Shouto Todoroki
"Yeah," Todoroki assured Fuyumi with the nod of his head.
I'm absolutely fine, Fuyumi.
Fuyumi's brows sank as solicitude saturated her countenance. "Shouto, you've gotten thinner…"
I figured… "Fuyumi, it takes a lot longer to do what you think I did than the time it took you to get to my room. It's not that." Todoroki's inviolate mien reflected no emotion.
You always make her worry. You're always burdening other people because of your own mistakes. Failure. Inconceivable. Unbearable.
"Then…why are you here?"
"It… I… I-It wasn't on purpose."
Do you think anyone will believe that?! Look at her. She doesn't believe you. You can't even lie. You're useless. Absolutely useless.
Fuyumi swallowed thickly while clasping onto her opposite elbow. "You know I'm never going to be mad at you for telling the truth, right? I just want you to be healthy and happy. So…" Her harrowed, serene eyes met her brother's eyes. "Shouto, was your initial response just to try and not worry me?"
"N-No, I didn't," Todoroki replied without his inscrutable eyes straying from his sister's. "Fuyumi, that's in the past. I didn't mean to worry you. I just haven't been able to hold much down. This isn't what I want. I promise that."
How many failures will aggregate by the end of today? Todoroki pondered while Fuyumi embraced him once more. One failure weighs more than a thousand pieces of praise and success. It shatters everything. It takes so many good things to happen to truly feel the impact, but one failure is felt immediately. It's like trust: you can easily break it at any given point, but it takes a long time to build it up. He loosely reciprocated the embrace. Even though she's the best sister I could ever ask for, I still don't feel loved. I know she loves me, but I question it. How can someone love something as worthless as me?
Nodding slowly, Fuyumi replied, "If you ever start to feel like that again, Shouto, please tell me." She released Todoroki from her ardent embrace. "I want to be able to help you and get help for you before it becomes deadly. It…really makes you realize that just love and support isn't always enough."
That had to have been the darkest part of my life, Todoroki realized while nodding at his sister. It took two long years of therapy, failures, and relapsing to finally break free. So close to death, and yet, I wanted nothing more than to find a reason to keep going. He soon found himself nestling into his futon and glancing at his left hand. I wish I could erase these scars. But now, I have to live with my past that will forever be marked on my body. My second suicide attempt happened during those times. Sleepy. Heavy eyes. Kind of like then. Different.
Todoroki awoke after drifting off to a burning, aching deluge of sharp pain that scorched his head. His eyes flew open, and instantaneously, he was met with the revelation that Endeavor was lifting him by the dual-colored hair on his head.
"Get up," Endeavor spat while yanking his son onto the floor by his hair. "You're late to training. I'm not wasting my time on your laziness. Move. Get up!" He slammed his foot into Todoroki's hip. "I expect you to be there and ready in five minutes."
I'm too tired to feel anything right now, but even this feels numb, Todoroki cerebrated while staggering up to his feet. I know I'm a failure. I know I keep sleeping instead of training. I know. I'm just so tired of pushing on, but no matter how much I sleep, I'm still exhausted. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to feel anything, I don't even want to think about anything. I just…want everything to stop. What am I supposed to do? What should I do? Wincing, he dragged his leaden, damaged body to the training room. It hurts. Why do I even get up? Why do I torture myself by living? Why am I exacerbating my own misery of my own volition? What point is there in living anymore? I don't know. Tell me…
Once Todoroki hobbled into the training room, he mentally and physically primed himself for enduring the purgatory that was Endeavor's training. A faint, twitching smile was plastered onto his otherwise indifferent countenance, and the likes of which he principally maintained throughout his training session. Todoroki found himself beaten down to the floor, slammed back against the wall, and utilized as what he could only depict as a human punching bag. He felt as though his aching bones would shatter, and that his fervently-burning lungs would shrivel up and collapse into dust, but his wounded feet continued to plod headlong into his own endeavors.
Not yet, Todoroki snarled at himself with seething vitriol. Throw whatever invectives you want, but I'm still standing. I don't care if it breaks me. I don't care how much it'll hurt later. I don't care if I die in the process. I just… Just this once, let me prove…that I won't always be a failure. That I can live up to your expectations. That I can be…what you always wanted, but I'm doing this of my own volition. Go. Go!
A refulgent fulmination of amber and saffron erupted from Todoroki's left fist as though he was squeezing out liquid sparks of flame. His arm was wound back to nail his blazing fist into Endeavor's abdomen, and with a silent, livid roar that rippled through his dead eyes rather than his voice, Todoroki converted his flames into ones that were steeped in a brilliant sapphire hue.
It's all fading, Todoroki realized while his bleeding fist that was adorned with vicious, tattered ribbons of blue fire promptly enervated him. No. Not here. You're too close to fail now. Do you even realize how worthless of a failure you'll be if you fuck this up?! Don't fuck it up! Don't…
Before Todoroki could fathom his thoughts, his feelings, or reality itself, his consciousness was severed as he fainted.
