CHAPTER 17

Skylar hardly slept that night, and when she would, she would wake up very soon after from dreams, both good and bad, about Ian.

She couldn't get comfortable in her bed. She kept tossing and turning, and always ended up facing and staring at the door.

He's right there, she would think. Just on the other side of the door and down the stairs. He's here.

She hated knowing he was so close yet she couldn't be with him. She knew it had been the right choice for Ollie to have Ian sleep downstairs, but she missed him. Almost as much as she had when he was gone. And her dreams didn't help.

She dreamt of being happy with him, she, Ian and Ollie all a little family with so much love between them. But she also dreamt of him leaving again, or finding out he was never actually here; a fear that she could tell was going to take a long time to get past.

He promised he's gonna stay. He's not going to leave. He promised. But that nagging small illogical voice in her head would argue, That's what he told you last time.

But she was fighting that voice tooth and nail. She would not give into fear and anxiety. He was here. He was hers. And that would never change again.

She kept looking at the clock, wondering when it would be appropriate to get up and go to him. 12:30. 2:45. 4:00. 6:30. Finally the sun was rising. She allowed herself to get up and get dressed while Ollie still slept, and was going to find Ian and make breakfast for the three of them.

Before she left, she leaned over Ollie and kissed his head.

Please let today be better. Please let Ollie love his father today, she pleaded silently as she watched him breathe.

She kissed him once more then went to the door.

She opened it to leave, but had only taken one step out into hallway before she stopped.

"Ian?" She saw him sitting on floor and leaning against wall, fast asleep. She knelt down next to him and put hand on his shoulder "Ian," she repeated a little louder and shook his shoulder gently to wake him up.

Ian's eyes slowly opened and he raised head. He grinned when he saw her, still sleepy but very happy.

"How long have you been out here?" she asked him, whispering.

"What time is it?" he whispered back with his own question.

"It's almost 6:00 in the morning."

"Since around midnight."

"Midnight? Ian, why woul-"

"I couldna bear it, knowin' ye were so close te me but not having' ye by my side. I Diana want te risk upsettin' Ollie by goin' in yer room, so I stayed out here."

She sat back on her heels. "It was torture for me too. I barely slept at all. I am grateful though, you agreeing to sleep downstairs last night so Ollie would be more comfortable. But I'm certain that once you two spend some real time together today, he will absolutely love you and want to be around you as much as I do." His face changed ever so slightly, but Skylar caught it. And she also saw his eyes dash to the floor and back up to hers. "There's something on your mind. What is it?"

"Tis nothin' at all."

"It's been a couple years but I can still read you like a book, Youngin'. It's no use playing that game."

He paused. "It's silly."

"Tell me. Please."

"I havena even known him a full day. But, Christ…when ye brought him te me and told me I'm his father, when I-when I looked at him and could see meself in his face, somethin' in me, it just…I dinna ken how te describe it. And it was so sudden, I…"

Skylar smiled. "That's called being a parent, Ian. I felt the exact same way when he was born. I'd known him less than an hour and I immediately knew that I would sooner be run through than see him in any sort of pain. I'd started loving him while I was pregnant but when Claire put him in my arms for the first time, it was…overwhelming, to say the least, the love I had for this tiny person."

Ian's voice sank into a sort of sad quiet. "I should have been there when he was born. I should have been there while ye were carryin' him. I can never forgive myself fer it."

"Hey. You're here now. That's all that matters, and I could not be happier. Consider yourself lucky that you missed the waking up at all hours to him crying through the night, or changing and washing dirty linen after dirty linen after dirty linen. All that stuff. You get to start with him when he's at a fun age." Ian didn't respond. He just continued to stare at her with a soft smile on his face. "What is it?" she asked him.

His smile grew a little bigger. "I'm just trying to make myself believe that I'm really with ye again, and hearing your voice."

She felt the good knots return to her stomach as he stared at her with every bit of love he could send. She gave him a sweet kiss in return. She pulled not even an inch from him and brushed her nose against his delicately. She kissed his lips again, then his cheek. She sighed contently and intertwined their fingers.

"Let's go downstairs to make breakfast. Ollie will be awake soon," she whispered.

He just smiled in reply and he stood up with her following as her hand was still in his. They quietly descended to the kitchen.

They made a very simple eggs and toast, laughing and talking and stealing long full glances and kisses every so often. It seemed so normal for them, almost like no time had passed. Skylar hardly noticed the differences in his appearance anymore. They were a part of him and she liked them. She did still want to know what else about his Mohawk life he wasn't telling her, specifically about his wife and daughter. But she knew not to push. After over two years of people pushing her for information she wasn't ready to give, she knew the pain that causes and she would never put that on Ian. When he wanted to tell her, he would.

Once the food was ready, Skylar went back upstairs to get Ollie. She woke him up and got him dressed while telling him that his dad was downstairs with breakfast and they were going to spend all day together. Ollie seemed less than pleased at this news.

He was very hesitant to go downstairs, ignoring his mother's offers of taking his hand.

"Do you wanna bring Bibbet with you?" she asked him. He nodded. "Do you want to get him or should I?" He sprinted back to his bed and grabbed his rabbit, holding it tight against him. He slowly walked back to Skylar. "Okay, are you ready?" He didn't answer. Skylar got down on his level and gave him the option of either having butter or jam on his toast.

"Betty jam please," he answered very quietly.

She then gave him the option of walking down the stairs by himself or having her carry him.

After a minute of nothing, he told her, "Uppa please, Mama." With a smile, she picked him and hugged him so that he knew he was safe.

"I love you, bubba," she told him with a kiss on his cheek.

"Love you, Mama," he said back, wrapping his arms around her neck. She then brought him downstairs to the kitchen where Ian was waiting at the table.

When Ian saw them come in, he immediately stood up. "Good morning, Ollie," he greeted the boy. "Did ye sleep well?" Ollie didn't answer. He just kept holding onto Skylar for dear life. "Yer mother and I made ye breakfast. She told me eggs are yer favorite. Aye, they're verra tasty."

"You hear that, sweetheart? Your daddy loves eggs too." No reply. "Come on, let's go sit down."

Ian pulled out a chair between them for the little boy, and Skylar gently pried Ollie off her so he could sit. She scooped some eggs into his plate and instructed Ian to spread jam onto a piece of toast for him.

"There you go, baby," Skylar said to him. "Looks yummy, huh?"

"Uh huh," his quiet voice mumbled.

Okay, sounds! That's a start!

Both parents watched as he picked up the bread and took tiny bird bites from it. They then slowly began to eat as well.

Skylar made eye contact with Ian and gestured with her head and yes for him to try talking to Ollie.

Ian swallowed what was in his mouth and said, "So, Ollie, what would ye like ye do teday?" The little boy shrugged, still eating his toast. "Well, what do ye like te do fer fun? What do ye like te play?"

"I play ball with cousins and we chase each other," he answered quietly. But those soft words were like joyful music to Skylar.

This is good! This is really good! Ollie's connecting!

Ollie looked m at Skylar. "I play with Jemmy and Germain?"

"Later, angel," she told him. "The three of us are gonna spend all day together, remember? It's gonna be so much fun."

"But I want cousins."

"You'll see them at lunchtime, I promise. But for now, what do you wanna do with us?"

Before he could say another word on the subject, his eyes lit up and he jumped out of his chair yelling, "Benji! Benji!" He ran from the table, and Skylar and Ian watched him as he collided with Benjamin and held onto his legs.

Oh fuck, Skylar thought.

Benjamin chuckled and knelt down to Ollie. "Good morning, wee one. Are ye havin' a good breakfast person wi' yer Ma?"

"With his Ma and Da," Skylar interjected. Filled with sudden anxiety about the two men meeting, she stood up and went to where Ollie and Benjamin stood. "Benjamin, I'd love for you to meet Ian." She looked back and saw Ian standing up.

"We've met," Benjamin told her as he hit back to his feet. She was able to pick up on the coldness in his voice and her anxiety doubled.

"You have?"

"Aye, on me first day here. Uncle Jamie introduced us," Ian explained. "It's nice te see ye again, Mr. Allaway."

I'm gonna kill Dad.

His face forcing a tight smile, Benjamin replied, "Ye need only call me Benjamin, Mr. Murray. And tis well te finally meet Ollie's father. I regret I have not heard more of ye spoken about here on the Ridge," clearly meant to be a snide remark at his absence, both physically and from his family's words. Skylar gave a hard look back at Benjamin.

Jesus, Benjamin. Do not do this.

The awkward silence was cut off when Ollie cried, "Benji, horses! Ride horses today!"

"Your father and I can take you to the horses, Ollie," Skylar tried to compromise.

"No! No! Benji! I ride with Benji!"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but Benjamin isn't able to ride with you today."

"No!" Ollie whined.

Skylar pleaded with her face to help her out. They had been at a peaceful place with each other. Surely he wouldn't betray that now.

Benjamin sighed then went in front of Ollie again. "I'm verra sorry, Ollie. But yer Ma's right. I canna be wi' the horses teday. I have too many other jobs te do."

"Show me! I wanna learn!" Ollie whined again.

"I'm sorry, wee one. I wish ye could. But Yer te be wi' Yer Ma and Da teday."

"But-but-but-but-"

"I'm sure Benjamin would be more than happy to play with you on another day. Right?"

"Of course." Skylar could read Benjamin's heartbreak on his face. He really did love Ollie and loved spending time with him. And to Benjamin, this felt like he was being pushed out of the lives of the boy and the woman who still owned his heart.

Wanting to get Ollie's attention back to Ian, Skylar said, "Come on, Ollie. Let's let Benjamin get his breakfast while we finish our own," and she gently turned him back in the direction of the table.

Benjamin quickly grabbed an apple and a piece of bread. He looked back at the table of three and said to them with an emotionless face, "Good day te ye, Mr. Murray. Mistress." He nodded at them and then swiftly left.

Skylar sighed as she watched him go. She would need to tell Ian about him at some point, but that was gonna have to wait. Right now, all her focus needed to be on Ollie and making him comfortable with Ian.

She suddenly remembered something that might help that.

"Ollie, can you tell Daddy what your favorite animal is?" He shrugged. "It was your first word, remember? What was it?" Another shrug. "It was dog. Dog was your first word and dogs are your favorite animal, right?" Ollie nodded. "Well, did you know that Daddy has a dog of his very own?"

That got Ollie to perk up a little.

"You do?" he asked Ian, looking right at him.

Is ma heart picked up. "Aye, I do. His name is Rollo. I hold ye like te meet him?"

"Yes please."

Ian smiled. "After we're done wi' breakfast I'll take ye te him. He's at yer Auntie Bree's right now. He'll be so excited te meet ye. He loves te play."

This news made Ollie brighten up. He started to smile and bounce in his seat. "Dog! Dog!" he cried happily.

His reaction caused a smile to grow across Skylar's face as well. "We need to finish eating first, and then we can go meet him, okay?"

Ollie went right back to eating, and taking much bigger bites than he had before. Skylar and Ian made eye contact and Ian silently thanked her for thinking of that. She reached behind Ollie's chair for Ian's hand and she squeezed it in response.

Once they had finished and cleared their table, they went outside to head for Bree and Roger's.

Almost all of the Ridge was out and getting started with their day. And Skylar could feel the eyes of every single one of them as she and Ian walked hand in hand as Ollie ran ahead of them.

Skylar had no clue what to say to them, or how she would explain Ian.

We were married. That's true. But still. Will they all accept it was just a handfast? And how the hell do we explain the whole Mohawk thing?

She and Ian would have to sit down with Claire and Jamie sometime soon to decide on what to say and the best way to spread their story, because Skylar was not up to telling everyone individually. Especially Sarah Shaw. This was one time where she was very thankful for the wildfire of gossip.

When they reached the cabin, Skylar took the lead and went up on the porch to knock. Brianna opened the door with a smile.

"Good morning!" she greeted them. "Come in, come in."

The three made their way inside, Ollie managing to stay glued to Skylar's skirt and on the opposite side of where Ian stood.

"Where Roger and Jem?" Skylar asked.

"They took Rollo for an after breakfast walk. They should be back soon."

"Wonderful! Because we actually came to introduce this one to Rollo." Skylar stroked Ollie's hair.

"Oh my goodness, you're gonna meet your daddy's dog? Are you so excited?"

"Yeah!" Ollie exclaimed, jumping up and down but still keeping a hand on his mother.

"I'm sure your mommy and daddy will tell you, but Rollo is the sweetest, most loving and playful dog ever in the whole wide world. Right?" Bree looked at Ian for confirmation.

"Oh, aye. I'm certain ye two will be fast friends."

Ollie looked back at Ian and asked him, both of which made Skylar's heart light, "Nice dog?"

"Never met a sweeter one, I promise ye."

As if on cue, they heard Rollo barking outside, and Ollie bolted for the door to go see him. He went down the porch stairs and stopped, staring at the big white dog with his cousin and uncle.

When Jemmy saw him, he called out, "Ollie! Doggy! Uncle Ian has a doggy!" He had accepted very quickly that this new person was his uncle, told to him by his parents. The blonde two year old ran to his cousin and held out his hand. "Play! Play!"

Ollie looked back at Skylar.

"Go on, sweetheart," she told him. "Go play with Rollo. Ian, why don't you go with him so they can meet?"

"Of course."

Ian followed the little boys back to his dog and traded places with Roger. Rollo was so excited to see Ian, he jumped on him and licked his face. Ian laughed.

"Down, Rollo. Good, good boy." Rollo noticed the new face and slowly approached him, sniffing him. "Rollo, this is Ollie. Ollie, this is Rollo. Do ye want ye spit yer hand out ye him te smell?" Ollie did just that and giggled at the dog sniffing his hand. Realizing this new tiny person was not a threat and his master trusted him, he licked his hand, causing even more giggles.

Skylar stood back with Bree and Roger and watched Ollie grow more comfortable with Rollo and interact with him. The boys and Ian played fetch and chase, and seemed to be having a lot of fun. Skylar almost was tearing up seeing Ian and Ollie smiling together and just being together, a sight she had thought would never have been possible.

"I still can't believe this is real," she whispered. "To have Ian here with me and his son. I dreamt of this for so long, but I never actually let myself fully believe it would ever come true. And now…just look at them."

Brianna smiled. "It's real, sis. Enjoy this."

"And Ian and Ollie look like they're well on their way te a good relationship," Roger spoke. After coming back from surveying the land, he shocked everyone by beginning to speak again. His voice was very rough and croaky, but that didn't matter at all to anyone. They were just so happy he was getting back to himself.

"God, I hope so. There's definitely still a ways to go, I think. Ollie didn't seem overjoyed at being told he needed to spend time with Ian instead of Benjamin today."

"Just give him a few days. He'll be callin' Ian Da before ye ken it."

Skylar put her hand on Roger's back and smiled at him. "It's really really good to have you back, Roger Mac."

"Good te back." He smiled back at her, then the three adults turned back to the action and Skylar continued to revel in her new reality of having a family with Ian.

Hi! Yes I am alive!

To everyone who has reached out through comments and PMs, thank you so much. You are all the sweetest for checking in. I'm okay. School has become 3x as intense as we get into final assessments (7 PERFORMANCES Y'ALL! 7!). That with being sick recently and having really not great mental health has given me not many opportunities to just sit down and write.

That being said, I'm probably not going to be able to post regularly ever Sunday for a while. And no, that is not me saying I'm on hiatus again. What I'm saying is that whenever I do finish a chapter, I will post it. It could be any day during the week, and I may skip a week or two now and again. But I am still writing and I will still be posting.

I love writing so much and I love sharing my story with y'all. Seeing your reactions to each chapter makes me happier than you could possibly know and I look forward to posting many many many many many more chapters. Just praying I'm able to keep on schedule and get all the season 5 chaps done before season 6 premiers. LOL we'll see.

Anyways, I want to give everyone a huge virtual hug for being so understanding and patient with me. It means the world to me that y'all have stuck with me all this time.

I love ye all verra verra verra much and I will see you soon for a very fun chapter 18!