A/N: I'll get back to Always shortly, but this scene kept speaking to me, and as much as I loved the last week of the show I thought maybe just a smidge more wouldn't hurt.

Timeline: After 1/9/2012 episode, a little more of John's perspective on what all he'd gone through that night.


John stood in the doorway watching them load Clint Buchanan into the back of the ambulance before heading to the hospital.

John walked back into Llanfair and closed the doors. He should probably head home himself-or maybe he could go by the hospital and sit with Natalie for a bit. He knew Viki would still be in surgery for awhile, and Natalie wasn't going to come back here until she knew she was ok.

He suddenly felt his legs giving out on him and sat down on the bench beneath the steps. Covering his face with his hands he took a few deep breaths and got control of his emotions once again.

God-he could have lost her tonight. Throughout the night his mind had fought to focus on what they taught you are the Bureau-compartmentilize any emotions in order to finish the task. Focus on rescuing the hostage and taking down their captor. He'd done it a thousand other times before-twice with Natalie thanks to Haver and Flynn. But back then was different-that was before he'd admitted his feelings for her-before they had a child together and had been so close to forever.

But this time all he could think of was walking into that church and Mitch shooting Natalie right in front of him. An almost recreation of Caitlyn's death.

Standing back up he paused for a moment before making his way upstairs and to the nursery. Looking down at Liam's peaceful face he felt tears he wasn't expecting go down his cheeks. Wiping them away he sat down in the rocker and just watched his son sleep. He thought how his whole life lived under this roof, and he wasn't going to wait another day before telling them everything.

"Goodnight buddy," he whispered, as he brushed his hair back before giving him a kiss on the temple.

He was halfway down the stairs when he phone rang and he looked to see it was Natalie, "Hey. Your mom ok?"

"She's still in surgery-have they left with my dad yet?"

"Yeah, a few minutes ago. I was just checking on Liam before I left. You want me to come sit with you?"

"No, it's ok. I know you are just as tired as I am. And I'm sure there is more policework to be done with the breakout."

"Yeah, I guess I can check in with the department, but I don't want you to be alone."

"I'll be fine, John."

John shook his head, she was nowhere near fine and he knew it. She'd been held at gunpoint by her ex husband, who he was pretty sure was about to rape her when John had arrived, and then came home to find both of her parents unresponsive due to a gunshot and possible heart attack. Sometimes he wished she wasn't so damn stubborn.

"Ok, I probably should talk to both of your parents tomorrow. Let me know when you head that way and we'll meet up."

"Sure. Goodnight, John."

"Goodnight, Natalie," he sighed as he hung up the phone before leaving Llanfair. He'd let her be for the night-let her mind have time to process exactly everything they'd been through over the last few hours. But he wasn't going to let another whole day go by without telling her how he still felt about her.