practice."
For a moment I was just speechless. I knew it had been love at first sight for her. She had told me more than once. But I didn't know that she had wanted to become my wife since that day.
"We could fly to Las Vegas and get married just like your parents did," she suggested.
I blinked to get back to reality. Sawyer was really serious. There was no doubt about that now. "I don't think it's possible," I began hesitantly. "You told me that your parents wouldn't even allow you to fly with me to L.A.. Do you think they would easily agree to a marriage?" Sawyer was silent for a moment, looking at me thoughtfully.
"They'll agree if I tell them I'm pregnant," she said, grinning mischievously.
"But... but you're not pregnant," I stammered, frowning in confusion.
"Yes, but they don't need to know that."
"You want to lie to them?" I exclaimed, stunned.
Sawyer nodded and then took a deep breath. "I am 17 years old and have never done anything wrong in my life. I'm the prime example of a good daughter. I'm good at school, I'm diligent, I don't smoke, I don't drink, I always go to bed before midnight, I'm... boring!"
I interrupted her because I didn't quite understand what she wanted to tell me by listing her virtues. "What does that have to do with lying to your parents?" I asked. "And you are not boring, by the way," I added quickly.
"It would be the first time that I do something crazy, something reckless," she said, smiling coyly.
"And you think if you tell your parents that you are pregnant they will agree to a wedding?" I asked skeptically.
Sawyer nodded. "I'm almost 99 percent sure. And once we're married," she continued hastily," we can do whatever we want. Then we can move to L.A. for example. You always wanted that, didn't you?"
This whole thing happened too fast. I had just returned to Tree Hill because I wanted to be with Sawyer. And now she suggested moving to L.A.? I ran my fingers through my hair. "What do you think how long it will take until everyone learns that you are not pregnant?" I asked softly.
She shrugged. "No idea. But when they find out, it's already too late."
It was only a few hours ago that I had made plans in case Sawyer was really pregnant. Of course, I wanted a solid base for our little family, and I would have married her. But starting a marriage with a lie felt wrong. "Sawyer..." I stroke her cheek and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. "You know that I love you. And one day, I promise you, I will marry you. But... not now... not like this..."
"It's okay. I understand." She took a step back and lowered her eyes. "It was a stupid idea anyway. Forget what I said."
"Sawyer!" I grabbed her arm as she turned around. She was hurt and mortified. I could see that, but I was unable to give in to her wish. "I love you," I said softly, lifting her chin gently.
"Do you think I would ask you if I didn't love you too?" She asked in a slightly quavering voice. "I can't imagine my life without you. So I thought maybe we could speed things up a bit."
I kissed her gently and smiled. "Let's talk about it again in half a year, on your birthday."
"When I turn 18?" She rolled her eyes. "That's an eternity."
"Not that long." I hugged her and she leaned her head against my chest. I actually hoped that time would pass quickly. And then I wanted to propose to Sawyer.
"Do you have condoms?"
"Um... yes." I was surprised how quickly Sawyer could change the subject. When she took a step back and stripped off her shirt, I forgot everything. The sight of her slender, well-shaped body let my pulse quicken and made my pants tighter.
"Sleep with me!" She begged, and I could see how aroused she was.
I locked the door. My parents and siblings were in the house and I didn't want them interrupting us. We helped each other to take off our clothes and then went over to my bed.
"All this time I was just thinking about sleeping with you again," Sawyer said in a hoarse voice as she ran her hands over my bare torso.
"I thought you were scared, after everything that happened last time," I said, trying to control my breath.
"No."
Her hand slid lower, and I stifled a moan. "If you go on like this, I can't guarantee anything," I forced out with difficulty and rolled over to grab a condom from my bedside table.
"Please... don't...!"
Sawyer took hold of my hand and looked deep into my eyes. Even without words, I understood what she wanted to tell me with this look. I had refused her marriage proposal, and yet she wasn't ready to let go of this topic. The only question was, was I ready to succumb to her wish this time? For a moment, I tried to recall how disappointed I had felt when the pregnancy test had been negative. I suddenly saw Sawyer's face in front of me, tears of disappointment in her eyes; her dreamy look as she looked at Ben through the glass window. Were we really ready for a baby?
"Are you sure?" I asked softly and withdrew my hand when she nodded. It was the first time we had unprotected sex. And the feeling was much more intense than the last time. Maybe it was the thought that we had just created a new life together that inspired us and made us feel things that we had never felt before. Later, Sawyer rested in my arms, naked and exhausted, yet happy. We had tempted fate and waited anxiously for what the future would bring.
