CHAPTER 10
The three women chatted together for a while longer before Margaret was pulled away to join the other politicians' wives. Claire and Skylar had seen Jamie go off with Governor Tryon, so they were left to themselves.
"I think I wanna walk around by myself for a bit," Skylar decided.
"Are you sure, darling? All this talk of Ian must be hard for you, and I don't want-"
"I'm sure, Claire. I'll be fine. I came here to get some space from the Ridge and seriously think things through. So, I wanna take some time to do that."
Claire just looked at her for a moment, then touched her face. "Come find me if you need anything, alright?"
"I will."
She gave Skylar a kind smile then walked away. When she was alone, Skylar took a big breath in and let it out.
She went down towards the water and stood at its edge. She smiled at a memory she had at this spot, with Rollo and the skunk, and John Quincy Myers helping to give him a bath.
"What in Christ's name is that?" Ian asked.
"We need to get Rollo inside, like, now," she told him.
"Why? What is it?"
Rollo was facing off with a skunk, and Skylar knew this could only end badly.
His curiosity too piqued, the dog stalked closer to the mystery animal and barked loudly at it, making it run away. And, of course, Rollo couldn't leave it alone.
When the dog had chased the rodent to the end of the dock where it couldn't escape, Skylar started screaming obscenities in her head as she saw the skunk turn around and lift its tail, spraying it's foul smelling weapon at its aggressor.
"Let's bathe this beast of yers before we lose the light entirely," Myers said to the teenagers.
"Come on, in ye get," Ian ordered Rollo. As if he knew this would help him, Rollo jumped right into the bath. When he did, water splashed all over the three.
"Rollo!" Skylar squealed, putting up her hands to try to block the water; but, of course, to no avail.
As the bath went on, Rollo would not stay still and kept splashing around in the tub. Though their clothes were getting soaked, Skylar and Ian were determined to get as much of the skunk smell off of him as they could.
After a good 25 minutes of scrubbing, the stench was very faint and they decided they were done. More so, however, because nearly all of the water had spilled out and they had nothing left to wash with.
"I'd give anything to go back to that moment," she said quietly out loud. "With us laughing and Rollo splashing around. Not a care in the world. It was perfect." She sighed and licked her lips before reciting like lines in a script, "My name is Mistress Allaway. Omigod." It winded her to say that. But she thought that practicing that name and seeing how she felt saying it and hearing it would give her some clarity. She tried again. "My name is Mistress Allaway. This is my husband, Benjamin Allaway. Hello, my name is Skylar Allaway. We are Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Allaway." She closed her eyes. "Oh, Christ." She couldn't say it anymore. It was making her chest tight. She rubbed her forehead.
"Am I interrupting something?" she heard John Grey ask as he came up behind her.
She turned to him and gave a half smile. "No, not at all. I'm glad you're here."
He continued so he was standing beside her.
"I've noticed Lieutenant Wolfe has been eyeing you all day, so when I saw you alone, I felt I should come be with you so he will not approach you."
"God, I've seen him too while I was around with Claire and Mistress Tryon. I've been hoping that paying no attention to him will keep him away but I have a feeling that won't last long. It's not only him though. I feel like everyone is staring at me."
All during the dinner last night, and then today while on the pavilion and walking around the grounds, Skylar could help but see some of the guests looking her over with looks of pity mixed with scandal and whispering as they stared.
"There are a few of Mistress Cameron's friends that are well aware of the blessing in your life that goes by the name of Oliver. But also that you are raising him without a husband. As far as I know, they all believe you to be a widow, but I'm sure some would never turn down the opportunity to spread some gossip about Ollie being born out of wedlock."
"People need to learn to keep their noses out of places where they have no business sticking it."
John smiled and shook his head. "If only."
"What do you say, John? Are you open to taking part in another fake engagement? That'll probably shut them up about it."
He laughed. "You becoming engaged to your sister's ex-fiancée? You're quite right, all of the rumors will stop once that news spreads." Skylar chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Are there no eligible young men back at Fraser's Ridge to fill that role? Though, undoubtedly, none of them are half worthy of you, even as a fake husband."
"You think far too high of me, John." She paused, debating whether to tell him. "There is one man..."
John waited for her to say more, then pressed, "Yes? Please, do go on."
"He, um…he-he has asked for my hand. His proposal was quite serious though. He has no intention of putting on an act."
"And what did you tell him?"
"I didn't say anything. It was such a shock that I couldn't give him an answer. I told him I'd give it to him, though, when I get back."
"This man, he is in love with you?"
"Yes."
"And what are your feelings towards him?"
She hesitated. "He is a very good man. He would make a fine husband and wonderful father to Ollie."
"But?"
Another pause. "I don't love him, and I never will. As much as I hate it to be the truth, I know that I will never love anyone other than..." Even though she had started to say Ian's name again, there were still sometimes when it was too difficult to and just thinking it would add a crack on her heart. This was one of them.
"If you very plainly have no affection for this man, how then, may I ask, did he come to think you would accept his proposal?"
She felt her face heat up and she crossed her arms. "I've, uh, sort of been...seeing him…you know, intimately, for a number of months now."
"Ah, I see."
She cast her eyes to the water. "Do you think less of me now, John?"
"Not a shred. You've only ever been with Ian. It's human that you would want to satisfy such needs, even if it isn't out of love or with a husband."
"I just don't know what to do. I know what I should do, but…I should accept. I should marry him. Ollie needs a father and he is the most important factor in this. Everything I do is, now and forever, for his sake and what's best for him."
"But what about what's best for you? You sound like you are not happy at the idea of being this man's wife. Would you want to subject yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness? And then him, if he is so madly in love with you, would he be in agreement to enter a one sided marriage?"
"This is the argument I've been having with myself for weeks. It's a lose-lose, either way."
"I wish I could help make your decision easier."
"Make it for me?"
John chuckled. "I'm afraid that is not up to me. But you know which way I am more leaning towards for you. You may take that into consideration."
"I just don't want to be a bad mother. And if I rip away this chance for Ollie to have a father, God, I'd be the most selfish human being."
"You are not a bad mother, Skylar. You live and breathe for Ollie, and it's clear in how hard you're taking this decision. You would not be selfish for not wanting to put yourself through agony just for him to have a man living under a roof with him. He has a grandsire and uncles who adore him, and who are more than adequate father figures to him. He is going to be alright, no matter what. You need to put yourself first here."
"I need a drink. My head is spinning."
"Please, allow me to accompany you." She nodded and took his arm.
As they walked to the drink table, they were bombarded by the last man on the planet Skylar wanted to see.
"Ah, Miss Fraser, I have been awaiting a moment with you all day," Lieutenant Wolfe said to her in his loud, obnoxious voice.
She gave him a thin smile and quick curtsy. "Lieutenant, it has been far too long."
"If you'll excuse us, sir, I was bringing the lady to fetch-" John tried to excuse them but Wolfe cut him off.
"If you'd be so kind, Lord John, to give us but a minute of privacy." He looked back at Skylar. "I must admit, not a day has gone by since our last meeting that you are not on my mind." His eyes trailed over her, stopping for too long at her chest.
"I am her escort for the evening, Lieutenant. So I'm afraid I am unable to leave unaccompanied."
Wolfe gave a look to John, trying to urge him to leave. But he stuck his ground and didn't move an inch. Skylar was beyond grateful for this man's friendship in her life.
When Wolfe realized he had lost, he just pretended like John Grey wasn't there and put his entire focus on Skylar.
"You have grown only more radiant these last years. Being with child has left you with a…lovely glow." He didn't even try to hide his lust filled gazes at her curves that her dress accentuated.
She could feel her heart picking up from the anxiety at being around him. She needed to get away from him. "Thank you, Lieutenant, now, if you'll excuse us." She tried to move around him, but he blocked her path.
"I also wanted to say, Miss Fraser, how absolutely devastated I was to hear about your situation."
"My situation?"
"With your bastard son." Skylar immediately saw red and her ears were ringing. "I remember you told me how you were merely engaged to that Scottish boy. You then gave birth having published no wedding announcement and, I can only assume, no wedding taking place. Then when I received word that your fiancée had, for lack of a better term, disappeared, well…there was no chance for the boy to have been born in wedlock."
Skylar very nearly lunged at him. She wanted to kill him. Not hurt him, kill him. But she kept her composure and replied with, "I thank you for your concern, Lieutenant, but are mistaken. When I informed you of our engagement, Ian and I were, in fact, already married. We had married in secret and no one in our family had even known yet. Therefore, you see, we were married before I came to be with child." She took a threatening step closer to him, shooting daggers out of her eyes and wishing it was enough to make him drop. Her words were just as sharp. "So I will thank you once more to not use that unnecessary word against my son, as he was made and born in wedlock, as well as to not speak of my husband. I am called Mistress Murray, you will refer to me as such. Good afternoon, Lieutenant." She wanted nothing more than to spit in his face, but she continued around him, leaving him shell shocked.
When she and John reached the drinks table, she downed one of the glasses in a single gulp, then picked up another one to sip slower.
"My God, I applaud you, Skylar," John said to her. "I was about ready to challenge him to a duel."
"Don't bother. I'll do it." She shook her head. "Christ! How dare he feel so entitled to walk up to me and call my child a bastard, like it was nothing."
"Excuse my improper language, but Lieutenant Wolfe is, and will always be, a giant arse."
That got Skylar to laugh. After taking a few more sips to calm down, Skylar was casually looking around when she ended on the stables.
"Is that…" She set down her drink and went a little closer to see better. "Omigod, what the hell?"
"What is it?" John asked, coming to look too.
"It's Claire and Philip Wylie. It looks like she's following him into the stables. What is she doing?" She looked at John. "I need to find Dad, right now."
"I'll help you find him."
Luckily, they didn't have to go far. Jamie's meeting with Tryon had ended and he had apparently been looking for her.
"There ye are, Skylar," he called to her before she and John had made it ten seconds into their search. "I was wonderin' where ye and Claire ended up."
"Claire went into the stables with Philip Wylie."
"Philip Wylie? I've heard his name mentioned several time teday. Why would she be alone with him?"
"I don't know but whatever it is, it can't be good."
Not needing to hear anything else, Jamie took off running to the stables with Skylar and John walking as fast as they could behind him.
"Wait here," Jamie ordered her when they got to the door. She had no time to argue as he barged in.
Skylar heard yelling and struggling. She went to the door and looked in, and saw Jamie holding Wylie with a knife to his neck.
What the fuck is happening?
"If I see ye near my wife again, I will kill ye," Jamie threatened, with every intention of keeping that vow. "You understand?!"
Wylie didn't answer, too frozen in fear to speak. Jamie pushed him against the wall, releasing him, then threw him his walking stick as a signal to get out. And after taking a moment to fix himself, he sauntered out the door, not giving Skylar a glance.
"I'm going to go make sure he doesn't make a further fool of himself and spread lies," John whispered to Skylar.
"Thank you," she said back. He nodded and followed after Wylie.
Skylar went all the way into the stables and up to Claire who was in Jamie's embrace.
"Are you okay?" she asked her.
"Yes, I am. You were right, Skylar. He is not a hard man to fight off."
"What we're ye thinkin', spendin' time alone wi' a man like him?" Jamie picked Wylie's fake mole off her neck and threw it away.
"He knows Stephen Bonnet," she told him.
"What? He told ye this?"
"Wait, wait. 'Knows,' like present tense? Stephen Bonnet is dead. How can he know him?" Skylar questioned.
Jamie and Claire looked at each other, then Jamie said, "We didna want ye tell ye until it was absolutely necessary. And it appears it now is."
"Tell me what? He's dead, right? He blew up in the jail."
"We dinna ken how, but he survived. He's been livin' in Wilmington this whole time."
The room started spinning around Skylar and the nausea was building.
"What? What do you mean? No, n-n-no, no. He…he's dead. He couldn't have…he's…he's alive?"
"He is," Claire said. "We've been trying to find a way in to him, which is why I went with Philip Wylie. That smuggler he employs in Wilmington, it's him."
"How long have you two known this?"
"John Grey told me at Bree and Roger's weddin'," Jamie stated.
"You've known all this time and never said anything? Does Bree know?"
"She doesna. We didn't want ye te ken any of this until there was a plan in place te end him once and for all."
"And as much as I detest the idea of being within a mile of that man again, Wylie is our way in. He's up to his neck in gambling debt. So I thought I could tempt him with a business deal, then maybe he'd set up a meeting. I had a feeling it was Stephen Bonnet. Turns out, I was right. But now, I've thrown him in horse shit and you've threatened to kill him. How are we supposed to get him back on our side?"
As much of a horrible shock this was to Skylar, she was no determined to do whatever she had to see the death of Stephen Bonnet play out. She watched Jamie as his brain was wracking for an answer. He then had an idea.
"Ye say the man likes te gamble?"
"Too much so. But he doesn't seem to be very good."
"I have a plan. There's talk of a whist game takin' place later. I can challenge him. If and when I win, he'll give us that meetin'."
After the plan was agreed to, Jamie went to find Wylie to place the vet, and Skylar went with Claire. Claire took her to a shady spot under a tree to help calm her down more.
"We're so sorry we didn't tell you the truth right away," she said. "We just knew how much it was going to affect you if you found out."
"I'll be fine. But Bree…"
"Jamie and I are going to find a way to tell her once we get home. We don't want to keep it from her any longer."
"Why can't he just die? He's hurt this family too much. He's like a goddamn jack in the box."
Claire pulled Skylar into and rubbed her arms. They stayed like that, not talking, until Jamie found them 20 minutes later. Skylar got out of Claire's hold and stared at Jamie, waiting for what he had to say.
"The game is set," he told them. "He and I will play this evenin'."
"Are you're sure you're going to win?" Skylar clarified.
"I've no doubt about it. There's no need to fret."
"What are the stakes? I'm certain you didn't say bluntly that you want a meeting with Stephen Bonnet?" Claire asked.
"Aye. I told him that if I win, I take his stallion. I'll be able te negotiate wi' him te secure that meetin' so he can keep his precious horse."
"And if, God forbid, he wins?"
Jamie hesitated. "I offered him gold, but he didn't want it. He said he wanted somethin' of much higher value."
Claire crossed her arms "And that is?"
Jamie glanced down to her left hand with Frank's gold band still on finger.
"That," he gestured with his eyes to it. "He's asked fer the price of the ring from yer first husband."
Claire couldn't believe that she heard him correctly. "Have you lost your mind?"
"He saw ye wearin' it earlier. I dinna ken why, but he says it's the only thing he'll take fer the horse."
"Because he saw how much this ring means to me. Don't you see, I humiliated him and this is his idea of revenge."
"And what if it is? If I win this game, we get the horse. If we get the horse, we get te take revenge on a man much worse than Philip Wylie."
"No. Not this. Not Frank's ring."
Skylar just stood back and watched the argument. She didn't want to get in the middle of it. She understood the points from both sides and she didn't want to interject with anything that might upset one of them more.
"Claire," Jamie kept going, "Stephen Bonnet-"
"Stephen Bonnet tried to rip this out of my throat. Or have you forgotten."
"That's why I need ye te trust me. This is our chance te get the bastard once and for all. I willna lose it, Claire."
"And what if you do?"
Jamie had no response. He just walked past Claire and looked out at the party still taking place.
"Who are you doing this for?" Claire called out to him. He turned back to her.
"What do ye mean?"
"Answer the question." Claire was so angry that tears were forming in her eyes.
"Fer Bree and fer Skylar. Fer our daughters."
"For their honor, or for yours?"
"Just let him have me," Skylar spoke up. Jamie and Claire's heads shot to her.
"Excuse me?" Claire said.
"If Dad tells him that he'll allow him to lay with me, he'll give up the idea of your ring instantly."
"Absolutely not. That is out of the question," Jamie told her. "I would never allow a man as low as him te so much as hold yer hand. And ye want me te willingly let him have his way with ye? Do ye think so low of yerself?"
"Skylar, you are in no way getting involved in the stakes, especially like that. End of discussion."
Skylar kept fighting. "It's not like I'm giving my maidenhead to him. And from the look of him, it'll be over in less than a minute. I want nothing more than to see Stephen Bonnet dead, and I will do anything and everything I have to to get it to happen."
"No. End of discussion," Claire repeated and very firmly shut it down. She faced Jamie again. "To save our daughter from having to think she needs to put the honor that you say you're fighting for on the line, fine." She took Frank's ring off and jammed it into Jamie's hand. "But if you're going to take this, the you might as well take both of them," and she put Jamie's wedding ring in his hand as well. She stalked away from him, needing him out of her sight.
Skylar looked at Jamie as he stared down at the rings.
"Dad, I-"
"I'm sorry, a leannan. But I must go and tell that bastard we have a deal." He went off in the opposite direction of Claire and Skylar was left alone.
She decided she'd had enough of the party, so she went back into the house and into her room. She took off her dress, petticoats and undergarments, then slipped her cool light shift over her head and let it fall. She sat in front of her mirror and took out ever pin and undid every twist until her hair was free. She brushed through the endless knots, washed her face with a cloth and basin of water, then climbed into her bed.
I wished yesterday for this day to end quickly, but it feels like it's never ending.
She rolled over to the empty side of her bed. She pictures Benjamin laying there next to her, smiling at her with so much love in his eyes for her. But the image made tears fill her eyes. She didn't bother holding them back. She let herself cry, but be it from pain of missing Ian or guilt for no loving Benjamin, she didn't know. She just let herself feel whatever it was she was feeling until she slipped into a dreamless sleep.
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When Skylar woke up, it was dark outside and she could no longer hear the chatterings of the party or any of the guests.
Omigod the bet! she remembered. She sat up and got out of bed. She put on her dressing gown and went out into the hallway to look for Jamie and Claire. She went to their door and pressed her ear against it. When she couldn't hear anything, she knocked. With no response, she slowly opened the door, but she was surprised to see they weren't there.
Oh God, please don't let anything have happened to them. If the game went wrong with Wylie…
She went down the stairs to look for them, but when she reached the bottom, she heard something in the kitchen. Thinking it was Jamie, she ran towards it.
"Dad?" she called softly as she opened the kitchen door. "Dad, are you there?"
"Skylar? came a voice in the darkness, but it wasn't Jamie's. She recognized it right away, but she couldn't believe it was real.
She went all the way into the kitchen and there he was, Murtagh.
The biggest smile Skylar had on her face in a long time exploded. "Murtagh!" she cried in utter excitement, while being as quiet as she could. She collided into him in a massive hug. He held her just as tight. "I can't believe it's you." When they separated, she said to him, her voice choking up from happiness, "What are you doing here? How are you here? Tryon is here with his Redcoats."
"Ye ken I'm no seen when I dinna want te be."
"Does Dad know you're here?"
"No, and he canna know. It's too dangerous fer him. I just needed te come and see her, before she gives herself te another."
Skylar knew right away he meant Jocasta. "You came for her?"
He nodded. "I needed te know if…it doesna matter. I canna stand in the way of her happiness. I love her too much te keep her hostage like that."
"Please stay, Murtagh," Skylar begged, taking his hand. "Please, come back with us to Fraser's Ridge. You don't need to be alone. You have us. Please, don't leave again."
"I wish I could. I would give anythin' fer a life wi' Jamie and all of ye. But I can't. I have my duty te me men. I must see this through. I'm sorry, lass. I must go before I'm found here." He cupped Skylar's face and smiled at her, the wrinkles around his eyes coming together. "Guidheamaid gum faic sinn a cheile a-rithist."
"Bidh sinn."
Then, like he had been a dream, he was gone.
Skylar didn't sleep the rest of the night, Murtagh's words ringing in her head. "I love her too much te keep her hostage."
That's what our marriage would be like, she thought. Benjamin would be my hostage. I can't do that to him. I can't keep him from the life he's supposed to live. We would grow to hate each other, not love each other. And Ollie would suffer. I can't let that happen.
When morning came, Skylar had finally made her decision. The hard part now was how to tell Benjamin no.
Like the day before, Phaedra put her in one of her dresses and styled her hair. She then went downstairs to join everyone for the wedding.
She scoured the house looking for Jamie and Claire. She finally found them sitting on the porch. Before she could ask them how everything had gone the night before, she looked down at Claire's hands and saw both rings back in their places.
"You won?" she asked Jamie. They smiled at her. "You won. Omigod, thank Jesus Christ!" She collapsed onto the chair next to them, grasping at her chest in relief. "And are you two okay?"
"We're more than okay. Everything has worked out as it should," Claire told her.
Skylar let out a sigh of ease. "So, now what?"
"Now," Jamie said, "we prepare fer Alexander Malcolm's meetin' with Stephen Bonnet."
"And he won't survive this time?"
"I will be deliverin' him te the devil meself. I assure ye, he'll be dead."
Everyone, at last, gathered for the wedding. Skylar couldn't help the extra ping of sadness she felt watching Jocasta and Duncan exchange their vows after she knew that Murtagh had gone to her. She noticed how Jocasta was tearing up during the ceremony. But she knew it was for a different reason rather than what everyone else thought. While the audience cooed and awed over how beautiful it was that Jocasta loved him so much she was crying, she knew they couldn't have been farther from the truth and she was crying because she wished it was another man she was standing in front of saying "I do" to.
At the reception, Skylar filled in Jamie and Claire that she was going to turn down Benjamin's proposal. They told her they were not surprised and would have been shocked beyond belief and a bit worried if she had decided to say yes. They emphasized that she had their full support and would be there for whatever she needed to get through this.
They bid the newly Mr. and Mistress Innes goodbye the next morning, and started the journey for home. Once they were a day away from River Run, Skylar told them about her encounter with Murtagh. They were devastated that they had not been able to see him and for the heartbreak he and Jocasta had gone through. That led Jamie into telling them that during his meeting with Tryon the morning before the wedding, he told them that he had retracted his mercies, and there was to be a war with the Regulators after all. He and everyone who enlisted in his army were to meet Tryon and his men in Hillsborough in two weeks.
With all the darkness they knew was coming fast, they tried to hold onto the bit of light and joy they had right now, and didn't speak of the impending war or Skylar's inevitable conversation with Benjamin the rest of the ride home.
At long last, the Big House came into view. It was a welcome sight to see all the settlers out and about with chickens, goats and horses roaming the land.
As Jamie stopped the wagon at the end of the path in front of the house, Brianna, who was playing with Ollie and Jemmy in the yard, noticed and smiled.
"Ollie, look who it is. Your mommy's home," she pointed out to him.
His little head whipped in the direction his aunt was gesturing and he beamed.
"Mama!" he exclaimed. He shot to his feet and ran to her, all the while crying, "Mama! Mama!" He made it to the wagon before she was fully off, so he was just jumping up and down in place with excitement.
Skylar couldn't help but laugh at how adorable her son was. When she was on the ground, she finally got to him and scooped him up, hugging him super tight.
"Oh, my baby. I missed you so much."
"Miss you, Mama." He buried his face into her neck and hugged her back as strong as he could.
"What, no hello for Nana or Grandda?" Claire teased, coming up beside them and ruffling Ollie's hair.
He looked up and said, with a wave, "Hi, Nana. Hi, Grandda."
"Here, why don't you give Nana a big hug. I know she missed you too so so much," Skylar said, and passed him to Claire.
Ollie wrapped his arms around her neck and Claire squeezed him back.
"Oh, thank you, darling. That is very sweet." She kissed his cheek and set him down on the ground. He attached himself back to Skylar, holding her skirt in his fists.
"Where's me grandson, now?" Jamie asked, joining them after emptying the wagon.
"Here, Grandda!" Ollie answered, raising his hand. Jamie knelt in front of him.
"No, it canna be. Yer far too tall te be wee Ollie. Ye've shot up like a weed just since we've been gone."
Ollie giggled and went into Jamie's open arms.
"Auntie! Granny! Grandda!" another little voice came from behind them. Jemmy was running towards them with his parents following behind him. He crashed into Skylar's legs first.
"His, sweetheart." She picked him up and kissed him all over his face, making him laugh and squirm. She put him down and he went to his grandparents. Skylar hugged her sister and brother-in-law, then picked up Ollie again.
"How do you feel, love? Any better?"
"All better! Listen!" He took a big breath in through his nose and let it out to show he was no longer stuffed.
"That's great, sweetie. I'm so happy. Did you have fun with Auntie Bree and Uncle Roger?"
He nodded. "We saw so many bugs!"
"Bugs?"
"Yeah yeah! They all flyed over our house. Millions and millions!"
"Really? Millions of flying bugs?" She looked back to Bree and Roger with a very confused, and concerned, expression.
"Remember when I said that there was no goin' te be any plagues of frogs or locusts?" Roger said.
"Yes."
"Well, I was right about the frogs."
Skylar was even more confused. "What?"
"We'll explain everything later," Bree told her. "How was the wedding?"
"I'll go through the details later, but right now, there's something I really need to do. I made my choice about, you know."
Bree and Roger's body language switched immediately with understanding.
"You have?" Bree confirmed. She nodded. "What did you decide?" Skylar stared at her for a moment, then shook her head. The tension Bree built in her body awaiting her answer vanished, and she put her hand on Skylar's arm. "Oh, Sky. Are you okay?"
"I am. I really am. I feel awful but it's the right decision."
"Are ye sure ye want ye do this now? Ye just got back." Roger asked.
"I need to. I can't wait anymore. It's not fair to me or especially him. Do you know where he is?" She didn't want to say Benjamin's name because she didn't want Ollie to get excited and beg to go with her to see him.
"Aye. He's at the corn crops."
"Okay, thanks. You mind keeping Ollie a bit longer?"
"Of course not. Take your time," Bree said.
"No, Mama! Stay with you!" He tightened his hold on her.
"I'll just be a few minutes. I'm not leaving, don't you worry. I just have a job I need to do right now." She kissed his head and put him down. "Go play with Jemmy. I'll be right back."
"Jemmy's already got a head start, lad. Go on," Jamie spoke, coming to stand next to Skylar.
Ollie's attention span shifted and he ran after his cousin.
"It's all going to be alright, Skylar," Claire comforted her. "I know this is so hard but you can do it. You just have to rip off the bandaid."
"Except this bandaid is glued, stapled and cemented on," she replied. "I gotta go do it now before I lose my nerve. I'll be back."
She walked away from them before they could say anything and give her excuses to stall.
She felt like she was going to vomit the whole walk to the corn fields. She had practiced what she wanted to say the whole ride back to make it as gentle of a rejection as possible. But the words were quickly vanishing with the guilt she felt at what she was about to do.
When she got to her destination, she was glad to see there were not many people there. There were only three or four and they were widely spread out. But in that small group, she instantly spotted Benjamin. He was collecting the harvest in a basket, totally unaware of what was coming his way.
Just do it. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be.
As she went to Benjamin, he heard someone coming and he looked up towards the noise. When he saw it was Skylar, a huge smile crossed his face.
"Hello, Skylar. Welcome back," he greeted her when she was in front of him.
"It's good to be back," she responded. As she stood there, trying to find the right way to start this, she felt every eye of everyone around them burning into her. She considered moving them to somewhere else, but she knew there was no where they could go where they would be completely alone.
"Did Brianna give you my note?" she asked him.
"She did, aye. And yer, um…followin' through wi' what it said?"
"Yes. I'm here to give you my answer. Benjamin, um…" She wanted to look away from him, but she forced herself to keep eye contact. She couldn't give him the disrespect of not looking at him while turning down his proposal. "I'm…I-I'm so sorry, Benjamin, but…I can't marry you."
It ripped her apart watching Benjamin's smile slowly fade as her words hit him.
"What?" was all he could say.
"Benjamin, you…you are such a good man. You are kind and caring. You know how to make people feel special and wanted and loved. No one could ask for someone better than you."
"Then why are you?" His voice was very low and she could heart his heartbreak in his words.
"It's not that. That's not why I'm saying this. I wish I could marry you. I know that you would be such a good husband and father. And if we had met in some alternate universe, I would marry you in a half a second. But here, in this life, I can't. I don't lie you like you love me, and I can't subject you to marriage like that. It would not be fair to you. You don't deserve that."
"Is it because of him? That Ian who lives in New York?"
"Yes," she answered simply. "As much pain and suffering as he caused me, he still had my heart, and I'm never going to be able to give it to someone else."
He looked away from her. His face and body were tense, clearly trying to not show how much she was hurting him.
After a minute of horribly awkward silence, he faced her again. "Ye could learn te love me. Ye, me and Ollie, we'll be a family. With time, ye can put him behind ye and we could be happy. I'll wait. It doesna matter how long."
"That amount of time doesn't exist."
He swallowed hard, then continued, his voice beginning to shake. "I love ye, Skylar. I want ye and only ye. I will never want anyone else."
"Benjamin-"
"Please, jus-just take another day te think and I'm certain that ye'll see-"
"Benjamin, I'm not going to change my mind. This is my answer. I'm sorry."
"What we're these months, then, te ye? Ye only wanted me as yer whore?"
"I told you from the start that I never wanted anything more than sex. I asked you if you understood that, and you said you did. And then when I tried to end it because I could tell it wasn't going to be enough for you, you swore to me it was. I told you I never wanted to be married."
"Well, ye were right then. It wasn't enough. I wanted te love ye outside of me bed as well. My apologies fer that." His tone was transitioning more to sharp and angry rather than sad.
"There are so many girls here that would do anything to have you look at them the way you've looked at me. They would all make wonderful wives and they will love you with everything they have. You deserve a wife who only wants you for the rest of their life. And you will be the most perfect husband." She reached out to touch his arm but he wrenched it away before she could. She drew back and spoke softly, "I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but this is what's best for both of us." He didn't respond. He just stared at the ground. "I only…I ask that you please please don't transfer your anger and hate for me onto Ollie. I know that you don't want to ever be around me again, I get that. I'll stay away. But please, keep Ollie separate from this. He adores you and I can't break his heart with this on top of yours."
"I'd never punish Ollie fer yer actions," he said back quietly, still not looking at her. "He had nothin' te do wi' it. He's welcome around me anytime."
"Thank you. Truly." Another silence. Skylar knew it was time for her to walk away, but before she did, she said again, "I really am so sorry, Benjamin. But I know that you'll come to agree with me that this is the right choice."
He didn't say anything back. He sniffed and blinked, causing a single tear to run down his face. He wiped it away and turned his back on her, going back to his work.
She exhaled a silent breath and left him. She didn't notice him look over his shoulder and watch her as she went, taking his heart with her.
GAELIC TRANSLATIONS
Guidheamaid gum faic sinn a cheile a-rithist – "I pray we will see each other again"
Bidh sinn – "We will"
Thank you all for not coming for me with this insane delay! I am sorry beyond words that I made y'all wait over a week for chapter 9 (and 10 lol). I'm hoping that never happens again! But like I said in my note, I will be doing my absolute best to get chapters up every Sunday. But because moving to another country is v stressful plus full time job plus trying to eat and sleep once in a while, please please bear with me if they come out a little later over the next few weeks.
I hope that this 2 for 1 update makes up for it just a bit!
P.S. anyone notice one of Claire's iconic lines that I stole for Skylar to say? (hint, it was during her talk with Benjamin)
I love ye all verra verra verra much! Chapter 11 coming soon :)
