CHAPTER 12
The next morning, Skylar again explained what was happening to Ollie and where she was going. But this time, he wasn't as okay with it.
They were in the bedroom they had been given at the Sherstons. Ollie was sitting on the bed and Skylar was knelt in front of him as tears ran down his face.
"No, Mama! Mama stay! Don't go!" he cried.
It broke her heart to see him so upset and she actually considered backing out and sending an apology letter to Claire. But as much as she wanted to do that, Claire needed her help.
She held his hands and said to him, "Sweetheart, I wish I could. Believe me. But Nana has a job for me and I have to go do it."
"But-but-but- I go with you!"
"I'm sorry, Ollie, but you can't. It's too dangerous for little boys."
"I'm no little! I'm big!"
She smiled at him. "Yes, you are. You are such a big boy. So I need you to be a big boy and make sure your Auntie Bree and Jemmy don't get sad while Uncle Roger is away. Can you do that for me? Can you be your silly cutie self and keep them happy?" She ticked him on his neck, making him laugh for a second and press her hand between his chin and shoulder. But when she pulled back, he went back into a frown and sniffling.
"I will be back as soon as I possibly can, I promise. I super duper triple promise, the moment I can, I will race back here." She touched his head with one hand while still holding his hands with her other. "But you are going to have so so so much fun here with Auntie Bree and Jemmy and Lizzie. You can teach them Ladder and tell them the story of Princess Merida and the bears." For the last few weeks, she had started using the plot of the Disney movie Brave as a bedtime story for him, and he couldn't get enough of it. "What do you say? Do we have a deal?" She stuck her hand out to him. He looked at it for a second, still hunched over and kicking his legs against the bed. But he finally took her hand and shook it. She had been teaching him how to shake hands when meeting new people and to "Seal the deal!" which he loved to shout.
But this time, he said it very quietly and a little sad, "Seal the deal."
"I'm very proud of you." She kissed his forehead. "Should we go find everyone in the living room?" He nodded.
She picked him up and was about to walk out of the room, but he stopped her by yelling out, "Wait! Bibbet!" He pointed to the floor at the bunny that had fallen out of his grip when he had started crying earlier.
"Oh my goodness, we could never leave him behind." She bent down to pick him up and handed the precious toy to Ollie.
She laughed as he blew and brushed some dust off the bunny. "Daddy's toy all clean! I show him tonight."
Crack.
"He will be so excited to see how good you're taking care of him. You'll have to tell me when I get back." He was still saying goodnight to "his dad" every night. Brianna understood that this was a nonnegotiable part of his bedtime routine, and she would not get in his way of it while Skylar was gone.
They walked into the living room, saying hi to Lizzie at the door, and saw Roger singing "Oh, My darlin' Clementine" to Jemmy while Bree stood off to the side and watched. As special as Lavender's Blue was to Ollie, Clementine was that to Jemmy.
Skylar put Ollie down and he ran to sit next to his cousin and listen as Roger finished.
"Drove she ducklin's t the water ever mornin' just at nine. Hit her foot against a splinter, fell inte the foamin' brine. Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' Clementine. Ye were lost and gone ferever, dreadful sorry, Clementine."
"More, Daddy!" Jemmy cried.
Roger tried to put a smile on his face, but he couldn't help his words sounding solemn. "That's all fer teday, laddies. I've got te go." He picked both boys up and sat them on his lap. "But I promise, I will be back te sing it again." He ruffled Ollie's hair, then turned to his son and kissed his forehead. Jemmy patted Roger's face lovingly, and Roger hugged him tight with one arm.
"He never gets tired of that song," Bree whispered to Skylar, who had crossed the room to stand next to Bree.
"Ollie's started taking to it too. He's been requesting it every now and then."
"Jemmy as well with Ladder." The two laughed between them at the song's official new title.
They looked back at Roger as he said to his wife, "I still wish ye had stayed at the Ridge."
"I wanted to be as close to you as I could for as long as possible," Bree told him. "Lizzie, Jemmy, Ollie and I will be safe here in Hillsborough at the Sherstons."
He sighed and kissed his son again, then looked at Skylar. "We'd best be on the road, Sky. The Colonel will be expectin' me, and I ken Claire'll be anxious fer ye as well."
Hearing this sparked Ollie's tears again. "No, Mama!" He jumped off of Roger and ran into Skylar's legs, holding them tight, hoping that would keep her from leaving.
"Hey, hey, hey," she cooed as she picked him up. "What happened to being a big boy? Remember, you're going to make sure Auntie Bree and Jemmy are so happy while Uncle Roger's away?"
"That's right. We're going to play games, and sing songs," Bree added to try to cheer him up.
"Just wait until he tells you the Princess Bear story."
Bree gasped. "That sounds so exciting. I know Jemmy will love that. How about you start telling him about it over breakfast?" She gestured with her head for Lizzie to come gather the boys.
Roger hugged Jemmy one last time, then let Lizzie take his hand. Ollie locked his arms around Skylar's neck and she rubbed small circles his back.
"I love you, Rollie Pollie Ollie. I love you so so much. I'll be back before you know it." She kissed his head, then squatted down with him still holding onto her. She felt awful doing it, but she very carefully pried him off of her so Lizzie could take his hand too. She took the boys out of the room before anymore tears were shed, be it from children or parents.
Skylar put her hands on her hips and sighed. "God, that doesn't get any easier." Bree touched her shoulder in comfort, and Skylar held her hand there for a moment. When she let go, Bree went forward to Roger as she spoke.
"You know, if we were in Oxford in our own time, we'd be making our lunchboxes and seeing each other off to work. Now here I am seeing you off to war." She could tell how nervous and scared he was. She offered her hand to him. "Come here." He took it and stood up. They moved in close together and held each other's arms.
"I barely knew my father before he was killed in World War II. And Jemmy is much younger than I was. If I don't make it back-"
Bree didn't let him finish that sentence. She grabbed his face and said firmly, "Hey, that is not going to happen. While you're gone, I will tell him how brave his father is."
Stop it. You should be glad you're not having this conversation, Skylar thought to herself as she watched them. Tears were stinging her eyes and the lump in her throat was back. All she could see in front of her, instead of Roger and Bree, was her and Ian sharing these same words. She knew how scared Bree must be feeling having to send her husband into battle, not knowing what the outcome would be. But for reasons beyond her understanding, Skylar would give anything to be in her place.
"Maybe we'll be lucky," Roger continued. "Maybe Billy Tryon will come te his senses and work things out peacefully with the Regulators."
"Yeah, that'll happen as soon as Murtagh personally surrenders and kisses Tryon's boot," Skylar put in, peeling herself from the wall and going to them. "We're late enough as it is. Let's go and get this over with."
"Aye."
Roger and Bree shared a long and passionate goodbye kiss, holding on to all hope that they would see each other again. Skylar hugged her sister, then she and Roger left.
It was only a two hour ride to the battlefield. They didn't speak much. They were just quiet and serious, focusing all their mind space on what was to come.
When they arrived at Alamance, Skylar pulled her horse to a stop outside Claire's tent. She and Roger exchanged a look of her telling him to be safe, and his silent reply of "I will." When he rode on, she got down from her horse and went inside the tent.
"Claire," Skylar called to get her attention. Claire turned around from what she was doing and smiled when she saw Skylar.
"Good morning, Dr. Skylar. Are you ready to save some lives? Sew up some wounds?"
Skylar went to her. "God, I hope so. Marsali should be here too. She'd be much better at this. But, I swear, Fergus gets her pregnant just by looking at her."
Claire chuckled. "You're going to be fine. These men are going to be thankful for you."
"I don't think all of them will be."
"Benjamin will come around. Are you still wanting to speak to him before everything starts?"
"I'm going to try, but I don't know if he'll come within a mile of me."
"Well, he'll have to today, at least. Help me finish making these badges. We need to pass them out to the soldiers once they're done with Jamie."
The badges were yellow pieces of cloth folded to look like flowers with a pin to attach it to the men's clothing. It was a way to identify who was fighting with Jamie and who was with Murtagh.
As they went, Claire's mother's intuition picked up on Skylar's tension. "You don't have to worry about Jamie. Nothing is going to happen to him. He survived Culloden, he can survive this no problem."
"It's not just that. Last night, Ollie asked what a bastard is."
Claire stopped her work and put her attention fully on Skylar. "What? How did-"
"He heard Sarah Shaw say it. He said he heard 'the lady' say he's a bastard and wanted to know what it meant."
"And what did you say?"
"I just told him it meant that his dad isn't around, and people try to use it to hurt other people; which is a bullshit explanation, I know. But what was I going to say? I was gonna tell this little kid that people think he's as good as dirt because his parents weren't legally married when he was born, something that was so out of his control?"
"You said the exact right thing. He doesn't need the dictionary definition of such a word."
"I knew it was gonna catch up to him eventually and I'd have to talk to him about it, but I never expected it to be this early. He's barely passed two years old, for Christ's sake."
"And when he gets to an age where he can better understand such things, you'll have another conversation. But for now, he needn't give it a second thought. And neither should you."
"There are just so many things I never imagined my child would need to live through. Rumors spread by grown ass adults about him, growing up without a father…I'm so scared his life is going to be hard."
"It's going to be hard no matter what. Living in the 18th Century, it's very dangerous. So many obstacles and challenges that you and I didn't have when we were his age are commonplace here. But, he has a mother who loves him so powerfully and would make the Earth spin backwards to keep him safe and healthy. You have nothing to worry about, alright? The only thing we need to worry about right now is getting these done in time." She looked back to the pile of cloth waiting to be made into badges. She squeezed Skylar around her shoulders and went back to work.
Skylar let out a breath and shook herself out of her mother's panic, then followed Claire's lead.
After 45 minutes, Jamie came into their space to tell them everyone was gathering at the pavilion tent. The two women gathered their creations and followed him.
Once everyone was gathered at the pavilion, Jamie announced, "Take one, pass them around," in reference to the badges as he held up his own. "It's te be fastened te yer coat or hat. Other companies will have cockades as well. It's the only way te tell militia from Regulator, so it's important ye wear it."
Skylar and Claire passed out the badges as Jamie spoke.
As Skylar gave one to one of the men, he said to her, "Thank ye, darlin'," and he gave her a sleazy smile while looking her up and down. He was as tall as Jamie and spindly. He had shorter light brown hair that was tied back as much as it could, and he had the sort of face that didn't look like he needed to worry about developing laugh wrinkles.
Gag, she thought, but gave him a thin smile, then hurried off to the next.
She ended up being the one to pass Benjamin so she had to give him one the badges. He realized it too as she stopped in front of him. He exhaled sharply and turned his head down and to the side so he wasn't looking at her. She held it out to him and, having seen her do this through his peripherals, he grabbed it. She stood in front of him for an extra beat, trying to make any words come out of her mouth, but she figured this wasn't the right place to say anything. So she just continued on.
Her attention was shifted from her task when someone called, "I'll have one of those!"
Everyone's heads turned and they parted like the Red Sea as Isaiah Morton came through. Jamie and Claire nearly broke their necks getting to him as his path was blocked by the creepy man Skylar had interacted with.
"Where's my Alicia? She with ye?" he asked the young man, though it sounded more like an interrogation than a wonder.
"No, she's at home."
Skylar was able to put two and two together as she watched them.
Oh, that's Lionel Brown. She remembered the name from what Claire had told her about what went down between him and Isaiah in Brownsville.
"Her home was in Brownsville, not living in sin wi' ye, ye bastard-"
"Easy now, everyone," Jamie spoke, putting a stop to whatever was going to come out of Lionel's mouth next.
Claire also tried to play peacemaker. "Alicia made her decision it's her choice."
Lionel turned around to Claire and said with a glare, both in his eyes and voice, "Why don't ye stay out of this."
Skylar very nearly stormed over to the man and punched him. Roger sensed it, having seen her eyes go wide with anger, and grabbed her arm before she could take a full step forward. Her head whipped to him and he just gave a look of "don't get in the middle of this."
Thankfully, Jamie had the same idea and stepped in the middle between Lionel and Claire, towering over him over him to make him back off. It worked. Lionel turned back to Isaiah and Jamie brought Claire back next to Skylar and Roger.
Isaiah went on. "Aye, it is a good life, and we're happy tegether."
Lionel took a threatening step closer to him. "What was good fer her was te be with her family. I should have killed ye there and then, nailed yer hide te the tavern door."
Seeing neither man was backing down, Jamie went to them and dragged Isaiah away.
"Ye shouldna be here," Jamie whispered to him.
"Ye helped me once. When I heard the troops were musterin', I wished te repay ye."
"I see love hasna softened yer hard head. Jamie knew there was no way of sending him away. It hadn't worked when he sent him from Alicia, and it wouldn't work now. He raised his voice for all to hear as he said, "This man is willin' te lay down his life. I'll not turn him away." To Lionel and his brother, Richard Brown, he said, "If ye canna find it in yerselves te fight alongside him, ye may go."
Everyone waited with bated breath to hear what the response from Lionel would be. But instead, Richard spoke. "There's a battle te fight. This unpleasantness between us should be forgotten."
At least one Brown has some portion of a brain, Skylar thought as she watched Richard leave with the rest of the men. Lionel stayed back a moment longer, staring at Isaiah, as if trying to will him dead with his mind. Isaiah wasn't going to be the first to look away, and eventually Lionel started backwards to join his brother.
Jamie handed Isaiah one of the badges. "Attach this te yer coat." The young man smiled and took it, then went off to follow his fellow soldiers.
"Stupid," Skylar said when he was gone. "He's stupid. Why would he come here? Like, one, he has a baby coming. Why is he risking getting hurt or worse when he had gotten out of this? And two, he knew damn well the Browns would be here. What, he just thought everything that went down between them was forgiven and done with? Stupid."
"He's a man of honor. He had a debt te repay and there was no stoppin' him," Jamie told her.
"The pride of the men in this century, I swear to God, it's gonna get all of you killed one day."
Jamie laughed. "It's either that or starvation. I'd rather die by my pride."
Jamie was pulled away by Tryon and Colonel Chadwick to discuss battle plans. They informed him that the Regulators had gathered just across the nearby creek after destroying two wagons full of ammunition for the militia. The decision was reached that the two sides would engage in this field instead of seeking another ground.
Jamie told Skylar, Claire and Roger what he knew, then went to the creek to see if there was any sign of Murtagh at the creek, in hopes of trying one last time to change his mind. But there was no sight of him.
Reverend Caldwell, who had married Jocasta and Duncan Innes just two week before, made his way into the milita's camp, bring big with him a letter from the Regulators to Tryon. The letter listed their grievances with Tryon and asked that he agree to speak with them so they could come to a compromise and no blood need be shed. Tryon all but laughed at the words, but still agreed to "consider their grievances" and would give them a final answer by the next evening.
"He's doing this all for show. There's no chance in hell he's gonna agree to a meeting with Murtagh," Skylar voiced as she, Jamie, Claire and Roger sat around the fire that night. All the others had long since gone to bed, but the four of them didn't feel right about separating just yet.
"Ye never know. Maybe he could have an epiphany durin' the night and agree te mercy," Roger countered.
"That's the pastor's kid in you coming out. You guys always believe some miracle will happen and the good you claim is in everyone will overpower the bad. It's a nice way of looking at the world, Roger, and maybe it's like that in the 60s. But I've been in this time longer than you, and I've had that rosy outlook beaten out of me."
"Whatever happens temorrow, at least that'll be the end of it," Jamie put in. "We just have to keep as many of us and as many of them alive as we can. And since none of ye claim te ken anythin' about the outcome of this battle, perhaps that's a good sign that either it willna happen or it's quick and verra little damage is done."
Claire took her husband's hand in hers and kissed it. She could feel the stress coming off of him over Tryon's impending verdict and how that would affect, not him, but Murtagh. They all knew that should the fighting start, Murtagh would be the first one to fire his gun and the last one shooting.
They eventually turned in for the night, Roger in his own tent and Skylar sharing with Jamie and Claire. But none of them had a restful sleep, if they slept at all.
The next morning came too fast. Jamie had already been gone when Claire and Skylar woke up. Claire said she was going to go find him and would meet Skylar in their surgery tent later.
So Skylar got dressed and went to the tent by herself.
She just walked around inside it, making sure everything was in place and ready to be used. She stopped at one of the beds and brushed off some dust that had blown onto it. She didn't keep moving after she did. She kept her hand on the bed and stared it. Her fingers started tapping from anxiety and she couldn't stop them. She was very nervous.
This is so much different than helping people at home or when it was just me on the Artemis. This is literally life and death. I am not cut out for this. Damn it, Marsali. Why did you have to get knocked up again now?
"Mistress Fraser?" a voice called out and pulled her from her thoughts. She turned and saw Benjamin had walked in. Seeing she was alone in there, his face dropped into its familiar blank slate. "Oh. I was lookin' fer Mistress Fraser. Excuse me." He turned to leave, but Skylar stopped him.
"Wait, Benjamin." She was surprised he did, though he did not turn back around to face her. "Claire's gone off for a bit and I don't know when she'll be back. Can I help you? Are you hurt?"
"Tis only me hand," he answered very quietly, almost inaudibly. "Verra minor."
"Well, no matter how minor, you can't go into battle with a hurt hand. Can I see it?" There was a full minute where he didn't say anything and Skylar could see, even without looking at his face, that he wanted to get out of there and away from her. But he eventually came to the conclusion that she was right and, very reluctantly, faced forward again and went to the spot she was standing.
He held out his hand and she took it to examine it. It was very red and looked like it blistering.
"What happened?" She asked him.
"I spilled some water on it that was hangin' over the fire."
"You need to cool it down with a cold water compress. I'll put some water on a cloth for you to put on it, then I'll put some aloe on and wrap it." He didn't respond, but he didn't protest; so she took that as an okay.
She wet a spare rags in one of the basins already filled with water. Without wringing it out, she gently laid it over his burn.
"Don't press down on it too hard, but keep your hand on it," she instructed. "I'll get the aloe and bandage." He did what she said. She went into Claire's medical box and found one of the aloe leaves she had brought. She cut it open and took out the gel. It was an awkward and uncomfortable silence as she did. She had no idea what to say to him. She played in her head everything she had wanted to say as an apology, but now it all sounded stupid.
She put the aloe in a small bowl and brought it back over to Benjamin, along with an instrument to spread it with and a bandage.
She slowly lifted the wet cloth off and put it next to them on the bed. She onto his hand and started to, as gently as possible, lather the goo on him. He looked down at the ground as she did.
She needed to say something, anything to lead them into a place where she could try to make peace. "How are you feeling about all this? The-the battle, I mean. Are you nervous?"
"No," was his answer.
"Well, you're definitely a lot braver than I could ever be. If I was the one fighting, I would be scared out of my mind."
"It doesna matter whether I live or die, so I've no reason te be afeared."
She stopped her work and looked up at him.
"Benjamin, don't say such a thing. Of course it matters."
"There's no great cause in me life that's so important fer me te keep livin' fer. So should it be God's will I breathe my last here, I willna stop it."
"Nothing for you to live for? What about your mother and father back in Scotland? And your sister? You don't think they would be destroyed to hear their son and brother was gone?" No reply. "And I, for one, would certainly care if anything happened to you."
He scoffed. "Would ye now? Any affection ye have fer me, ye've a funny way of showin' it."
She put her tool on the table and laid his hand on the bed. She looked straight at him, though he still looked away, and said very firmly, "Just because I'm not in love with you does not mean I don't care about you. You're my friend, Benjamin, and I need friends a hell of a lot more right now than I need a husband. I'll never be able to say how sorry I am that I hurt you. That was never my intention. I feel awful about it and I will continue to feel awful for a long time. But you better stay safe and come out of this alive, you hear me? Or I will be really really mad at you. Because, believe me or not, I do care about you and I want you to be around in mine and Ollie's lives." She saw his shoulders go up and down with a breath and he raised his head, still not looking at her, but it was a step. She continued to talk in a less aggressive voice. "I do really want us to be friends again. We had a good friendship going and it's my fault it got all messed up. I really am so so sorry. I know those words probably don't mean anything to you but…I hope one day we'll be able to go back to normal. Anyway, I've been wanting to say that for a while so I'm glad you came in here looking for Claire." She picked up his hand again and finished with the aloe.
As she began to carefully wrap the bandage, he said to her, "Sarah Shaw asked me te court her."
She raised her eyebrows. "Did she? That's…surprising to hear."
"Aye. Right before we all left te come here, she approached me wi' it."
So that's what she was doing with the handkerchief, she thought, remembering seeing the exchange.
"And what did you say?"
He hesitated. "I accepted."
"Really? Wow, that's great."
As much as I hate that girl right now, I feel kinda bad because she's just his rebound. Whatever though, she wanted him, she got him. Karma's a bitch.
"Well then, that's another person you have to stay alive for now." She gave him a small smile and she was very pleasantly surprised when he chuckled and finally looked at her to return it with a quarter grin of his own. "She'll make a wonderful wife for you one day, and mother to your children."
"Aye," he whispered.
She finished wrapping the burn and said to him, "All done. Be careful with it for today. Try not to use it too much."
"I will. Thank ye." He got up from the bed and walked out of the tent.
Skylar sighed. They definitely were not friends again yet but it was enough for now.
A couple hours later, Skylar was interrupted counting the bandages for the hundredth time by Claire coming and saying, "Sky, you need to hear this." She didn't give any other explanation to what she meant before leaving as fast as she came. Skylar was very confused, but didn't waste a beat. She followed her to a table where Jamie and Roger were standing. She got very nervous when she saw Brianna was with them, and she ran the rest of the way.
"What are you doing here?" she asked Bree. "Did something happen? Is Ollie okay?"
"The boys are fine," Bree assured her. "I'm here because I have information about this fight, and how it turns out."
"What do you mean?"
"Look." She gestured for them all to look at the map on the table, and she pointed out a small marking on it that read Great Alamace Creek, where they currently were. "It happens here at the creek, and the militia will win."
They all went quiet, their minds turning with so many more questions and fears.
"How do you know this?" Skylar asked first. "I thought there was nothing recorded about the Regulators. I never learned anything about this in school."
"It was a footnote in one of my classes at Harvard. We barely talked about it. I-I knew the name Alamance sounded familiar, I just didn't know from where. But when I saw it on the map at the Sherstons, it just hit me."
"How many lives are lost?" was Jamie's first thought.
"I don't know numbers or details. Like I said, my professor mentioned it very briefly. But he did say that some people consider this to be the spark of the American Revolution."
Skylar was having a hard time wrapping her head around this. "That doesn't make any sense. If it's such an important event, then by did none of us know about it?"
An answer to her question was cut off by Roger. "But the Regulators aren't tryin' te overthrow the Crown. They aren't fightin' fer independence."
"No, but they are rebelling against corruption and unfair taxes," Claire pointed out.
"Yer certain Tryon wins?" Jamie asked Bree again, needing the confirmation.
She was blunt. "Yes."
Jamie stepped away, trying to process this new information and what to do with it.
"We can't let this happen. The battle, I mean," Skylar stated. "We can't let those men go to their deaths. It's not too late. Tryon hasn't sent his decision yet."
"I must get a message te Murtagh," Jamie said. He came back to the table. "If he can be warned the Regulators are doomed te fail, then maybe he can convince his men te retreat and lives will be spared on both sides."
An unfortunate realization came over Bree's face and she bent over to lean on the table. "Wait. If we do still this fight now, what if…doesn't that mean the Revolutionary War won't happen? And America will never become America."
"Ye say some people believe this is the spark. Couldn't the spark alight from somewhere else?"
"Yes it could," Claire agreed.
"There's the Boston Massacre, the Boston Tea Party," Skylar put in. "The Massacre happened a year ago, so there's already talk up North of revolution. History had its way of playing out, no matter what obstacles we throw in its way."
Jamie went on. "What matters are the men in my charge, the Regulators fightin' fer what they believe in, and my godfather."
"I agree," said Roger. "I'll deliver the message te Murtagh."
"It's too dangerous," Jamie told him. Bree didn't say anything, but the immediate ghostly pale that washed over her face at her husband's suggestion spoke for her.
"I know, but I'm the only one that can do it. He knows me. He knows I'm from the future. He'll believe it."
"Murtagh knows me too, I could-" Skylar started to offer, but Jamie cut her off.
"I dinna want te hear one more word that I ken was about te come out of yer mouth, a leannan. I will no even humor it." With a firm look from him, Skylar shut her mouth and didn't speak anymore of it. Jamie faced Roger again. "Alright. Ye'll leave at nightfall." He walked around the table to his son-in-law and took off his badge, handing it to him. "Keep this in your pocket. Then they willna see ye come from the other side. And if yer threatened…" he took from another table behind him a white handkerchief and held it out to Roger to take. "Wave this and cry truce, and tell them te fetch me. Dinna say more until I come."
Roger nodded. "Aye," and put the handkerchief in his pocket too.
Word spread quickly later on that day that Tryon had sent his final word on the battle to their opponents, and it was that they would fight.
Roger now felt even more pressure to convince Murtagh, and Jamie had him leave before the sun had even set halfway so he could get there sooner.
"Remember when you told me you're good at being invisible? Use that. Don't get into trouble over there. Get in and out," Skylar said to him as he prepared to leave.
"I will. I'll be back by mornin'."
She hugged him, then stepped back so he and Brianna could have a moment. They stood as close together as they could get and whispered to each other so no one but them could hear. Brianna kissed him, then let him go, keeping her eyes on him until he was out of sight.
Brianna ultimately stayed, unable to leave not knowing how Roger's mission turned out and if he was safe. So she joined Skylar and Claire in the surgery tent and was going to help them however she could.
Claire was going through her medicines in her medicine box, for her but also as a reminder to her daughters about their names and what they looked like.
"Belladonna, laudanum, oil of juniper, pennyroyal, alcohol, and…my secret weapon." She picked up her syringe and looked it over, making sure it was still well put together.
"The penicillin," Bree finished for her.
"If I'd had it at Prestonpans, imagine the lives I could have saved."
"We're gonna save a bunch today," Skylar told her. "Everyone who comes in here will be walking out on his own two feet."
"I'm glad I'll be helping you. It'll keep me from worrying," Bree said.
Claire but a tender hand on her arm. "Jamie assured us under the flag of truce, no one will trouble Roger."
"Well the flag of truce really help him if he's still over there when the shooting starts?"
"If the shooting starts. Let's just hope he manages to convince Murtagh."
"Positive thinking, people. Let's get that 21st century gen z vibe in here," Skylar said.
"What happened to the rosy outlook being beaten out of you?"
"Believe me, it is. But, right now it couldn't hurt to try to manifest a good outcome."
OUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDEROUTLANDER
Another night came and went. That morning felt colder than any other. The air was heavy and everyone felt it.
Claire, Bree and Skylar went to their station and were joined by a few other women who had come along to assist them.
As the men began to fall into position, Bree's worry was growing as there was still no sign of Roger. She left the tent to go stand at the part of the creek he had disappeared into the night before, straining to see if he was coming towards her in the distance.
Skylar let her go on her own, understanding her presence might be more of a hindrance than a help. But when she heard men marching and those in higher ranks calling out orders to them, she ran out to find Jamie before he left.
She found him very quickly, and the sight of him made her stop dead in her tracks.
"What the hell?" she said to herself. There Jamie stood with Claire, donned in an infamous British red coat uniform. She went the rest of the way to him. "I take it you had not choice with this," she said to him. She knew all about his past with the British and there was no chance he had put this jacket on of his own free will.
"I'm afraid not," he answered. He was clearly so uncomfortable in it and wanted to rip it off and burn it.
"Is it time?" she asked him.
"Aye."
She swallowed the tears she felt rising and sniffed, needed to stay collected in order to do her job. But she still hugged him tight around his waist, feeling protected by his arms wrapped around her.
This must be what Ollie felt like when I left.
When they pulled apart, she said, "Come home, Dad. Okay?" She couldn't say anything else because just thinking about losing him was almost enough to make her lose the battle with her tears.
He touched her cheek and smiled. "I will. I swear it te ye, as yer father. I love ye, mo nighean."
"I love you too."
Jamie looked back at his wife. "Wish me luck, then?"
Claire looked like she was also trying her best not to cry, with as much success as Skylar. "I can't let you go without saying something. I suppose 'good luck' will do." They stared at each other for a moment, then Claire added, "I love you, soldier," and kissed him like it was the last time she would see him.
Skylar let out a breath watching them and felt a couple tears escape. Her mind was flooded with visions of is she had to say goodbye to Ian as he went off to fight.
"'Good luck' will do," Jamie said softly to Claire when they broke apart. "But 'I love you' does so much better." They kissed once more, then Jamie heard shouting and he had to leave. Before he did, he said, "That obituary Bree brought us, I dinna ken if it's true. But what I do ken is this. There will come a day when ye and I shall part again, but it willna be teday." He kissed her hand, then took Skylar's to squeeze it one last time, then went to his troops.
The women watched as he blended in with the hundreds of other red colored coats, and they knew that their time for themselves was over. They needed to be ready for the first man brought to them.
It was very quiet while they waited. The other women stayed huddled together, just staring at the tent door. Bree, Claire and Skylar each manned a bed and seemed to be in their own little worlds.
Skylar broke the silence with, "I guess this is one good thing about Ian being with the Mohawk. Because I know if he was here, he'd be on the front lines with Dad and I'd be killing myself with worry." Claire and Bree looked at her with shock that she had actually said Ian's name with an almost smile, and said something about him being gone in a not dark light. She could easily read how they felt through their expressions and chuckled. "I know. I can't believe I said that either. But it's true. And…it's time for me to start really accepting that he's gone. The sooner I can admit it to myself that he's…he's never coming back, I can finally, you know, start to heal. Saying his name more regularly I thought was a, uh, good first step. Keen to say it without feeling my heart break. I think this'll also help Ollie, in the long run. I can talk about his dad and…I don't know." Her stomach was twisting letting all of this out.
That's going to happen for a long long time though. But, Christ, it's time for me to start.
Claire and Bree gave her kind smiles in response. Claire opened her mouth to say she had their support no matter what, but she was cut off by gunfire. It was starting.
Skylar was glad she had shared what she did, but now she needed to put that all aside. She gripped her heart charm hanging around her neck.
It's been a while since we've talked, Mom, and I'm really sorry. But please watch out for Dad. Make sure he comes home. He needs to come home. Roger too. Keep him safe, wherever he is right now.
It wasn't long before the first injured man came through their door, and one after the other, the beds filled up.
While going between patients, Skylar noticed Bree looking at every face again and again inside their station, seeing if one of them was Roger and she had just missed him.
"It's a good thing he's not here," she told Bree in a brief down moment. "It means he's not hurt."
"Or he's missing, or dead already."
"I know it's super easy to get into that mindset, trust me. But we can't worry until we have to. Assume no news is good news."
"Mistress Fraser! Mistress Fraser!" a young man's voice came through. The three women looked up and saw two of the soldiers dragging Isaiah Morton inside.
"Here! Get him up here!" Claire ordered them, having them bring him to an empty bed. They sat him up so she could look at his back. "He's been shot through the lung from behind. Here." Skylar and Bree ran to her as she helped lower him down. "Isaiah, can you hear me?" She began to unbutton his waistcoat.
"Tell Ally I love her," he sputtered out, the blood in his mouth giving him a hard time talking.
"You're not going to die on me, you hear?"
"Baby comes next month."
"And you'll be there. Bree, get me the alcohol." Bree ran to get what she was told. Claire and Skylar worked at getting his jacket and shirt off so they could clean his wound.
As Claire worked on him, he was fading in and out. Not knowing why, Skylar was suddenly very invested in him and shouted, "Isaiah, you stay with us! Stay awake! You're not going to die, I won't let you! You will not leave your wife and child, got it?! You will not leave them alone! Your child needs his father! Do not let him grow up without a father! He needs you! He needs you! He needs you!" She wiped away the tears that she couldn't stop from overflowing. She understood why she was so invested in Isaiah Morton.
I'll be damned before I see anyone go through what I'm going through. I don't know Alicia but I'm certain she doesn't want the love of her life out of her life forever, and forced to raise their child without him.
Long after Claire had finished with him, giving him a good outlook that he would make a full recovery, Skylar stayed with him to make sure he remained stable.
Richard Brown had brought in Lionel at one point for an arm injury. Claire was filling her needle with penicillin and was about to inject him when they noticed Isaiah a few beds over.
"I hope ye didn't waste any good medicine on that coward," Lionel said. "He was runnin' away like a scared rabbit when he was felled."
"I wasna runnin' away," Isaiah tried to argue with his raspy voice. He looked at another young Brown man who came in with them. "Ye saw what happened." He didn't say anything to support Isaiah, but he didn't say anything to discredit him either.
A thought came into Claire's head. She turned back to Lionel. "Powder burns were in his back. So whoever shot him, shot him at a close range."
Everyone caught onto what she was saying, including Lionel.
"No woman speaks te me like that." He knocked the syringe out of her hand and stepped on it, breaking it into several unfixable pieces.
"What is wrong with you?!" Skylar yelled at him, standing to her feet. He shot her a look that sent shivers through her body, but she didn't back down. He stormed out, with his brother and other Brown behind him.
Skylar and Bree rushed to Claire, bent over the pieces.
"We can get a new one, can't we?" Skylar questioned. "We-we can go to a blacksmith or glassblower. They can make one."
"They can't," Claire told her, absolutely gutted. "It's not possible here."
"But, the penicillin? Is it salvable?" Bree followed.
"Yes, but…it won't work nearly as well without a needle." The two younger women couldn't think of anything else to say as Claire cradled the remnants of her tireless work in her hands. She didn't have time to mourn however, as more men kept coming in and needing help. Now, they had to work twice as hard to make sure these sons, husbands, brothers and fathers survived and would be able to return to their families.
After what felt like days, the number of injured patient arriving started to slow and more were beginning recovery rather than being treated. Those that were able to walk had left to go to their own tents and Claire, Skylar and Bree were finally able to start cleaning up.
Aside from the penicillin needle being destroyed, they were so happy with how everything had ended. No one died on their watch and everyone was expected to heal fully with proper rest and care.
That relief was short lived however, when all of a sudden, Jamie burst in with John Quincy Myers, carrying a man between the two of them.
"Claire! Save him!" he shouted.
"No," Skylar whispered sharply. The man hanging limp was Murtagh.
Jamie and Myers put him on the first bed they reached, and the three women bolted to him.
He was too pale. His body laid motionless and his arms hung off the bed, swinging slightly from the drop. Claire searched his neck for a pulse as Jamie brought over all of her supplies he could find. She looked up at Bree and Skylar. She didn't say the words. She didn't have to. It was written all over her face. He was dead.
Skylar's knees gave out and she grabbed onto Bree to keep herself from falling to the ground. Her stomach hit the floor and she was sure her heart stopped.
"No. No. No," she kept repeating, not bothering to try to keep herself from crying. She put a shaking hand on his face, hard and cold. She covered her moth to keep her wheezing quiet, but it was no use.
Jamie hadn't noticed, or he was ignoring it. He was still pleading with Claire to help his godfather.
"Do what ye must. Heal him." Claire didn't say anything to him. She couldn't form the words.
"I'm sorry," was all she said, her voice cracking with the threat of her own cries soon coming. "He's gone."
Jamie wouldn't hear her. "He canna be. He canna be. Do something. Save him!" Claire stood frozen, just staring at him. He looked back down to Murtagh's body, refusing to believe it. "Take it back," he yelled at who once was Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser. He grabbed his shirt collar. "I dinna release ye from her oath. Ye canna leave me. Ye canna leave me." The longer he stared at the at peace face of his godfather, it finally began to sink in that Claire was telling the truth. His face drained of color and his eyes went wide. He was visibly shaking and sweat was pouring off him.
Skylar was scared to see Jamie like this. It was a side of him she had never seen.
He stumbled backwards, grasping at the curtain Brianna had drawn around them before she had walked out unnoticed. He went through it and outside.
Skylar started after him, but Claire caught her.
"Not now, Skylar. Give him this moment."
Skylar didn't argue. She wanted to go be with her dad and hug him tight. She didn't want him to be alone right now. She was scared and worried for him and for what he might do. But she also knew that Claire was right. He needed a minute to process what had just happened for himself before involving anyone else.
So with tears still steadily running down her face, she turned back to Murtagh's lifeless body lying on the bed. She touched his chest, still expecting to feel it rise and fall or his heart beat even though she knew he was gone.
She knelt beside him and held his cold hand. She took a large breath to steady her voice, then recited, she which he took so long to teach her, "Sìth dhomhainn na tonn ruith dhut, Sìth dhomhainn an èadhair a tha a 'sruthadh dhut, Sìth dhomhainn na talmhainn sàmhach dhut, Sìth dhomhainn nan reultan deàrrsach dhut, Sìth dhomhainn Mhic na Sìthe dhut. Biodh an rathad ag èirigh gus do choinneachadh; Biodh a 'ghaoth an-còmhnaidh aig do dhruim; Biodh a 'ghrian a' deàrrsadh blàth air d'aghaidh; Biodh na h-uisgeachan a 'tuiteam gu socair air na h-achaidhean agad. Gus an coinnich sinn a-rithist, Gun glèidh Dia thu ann an sloc a làmh."
Murtagh's body was wrapped and brought to Jamie and Claire's tent. He was laid on their bed to await when they would bring him back to Fraser's Ridge for a funeral.
As much agony as they were feeling over the loss of their great friend and part of their family, another matter was at hand that they need to attend to. Roger had still not returned. A search party was formed with Jamie, Claire, Skylar, Bree, and some of the militia men including Myers and Benjamin; he and Skylar exchanged a quick glance when he joined their group, and she made it clear through that glance that she was very glad to see he had kept himself alive during all of this. He didn't respond except with a half smile in acknowledgment.
They went around to as many fellow soldiers as they saw and asked each one if they had any sort of idea where Roger was. None of them had an answer. They went through the entire forest where much of the battle had taken place and came out of it into an open field with a large tree standing in the middle of it. Skylar felt sick seeing three men hanging from it.
Jamie approached Colonel Chadwick who was just seeming to leave. "What happened here? Why did ye hang these men?"
"Regulator prisoners. Tryon ordered their execution."
Executed without a trial. How disgusting can these British get? Skylar thought, making herself look at the ground to not sent daggers the Colonel's way, but also to not have the sight of the hanged men burned into her brain forever.
"Have ye seen Captain Mackenzie of Fraser's Ridge?" Jamie asked him.
"No, Colonel. I have not." Then he rode off.
The group continued asking all the men around the tree the same question, all giving the same answer. No.
Bree's panic was starting to come to the surface. Her head was darting around and she was pulling at her dress sleeves and collar.
"We're gonna find him, Bree. I promise. He can't have gone far," Skylar told her. Bree just nodded, her anxiety too high to speak.
"Roger?" they heard Jamie say. They turned to look where Jamie's gaze had landed. Thy didn't understand why he was looking at one of the men hanged, but they quickly understood.
The coat, shoes, the white handkerchief sticking out of the pocket. They were staring at Roger.
"Omigod. Omigod," Skylar spoke, feeling bile rise in her throat. She covered her mouth to keep in inside. She looked at Bree next to her. She looked like she had seen a ghost. Her brain couldn't comprehend what she was seeing. It didn't feel real. It wasn't real. It couldn't be.
Skylar and Claire held her from both sides and Jamie had Roger lowered down. As he reached the ground, Jamie held him around his chest. He stopped, waiting a few seconds to see if he was really feeling what he thought he was.
"He's breathing!" he exclaimed. "He's breathing! Claire!"
Claire broke from her daughter and ran to Jamie and Roger. Brianna stayed frozen in her spot, trying to process going from Roger is dead to Roger is alive. But once he was fully laid on the ground, she sprinted to kneel next to him, Skylar behind her.
Jamie took the burlap sack off from over his head and the gag out of his mouth. Claire had found his pulse and could hear his heart. They were weak but they were there.
"I have to open his airway," she said. She took Jamie's knife and made a small incision into Roger's throat. She took the pipe of one of the Redcoat officers standing around, broke the end piece off, and, after dousing it in alcohol, she placed the small tube into the incision to help him breathe easier. He still wasn't moving.
"Brianna, talk to him. See if you can get him to wake up," Claire instructed.
Bree held his face and stoked him gently. "Roger, can you hear me? It's Brianna. It's me. I'm right here. You need to wake up, my love. Please please wake up."
Slowly, Roger's eyes opened. They all let out an enormous collective breath of relief. Roger didn't move his body. Only his eyes went from person to person.
"You're alive. You're whole. All is well," Jamie said to him.
"We need to get him back to my tent. Now," Claire said. Jamie, Myers, and Benjamin all carefully lifted Roger so that he was still flat and carried him as fast as safe back to camp.
Skylar had offered Bree her hand to help her off the ground, and Bree didn't let up her grip on Skylar the entire way back to the surgery tent. But Skylar had no issue with it.
They laid him on the closest bed when they got there and Claire went right to work examining him and making sure the trache didn't come loose or out of place.
Everything seemed to be going in slow motion around Skylar as she stood with Bree. Her vision kept going blurry and her heart was pounding so hard it was all she could hear. She realized in that moment that she hadn't been breathing, she didn't know for how long though, and let out a very slow and very long exhale through her mouth. But she knew no matter what she was feeling, it was less than half of what her sister was.
She looked at Brianna, who was holding her arm and hand so tight that she could break Skylar's bones if she went any harder, was almost transparent and she could feel her shaking. She was staring, unblinkingly, at her husband laid out in front of her. Skylar could hear the too quick breaths going in and out of her nose and she knew Bree was starting to hyperventilate. She needed to get her out of there.
"Come with me, now," Skylar ordered and led a zombie-like Brianna out of the tent and several yards away.
Suddenly, Bree dropped to the ground and vomited.
"I can't-I can't…I-I-I can't br-breathe. I can't breathe," Brianna said, clawing at her chest. "Everything's spin-spin-spinning. I can't…see. Breathe." She raised her dangerously shaking hands and looked at them. "Ca-can't…cant fee-ting…tingling. Only ti-" She threw up again.
Skylar got down in front of her, ignoring the puke, and took hold of her hands. She was ice cold and clammy.
"Brianna, look at me. Look at my face. I need you to look at me." She did. "Don't look anywhere else. Just keep looking at me, okay. Don't look away. Squeeze my hands as tight as you can. Can you do that?" She felt her try, but it was weak. "Good, good. Do it again, tighter. I'm serious, break my hands." She squeezed them with all the strength she could muster. "Very good. Keep holding them that tight and don't look away from me. Brianna, can you tell me about your son? I want you to talk to me about him. What's his name?" Bree opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. "Tell me what is name is. What letter does it start with?"
She tried again. "It…his-his name…Jem-Jemmy. J. First, J."
"Good. How old is he?"
"T…two. Two."
"What's Jem's favorite color?" Skylar could hear Bree's breathing start to even out, but she was still a scary pale and shaking too hard.
"He, um…he like-he…he likes blue. Bl-blue."
"Does he have a favorite animal?"
"Rabbits. He ch…he likes to-to chase…the rabbits."
"Very good. Does he ever catch them?"
She shook her head. "No. They're too-he…they're too fast."
"Does he have any toy rabbits?"
She nodded. "Got him a-a doll. Named, um, he-he named it Tommy."
"Yeah, Tommy and Bibbet are good friends, aren't they? They play together a lot?"
"Yeah, yeah, they are."
"I bet they're having so much fun right now at the Sherstons. Ollie and Jemmy have to watch them or they'll get into mischief, right?"
She nodded. Her shaking hadn't stopped but it slowed enough where it wasn't worrisome, and she was still very pale but not to the point where she looked like she was going to faint. But now that she could breathe, the tears were able to rise. She began to sob uncontrollably and fell into Skylar's arms. Skylar held her close against her and rubbed her back, while rocking them back and forth.
"I'm here. I'm here. We're okay. Everything is okay. Everyone is okay," she kept repeating softly while she waited on Brianna's next move.
They stayed in this position for several minutes until Bree's cries quieted. Skylar let her be the one to pull away and sit back up.
"You survived your first panic attack. Congrats," Skylar said as a small joke.
Bree let out a laugh at the same time as a softer cry. She wiped her eyes and nose.
"Jesus Christ," Bree whispered to no one. Tears were still coming but not at the rate that they were before. She sniffed a few times before saying anything. "God, what the fuck? What the fuck?!" she screamed. She dropped her hands into her face and took a couple breaths. She looked back at Skylar. "How did this happen? What the hell happened?! Who did that?!"
"We're going to find out all the answers we can. But the important thing right now is that Roger is alive. He's going to be okay."
"When I saw him there hang…when he was just…" She couldn't finish that sentence but Skylar understood what she was saying. "I've never felt anything like that in my life. He was dead. I knew he was dead. I knew I had lost him and my-my world it just…it went black. I've never felt such anger and fear and sadness and panic all at the same time. It was like I died. I swear to God, my heart stopped and I was my ghost staring at myself like, a mile away. And, Christ! When Da said he's breathing! It was like a-a-a shock of-of lightning went into me and I came back into my body. I-I don't even know what I'm saying right now, it just…omigod , he's alive."
She bent her chin to her chest and started sobbing again. Skylar didn't say anything else for the time they sat there. She just let her feel everything and say whatever she needed to.
she watched her sister go through these overwhelming emotions, and felt so guilty that the one thing she was thinking about was how glad she was that this hadn't been Ian, and that he was as far away from here as he could be and in no danger.
GAELIC TRANSLATIONS
Skylar's prayer:
Deep peace of the running wave to you,
Deep peace of the flowing air to you,
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you,
Deep peace of the shining stars to you,
Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you.
May the road rise to meet you;
May the wind be always at your back;
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
May the rains fall softly upon your fields.
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
Y'all ever get heat exhaustion? Super not fun 0/10 do not recommend. But you can blame that for why this chapter is out now and it wasn't on Monday or Tuesday. I cannot wait to live in a country where it doesn't get above 70 degrees.
Me being the theatre kid I am came THIS CLOSE to having Skylar sing Alabanza from In The Heights over Murtagh. Have y'all seen the movie version and/or the stage version? Which do you prefer? I personally prefer the stage version, but that's just me.
I am doing everything I possibly can to get chapter 13 out ON SUNDAY. Again, no promises on that. But it will definitely not be this late.
Please let me know if you liked this chapter with a follow, favorite, review, combo!
I love ye all verra verra much and I am so excited for lucky number 13! Stay safe in this heat wave, loves. Drink water!
