CHAPTER 14
Jamie and Claire walked back outside and stood on the porch overlooking the front fields of the Big House. They saw Ian in the same spot where they left him, and he was kneeling next to Rollo, petting his head and ears. He was wearing the same very serious and solemn expression as his face as he had since they had found him. He hardly cracked a smile when Rollo licked his cheek. Jamie and Claire could tell something was weighing on him, and they had hoped that being reunited with Skylar would have helped. But now they were not sure of how to go forward.
"What do we do now?" Claire asked Jamie as they continued to watch their nephew.
Jamie sighed. "I dinna ken. I never expected that sort of reaction from her."
"Neither did I. But if that's how she's feeling right now, we need to respect that. We can't force this on her when she's not ready for it."
"So what do we tell Ian then?"
"Nothing. We don't say anything to him about her." Jamie looked shocked at her answer and was about to protest, but Claire cut him off. "We can't let him go off looking for her, and if we tell him she's here somewhere, that's exactly what he'll do. She's got to be the one to come to him."
"And what do we say, then, when he asks about her?"
Claire hesitated. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there. But right now, no one so much as mentions Skylar's name."
Jamie nodded. "Verra well."
In agreement, they went down the porch steps and back to meet Ian.
Ian saw them approach, and he stood up to face them.
"Why don't we show ye around a bit, lad?" Jamie suggested with a grin. "Ye've never seen this part of the Ridge's land, and ye should know yer way around it if yer te stay." Ian just gave a single nod, his face still void of any sort of emotion, and he followed his aunt and uncle.
They showed him everything, sharing any stories or memories that came to mind with certain spots, and introduced him to some of the settlers they crossed paths with. Everyone who met him eyed him with some confusion and slight suspicion. Be it from his appearance or the very familiar name of "Murray," Jamie and Claire didn't know. But Ian didn't seem to pick up on it, or if he did, he didn't acknowledge it.
He seemed too busy with his own thoughts as his eyes kept darting around while they walked.
"Lookin' fer anythin' in particular?" Jamie asked him, noticing it.
Ian waited a beat before answering. It looked like he was about to say something, but in a split second, he changed his mind and instead said, "No. I'm just…lookin'."
Jamie and Claire exchanged a quick subtle glance, knowing exactly what he was looking for. Or who.
As they passed by the stables, they heard someone call out, "Mistress Fraser!" When they all stopped and looked behind them, they saw Benjamin running towards them.
When he stood in front of them, he said to Claire, "Mistress Fraser, I wanted te tell ye, I apologize, but I took a bit of the ginger and rosemary from yer surgery. Sarah's mother was havin' stomach pains, and I thought ye could help. But because ye werena in there, I took what I've heard ye say works. Twas only a small amount, and I will replace it. I hope ye can forgive me."
"There's no need to apologize, Benjamin. I'm glad you found what you needed. That's what it's all there for," Claire assured him. "I hope it eases Mrs. Shaw's discomfort. But if she hasn't improved by tomorrow morning, bring her straight to me, alright?"
"Aye, Mistress. I thank ye kindly."
He moved his gaze onto Ian beside them, and Jamie could see the clear confusion and curiosity on his face over the stranger. Ian wasn't looking back at Benjamin, he was still turning his head to look around him.
Jamie then introduced the two young men. "Benjamin, I'd like fer ye te meet me nephew, Ian Murray. Ian," Ian's head came back forward at hearing his name, "this is Benjamin Allaway. He's a groom, first and foremost, fer us; and an excellent one at that. But he's a sort of jack of all trades here at the Ridge. There is verra little this man canna do."
Benjamin didn't hear any of the glowing words Jamie said about him. He had immediately recognized the name and everything else was tuned out. "Ian Murray? Yer nephew?"
"Aye. He was livin' in New York fer quite some time, but he's at last returned te us." He smiled brightly and put his hand on Ian's shoulder. Ian just stared at the ground.
Benjamin's body tensed. He stood up straighter and put his hands behind his back, and said, with a slight sharpness to his voice, "It's verra good te meet ye, Mr. Murray. If ye'll excuse me." He gave a small nod to the three, then walked away.
When he was gone, Jamie turned back to Ian. "Now, I believe there are a couple people who will be mad wi' joy te see ye." He and Claire led Ian away again.
Ian didn't ask any questions as he followed them a little ways into the forest. He just silently walked beside them. Jamie and Claire felt a bit awkward. They tried to fill the silence as much as they could, but they never got any sort of major reaction or response. They'd only had him back for less than two hours, but it was plain to see this wasn't the same energetic and outgoing boy they had left with the Mohawk. It made them worried about when he and Skylar would find each other. They didn't want her to be more hurt than she already was.
At last, they reached their destination. A cabin had come into sight, and a man that Ian recognized was out in the front of it.
"Fergus!" Jamie called.
Fergus raised his head from where he was sitting and playing with Joan, and saw his adoptive parents. When his eyes settled on the third person with them, it took him a moment to recognize him. But once his brain caught up with his eyes, he smiled wide.
He picked up Joan and stood up, turning towards his house and shouting, "Marsali! Come out here! Quick!" He met the small group halfway and went right up to Ian. He put his free hand on Ian's shoulder and stared at him for another few seconds before he said, "Is it really you, Ian? Mon dieu, it is so good to see you." He hugged him and Ian politely hugged him back. "Marsali! Come outside, now!" he called to her again.
Marsali appeared and slowly made her way out of the house and down the couple steps, groggy and holding her stomach.
"Fergus, I had just fallen asleep. Is everythin' alright? Is it Joanie?" she asked, sounding more than a little annoyed.
"Look who is here, mon amour."
She stopped so suddenly in her tracks that she almost fell over. Like with Fergus, it took a second for her to actually believe she was seeing what she seeing, but her smile quickly spread to be so big it almost fell off her face. She hurried as fast as she could to him and hugged him tight.
"Ian Murray, is it really ye? Thank God in Heaven! What are ye doin' here?" She pulled back from him and held his arms. "Dinna answer that. I couldna a smidge care less fer yer reasonin'. I'm just so happy ye are!" She hugged him again. When she stepped back from him, she started to say, "We must take ye te the Big House immediately! Christ, I canna put inte words how excited I am fer ye te be brought back te Sk-"
But Claire interrupted her. "Marsali, why don't you and I go inside and make some tea for everyone?"
"But we need te find-"
"And it looks like Joan here is ready for her nap. Aren't you, sweetheart?" Claire covered again. She stroked the tiny girl's cheek with her finger as she was laying her head on Fergus' shoulder, half asleep.
"Aye. I'll take her inside then." Fergus passed their daughter to Marsali, and she snuggled her head into her mother's neck.
Marsali looked at Ian once more, still smiling, and gripped his arm for a moment, then turned to go back inside her cabin with Claire behind her.
After putting Joan in her crib, Marsali put on water to boil while Claire took out the cups.
"How did this happen?" Marsali questioned excitedly. "Where did ye find him?"
"Jamie and I were with Jemmy in the woods right outside the Ridge and he just…suddenly appeared. It was such a shock, it took me a moment to actually recognize him."
"I canna believe ye havena brought him te see Skylar yet. Christ, she's goin' te be a sight! It'll be so wonderful te, at last, have her happy again. Oh God, and Ollie. Ian can finally meet him and Ollie will have his Da. It's goin' te be so wonderful I'm already tearin' up at the thought! We have te tell her immediately! Like at this verra moment we need te go find her!"
"Jamie and I have already told her."
"Ye have? Then where is she? How is she not here with him?"
"She…she didn't take it the way we expected her to."
"What do ye mean?"
"Jamie and I thought that hearing Ian was back, she'd jump up and run out to him and…well, have him right there in the grass. But when we told her, it was like she became a ghost. All the color left her face and I could tell her mind was spinning in a million different directions. She seemed almost panicked or scared. She said she didn't want to see him yet, or that she couldn't, actually."
"How could she not want te see him? This is all she's wanted fer over two years. She's been so torn apart at him bein' gone that it verra nearly killed her. That doesna make any sense."
"She was just finally beginning to accept that she was never going to see him again, and so to hear he's back, it undid everything she's worked on and it overwhelmed her near past her breaking point. And, I think because of how angry and hurt she still is that he left in the first place, that only adds to her not feeling ready to see him yet."
"When will she be ready?"
"I don't know. I don't think she knows. But until she is, we cannot mention her to Ian. Jamie and I can tell he's looking around for her, and we do not want him seeking her out. She can't be caught off guard. She has to be ready herself and in the right headspace. This is a lot for her to process."
"What about Ollie? We're te keep Ian in the dark even longer that he's a father?"
"If he's told about Ollie from anyone else but Skylar, it'll be disastrous. He can't know until she tells him."
Marsali didn't like it, but she understood what Claire was saying and why; and so, nevertheless, she agreed to keep quiet about Skylar and Ollie.
That night, everyone gathered for a celebration dinner to welcome Ian back, although both Skylar and Roger were absent. Everything was going fine as they all sat around the table, but as Jamie prepared to say grace, Fergus interrupted with a question regarding the one subject that was to be avoided at all costs. "Are we not going to wait for Skylar?" Everyone's head snapped towards him, including Ian's. "No one has mentioned her once yet today, and every time I try to, I'm made to stop by someone talking over me. She of all people should be the one here to-"
Marsali cleared her throat to get him to be quiet. "Ahehem."
"Skylar still lives with ye?" Ian asked slowly. He had been looking around for any glimpse of her all day as he was taken around, but he hadn't seen her anywhere. He had wanted to ask about her, but he felt it was no longer his place to.
"Aye, she does," Jamie replied, looking to his wife for help.
Claire was scrambling to find any excuse that would be relatively believable. She finally came up with, "Um, I'm afraid she woke up feeling quite ill. The poor thing couldn't even get out bed. That's why she hasn't been around today."
Fergus was beyond confused and continued his questioning, unable to read the feeling of the room or register that Claire had told such a blatant lie. "Does she not know then? How can we be keeping this from her? Ian returning is all-"
Claire quickly cut him off. "I'm going to tell her the wonderful news tomorrow, when she's well enough to comprehend it." She smiled at Ian. "She's going to be so happy to see you, Ian."
Ian just stared at her, unresponsive. But Claire could see through his impassive face that his mind was reeling. With what thoughts, she didn't know, but she was just hoping that he had bought the bogus story.
After an almost silent and awkward dinner, Claire was in the kitchen, fixing a plate to bring up to Skylar. She jumped when she heard Ian speak behind her.
"She doesna want te see me." She turned around and saw him standing in the doorway.
She put her hand on her chest. "I didn't even hear you come in," she chuckled. "What was it you said, Ian?"
"Skylar. She isna sick. She doesna want te see me, aye?"
Panic spread through her and she tried to do damage control. "No. N-no, Ian. She-she really isn't feeling well. And, I'm telling you, tomorrow, after she's had some more rest, she will be able to-"
"Auntie," Ian stopped her. His unwavering stoic demeanor told Claire that she had been caught.
She didn't want to tell him about Skylar. Not when Skylar wasn't sure about what she wanted to do. But he knew the truth, and it would be pointless to continue to lie to him.
She sighed and walked towards him as she spoke. "You must understand, Ian. Skylar's heart irrevocably broke when you left. What she's been through these last few years, she was tearing herself apart. The amount of pain she was in, it was agony watching her go through it. It got to a point where we were all very worried that she might try to harm herself. We barely recognized her. It was only very recently, and I mean just in the last couple months, that she started to even begin to accept that she was never going to see you again. So, to now hear that you've now come back, it's turned her entire world upside down again." Ian closed his eyes tight and turned his head down, feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt for what he did to her. Claire could see how he awful he felt and tried to explain in a different way. "Do you remember that horrible night when Stephen Bonnet attacked her? And how she couldn't be around you for a few days?" He raised his head, still able to feel anger over just the memory of it. "It's like that. If you just give her the space she needs to wrap her mind around all that's happening, I swear it, she will come to you. I promise you, Ian, she want to see you. Believe me, she does so badly. To have you back was all she's ever wanted over these three years. But, you just need to give her some time. Do not seek her out. She will come to you."
Ian looked at Claire for a beat, letting everything she said sink in. He swallowed and straightened his back.
"When ye go see her," he said very quietly, gesturing to the food he knew was for her, "can ye please tell her that I will never be able te find the words te tell her how deeply and truly sorry I am for the pain I caused her? It was the last thing I ever wanted was te hurt her."
Claire nodded. "I will."
"I thank ye." He took a couple steps to leave, but then turned back. "Just tell me, did she marry anyone? Have bairns with any men?"
Claire thought about her wording carefully. "She did not," was all she said, not wanting to risk anything about Ollie slipping out. She watched as he took a large breath and walked away.
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Meanwhile, upstairs and safe behind closed doors, Skylar and Ollie were on Skylar's bed, and she was telling him more of the "bear princess" story.
"So, Merida's three little brothers all ate the cookies from the witch, and they turned into bears too!"
Ollie's eyes went wide. "They bears too?"
"Uh huh. Merida had them make a big mess so that everyone's attention is on them, and she and her mom esca-"
"Merida mommy a bear?"
She chuckled. "Yes, sweetheart. Merida's mommy is still a bear. So, with everyone distracted by her brothers, she and her mom escape the castle and head towards the woods."
Knock knock.
Skylar froze, nervous about who was on the other side of the door and if Ian was them.
"It's me," she heard Claire call. "I'm alone."
She let out a relieved breath. "Come in." She sat up as Claire opened the door and walked in. Ollie sprang up and ran to her.
"Nana!" he cried, happy to see her as always.
"Hello, you." Claire smiled at the little boy hugged around her legs.
"Did Uncle Roger lose?"
Claire's brows furrowed, not understanding. "What happened with Uncle Roger?"
Skylar spoke up to explain. "We were, uh, playing hide and seek with Uncle Roger. That's why we've been in here, because he would never think to look for us in our own room."
"Oh, I see." Skylar silently asked her through her expression to play along with it. "Right, um…yes, Uncle Roger told me to tell you that you win. He couldn't find you anywhere."
"I win! I win!" Ollie cheered, jumping up and down.
"Alright, champion. Are you hungry?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!"
"Ollie, why don't you go sit on your bed to eat," Skylar told him.
"Okay, Mama." He went back to Skylar's bed to grab Bibbet, then jumped into his. Claire put the food down in front of him, then touched his head and went back to Skylar. She handed the younger girl her plate and sat next to her.
Skylar took it and just placed it on the mattress beside her.
"How worried is everyone about me right now?"
"No more than usual." Skylar snorted at the joke. "We all know that you just need a little bit of time to process things, but that you're safe and, for the most part, okay."
Skylar picked at her fingernails, anxious to ask about the major elephant in the room. "So…"
Claire knew what she was wanting to ask. "So…he asked about you."
Skylar looked back at her. "He did?"
Claire nodded. "He knows you're here and that you aren't ready to see him yet. He wanted me to tell you that he will never be able to apologize enough for how much he hurt you. I can tell it's ripping him apart."
She lowered he voice so Ollie wouldn't hear her. "And, see, that…that is why I can't see him. Because I know, I know, that the moment I look in his eyes, everything I went through these last, like, three years, everything that he put me through…when I'm standing in front of him again, I'll…I'll just fall into his arms and all of that will vanish. Like it never happened. He'll be…he'll just be Youngin' again, and not the man that broke me."
"But that's a good thing, isn't it?"
"Yes, and also no? I'm so confused, and-and scared. I want to be happy. I should be happy. More than happy. I should be absolutely euphoric and sobbing from joy. This is all I've been wanting, him home with me. I've dreamed and prayed and fantasized about this every day and night, and now it's here. It's real. He's here and he's real. But it's…it's so scary." She glanced back at Ollie to make sure he wasn't listening, and she was glad to see he was otherwise occupied with Bibbet and Sam. She still spoke even quieter to make sure. "And then, what do I tell Ollie? He thinks his dad is on the moon. What, I just say, 'guess what, sweetie, your dad's back from the moon and in your life now.' How do I get him through this? How do I even introduce them?"
"The only way that you're going to help Ollie with this, is to see Ian yourself, and talk to him."
"I know." She pit her elbows on her legs and held her face in her hands. She let out a groan and dropped her hands, staying bent over. "I was finally starting to accept I'd never see him again. And getting there was so fucking hard."
"But now you don't have to. He's here. You, him and Ollie can be a family, and you can have him back."
"But what if he doesn't want me back?" That was one of the major things she was afraid of. What if all of his feelings for her were gone and he didn't want to be with her anymore? Having him reject her like that would almost be worse than if he was with the Mohawk.
"You won't know that until talk to him."
"And then, like…how long is going to be here? And why is he here? If this is only, like…a short visit down or whatever, I can't go through him leaving again. And I won't put Ollie through that."
"He says that he has no plans to return to the Mohawk. I think he's here, for good. The why, I don't know. He won't say anything about it."
Skylar sat back up and rubbed her hands hard over her eyes. "Jesus Christ," she muttered.
Claire put her arm around her. "I know this is scary, Skylar, and something you never expected to have happen. But you've only ever let yourself feel sadness and pain for so many years now. You deserve to be happy again, and with the one person who can make you happier than anyone else. You have this chance to be happy, don't let the not knowing ruin that for you." Skylar nodded as her reply. Claire ran a hand over her daughter's hair and said, "Take your time, darling. But when you're ready, he's waiting for you."
Claire kissed her head and stood up. She said goodnight to Ollie, then left them.
It was another sleepless night for Skylar. The knots in her stomach tightened when she put Ollie to bed and he said, "Night night, Daddy," to the moon, and they hadn't loosened.
He's here. He's in the house. He's so close, her mind kept repeating.
Knowing he was so close to her, her body was tingly and hot.
What the fuck am I going to do? If he really is back for good, I can't stay in this room forever. Maybe tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll go see him.
But when the next morning came, Skylar stood in front of her bedroom door for an hour, not ready to open it and find out what life held for her behind it.
Okay, I'm sorry this is so short and still no reunion! IT'S COMING I SWEAR! Nothing like a slow build lol
Next one is coming (hopefully, no promises) this week before Sunday. But definitely Sunday at the latest!
I love ye all verra much, I really do! Please don't hate me!
