Shouto Todoroki
"Todoroki, what the hell's with all the wounds? You can't fucking be serious."
"I can take it. But they're nothing. I've just been training more."
"Training? Training?! You look like someone beat you up!"
I'm that 'someone.' No matter what I do, I'm always a fucking failure. I'm so sick of it. Ever since I started beating and cutting myself for my mistakes, I've had a growing desire to finally prove that I can live up to his expectations. I can do it. I will. It's not going to be like this forever.
While being escorted to his own dorm to rest and recover, Todoroki thought to himself, Why would you kiss me at a time like that? Well, it's fine. You can do whatever you want to me. I'm so…tired. I can't do this. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. I'm…pathetic. He exhaled sharply as a surge of blistering pain shot through his leg. You didn't even put up a fight, and I lost. I tried again and again and again, and somehow, that perseverance only backfired. The harder I try, the more regrets I accumulate, but the light from the exit of this hell is so tantalizing, so I keep fighting, but, in the end, I'm still at the starting line, and the exit is even further away. How can it be that the exit is moving instead of me? I fought with the hope that 'this time, I'll win, and I'll prove my worth.' But I couldn't.
No matter what I did, I couldn't. I just can't be bothered to keep trying anymore. This fight…broke something in me. And then to be helped up to my feet, hugged, and kissed by the person that won without trying while I struggled to do anything at all? I can't take it… Stop…being so fucking kind to me. You don't understand how much it hurts me. Because I know I don't deserve it, and yet, here you are, the last person anyone would ever expect to be so openly and genuinely kind. Todoroki came to a halt beside Bakugou as the two stepped out of the elevator together. Why…am I not utterly appalled by the fact that he kissed me? I don't know if I have room to care right now. It's all a blur.
"You all right?" Bakugou asked as he turned his head to face Todoroki. "Like I said, I can carry you if you need me to." His imperial eyes beckoned for a reply.
Why…can't I fake a smile? "It's fine," Todoroki aridly muttered while plodding through the tumultuous turmoil racking his mind. "I'm fine on my own. Don't waste your time here. Ngh…" He faltered to the floor as his injured leg gave out.
Brusquely, Bakugou scooped up his fallen classmate and held him tight to his chest. "I've gotcha," he proclaimed softly through a sigh. "Oi. When's the last time you ate something?"
Todoroki felt as though the words Bakugou had spoken had been muffled by a wall of water. "I don't know… This morning. Maybe. I don't… I don't know…" The warmth that seeped into his soul from the heat of Bakugou's body augmented his grip around Bakugou. "I'm sorry."
Bakugou shook his head while entering Todoroki's dorm. "Don't be. Might be a bit personal, but have you weighed yourself recently?"
Todoroki's eyes drifted to the floor as he was lowered down onto his futon. "It's… I-I…" He inhaled and exhaled deeply to collect his thoughts. "I lost…almost twenty pounds." Abashed, he didn't dare glimpse at Bakugou, who sat beside him.
"Is something going on? That's a significant chunk of weight. Like, hella concerning."
Todoroki shook his head, and he felt something warm and rough rest atop his hand. "I try to force something down, but I can never hold it down. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel fine, so this shouldn't be happening." He unconsciously found himself twining his fingers with Bakugou's.
"How long has this been going on?" Soft and slow, Bakugou's voice seemed to magnetize Todoroki's body.
"I really don't know. Sorry."
"Y'know, I like honesty. I like seeing this side of you."
"What do you mean?"
"You're letting yourself show how fragile you really are. We all are, Todoroki. Even me. That's just bein' human." Bakugou tightened his grip on Todoroki's hand. "Yer lettin' me hold your hand." His neutral expression arched into a smile rather than a smirk. "Hey. Since that first kiss sucked, wanna try it again?" His saccharine, sultry self was suddenly so irresistible to Todoroki.
Fragile? cogitated Todoroki as he nodded dubiously. I guess you're right. It doesn't take much to break me since the simplest things make me want to tear myself apart. He closed his eyes as his lips brushed against Bakugou's lips. Is this what friends do? Is this a normal thing? Somehow, this feels so agonizingly right. I don't want this, but it feels nice. Simultaneously were their lips drawn back as their warm, hastened breaths fell upon each other. Maybe this is just what friends do. That has to be it. Right…
Todoroki was taken aback as Bakugou united their lips once more, and he instantaneously felt the precipitous urge to push away from the blatant affection, but he figured that it would be impolite and awkward to break the kiss. Like liquidized sugar, Todoroki's lips and mind melted into the fervent embrace of the kiss. Yet, as the ardor of the kiss intensified, his desire to tear himself back from indulging in the all-encompassing endearment was only augmented.
I really am fragile if a kiss can shatter me like glass, Todoroki realized as Bakugou gently nudged him back into the futon. I'm still lying. I didn't want this. I'm not honest, Bakugou. I can't even force myself to smile. Why? There's nothing wrong with me. Why can't I express what I want to? He relaxed beneath Bakugou, who had initiated yet another kiss, but that kiss in particular leaked with no lust; it was tender, arrant love. He's good at kissing. But he thinks that the fragility of my mental state can be ameliorated with love and kindness. It's not that simple. He's…trying to rip my indifference from me. I refuse. I'm not letting go. It's what holds me up from being hanged by my thoughts. Yet…
The honeyed warmth and tenacity of their twined lips slowly slinked away as Bakugou pulled back. "You're shit at kissing," he chaffed innocuously. "That aside, yer not givin' me the usual forced smile?" His eyes were like effervescent pools of sweet, glimmering soda.
I want to lie to your face with that forced smile and act like I loved all of this, but I can't… "I guess not," Todoroki murmured, yet his presumed dejection was nonexistent. "Maybe next time, I'll be better at it." He wailed at himself to feign even a microscopic grin, but even then, he found himself with another failure crashing onto his shoulders.
Bakugou smirked through his grin and tousled Todoroki's damp hair. "Hah. That so? Smooth." He pushed himself up from leaning his weight onto one arm, and with that, he sat upright beside Todoroki. "Tell ya what… I will break you, Todoroki."
